How much do you share about yourself at work?

[Workoh]

Think I'm going to be told in a one to one that I don't share enough etc. Outside of general chit chat about weekend/weather etc I'd agree however I've not had a problem in other roles as there was usually others like me and nobody seemed bothered. I'm not sure what to say, it's how I was brought up. I'm also reluctant to share very close info as I was bullied to suicidal feelings by a colleague a few years back and it sort of hardened me.

I'm just not sure what to say/do, I can't completely change who I am.

Not a lot. I like to be private.

Absolutely nothing.

I used to share quite a lot but there's been a really problematic 'identity creep' in the sector I work in - academia, specifically social sciences.
Lot's of talk of our 'authentic selves', our 'lived experiences' and a pressure to talk about how those things influence us as researchers, teachers and academics.

I find it all very problematic and I've withdrawn from it completely. I share nothing about my life at work beyond totally inane, non-committal stuff.

I share barely anything and I get on fine with others. Most people just like talking about themselves.
Why is this even an issue?

I actually miss making friends at work but I'm not very good with extremes; i.e forced friendships etc, I miss the style of just getting to know people bit by bit.

I share nothing and also never socialise with colleagues.
I keep work me and real me very separate

That's my question.

I also have the most boring life! After a life of ups and downs and tragedies at a young age I love my peaceful life and I think maybe I'm just a boring person and people expect me to be sharing stuff I don't have to say in the first place. I didn't think I was too bad with the general chat an always try to polite but maybe people think I'm boring or rude, I don't know.

It's worrying me as I love my job and feel disappointed.

You should not feel pressured into sharing details of your personal/private life. Anybody who presses you to do so is bullying you and that shouldn't be part of your working day. 🌹

Quite.

Nothing really- just drivial shite that's neither here nor there!

I don't think work needs to know what I am up to outside my paid hours.

You shouldn't be forced to share anything unless it's work related.

I share a bit. But did keep DH's very serious illness to myself for various reasons.

To go back to your OP.

If your lack of sharing does come up in a 1-2-1, I think you have a few options.
Firstly, you could go quite confrontational and get them to see that they're being U in asking you to share.
So say something like "What type of information don't I share enough?"
Then you say "So, you're reprimanding me because I don't tell my work colleagues all about my hobbies, family, whatever are you?"

Secondly, you're still a bit confrontational but you keep the focus on work and your ability to do your job. You something like "Me being a private person doesn't impact on my ability to carry out my assigned duties". You should be quite blase and make clear that you won't be changing this.

Thirdly, you tell them that you have very personal reasons for keeping yourself private. You can then either tell them the truth that you've been bullied in the past and won't risk putting yourself in that position again - the least people know the better. Or you just keep it vague - "I have very personal reasons for not sharing details of my private life". If they ask what, you can just say "I'd rather not say".

Fourthly, depending on whether your employer is a wanky, happy-clappy EDI one, you could say something about struggling with some significant identity issues at the moment and "feeling unsafe" in sharing them. Any mention of being "unsafe" sends employers into meltdown these days

I guess it depends how confrontational you are. The point is that sharing personal information isn't in your contract, not sharing doesn't stop you doing your job well and you should be under no compulsion to share anything non-work related about yourself. How you communicate that is down to you and how much of a mardy cow you are 😅

I work in a small team, the organisation employs maybe 50 people. Our job requires us to talk to many members of the public and so we were employed on the basis of being chatty and open so we naturally discuss our lives, children, situations. It's a really supportive environment and we all help with any issues. Even if it's just to listen.

Stick to your guns OP you have absolutely no obligation either in employment contract terms or morally to share with others any more than you're prepared and willing to.

I'm really passionate about this especially the link to declaring pronouns. It has to be to the individual to decide, and not be guilted to share things that are nothing to do with your job role. Don't let them try to convince you that there's something wrong with you or that you can't progress in your career or you aren't being supportive of colleagues if you don't give everyone the ins and outs of a ducks backside. Its rubbish. It's probably just them being nosy and wanting to have something to gossip about.

your privacy is paramount, protect it!

If it comes up sweetly say "my personal life is private; unless, of course, I missed the part in my contract that states I am obliged to openly discuss my life outside of work".

I bore everyone rigid about my greenhouse, chapter and verse on how much my dahlia and kalettes have grown in the heat - find a topic that 'keeps on giving' and you'll never be short of endless drivel to keep people off your back

I share a few things with work colleagues but rarely socialise them so it tends to be a brief description of my weekend when I see them in the office.

I manage a team of 9 and some share a lot and others hardly say anything about their life outside of work. I would never ask a member of the team to share more.

Not very much other than surface information. If I get closer to people, or they become friends outside the workplace then I might talk about my life experiences/feelings. A lot of people at my work are very open about things they've experienced and I feel like the approved way is to be the same but I like to keep work and my personal life separate. I don't think this should be something that is brought up by management, presumably you're there to work primarily.

All of this ^^

Polite friendly small talk and that's about it. I'm private and have boundaries around work versus personal life anyway, however I'm also gay and I don't want them to know that.

Quite a bit these days, but have been in the same team over 5 years.

It took me a good while to feel comfortable doing so though. I once had feedback from my then boss that I needed to be more ‘open’. A week later she saw me talking to a colleague and said she was glad I had taken her feedback onboard. I had changed literally nothing about my day to day behaviour and had just been stressing a bit about how to ask her to be clearer about what she meant!

How is this a requirement for your job OP? As long as you are polite and friendly and do your job well that's all that matters.

Complete oversharer here 🙋
We have a weekly meeting where we talk about safety, health, mental health, diversity etc.
Sometimes it's deathly quiet until I pipe up "ok, ya talked me into it, I'll overshare"
It's gets a laugh, a few good natured groans and breaks the ice, my boss will actually sometimes say "Campervangirl, got anything to overshare"
I'm in my 50's so I've got loads of life stories
Tbh they're quite good meetings, there's 16 of us and we've had some good conversations and I think we'd all agree we know each other a little better because of them.
Probably be a total nightmare for anyone new coming into our team 😂

I've shared too much in the past and cringe now. Will be super slick and professional when I'm next in a new team.

I don't see how not sharing could be criticised in a one to one and I'd be concerned about bullying tbh.

I often tell almost complete strangers everything! But that's me! You be you! It's irrelevant to your job.

Well said.