Work suddenly asking to be in office more

[twix23]

I started at the company I work for in August last year. I'm a mum of 2 and the job was ideal, I could work from home everyday, n it was super flexi hours. They had an office in London (one of those wework rent a space for a day ones) but said I didn't need to go in, only if I wanted to, maybe 1x a month! I explained my situation and how due to childcare and the hours my kids could be looked after, London was not doable very often for me at all (it's 2 hrs each way on trains) and they said no problem, just when I can or if a company event/training is happening but that's not often. Fast forward to now, I'm 5 months pregnant with my 3rd baby, I've passed my probation, but we have a new office space in London that the company rent monthly now. A new director started a month ago and he's now demanding us all in at least once a week, ideally 2-3 times. My manager now keeps pestering me now about going in 1 day a week to keep this director happy. To do this I need to ask a huge favour of my retired parents every week to get to my house super early and leave super late, to look after my kids, something they don't really want to do (the hours, not looking after them!) as I need to leave the house at 6.40am, and I don't get home until 7pm. My partner finishes work around 6.30pm n leaves at7.30am. My parents live an hours drive away. Not only that, I am exhausted this pregnancy and finding it really tough mentally and physically this time round, still being sick too, everydays a struggle atm! So travelling into London and the underground even once a week is so tiring for me and tbh, I get more done at home anyway, it just feels so pointless. Would you stand your ground here, and say it's not what I signed up for, childcare is a struggle and just refuse? I don't want to lose my job over it (so anxious currently so over thinking everything of course) but my manager says this director seems pretty serious about everyone needing to be in the office more. Help!

I agree with previous posts about claiming pregnancy related difficulties.

However if they won't budge, could you do a shorter day from the office once a week and slightly longer days from home so you're not having to leave so early/get home so late?

I'd also speak to your HR department now about amending your contract to be fully remote, so you don't have the same situation when you return to work.

I can understand how you feel but also think that 100% wfh isn’t going to be continued by every company so people will need to readjust. It may seem uncaring but they will not be interested in your home situation. Previous posters suggestions of offering to go in on Mondays seem practical whilst you are leading up to maternity leave - clearly will require some logistics but best option to keep your job for now.

Can you compromise on 1 day per fortnight until mat leave & then use mat leave to find a longer term solution?
Show willing but not make it too difficult for yourself? I think my work has done official flexible working requests for people who have moved further away so they come less frequently & stay over for example. (We are min 40% office)

Your 12yo dd will be fine. Mine has to do it coz unfortunately one of our return to office days coincides with her 2:15 school finish. She now makes dinner for us every week!

OP you need to get your vile, abusive boyfriend away from your poor kids. It's so damaging to them to make them live in an abusive house with your shit bloke screaming at you and calling you names.

No idea what you can do about your job. I'd quit without a second thought if my employer tried to make me commute and attend an office, but needing them to pay you maternity leave doesn't leave you much choice.
Posters so jealous: 'you've had it too good for too long' -eh? You think people should suffer while selling their labour? 😄 WFH labourers are more productive, without the distractions of a dreary office.

Clearly your husband stepping up is the answer. It's only one day a week. Your work are not being unreasonable.

So what’s going to happen when your baby is born, how is child care going to happens? You can’t work from home and look after a baby. Your childcare is not your employers problem.

Honestly I think you need to rethink your childcare. You said your parents live an hour away so relying on them for some of your childcare already is a bloody big ask.

I get that you might not want to move your younger dd to a new childminder if she's settled so my solution would be:

1) manage things for the days you have to go into the office until you start ML. This might mean forking out for a temporary nanny to cover the bits around your dh's work, but presumably if you're 5 months pregnant, we're not talking about very many days in the office. 12? 15?
*
2)* pull dd out of childcare while you're on ML. Then when you return, start with a proper arrangement for your younger dd and the baby which doesn't rely on a childminder who works a short day only, or on your poor parent who live an hour away! Your eldest dd will be a teenager by then so the issue of her being home a few hours won't be such a big deal.

Tbh the thing that screams out at me from this is that to expect you and your partner to both be working full time, with your job based 2 hours away in London, but to have a childminder two days a week (working short days only) as your only proper form of childcare is nuts! It's really not fair to rely on grandparents for regular long days of care. You need to think longer term about this.

The main issue here is that the father of your children has opted out of childcare responsibility. He needs to step up and find a solution for it. Why can't he take annual leave?

OP wants to leave her abusive boyfriend, so she needs to figure out how to lone parent her kids. People posted UC calculator etc. on her other thread.

Oh!

Hope that works out for you op

Ah this is a different slant on it

OP have you thought about asking your manager if your office days can be shorter and your wfh days longer to accommodate drop off and pick up on your office day? One of my team does 10-4 on an office day but 8-6 on a wfh day and a mix of these across the week. Something like that might work if you don't want to change childcare

Depends on what your contract states.
I wfh during the pandemic but we slowly trickled back into the office, we're very flexible as we need to go out on site (rail industry)
However, our big-wigs want more people in the office so our team makes sure we do two days in the office, show our faces type thing.
Unfortunately you have a long commute but unfortunately your childcare issues are not your employer's problem (ie they won't give a shit).
With another DC on the way it's only going to get harder, are you planning on having the new baby at home during work hours obviously after your maternity leave is up?
If so I'd keep that quiet.
Maybe this job no longer suits your situation?

So you've been looking after your children whilst working and are currently pregnant so will potentially be looking after a newborn whilst working? I can see why they want you in the office and I don't think you have a leg to stand on either.

Oops replied to the OP instead of reading all the posts, I see OP does have childcare.

In that case if your childminder is unable to increase her hours you need to find a new one. If your workplace are expecting everyone to come to the office, they won't make allowances. Your options are either continue the plan with your parents, find a new childminder or leave your job. That's it really

It’s not fair and shouldn’t happen but it would be naive not to consider the possibility that they do actually want her to quit

I agree they may be trying to get her to quit +

I agree this might sometimes happen, but it sounds like in this case it is a combo of a new big boss and a new office space meaning a change of policy.

Do you enjoy the job?

Do they value you?

How difficult would it be for you to get a job that suits your needs?

When you do get into the office do you enjoy the office vibe? Does it help with your job?

I think you can probably get them to agree to a reasonable adjustment because of your pregnancy. While you are on maternity leave you might want to explore other jobs that suit you..

When your mat leave comes to an end and you have not found anything better I think you try the following:

• get your husband to take a more active role
• increase the paid childcare
• apply to work part time
• try and negotiate shorter days in office due to travel distance

How reasonable they are will depend on how much they value your work.

Phone ACAS and see what advice they give.

Yes, the OP clarified she's using a childminder who only works 9-4, so not even a full working day- particularly bearing in mind the OP has to drop off, get home and begin work, and then leave in time to pick up at the other end of the day.

Even if the childminder lives 5 minutes away and the OP takes no breaks or lunchtime, that's less than a regular day's work. It's just not sustainable. The OP is using this child minder 2 days and relying on grandparents (one set who live an hour away!) the rest of the week. It think the OP needs to decide whether she's really cut out for this job. Once a week in the office is entirely reasonable.

@freyamay74 from other threads, I think the OP sometimes does some more work in the evenings.

Any talk of getting a different (local?) job is a good idea, but first OP has to get through the 3 months or so until her mat leave.

You've had it too good for too long

Don't understand this attitude. Why shouldn't people have a good work arrangement that suits them? Why should they have to be more miserable? People are more productive when they are happy and feel respected and valued. It's win-win. Woe betide the company that thinks it can piss off its employees with no negative effects on business.

I'd push back and say you were told this was Flexi and you just aren't able to come in that often, sorry.

What are they going to do? Sack you? They'd be in a heap of trouble due to pregnancy discrimination. If you have a union, consult them. If you're not in a union, join. There's a shortage of labour generally at the moment. If you are good at your job then you're in a strong position. Don't be railroaded.

Do it for yourself, and for future generations, who will thank you for fighting for flexibility.

There's nothing that suggests that, unless you're implying they acquired a new office space and hired a new manager just to push OP out? Reality is that lots of businesses are heading back to the office now, as more do so the threats from employees to leave for a remote job are less of an issue as demand for these means these roles are more competitive. As some businesses have gone back others have realised to keep up they should too, I expect the number of days a week is going to creep up also.

OP appreciate its frustrating as you asked about this and they said you wouldnt have to, but unless your contract specifically says fully remote then yes they can ask this of you. Sounds like suggesting 1 day a week is a compromise theyre making for you? If its a huge issue all you can really do is speak to your manager and try and figure out something that works.

I can't believe you would avoid having a child to please an employer. Please think hard about your priorities! They do not care about you, they would replace you in the blink of an eye, they will not be at your hospital bedside or coming to your funeral. It's just a job. Don't give up your life and your happiness and your chance of a child for any job!

Check what your contract of employment says about your place of work. Unlikely to help you but just in case.

I think you should ask to remain wfh during your pregnancy as a reasonable adjustment. You will have the issue to consider that when you return to work after maternity leave, the director's demand will still be there. Probably someone stuck in the past, or wants to be in an office to avoid childcare, or to massage his ego, or to letch/gawp at the younger women in the company.

So the obvious question is why have another baby ?