How do I stop this man doing this?

[yesitssea]

I work on a team where we are two leaders, both doing slightly different things. He is delivery focussed and I am project focussed. But we have around 30 staff between 3 teams below us.

It's such a minor thing but he keeps messaging me with a question like 'what do you think the priorities are going forwards' and I explain, with my plan to action them.

He will then send either an email or a meeting invitation to the team with my idea or plan but not mention that it was my idea.

It's infuriating me.

Or we will be in a meeting and I'll say something off the cuff like 'I've been thinking about our risks, we need to do some mitigation' and I'll come out and he's set up a session doing that? As if he's thought of doing it.

It's happened about 6 times this last week.

Another example is I wanted to change some letters that are sent to customers so I said in a team meeting that I was going to initiate the front door process with the team that deals with that. Even before I'm out the meeting he's emailed that team, and then when I email later they say ' oh x got in touch with us so earlier so we've created the request'

Am I being petty?

He's taking the piss, and you need to tell him to cut it out.

Stop telling him your plans!

... but also take him to task over it. Ask him why he does it. Be direct. He's a cheeky fucker so no need to pussyfoot around him. Make it clear that you've clocked him and stop him from doing it. Don't be nice!

When he sls what you think the priorities are you reply, not sure what do you think?
Always answer his questions with questions of your own.

Yeah stop sharing your ideas with him.

Think of yourself as an expert with your own career to forge. You are more important than him and actually your career is more important than any one job or company.

Don't let him paint you as useless because he keeps stealing your ideas and not giving you any credit. He is your enemy, treat him accordingly.

Also, start looking for a new job and when you get there, come across much stronger and assertive so wankers like this can't latch on in the first place. Lesson learned!

I worked with a CF like this.

Instead of directly sharing my ideas, I started to say, "do you want to take the initiative on this or shall I?" without actually saying what I was going to do.

Also phrases like...

"I see you picked up my idea about X and ran with it."

"Are you taking credit for my initiative again?"

"What are YOUR ideas for solving this?"

"Did you have something you wished to add to the process?"

Cheeky bastard. He was an absolute nightmare. But of course being a man, had no compunction about stealing ideas and taking credit.

I have a slightly different perspective on this. He's a delivery person. His job is to get shit done. Which he's doing. OP is very vague about her role but the examples given seem to show she that she has ideas/plans but is relatively laidback about communicating/actioning them which is guaranteed to drive a delivery person nuts.

Of course he could be a complete arse trying to take the credit but I wouldn't immediately jump to this conclusion without more info on roles and responsibilities (and the OP's own behaviours).

Of course you’re not petty, he’s a shameless CF. Call him out.

Initiate the front door process? What does that even mean?!

But basically, he's stealing your ideas. You might have different focusses (or should this be focussi?) but you still have the same end goal.
I agree with PP, ask him what his plans are to deliver the objective (and steal them if they're better than yours, which I'm betting they won't be)

Taking him to task will look like jealousy and sour grapes. He doesn’t have any ideas worth stealing, so don’t even bother with that.

You do two things

• never say what you plan to do to him or in team meetings. Only say what you have already initiated/done. Treat it as a backbrief

• next time he asks for priorities or ideas, don’t respond over email, call him up and give him a really stupid idea that will expose him for the idiot he is. You have to carefully craft this idea to fool him into thinking it is a good idea. It has to seem cutting edge am something an expert would suggest. This tactic is called “poison the well” he will then run with it as if it were his idea and end up making a fool of himself. You do it until he catches on and realises you are not an easy mark.

I dunno - it kind of sounds to me like you’re meant to be working together and he’s getting the ball rolling on stuff. Perhaps it’s the way you’ve described it?

I’d be delighted if someone set up meetings for me to get things going

If he asks you again just absolutely tell him that you'll be updating the team about this.
Or 'are you sending an update''putting a meeting in' - given that it's my agenda I'll pick it up.

He probably doesn't see it as a problem that it's your idea - does he get credit for it? Or is he just doing his job by getting things done?

Stop sharing your ideas.
Ask him directly and calmly.
Indicate it's your idea each time it still happens.

Sounds like he’s better at getting stuff going than you, and you have ideas but don’t get things moving on them? Otherwise if the next step is to set up a meeting about x / speak to y team about z you’d have already done that? If you work on getting things moving then when he asks your ideas you can say idea is x I’ve already set up the meeting etc?

That's all I saw in the OP ffs

Hey thank you all for your comments.

I accept the comments about him getting stuff done- that's all well and good but he does not have the skill set to do all of the product/project work I do.

I am in charge of a gov digital service from the product side, so I'm kind of the what we built (design, research, roadmapping, service design) and maintain the service and he's the how (like budget, resource, tech management).

The thing is he's came from private sector and male dominated (car manufacturing) and he's Uber competitive and doesn't have brilliant people skills, very harsh and business like. So I don't necessarily think he's doing it from a progress the product perspective I think he's doing it from a competitive with me perspective.

I have no desire to take on our bosses role who is the deputy director when he leaves next year but I have this vibe that he wants to show how brilliant is.

Be very careful with this man in that case. I'd say thats exactly what he's angling for.

Take all these tips on board and don't give him an inch.

Ah. There you go. That's his plan. He is portraying himself as in the lead and positioning himself for the promotion.

Urgh. That's so annoying. He's totally upset the dynamic of the department but because he's fairly senior I don't think he works as closely with anyone as much as me and I don't think he's annoying anyone as much as me!

I will stop communicating so openly with him. I'll have to. And if he does it again I'll ask him not to. It's just sad. I was really enjoying myself until he arrived.

Some of it may be down to work culture differences since he's come from the private sector and this is govt. I imagine the change in pace will need some adjustment from him, as well as the comms style. What the OP refers to as "harsh and businesslike" is probably the norm at his previous employer. Has anyone sat down with him and explained the difference in working culture and that things are done differently? (If not, you're not being very fair to him - at least give him a change to adjust to the culture before writing him off).

According to the Rght Hon Julie Bishop, ex Foreign Minister of Australian, you need another woman at the table to be prepared to jump in loudly as soon as you close your mouth to loudly say “What @yesitssea said”. And vice versa. But men everywhere do it all the time so you need to have your strategies in place.

I'd be inclined to take a friendly approach that's also direct. I'd go to him and say I noticed you emailed about x y and z after the discussion in the meeting today where I agreed to take responsibility for that task. I appreciate you being so proactive and helping but in future would you mind leaving it to me so I can follow up as I see fit and keep track of my own to do list and I can keep you informed if you're interested in the project.

Then only tell him what you want to share. Best case scenario he's genuinely trying to be helpful and will see that it's not actually helping you. Worst case scenario he's deliberately trying to steal your ideas but now he knows you're on to him and are calling him out in the most professional way possible so hopefully he'll rethink his game. If it keeps happening after this convo then I'd go back again and be even more direct.

Another option is to take the initiative yourself first before meetings so you're updating that this is something you've started rather than just thinking off the cuff that you want to begin it and you've already staked your claim in that piece of work making it harder for him to claim as his own or get involved with.

Might take some creative thinking but wouldn't it be lovely if you could feed him an idea that would be truly career limiting if he fell for it.

@Cw112

I'd be inclined to take a friendly approach that's also direct. I'd go to him and say I noticed you emailed about x y and z after the discussion in the meeting today where I agreed to take responsibility for that task. I appreciate you being so proactive and helping but in future would you mind leaving it to me so I can follow up as I see fit and keep track of my own to do list and I can keep you informed if you're interested in the project

No! Why be nice? This is women falling, again, for the whole #bekind nonsense. This man isn't being friendly in his approach. He's deliberately appropriating the OP's ideas/suggestions as his own.

I wouldn't be saying "would you mind" anything to a man like this

I'd be calling him out.