Overwhelmed by toxic work culture: tips required pls

[SupremeCommanderServalan]

The environment I work in is very much one of cronyism, mates sticking together, people who are in favour getting promotions. Meetings are chaired badly with poor attitudes and behaviours being allowed. I think that things have deteriorated since lockdown, as standards seem to have slipped all round with most of us doing either hybrid working or full time WFH.

I challenge this where I can (within boundaries) and it has meant that I am now the person that gets the most shit directed at them.

I have spent the last year or so desperately doing job applications but I feel utterly exhausted and burnt out, so am not convinced that anyone will want me considering the only skill set I seem to have at the moment is survival.

Any tips on surviving in a toxic work culture?

You sound like you work where I work, it is awful and I'm right where you are right now.

I have started to disengage, however keeping my mouth shut is my main issue. I can't stand the unfairness, inequality, nepotism and just downright toxic management.

This was me a year ago. Work place was toxic and it was making me so down and affecting my personal life, I had a meeting with the manager about colleagues behaviour and the gang mentality and lack of professionalism, she agreed but had to go through the proper channels, then had a meeting with the head of Scotland who gave the same spiel. Nothing changed and by June I had enough and applied for a handful of jobs, I got 2 interviews out of these application and got offered 2 jobs and made my decisions
I handed my notice in, and old work place gave me two different ‘deals’ to try and keep me but it was too little too late and I left.

my new work place is amazing, better team, better pay and better conditions. Life is good,

please do not give up hope of a new job, just keep applying.

Came in here to write some OP. I’m a very capable and experienced 58 year old. Never had a problem on any job before but this one is awful. It has deteriorated due to changes in management,work culture, personnel etc. nepotism is rife.

despite my experience I get dumped on with menial tasks, miss out on promotion etc. I’m a good safe pair of hands but now just feel shat on, ignored etc. I tried to raise this with my manager but she turned it back on me, she gaslit me actually.

there are a few women in our team feeling the same. All middle aged. I think we are surplus to requirements.

I worked almost 12 hours yesterday trying to get on top of my work. I’ve been given a task which really is an admin task and it’s really isn’t my skill set or my job tbh. I know manager thinks I’m shit for struggling with it and I can’t admit I don’t know how to do it. I suspect she’s set me up to fail.

im walking in the night stressed. Checking e mails at midnight. It is making me sick. It’s crazy. Never been in any situation like this.

I know I should leave but I am hoping to retire at 60 so trying to stick it out. It is well paid and near home. The actual job I like but it’s the culture and management that are the problem.

I have never taken time off for stress but I am honestly near breaking point. How do I even go about getting signed off? And what would be the way to deal with my manager regarding this?

i think when I explain to gp I have work related stress he will sign me off. Just worried how it will be received at work, what the outcome will be, how can I explain to my manager that the problem is her?

@SupremeCommanderServalan can I ask how you framed your sick leave to your managers? As work related stress?

@Railwayroad - I would not worry about how to frame to your managers at the moment - I would go to Gp - explain the circumstances and symptoms & see what they say - they may have a way of explaining it - I don't know. But I would take one step at a time and see what the GP says. It takes some bravery to do this but I would see how the GP describes it before worrying whether you have to say to your manager the problem is her.

I do feel for you , a friend of mine worked for a company & his GP referred him to a psychiatrist for depression & the psychiatrist said you are not the first from this company - it sounds "toxic" .

But I would book a GP appt. and talk it through with them before you take on any more worry.

I wish you well @@Railwayroad - there will be a way through this - just do one step at a time.

@Railwayroad agree with @BasiliskStare get signed off. You don’t have to explain to your boss that she is the problem, That is what HR is for. What I took from your post is that your manager is trying to constructively dismiss you by giving you tasks you cannot achieve without appropriate training or are tasks carried out by a more junior member without good reason for the additional workload. Write to the HR Director of the organisation with your sick note at the start of your leave accompanied by a very clear account of how your new line manager has made you ill and how you believe you are being set up to fail. Explain that you will not be contactable during your sick leave but you would like a meeting with them upon your return to discuss how you move forward. They should accommodate your phased return. I’d imagine your line manager will do one of two things, develop some self-awareness or pick on someone else. HR might even move her along if you’ve been there without complain for so many years. Avoid phrases like ‘we all feel like this’ stick specifically to how you feel and what you have been asked to do. Does your employer have a menopause policy? Have a look at that if you do.

It’s shit, but it’s not your fault. Nor do you have to put up with being treated like this. Do things you love on your sick leave and take some rest.

Sod working through holidays, they don’t appreciate it, put self care first, work to rule hours wise, have a break to recentre, apply for lots of jobs, return keeping your head down and remain self contained/quiet/removed/disengaged through any toxic nonsense. You just need to keep your sanity for a few months while looking for jobs.

I have just been through similar in social care setting. Worked to cover emergencies during covid, not listened to despite my knowledge and level of responsibility, surrounded by toxic manipulative upper management, hit burn out, took stock and eventually left. I jumped from an awful toxic environment to the polar opposite. I’ve been in post a year now and I initially worked through some old work place trauma. My new work place is well managed, warm, supportive, respectful.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this but also thank you for posting & to others who have replied.

This is currently me. I moved to this job thinking it would be great but in fact the culture is awful.

I am off at the moment & doing some self care and thinking. I've tried everything to improve the situation but I'm at the point of quietly quitting. It's well paid and I reckon if I go back with a different mind set & stop trying to "fix" things I can get the decent working hours and just switch off at home time.

I think the important thing is to always make sure you cover your arse back though.

There are others at work who are the favourites & frankly they seem to do next to nothing helpful but I regularly work late and have worry and stress because I see too much of the bigger picture and take responsibility for trying to improve things.

I decided to save my energy for those who deserve it.

I should say I moved here to get away from a culture that was similarly soul crushing but I think it's the sector I work in unfortunately.

If you do take time off (which I can highly recommend) I would use the time to catch up on sleep, eat well, look after yourself, get some fresh air & try to build some good life habits that you can add work on top of/into rather than just living around your work.

There are some great podcasts out there that could help too.

Hope you feel better soon. X

Not sure of your field but definitely recommend using a recruitment agent to assist in the job search. I’ve not used one previously and have started this year. He’s got my cv into companies that aren’t advertising and I’ve had interviews at all of them. It’s extremely tiring applying for jobs and maintaining a presence at current role but the agent is taking a good load off, doing all the chasing up and negotiating. Maybe you could speak to one or two while you’re off?

Hello
I hear you and I'm sorry that you're feeling this way , in my 30s I had an awful situation at work and was being performance managed out and the harder I worked the more aggressive their methods became and it was also what I felt was my dream job

That was over 8 years ago and I was pushed into becoming self employed and setting up my own business - whilst being pregnant !!

I don't advocate waiting for it to get worse so the options are

1. Move department

2 report to hr and take time off for areas

1. Join as many recruitment agencies as possible

Basically make a plan to leave. Do whatever it takes as it won't get better these places don't

Aww Thankyou for your replies. Sorry if I hijacked the thread OP.

there is some good advice there. I will make a gp appointment from there. It’s impacting my life and that of my family so I need to do something.

Leave. Your mood and your outlook will improve immediately. Your stress levels will drop. Your interviewing will be more positive and ultimately successful.

Been there, done that. It's horrible. Good luck xx

Been there.
Go to your GP, don't be strong just let it out.
Go off sick. 'Work related stress' on the sick note.

Take time for you. Have a bath in the middle of the day. Sleep. Go for a walk. Just nice restful things.

Get as nice a photo as possible, put it on your linkedin profile. Check the 1 liner and your jobs, update them all.
And this is key- wording is focused on the job you want! Words like depth of experience, solid performer.
Go into the profile settings and change status to 'looking for work ' only recruiters who pay for LinkedIn can see this. You will pop up in their lists and start to contact you.

So maybe do this when you are rested and have the headspace to talk to them.

Post something positive and your industry related every week or so, keeps your profile going.

You WILL get a job.

Can you treat yourself to some nice clothes/ hairstyle/ makeup so that you are all ready and raring to go for your new role. It might make you come over as more positive in interviews or even on cv.

I'm applying for a job at the moment at least partly to change the stress level, and so far I'm the only applicant. Honestly there are jobs out there.

I'm in a similar situation, although I've only become aware of the toxic undercurrents within the past few months. It started really getting bad after a new manager was hired on (mine) and he's turned out to be a horrible, nasty narcissist. My colleagues and I have had to file a grievance but the other line managers have closed ranks, and the way our teams are structured means we interact with them all, so this is deeply unpleasant. I'm not waiting to get ground down by it, I'm looking for jobs now and have several irons in the fire at various stages in the interview process. If my line manager isn't moved or sacked and I still have to work with him, my plan is to go off sick for as long as possible, come back and be as bland, quiet, and neutral as I can, and get the fuck out. I won't jump into a new job just because - I need a clear head to make my next move. But I won't stay for a second longer than I have to.

@Iizzyb hello, do you have a link to the podcasts you mentioned? I'm desperate with my work situation.

I don't know if I should feel better or worse at how many of us this is affecting! So much of what others have said is me - trying to fix things, being strong, etc but it is no match for the nepotism.

I work in Comms, so everyone who has even so much as glanced at social media thinks they are an expert in the field, and so jump in to tell me what they think I should be doing differently.

I emailed work including HR to tell them I am off with work-related stress and asked them what measures they can put in place for my return.

Self care is proving to be harder than it should be while I am off - I feel overwhelmed at the thought of doing something simple like going for a swim - but I slept for 10 hours last night. For me, that is nothing short of amazing.

I am so glad that this thread has helped others - please don't worry about using it for yourself if you are going through the same - I'm happy for it to be a place for supporting each other.

@SupremeCommanderServalan Thank you for this thread, it's been really comforting for me 😊

Can I ask how long you are signed off for, and what the response from HR was?

I'm self-certificating for sick leave, so at the moment I intent to go back to work on day seven. But we shall see whether that is even possible or not for me.

No response from HR, nor my line manager. I suspect they think I am trying to Make a point. Which I guess I am, except my point isn't a 'hello, look at me' one, it is more of a 'I am drowning under the weight of this place and I am holding you to account'.

But the reality is they will just frame it as the problem being me somehow.

I would still go to your GP. You may need longer than 7 days.

Make a plan to leave and look at your options elsewhere.

I’m off work for serious health issues at the moment and it has really made me think about the toxic crap I was putting up with at work for so long because I love my actual job (not some of the people)and because I have a tendency to try and fix things. The person who is covering me has already filed bullying complaints and is having a really hard time. It just reminds me how management have allowed poor behaviour to become a normal part of the work environment so much so that it took a new person coming in to point it out.
Whilst I have been really poorly, I have realised just how replaceable I am at work but not at home. Even though, I am physically unwell, my mental health is so much better since I have been away from the toxicity. I will not spend another second of my energy trying to fix a problem that is beyond me. Your life is too precious and should be spent with people who value and love you. I would say that I was so worried about losing the security of a steady wage but now I would rather cut back or take a pay cut.

i don’t know if this helps but find a photo of yourself Pre-toxic work environment. I was going through some pics and realised just how much happier and brighter I used to look before working there. Im using it as a tool to remind myself that the end goal is happiness and not financial security at any cost.

I am not sure if you are in the US or the UK, but I feel as though I am in the same position and just know that you aren’t alone. I would take some time away from the office even if it’s just two days sick. These environments in a workplace are so toxic and can really mess with your brain balance I won’t lie I struggle every day with the passive aggressiveness and the picking and choosing when they want to like me.

Do you work in an industry where your skills can be used freelance? I felt exactly like you in my last job, and didn't return from my second mat leave because I just couldn't face the sexism and sidelining that occurred since I had children. It was clear I would be treading water forever if I carried on working there. I'm now self employed and I'm much happier (although work life balance is out of the window...)