How much do you share about yourself at work?

[Workoh]

Think I'm going to be told in a one to one that I don't share enough etc. Outside of general chit chat about weekend/weather etc I'd agree however I've not had a problem in other roles as there was usually others like me and nobody seemed bothered. I'm not sure what to say, it's how I was brought up. I'm also reluctant to share very close info as I was bullied to suicidal feelings by a colleague a few years back and it sort of hardened me.

I'm just not sure what to say/do, I can't completely change who I am.

The minimum. My colleagues joke that I'm a mole, or ex-MI5. One of my colleagues that I've been working with very closely on a project for the past 6 months was amazed to learn I had children (my son picked me up after a social, he assumed it was my husband 😄).

Quite a bit really I guess. We all get on really well so we share a lot and ask about each other's lives.

Is there a particular reason you think you're going to be pulled up for not being 'open' enough? Has anything been said on this front previously?

I really struggle to understand why an employer would even care if staff were not sharing personal information, it's none of their business.

My colleagues know me inside out. We are a very close knit team.

Nothing unless asked and then not a lot

I refer to my daughter and husband as my daughter instead of saying her name and my husband instead of saying his name

I don't offer up any information

Just enough to make people think I'm sharing, eg female partner, general area we live in, if I visit friends and family. I previously worked in mostly pleasant settings with mostly nice, kind people, many of whom are still friends.

Now I work for a basket case organisation, frankly, with some of the stupidest and downright nasty people I've ever met. I am desperately trying to get out. It's a good job I know the entire NHS isn't like this as if this was my first experience of it I'd be in utter despair.

I recently had a 0 birthday and the whole org came together to celebrate. Based on the games they made up, cake they made and pressies they bought me, i think I've very much taken my whole self to work! It's not done my any harm but i feel safe and comfortable sharing some stuff. Noone is penalised for not sharing but my team also feel more comfortable with me and trust me more i think. Anyway, light up unicorn slippers in case you were wondering what they bought me!

I fed bits here and there, but it's controlled and done so others open up to me instead. That sounds a bit manipulative. Wonder how many others do that.

I'm quite sporadic in my sharing and I share fairly banal information because I like to see who will twist that info to either share with HQ or fellow colleagues to make me look bad.

In general I'm quite private, so it brings me great jovility when what's said is interpreted to be unbecoming. Being unconventional is not allowed because that means freedom of thought and expression, even when it potentially does not harm a soul. So I find it draws out the worms to share a bit about yourself to say this or that about your private life.

More or often than not, I have lots of queries into my private life and I believe either people are simply nosey/bored with their own lives or are outright malicious. Very rarely people report to HQ because they care.

I think for team cohesion a superficial level of friendly sharing is good - conversations about favourite foods/tv/books you’ve read/places you’ve been. No one should ever feel compelled to go any deeper, or socialise out of work though.

As little as possible tbh.
First question from a collegue on Day 1: do you have children?
She drones on quite a bit about her 2 sons and husband but I rarely engage.
They've probably guessed I'm single but I don't deny/confirm/discuss this.
Just act a bit enigmatic haha
They know I play a sport regularly but that's it.
On Mondays I always declare I've had a fabulous weekend and that I'm exhausted. Sometimes that is actually true.
I'm not in work to make friends, have enough of those.

I don't share, nothing beyond I have a partner and 2 kids in their twenties. If asked about the weekend it was lovely, I went to a cafe or we went hiking. All nice safe and boring things.

I talk about superficial stuff like holidays and days out with the kids but otherwise I don’t share much.

At my work there’s been a really weird trend over the past few years of senior leaders publishing articles on the intranet about really difficult topics like when they had a breakdown or had postnatal depression or their father died. I find it a bit weird and hope they are doing it because they genuinely want to and not because they’ve been pressured to do it and told its expected of them.

Nothing. Nor do I share anything about my work on MN.

Not a lot now TBH. I work with an absolute twat who would shove his own granny under a bus if he thought it would get him ahead in the world. Too many times now, he's gone around gossiping, bitching and even snitching to the boss about people's personal info. He told the whole team about another member of staff's miscarriage. I will never share anything other than what I need to after his performance.

I over share the unimportant stuff. So chat happily about my family, holidays etc. my boss is an absolute gent and my team are truly lovely.

i never had anyone say I was too quiet or didn't share enough.
I'm pretty chatty, but I don't think most my colleagues know much about my inner thoughts or personal history at all.

My 1st thought about how to get round this is that it's extremely easy to get people to talk about themselves instead. You ask them questions & listen well. In the end they feel like they had a good chat, you are sociable & engaged, but you revealed almost precisely nothing.

Listening well is a skill that anyone can develop. Most people actually only want to talk about themselves (and that certainly includes introverts). Just try it. Start by Offering a tiny morsel (your experience or opinion) and then invite the other person to share their experience. Most people will soon be talking loads. Act like you're truly interested (bonus effect if you are truly interested).

I was always very careful, I never lied but would say something that appeared more in depth but actually gave nothing away. The key is to find the people that love talking about themselves. We had a couple in my last workplace, one would talk about her inner feelings and her awful marriage and the other really overshared in what was quite an uncomfortable way sometimes.

This would really not be an appropriate thing for a one to one. They're supposed to be about how you are doing your job. Yes, that includes getting on with colleagues and interpersonal relationships but not to the point where you feel compelled to divulge more about yourself then you are comfortable with. I'm sure you're more than capable of being pleasant and getting on with people without having to spill your guts - I didn't and always had good relationships around work (in fact in a few instances when I did say more about myself I quickly regretted it because once it's out there, you can't control what gossip merchants do with the information.

If someone's having a hard time and it's impacting on their work and relationships it can be worth confiding in a trustworthy person. But you definitely do not have to!

That's hugely problematic for some people! For goodness' sake! Employers pay people to do a job, the workplace doesn't own the employee. 🙄

Although quite different, this puts me in mind of itv going all holier than thou on the Philip Schofield thing. (Not a viewer and don't care other than disliking the hypocrisy) As if they owned him body and soul because they paid him to be a presenter. 🙄

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. No-one should be making you feel like a pariah just cos you don't over-share.

These ones.

"If your lack of sharing does come up in a 1-2-1, I think you have a few options.
Firstly, you could go quite confrontational and get them to see that they're being U in asking you to share.
So say something like "What type of information don't I share enough?"
Then you say "So, you're reprimanding me because I don't tell my work colleagues all about my hobbies, family, whatever are you?"

Secondly, you're still a bit confrontational but you keep the focus on work and your ability to do your job. You something like "Me being a private person doesn't impact on my ability to carry out my assigned duties". You should be quite blase and make clear that you won't be changing this. "

A workplace that's pressuring you into revealing stuff you don't want to reveal probably isn't to be trusted with information about your personal life.

Why does it matter so much? If you had felt comfortable you might have told people stuff but you haven't (totally fine) and you have your reasons.

The team I work with are all at a similar stage in life with older children, and when we get the business of the day done in our Teams meetings we often chat about our DC's GCSE/A level exams (or in DD's case her finals), university applications etc. I have worked with a couple of people for over 15 years and get on extremely well with them.

Everything. An open book.

“Bring your whole self to work.”

Yes, I have. I’ve brought my whole private self.