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Original poster

Overwhelmed by toxic work culture: tips required pls

75 replies

SupremeCommanderServalan · 26/02/2023 07:20

The environment I work in is very much one of cronyism, mates sticking together, people who are in favour getting promotions. Meetings are chaired badly with poor attitudes and behaviours being allowed. I think that things have deteriorated since lockdown, as standards seem to have slipped all round with most of us doing either hybrid working or full time WFH.

I challenge this where I can (within boundaries) and it has meant that I am now the person that gets the most shit directed at them.

I have spent the last year or so desperately doing job applications but I feel utterly exhausted and burnt out, so am not convinced that anyone will want me considering the only skill set I seem to have at the moment is survival.

Any tips on surviving in a toxic work culture?

OP posts:
Starseeed · 26/02/2023 07:23

Leave. You can’t change it and can’t thrive in it.

What’s stopping you leaving?

BiasedBinding · 26/02/2023 07:25

I’m guessing that not having another job is what is stopping the OP leaving

that said, do you have the resources to leave with nothing to go to for a short while? It is doubly exhausting trying to apply for things whilst so ground down by a workplace

BananaCocktails · 26/02/2023 07:27

Have you raised a complaint at work ?

Landlubber2019 · 26/02/2023 07:31

Can you give examples without outing yourself as to what's happening?

Calling · 26/02/2023 07:32

@SupremeCommanderServalan my commiserations, its tough to live through.
Sometimes when I work from home I listen to Radio 3 or Classic FM and that helps.

Original poster
SupremeCommanderServalan · 26/02/2023 08:42

I can't afford to leave without another job lined up, and unfortunately job opportunities for middle-aged burnt out women are few and far between.

issues include not having my expertise listened to or having it dismissed by people whose field it isn't, not being listened to generally, other people voicing my ideas getting listened to, however. Always trying to stay on top of things despite poor planning on other colleagues parts, meaning my workload gets added to.

I lasted 10 minutes at work on Friday before bursting into tears trying to deal with the passive aggressive crap in my inbox. And I am not someone who cries easily. I feel like I am on my last nerve - frankly, I am burnt out and regret staying in the hope that I could make it better.

OP posts:
BlueKaftan · 26/02/2023 08:48

Can you schedule a holiday and then when you return, hopefully rested, go to an agency or head hunter?

lljkk · 26/02/2023 08:59

Do you need to look outside your usual field, OP? How much of a salary cut could you bear if long term (new work area) you could get back to current salary within 3-5 years?

rootsandwings89 · 26/02/2023 09:01

I'm sorry you are going through this - I've been there before and it's horrible.

You need to leave, the environment isn't going to change and by the sounds of it, it's going to cost you your health which no job is worth. Speak to a headhunter and work out what your next step could be.

Good luck x

Wittow · 26/02/2023 09:05

How much paid sick leave would you be entitled to? I'd be going off sick if I felt like that.

Starseeed · 26/02/2023 09:11

I can't afford to leave without another job lined up, and unfortunately job opportunities for middle-aged burnt out women are few and far between.

that might be a bit of a broken belief keeping you stuck. What if you could find another job that didn’t wear you out and even while working in a non-toxic environment you gradually returned to health?

What’s stopping you job hunt? It’s an employee’s market at the moment, can you get on Linked In, join agencies, talk to people in other companies and start opening your mind to the possibility that there’s other stuff out there that will be pleasurable and nourishing to go for?

Reframe ‘middle-aged’ to ‘full of valuable wisdom and experience’.

OhBollocks23 · 26/02/2023 09:13

I know exactly how you feel, and it's soul-destroying. Until I managed to get another job, I managed by strictly compartmentalising. I put my foot down and simply refused to work much over my hours, and, essentially, emotionally checked out.

I also had a close colleague/friend who felt the same, and we would schedule Teams meetings to vent. That helped, but appreciate it might not be an option for you.

Candleabra · 26/02/2023 09:14

Leave. Do the bare minimum at work and put all your efforts into finding a new job. But I know it’s hard getting into the right positive mindset when you’re worn down at work. What field do you work in?

OhBollocks23 · 26/02/2023 09:18

Also to add... I am also (or feel like) a burnt-out middle-aged woman and the new job I got is actually pretty amazing, for my field. And I got it due to my masses of experience, both in skills and also in handling a range of workplace cultures...

thenewaveragebear1983 · 26/02/2023 09:19

I did this, but I was on such a pathetic wage that I could afford to leave with nothing to go to. I had a few weeks totally off to reset, joined a temp agency and did hours to suit for 6 weeks (I got a basic admin role in a school) and that gave me the headspace to look for another job. I start my new role on 6th March.

the guy who replaced me at my old role has given his notice and left- I wasn’t imagining what a toxic horrible environment it was. Leaving was scary but I instantly felt better. Being unemployed was horrible and job hunting was horrible and demotivating. it depends on your field but I found it very competitive as I was looking for admin roles- but I stuck to my guns and found what I wanted in the end.

good luck!!

mycatsanutter · 26/02/2023 09:21

Have you applied for other jobs ? I had been in the same job for 28 years and thought I was stuck but I applied for 3 jobs and got 1! Please don't make the mistake I did and carry on thinking no one will want you and being unhappy .

Merlott · 26/02/2023 09:23

Disengage. Let them fight amongst themselves and go the wrong way. Don't give your opinions or your ideas any more. Practise staying silent and expressionless. Practise saying non committal bland things like "there are a number of avenues to explore " " well it's not clear cut" or my favourite is to distract them by asking about seemingly linked but irrelevant areas of work e.g. "how does this impact on project x?" And let them fight it out.

You have been trained to give of yourself in exchange for money, stop. They don't pay you enough

KattyKattyKatz · 26/02/2023 09:27

Merlott · 26/02/2023 09:23

Disengage. Let them fight amongst themselves and go the wrong way. Don't give your opinions or your ideas any more. Practise staying silent and expressionless. Practise saying non committal bland things like "there are a number of avenues to explore " " well it's not clear cut" or my favourite is to distract them by asking about seemingly linked but irrelevant areas of work e.g. "how does this impact on project x?" And let them fight it out.

You have been trained to give of yourself in exchange for money, stop. They don't pay you enough

Absolutely right . Just quietly quit OP . If you have admin/ care skills you will always find work . Start planning your exit . No job is worth your health .

Calling · 26/02/2023 15:10

SupremeCommanderServalan · 26/02/2023 08:42

I can't afford to leave without another job lined up, and unfortunately job opportunities for middle-aged burnt out women are few and far between.

issues include not having my expertise listened to or having it dismissed by people whose field it isn't, not being listened to generally, other people voicing my ideas getting listened to, however. Always trying to stay on top of things despite poor planning on other colleagues parts, meaning my workload gets added to.

I lasted 10 minutes at work on Friday before bursting into tears trying to deal with the passive aggressive crap in my inbox. And I am not someone who cries easily. I feel like I am on my last nerve - frankly, I am burnt out and regret staying in the hope that I could make it better.

So sorry about that. You could be at risk of burn out. How about going off sick and telling the doctor about the toxic office?

Original poster
SupremeCommanderServalan · 26/02/2023 16:39

I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who took the time to respond to me. I am going to take some time off sick - which I have never done. I've also got some leave coming up, both of which should buy me some head space. I worked all through my leave over Xmas in order to get a project on track - and got precisely zero recognition for it. Time to stop being a bloody doormat.

When I do go back it will be to quietly quit, work my proper hours and get some balance back.

Time to explore LinkedIn, I think.

OP posts:
namchangeanxious · 26/02/2023 16:58

@SupremeCommanderServalan I did a similar post to you recently, and am seriously considering sick leave, which I have never done after over 30 years in the workforce. I hope you find a way out of this.

Candleabra · 26/02/2023 17:01

Good for you, completely justified. Take the time to regroup, get your strength back and explore other work options.

Calling · 26/02/2023 20:14

You deserve better. Another middle aged woman full of experience and knowledge here! Keep us updated.

Bigmummaof2 · 26/02/2023 20:15

KattyKattyKatz · 26/02/2023 09:27

Absolutely right . Just quietly quit OP . If you have admin/ care skills you will always find work . Start planning your exit . No job is worth your health .

Show quote history

I did this. Was severely bullied in my old work. Ended up in therapy during the last few months I worked there. Handed my notice and it was the best feeling ever and the looks on some peoples faces were priceless. Couldn’t be happier now. And dred to think where I would be if I didn’t.

Wittow · 26/02/2023 20:40

Good for you OP. Mental health prioritisation! Do some nice stuff for yourself xx

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