How much do you share about yourself at work?

[Workoh]

Think I'm going to be told in a one to one that I don't share enough etc. Outside of general chit chat about weekend/weather etc I'd agree however I've not had a problem in other roles as there was usually others like me and nobody seemed bothered. I'm not sure what to say, it's how I was brought up. I'm also reluctant to share very close info as I was bullied to suicidal feelings by a colleague a few years back and it sort of hardened me.

I'm just not sure what to say/do, I can't completely change who I am.

I get on very well with colleagues. I am one of the older ones . But l keep my personal life to myself. They would know about my family and ask how they're doing but it's nothing in depth. I don't need to know their private life either. One of them announced she was engaged and l didn't even know she had a boyfriend. Yet as work colleagues we get on brilliantly.

I would be more concerned about someone telling me their life's problems as l think you need to remember there is a time and a place.
I could work happily with you!!

I do have one colleague who is very emotional at work most days, for at least a few minutes. It is overwhelming in moments. Definitely brings his whole self. I half-admire his confidence in being his very emotional self.

He definitely is an expert in his specialist area. Can sound very professional & effective, too. People are curious creatures.

A fair bit but not stuff that can be used to much.

They know I'm married have children. I may share we took the dog for a walk.
I shared dd2s graduation video with them.
They know my children are at uni but not what they study.

However I work in retirement and in return I know a LOT about their lives and families.

I live a fairly ordinary life so it's not big thing they know

I spoke to them about deeing Elton John in April and I will tell them about going to see Dave Gorman this month.

I dont tell them my address or bank details

My colleagues and I share everything that's going on - the good, the bad and the ugly. But we're midwives and I honestly think that has something to do with how open we are and the normal boundaries you'd find in an office job for example, don't exist.

When DD was being investigated for cancer my workplace was incredibly supportive. One of my workmates even said (and meant it) that she would drive me down to Birmingham Children's hospital if DD needed to go there. Fortunately the oncology team found that there was no cancer.

That's me, apart from inane chitchat I don't say anything personal. I also have a personal rule of never making friends and socialising because when the shit hits the fan you'll feel awkward if you need to bring something up with management. My colleagues are all a bunch of arseholes anyway so I would never socialise with them

As little as possible. We are there to work, not chitchat and socialise.

It’s not in your job description that you have to. It’s not a requirement of the job. You don’t have to share anything and there’s nothing they can do- it’s not a conduct or performance issue.
you might find one day there is a person you feel closer to and happy to engage in more conversation but if that’s not how you feel now then that’s fine and they need to respect it.

Goodness. That sounds rather joyless. I work. I work hard, but I still find time to talk to my workmates. I'm only in the office once a week. The rest of the time I WFH.

Our team at work is known as the dream team because we work hard, but get on really well with each other. There isn't much chit chat, but there is some and it is great for teamwork.

I'm only open with colleagues I genuinely like a lot. So in previous jobs there have been a few who I've opened up with and who have remained friends.

But my personal life is mine, and I don't appreciate feeling forced to tell random people, who happen to work at the same place, my business. My current colleague keeps trying to get me to talk about my home life, I think in attempts to create more of a close working relationship, but I just don't want to. We don't know each other well and I just don't feel that bond or inclination. Ironically he's also a very closed book so I don't know why he thinks I shouldn't be.

Work is work.

Not much at all. I don't go to work to make friends. I did fresh out of uni but significantly past that now. My child / relationship / anything else status has no impact on my ability to deliver.

Is there something you can share, a hobby, a tv show and talk about that. That’s if you want to.

Some of my colleagues have become good friends - we share information about our private lives often and socialise out of work

Work is work.

Jeez. How joyless.

Why do so many mumsnetters think that making friends at work is a bad thing?

Our best man was one of DH's work friends. One of DD's godparents is a friend that DH made through work.

I have been friends for many years with people I met through work. And what about people who move into a new area and don't know anyone? Are they not allowed to socialise with their work colleagues?

Are these people who have never left their home town and think that they must have a cap on the number of people they can be friends with?

Did you only read the last sentence? I clearly said I've made friends at work, in fact, I still have a friend of two from every job I've had.

Your post is unnecessarily rude.

What I meant, by work is work, which I thought was pretty clear to be honest, is that no one should feel pressured to share their personal life with people at work. If you want to, that's great, but I don't go to work to feel pressured to tell them about my kids, my homelife or personal issues. It can feel incredibly awkward if you don't have a good enough relationship to warrant that kind of sharing. At least for me. That doesn't make me antisocial at all. It means I don't always want to blur those boundaries unless I actually feel a sense of closeness with a colleague. It's about having authentic relationships and not feeling pressured to act like close friends with people who work with you.

Oops. My apologies @SchoolShenanigans.
Too much wine

I still go into work with an open mind. I'm pretty sociable, but can still remain focussed on what I do.

Inane chit chat, no more than that.

I don’t trust people easily.

There are different personalities in the workplace . I put a high value on building relationships with people, and I find that being open about things that aren’t work helps that, as you can find common ground. However there are also people who are more introverted or “red” and task orientated who want to focus on the meeting and not be distracted by tangents . Both are needed and I think it’s really valuable to recognise other peoples styles and adapt a little accordingly. So if you’re working with an extrovert who always talks about their weekend it’s useful to ask “hey tell me about your weekend. How was the bbq” equally recognise the colleagues who are not so keen to share personal info and politely focus on the task “I’m really glad we could meet today , I wanted to get your opinion on how project y is going “.

your manager should learn to recognise different work styles too

I agree with this^

Loads, probably too much. I have two close colleagues, one was a very good friend before we started working together. The other I have come to really like. I socialise outside of work with them both.

my husband works in the same organisation, and has been there for ten years before I joined. So he has a lot of colleagues that I was friendly before I joined.

we are mostly Brits living overseas: probably not a normal workplace tbh.

plus I’m an extrovert and luckily my boss is too.

I'm totally open - if appropriate to share as part of the ongoing conversation eg, somebody else talks about their kids/husband/dog, then I'll talk about mine .

Think I'm going to be told in a one to one that I don't share enough etc.

Why do you think that?
I am not sure what your private life has to do with your work life.

I do think it makes for a pleasant atmosphere if people are friendly and willing to chat to colleagues, but that can be very much on a surface level, and doesn't have to involve you sharing about your own personal life.

Look up the Johari window

I think that's why they will say you need to "open up"

I'd prefer not to share as much as I do at work, however being a single mum (one of whom has additional needs), with a tricky EXDP can at times affect my work life, so I've let work people know about certain things before they happen.

I've found being slightly more open than I'd like has helped me to form better relationships with peers, as others also tend to discuss the bits of their lives that they are comfortable sharing.

I share quite a lot, other people at my work (my boss, most notably), share absolutely nothing except what TV programmes they've been watching 🤷

It would be nice if he shared, because personally I like to chat, but he absolutely doesn't owe me that and I'm honestly astounded that someone could be reprimanded for it.

I really don't think you should give excuses etc. Just say you don't want to. If they try to take if further go to your union, or get advice from ACAS. So long as you are professional, polite and generally pleasant that should be enough.