Asking permission to leave my desk

[Seasonofthewitch83]

I work in a small admin company and this week my manager has decided that every single time we need to leave our desks, we have to tell him where we are going. He says he needs to know where we are at all times for 'safety reasons.'

I have digestive issues as well as heavy periods (which has been documented with occupational health who said I need to take frequent bathroom breaks) and I am finding having to ask permission every single time as well as tell him what I need to do totally humiliating, especially in front of colleagues. If he is on the phone or in a meeting, we are told to stay at our desks until he is available.

There is no reason anyone needs to know if we leave our desks, it does not impact our work or other people.

My breaks are not excessive or long.

What is the best course of action here?

Ask for a reasonable adjustment via Occupational Health.

It’s a ridiculous rule and inappropriate.

Tell him you are not a school child and do not need to ask every time you need to go to the loo, and especially not in a fairly public arena like the office.

I would go without telling him where, and if he asked I would tell him that he has no right to such personal and humiliating information, and no right to police your toilet visits.

He is on a very sticky wicket here.

Has he said you need to ask permission or that you need to tell him where you are going?
It's just that your title says ask permission but your OP says let him know where you are.
The former is unacceptable, the latter doesn't seem unreasonable.

His draconian rule is on a slippery slope to outright bullying. Having to inform him when you need to use the loo is absolutely outrageous and wildly inappropriate. You are not a young schoolgirl, FFS.

I would ignore this rule completely, and if he speaks to you about it, I would let him have it, cordially, with both barrels and I would also go straight to HR.

Look for another job.

His behavior is that of an abusive and controlling man. He’s just acting that out in work instead of, or as well as, at home.

I wonder if all the staff members are female and if he would enforce this with men?

It’s ridiculous- you are an adult. If he needs to know where people are- have a card on desk system in case of fire etc
red for out the building, green for be right back.

Oh don’t be ridiculous. I have never worked any office where you have to say you are going to the toilet. You just go!

Neither have I.
But it might be relevant in the OP's workplace.

What a prick.

Personally I'd be really pushing him and exaggerating any reason to move from the desk. Loudly. Especially if he's on the phone to others or in a meeting.

Every time start with "John, as requested I'm asking your permission to leave my desk and go to the toilet / canteen / supplies cupboard / to speak to another colleague because...." and insert any reason even if untrue.

I'm bleeding through my pad.
I've bled through my tampon again.
I need a poo.
I need to urinate.
I can feel a cornflake in my nose and need to blow it into a tissue.
I ate something spicy last night and I have a urgent bout of diarrhoea so I need to go RIGHT NOW.
I'm dehydrated and if I don't refill my water bottle I'm going to pass out on my desk.
It's lunch time, I need to eat my tuna salad.
Other colleague has asked me to support them in speaking to HR about their bosses new rules.....

If you're not in a position to push back, go above his head and to HR and occ health.

I wonder, too, whether he asks men where they're going.

Where does he think you are, anyway? If it's a small place it's not as though there are any other options.

Is he the owner, too?

This.

Look for another job. You are an adult who should be able to be left alone to complete the work allocated to you. Unless there is a significant backstory you haven’t told us, he’s making an unreasonable request. People like this don’t change, they just come up with new ways to control and belittle those who work for them.

I’d be tempted to ask him in writing if he has considered how this new rule impacts on staffs’ dignity as work, especially as this affects women more given they have more reasons to visit the bathroom frequently.

Hi @Seasonofthewitch83 omg this rule is ridiculous!! Raise this with your union

What would bother me the most is the fact he's said if he's in a meeting you have to wait to go to the toilet. That's just unnecessarily controlling. I've worked in places where you could only go to the toilet on your break and it's not great but unfortunately as far as I'm aware there's no legislation that can stop them treating you this way (would be overjoyed to be proved wrong).

Are you unionised and is the union strong ?This wouldn’t fly at my work place, they wouldn’t dare try it because the union would have a field day 😁

Look for another job. Cunty controlling and possessive bosses don’t change their spots. Really fecking creepy he’s making anyone ask too.

I presuming that this is for all trips away from your desk, not just those where you would be going to a restricted area or off-site? Although the fact you've to wait until he's free is also ridiculous. My unions would love this too!

OP - do not bend to accommodate this bully. Tell him that you are at school and you are not prepared to agree to this, then go straight to HR.

Yep.
I’m a health & safety professional and it pisses me off when idiots like him make up rules like this to make their sad little selves feel powerful, and claim “safety reasons”. There’s nothing the slightest bit unsafe about leaving your desk freely like everyone else employed by normal employers.
None of you have to comply with this. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

That is beyond ridiculous, your boss is controlling, i doubt that’s allowed

Completely and totally not okay. It doesn't sound like he's the type to listen to reason but it's totally okay to say that as an adult in an office environment you don't need to get permission to go to the toilet. if you can't talk to him, I'd talk to HR or his manager or someone else. Never mind anything else, this feels like a massive invasion of privacy.

Unless there's some massive drip feed like you work in the middle of a nuclear power plant that's still being built and the danger of stepping away from your desk, even to go for a wee, are legion.

Would you feel comfortable ignoring this rule and getting up and going. And then if he corners you or challenges you, saying publicly, "I'm 36 years old, I don't think I need to ask permission to go to the toilet do I?" with an arched eyebrow.

He says he needs to know where we are at all times for 'safety reasons.'

In the building is all he needs to know.

Definetly look for another job.

In the meantime, post it note on your desk when you leave it "bathroom" "making a cuppa" "speaking to another stagf member about work"

And just put then on your desk when you step away.

I promise, not nuclear power, nothing to do with safety. An extremely dull office in an extremely dull office building.

There is no drip feed. I think it's a total and utter power play. We are a team of 4 women.

I do not think there is any legislation around toilet breaks?

Perhaps I need to start asking him where is going every time he leaves his office. For safety reasons of course.

Team of women? There is no way he'd ask men to say when they're going to the toilet! Unbelievable. Just don't do it, he can't force you.

Makes me tempted to suggest all of you just shout, nice and loudly, "I'm going for a shit" every time - regardless of where you're actually going. If he's on the phone, so much the better; shout it nice and loud so the other person can hear.

On a more serious note, I think I'd go with a much calmer and more grown up "I am not going to do that". No debate.

Up to him if he'd like to pursue a disciplinary for 'failing to ask to go to the toilet'.

I wonder if you are within the Equality Act here. Namely indirect discrimination (namely harassment because of a disability. You find his behaviour offensive, degrading/humiliating and frightening - because of your condition). Have a look, maybe best to seek some advice, and speak to HR to make it stop. Document it - honestly once put into writing and reading it (even here on mums net) makes your employer look ridiculous.