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Original poster

Asking permission to leave my desk

87 replies

Seasonofthewitch83 · 29/06/2023 13:55

I work in a small admin company and this week my manager has decided that every single time we need to leave our desks, we have to tell him where we are going. He says he needs to know where we are at all times for 'safety reasons.'

I have digestive issues as well as heavy periods (which has been documented with occupational health who said I need to take frequent bathroom breaks) and I am finding having to ask permission every single time as well as tell him what I need to do totally humiliating, especially in front of colleagues. If he is on the phone or in a meeting, we are told to stay at our desks until he is available.

There is no reason anyone needs to know if we leave our desks, it does not impact our work or other people.

My breaks are not excessive or long.

What is the best course of action here?

OP posts:
Catspyjamas17 · 29/06/2023 15:53

For unlawful discrimination claims you don't need to have been employed for two years. There are also 60 grounds for automatically unfair dismissal for which you don't need to have been employed for two years:

https://www.davidsonmorris.com/automatically-unfair-dismissal/

Automatically Unfair Dismissal | DavidsonMorris

When does automatically unfair dismissal apply, and how can employers avoid the risk of tribunal claims when terminating an employment contract?

https://www.davidsonmorris.com/automatically-unfair-dismissal

Oblomov23 · 29/06/2023 15:59

I would hate this!

TheUsualChaos · 29/06/2023 16:00

As you are a small female only team I would be tempted to see if the others would be on board with taking him to his word and everyone giving him a detailed explanation of the need for leaving desk every time. Make him feel as stupid and uncomfortable as possible.

Alternatively, just ignore him and go to the toilet as and when you need to. What a prick.

Lovingitallnow · 29/06/2023 16:10

I used to be a manager and I hated when people went into loads of detail in an attempt to freak me out. I'm a compassionate person, I have no problem with puke, poop or periods. What I used to hate is the insane unnecessary detail people went into in an attempt to make me uncomfortable because they didn't like the policy. Also a complete waste of time. If you don't like a policy be a grown up and discuss it.

I wouldn't wait until he was free. I'd drop him an email "I need to leave my desk" if he pushes back that you have to wait for permission or outline why I'd counter with that makes me extremely uncomfortable, can you show me the policy that outlines that practice? That'll freak him out as much as bloody tampons. Be calm, be rational.

I'd also employ the 5 whys. Each time he give a reason delve deeper.
I need to know where you are,
why is that?
For emergencies,
what kind of emergencies? Does that include our lunch hour?
I need to know when people are working
have you a concern with my work productivity?

Be bold. Stand up for yourself.

Spinewars23 · 29/06/2023 16:28

Used to buy the loo roll (2020) in an old office job paying 17k at probation (yep Feb to May 2020 I was paid simply 16k despite being way older)

2023 paid 25k; couldn’t care less l, well apart 0f the year, years you are lying about salary progression…

DRS1970 · 29/06/2023 16:35

I would tell him to stick his rule up his arse! You can't expect an employee to ask permission to go to the loo, or explain personal things in front of colleagues. He is being very unreasonable.

Anyport · 29/06/2023 16:51

Safety my backside, he is just overcontrolling and insecure.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/06/2023 16:53

He isn't on Mumsnet late at night is he?

You know the types 'tell me about the times you had a really heavy period/big shit/wet yourself' ?

After all, why else would he want women to tell him that they need to urinate and for him to have the power of saying yes or no?

No two year rule for sexual harassment...

loislovesstewie · 29/06/2023 16:54

I would get up and say nothing, if he asked me I would then give a very graphic description of why I needed to leave. Hopefully I would be able to say, ' I've just started to menstruate, unfortunately if I don't get to the loo in 30 seconds there will be lots of blood all over me, the floor, everywhere. I might have to go home to change too.'
With a bit of luck he will be embarrassed and never ask again.
And tell HR too about his ludicrous request.

eurochick · 29/06/2023 17:52

Look him straight in the eye and be literal.

Deadpan state "bob my mooncup is overflowing and I need to go and empty it"

"Bob my bladder is full and I need to empty it"

"Bob I'm perimenopausal and have no idea when my period is due so I am just off to check my gusset"

In an office of four women one of you is likely to be menstruating most of the time. If you all do this I suspect he will soon get bored.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/06/2023 17:54

I just wouldn't Confused

Let him start a disciplinary process - there's no way it will be backed up

caringcarer · 29/06/2023 17:57

Are all the employees female? This sounds like another man wanting to control females. I'd complain to HR.

MadCatLady27 · 29/06/2023 17:59

My manager used to work remotely while I was based in the office with multiple others (call centre)

She asked me during a performance management one time if I'd been feeling ok, to which I replied yes. She then said it had been reported to her I'd been going to the toilet multiple times!! I was like wtf. Obviously some sad case (it was very much a who you knew place and if your face fit) had been sat there logging it!! I had my suspicions about a couple. Yes I need to pee relatively frequently but it not like I was disappearing, I'd go then come straight back. Plus I was getting all my work done absolutely fine so not like my too frequent toilet vists were causing issues 🙄 I just thought you interfering busy body as they weren't even on my team.

It left me feeling like I couldn't go for pee breaks as much because interfering busy bodies would be keeping track of it

It turned out great though - couple of months later COVID hit, HR informed me I'd been placed at risk of redundancy, I sat through the consultation call then told them I wanted to take voluntary redundancy so effectively they paid me to leave!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/06/2023 18:02

Is he young and this is his first managerial post? I did work in a place where a new manager (briefly) timed staff toilet breaks - I say briefly because he was told to stop it immediately

Interesting read here

https://www.davidsonmorris.com/toilet-breaks-at-work/

Dashel · 29/06/2023 18:04

I would either complain along with my Co workers or having gotten them on side, create a log where you can time everyone and sign everyone in and out and if it’s for health and safety then that would include him- obviously.

I would put it on a clipboard by the office door so everyone could see it and if asked says it’s so lovely our boss worries so much about us that he needs to know where we are and smile sweetly and innocently.

Definitely give as much detail as possible, also for things like can I make a cup of tea, ohps I forgot sugar can I get sugar, can I rearrange my knickers, would it be ok to get up and stretch as my back is sore, can I use the photocopier.

I would also be really pro health and safety and start checking everything is PAT tested, are there trailing cables, have you done a display screen assessment, do you need to do manual handling training or see any risk assessments, have you done fire training and evacuation etc but get everyone on board so you are all brain storming about how to make the office safer, maybe some steel toe capped boots and cover the office in hazard stickers?

ThreeB · 29/06/2023 18:10

I'd be asking for the risk assessment that led him to believe there was a risk around toilet useage and what the risk was which required this control measure to be implemented.

As there are 5 of you, this risk assessment should have been documented and shared with all of you.

GoodChat · 29/06/2023 18:12

Tell him to fuck off.

Is this rule being rolled out to anyone else?

Butterflyheart · 29/06/2023 18:13

That's insane! Petty me would shout I need a shit nice and loud every single time. Passive aggressive me would just get creative with ludicrous reasons. Defiant me would forego the rule and begin a revolution. I hope boss is stating when they're away from their desk too!

ZebraDilemma · 29/06/2023 18:16

Topseyt123 · 29/06/2023 14:01

Tell him you are not a school child and do not need to ask every time you need to go to the loo, and especially not in a fairly public arena like the office.

I would go without telling him where, and if he asked I would tell him that he has no right to such personal and humiliating information, and no right to police your toilet visits.

He is on a very sticky wicket here.

This

MadCatLady27 · 29/06/2023 18:16

I could understand signing in or out if you were going out for lunch so they know where you are in the event of a fire drill/ timing breaks to ensure phones are covered but not having to be treated like a child and ask permission for the toilet!

lousyatchoosingnames · 29/06/2023 18:23

Can you write a note and put it on his desk? Like 'just gone to toilet' . At least then you aren't saying it out load and if he's on a call, you can still go.

In reality, he's a bullying arse and you should find another job x

VerityUnreasonble · 29/06/2023 19:39

Has he shared this rule in writing? Or just told you?

If he's just told you I would be tempted to email asking him to clarify you cannot leave your desk, even to use the bathroom, without letting him know, and must wait at your desk if he is otherwise engaged until he is free, you also need to state the purpose for leaving your desk and that the reason for this policy is safety. It might also be helpful to clarify what happens if he is on annual leave or off sick...

GertrudeJekyllRose · 29/06/2023 20:42

I'd say it is good office etiquette to tell at least one of your colleagues where you are going when you leave the office, but asking permission is not appropriate. Do you have a HR department or a union rep you could speak to?

jojo2202 · 29/06/2023 20:43

i wouldn't ask. i'd just go, don't even explain and let him take it up with HR

HelplessSoul · 29/06/2023 22:15

Make a sign, plonk it on his desk each and every time.

The sign should say:

Gone for a shit. Welcome to sniff/check.

💩😂