Page 10 | Harassed by universal credit!

Ad210318 · 2023-07-15T18:35:09+00:00

Hi I was just wondering if anyone else felt harassed by universal credit and how to deal with the situation. so I have worked full time since 16 now 34. In 2020 my partner left and I had a baby (now 3) I have worked part time 8-10 hours a week since he was 9 months old. recently he turned 3 and I have been non stop harassed by the job centre about getting 16 hours of work. I currently work 12 hours on a self employed basis but for a company. I have very limited child care only 1 day a week, going to 2 mornings and 1 full day in September when little one starts nursery. I don’t drive so need to stay local and also have no family to support with childcare. My sons dad is not involved in his life so I am literally on my own! my question is how do you get the job centre off your back, they call me in 2-3 times a week and have done since my son was 9 months old. I feel like I’m doing everything I can right now to work but it’s never good enough and they are constantly on at me. Has anyone dealt with this before? its making me so anxious! I literally don’t know how I can work more than I do without leaving my child home alone! (Obviously this isn’t an option) Thanks in advance

Pepesfordinner · 16/07/2023 19:52

Stick with whatever is best for you don’t let them push you! I’ve been pushed into full time and my mental health is at its lowest. I miss my kids do much.

user9630721458 · 16/07/2023 19:53

OK@Kafkaland Like you I feel bad derailing. Some lovely arguments from yourself, but I remain unconvinced x

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 19:54

@Ad210318 I do think the nanny share option might help you so much. They are Ofsted registered so still eligible for your discounted payments and if split between two families will be similar cost to nursery hours. Plus they travel to you, so would care for the children at your home/ the other parents' home/ take the kids out so you won't have the issue of spending a lot of the time you are paying for childcare on commuting. Usually there is a local fb page where nannies advertise/ you can post your requirements and ask. Or put a post on your general local fb page asking if any other families would like to consider sharing. Or ask the nursery where your child is due to start because the staff may well know people who used to work with them in nurseries and them became nannies (I found one of mine that way).

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 19:58

The wait times for CAMHS would support what you are saying - a child’s mental health and stable early years with a caregiver are key

Ypu think the wait times for CAMHS are because of parents using childcare?!

FML.

Itwasathing · 16/07/2023 20:02

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 19:58

The wait times for CAMHS would support what you are saying - a child’s mental health and stable early years with a caregiver are key

Ypu think the wait times for CAMHS are because of parents using childcare?!

FML.

Not always no but very young children need one consistent caregiver ideally a parent and yes they do settle at nursery but it can be stressful and if from a very young age can that cause problems later on ?

IncomingTraffic · 16/07/2023 20:05

Itwasathing · 16/07/2023 19:23

Or why not just give parents the choice , so work and have up to 85% of childcare paid or don’t and you don’t get sanctioned. Childcare is extortionate so the government paying 85% for someone to work is going to cost then a lot more than if someone isn’t working so why begrudge those who want to look after their pre school age child (I do think once a child is in full time school they could work but before that it should be a choice and not to be punished if you chose to stay at home

Because, for policy makers, keeping mothers in employment is important as a long-term, bigger picture issue. Paying for childcare so women stay in the labour market has longer term benefits - for women and for society.

If people want to stay at home, they can make that choice. But the taxpayer isn’t necessarily going to fund it.

user9630721458 · 16/07/2023 20:27

I still don't see why you don't want to pay a parent to look after their own children but do want to pay a stranger to look after them? Where does the money come from for subsidised childcare? Is it not from taxes? It's a long time ago now, but the minimum wage, zero hours jobs I was able to get in the early years did nothing for my career and were hugely damaging to my mental and physical health.

Original poster

Ad210318 · 16/07/2023 20:41

Pepesfordinner · 16/07/2023 19:52

Stick with whatever is best for you don’t let them push you! I’ve been pushed into full time and my mental health is at its lowest. I miss my kids do much.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you can find a way to make it work. It is hard as a parent deciding the right thing. I would love to work more but I just don’t have the childcare options. But for whatever reason I’m being pushed constantly to find a solution which is kind of out of my hand if there is no spaces available.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ad210318 · 16/07/2023 20:42

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 19:54

@Ad210318 I do think the nanny share option might help you so much. They are Ofsted registered so still eligible for your discounted payments and if split between two families will be similar cost to nursery hours. Plus they travel to you, so would care for the children at your home/ the other parents' home/ take the kids out so you won't have the issue of spending a lot of the time you are paying for childcare on commuting. Usually there is a local fb page where nannies advertise/ you can post your requirements and ask. Or put a post on your general local fb page asking if any other families would like to consider sharing. Or ask the nursery where your child is due to start because the staff may well know people who used to work with them in nurseries and them became nannies (I found one of mine that way).

Yes I am going to look into this and as well as maybe training to be a child minder myself as people have suggested. Thanks for your advice

OP posts:

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 20:45

Not always no but very young children need one consistent caregiver ideally a parent and yes they do settle at nursery but it can be stressful and if from a very young age can that cause problems later on ?

If you think this is even one of the main drivers for the mental health crisis in children then you are kidding yourself. The main problems are parental neglect, poverty, abuse, failing services, unmet SEN needs, the impact of social media, pressurised education system that doesn't cater for children's various interests and skills, etc.

Not children spending a small proportion of their waking hours with well-trained and monitored and kind childcare providers. This is just yet another stick to beat women with and very depressing to see this trotted out repeatedly by other women.

At what age do you believe that being somewhere without a parent magically becomes beneficial? The moment they become 4? But only if they have a summer birthday. Otherwise 5, of course is better, if they happen to be born in autumn. Before that, how dare women work, they must be responsible for the mental health crisis. 🙄😵‍💫 Do you ever say these things to fathers you know and ask why they aren't at home with their pre-schoolers?

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 20:48

user9630721458 · 16/07/2023 20:27

I still don't see why you don't want to pay a parent to look after their own children but do want to pay a stranger to look after them? Where does the money come from for subsidised childcare? Is it not from taxes? It's a long time ago now, but the minimum wage, zero hours jobs I was able to get in the early years did nothing for my career and were hugely damaging to my mental and physical health.

I'm sorry for your experience. That sounds horrible.

Regarding your question I've already explained the answer to that above ^^ so won't clog up the OP's thread more reiterating again what I've explained already about the economics.

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 20:50

Yes I am going to look into this and as well as maybe training to be a child minder myself as people have suggested. Thanks for your advice

I really hope it helps @Ad210318 and everything works out well for you and your son. It's hard, but it can be done. These early years are hard but I tell myself it will get easier! 😆

And like I said earlier, if you ever just want a rant about being a lone parent away from all of the judgement we get here, feel free to PM me.

Itwasathing · 16/07/2023 20:51

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 20:45

Not always no but very young children need one consistent caregiver ideally a parent and yes they do settle at nursery but it can be stressful and if from a very young age can that cause problems later on ?

If you think this is even one of the main drivers for the mental health crisis in children then you are kidding yourself. The main problems are parental neglect, poverty, abuse, failing services, unmet SEN needs, the impact of social media, pressurised education system that doesn't cater for children's various interests and skills, etc.

Not children spending a small proportion of their waking hours with well-trained and monitored and kind childcare providers. This is just yet another stick to beat women with and very depressing to see this trotted out repeatedly by other women.

At what age do you believe that being somewhere without a parent magically becomes beneficial? The moment they become 4? But only if they have a summer birthday. Otherwise 5, of course is better, if they happen to be born in autumn. Before that, how dare women work, they must be responsible for the mental health crisis. 🙄😵‍💫 Do you ever say these things to fathers you know and ask why they aren't at home with their pre-schoolers?

I said parents not mothers …

Original poster

Ad210318 · 16/07/2023 20:53

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 20:50

Yes I am going to look into this and as well as maybe training to be a child minder myself as people have suggested. Thanks for your advice

I really hope it helps @Ad210318 and everything works out well for you and your son. It's hard, but it can be done. These early years are hard but I tell myself it will get easier! 😆

And like I said earlier, if you ever just want a rant about being a lone parent away from all of the judgement we get here, feel free to PM me.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your advice and understanding. It is hard but I wouldn’t change him for the world! He’s only made life better and of course I want to make life better for him too. I feel like our future generations need to fix this awful world we live in right now 😆 kindness doesn’t kill, I think as humans we forget that sometimes unfortunately x

OP posts:

Gingerkittykat · 16/07/2023 21:00

I've not rtft so sorry if I'm repeating other replies.

You shouldn't need to be going in to the jobcentre 2-3 times a week.
Join a group called universal credit survival on FB and you can anonymously ask what is reasonable. I think it is more usual to be called in every fortnight when your child is 3.

user9630721458 · 16/07/2023 21:08

@Itwasathing You did say parent, and were not attacking women. But Kafka is clearly pushing a particular agenda and twisting your words.

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 21:10

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your advice and understanding. It is hard but I wouldn’t change him for the world! He’s only made life better and of course I want to make life better for him too. I feel like our future generations need to fix this awful world we live in right now 😆 kindness doesn’t kill, I think as humans we forget that sometimes unfortunately x

Absolutely. And we need to give them a fighting chance to be able to do it because as it is at the moment, it sucks. You sound like a thoroughly excellent mother to me based on all of your posts and I am sure you, and him, will be fine.

everybodytidy · 16/07/2023 21:12

How odd, I have 2 under 3 and no one's ever contacted me about working? I recently started working but before that I never had any contact with them whatsoever. I'm not saying you're lying obviously, just confused what's happened with me

Kafkaland · 16/07/2023 21:17

user9630721458 · 16/07/2023 21:08

@Itwasathing You did say parent, and were not attacking women. But Kafka is clearly pushing a particular agenda and twisting your words.

Oh FGS, what agenda? My posts have been nuanced, factual, rational, and not remotely policitical (I've made it clear that I think all UK political parties have zero policy proposals currently that will improve anything significantly). If you wish to discuss these economic issues further a separate thread would be more appropriate than continuing to interrogate me or judge my character or motivations here when this has no relevance to the OP's immediate issue in terms of anything that can help her practically right now. Carry on, ignore 90% of what has been written even when someone's taken the time to answer your questions and instead cast aspertions on their motivations rather than engage with the discussion, if you wish. I'm tired now, so I'm out.

@Ad210318 I wish you well. You are not alone, there is some solidarity from other single parents at least who get it. I'm sorry the thread went this way, and that I contributed to that by rising to the bait and responding to the posts aimed at me. With you on his side I am sure your son will be fine, just this tricky next year to get through first (and then the school hours/ hold childcare nightmare of course, but sounds like you're already working on that so well prepared!).

Babyroobs · 16/07/2023 21:26

everybodytidy · 16/07/2023 21:12

How odd, I have 2 under 3 and no one's ever contacted me about working? I recently started working but before that I never had any contact with them whatsoever. I'm not saying you're lying obviously, just confused what's happened with me

Probably because you have a child under 3 so very little in the way of work search commitments until they are 3.

Nousername4now · 16/07/2023 21:56

@user9630721458 I have seen you in alot of threads and it seems like in every single one of them you have been trying to debate /argue with someone.

Nousername4now · 16/07/2023 21:58

Babyroobs · 16/07/2023 21:26

Probably because you have a child under 3 so very little in the way of work search commitments until they are 3.

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JeandeServiette · 17/07/2023 07:14

At what age do you believe that being somewhere without a parent magically becomes beneficial? The moment they become 4? But only if they have a summer birthday. Otherwise 5, of course is better, if they happen to be born in autumn. Before that, how dare women work, they must be responsible for the mental health crisis.

TBF, the theories of Bowlby held a lot of sway throughout the second half of the 20th century, and Bowlby suggests 3 is a good developmental age for preschool. I doubt it's a coincidence that 3 has now been set as the age at which mothers needing top ups must work.

More recently Bowlby has been criticised by feminists, as we know, but his work was very influential.

None of which helps OP, who was being badgered long before her child turned 3, and can't secure many childcare sessions anyway.

IncomingTraffic · 17/07/2023 07:55

JeandeServiette · 17/07/2023 07:14

At what age do you believe that being somewhere without a parent magically becomes beneficial? The moment they become 4? But only if they have a summer birthday. Otherwise 5, of course is better, if they happen to be born in autumn. Before that, how dare women work, they must be responsible for the mental health crisis.

TBF, the theories of Bowlby held a lot of sway throughout the second half of the 20th century, and Bowlby suggests 3 is a good developmental age for preschool. I doubt it's a coincidence that 3 has now been set as the age at which mothers needing top ups must work.

More recently Bowlby has been criticised by feminists, as we know, but his work was very influential.

None of which helps OP, who was being badgered long before her child turned 3, and can't secure many childcare sessions anyway.

Nikolas Rose’s Governing the Soul has a very good chapter in it about Bowlby. It’s worth a read. The whole book is great, but the section on the child, the family and the outside world is probably most relevant.

Judith Suissa has written some really excellent stuff about how attachment theory is used to frame the parent-child relationship and the problems this causes. Her book (the claims of parenting) is excellent.

Sweetashunni · 17/07/2023 08:12

It’s more ‘normal’ for a child to spend time with a group of peers and other carers than solely with 1 adult. Human beings are sociable creatures who traditionally lived in community groups and raised young together. Plus children had many more siblings due to a lack of contraception. Only very recently is it the norm for a small child to spend 95% of their time with the same one adult.