How do I stop this man doing this?

[yesitssea]

I work on a team where we are two leaders, both doing slightly different things. He is delivery focussed and I am project focussed. But we have around 30 staff between 3 teams below us.

It's such a minor thing but he keeps messaging me with a question like 'what do you think the priorities are going forwards' and I explain, with my plan to action them.

He will then send either an email or a meeting invitation to the team with my idea or plan but not mention that it was my idea.

It's infuriating me.

Or we will be in a meeting and I'll say something off the cuff like 'I've been thinking about our risks, we need to do some mitigation' and I'll come out and he's set up a session doing that? As if he's thought of doing it.

It's happened about 6 times this last week.

Another example is I wanted to change some letters that are sent to customers so I said in a team meeting that I was going to initiate the front door process with the team that deals with that. Even before I'm out the meeting he's emailed that team, and then when I email later they say ' oh x got in touch with us so earlier so we've created the request'

Am I being petty?

In a meeting I'd be upfront - share the idea. Then say 'Mr CF, could you liaise with the front door team on this please' or 'Mr CF, could you set up the meeting please'. And if he objects you can state that he seemed to be taking on these roles.
When sharing ideas more privately, follow up with an email copying in the relevant people.

No-one, including the OP, knows whether his behaviour is deliberate or not. The OP dripfed that he comes from an entirely different work culture to her and it's quite possible that this is the reason for his behaviour. Or equally he could be an undermining dick. The jury's out. The most professional way to deal with this is to have an open and polite but firm conversation with him and then see if his behaviour changes (or not).

^I don't necessarily think he's doing it from a progress the product perspective I think he's doing it from a competitive with me perspective&

... from @yesitssea @HundredMilesAnHour

Jury isn't out for me, based on that!

Sorry - format fail there

"Thanks for taking on board my idea of risk mitigation, and for getting a follow up meeting booked in before I asked you to do so - please forward me a copy of the meeting notes/updated risk register after it. Regards...."

"Ah, Bob, I see you've shared the plan I had on place for X, with the Team - feedback anyone?"

I'm afraid I'm superannuated for this fecundity.

you could treat him as if you think he is acting like your Junior/2nd in command?

Ah thanks bob for organising the meetings for me, very thoughful, but really no need, we are equals, I am not your senior, and fine to organise my own meetings.

he'll obviously deny that he is being "your junior" but it may cut it out if he thinks that how people will see him.

A great piece of advice I once got in work-

You’re not in school and it’s not your job to put your hand up, shout out your answer, and be the best girl in the class.

I don't see that the current situation is your most pressing problem. The problem is when he gets promoted over you (you said that you didn't want the job). If he's bad as an equal, he'll be even worse as your boss.
I would be relaying to the current boss that he is "upsetting the dynamic of the department" and is not a good cultural fit; he needs to acclimatise a bit first. Don't say "no", (it will make you look bad) just "he's not ready yet".

I see where you're coming from , but on the other hand you don't want to whisper the answer to someone who then shouts it out and gets the credit for it.

If he's bad as an equal, he'll be even worse as your boss.
I would be relaying to the current boss that he is "upsetting the dynamic of the department" and is not a good cultural fit; he needs to acclimatise a bit first.

oh god absolutely this!! You may not have wanted to take the director job next year OP but life comes at you fast. Get used to the idea that you should go for it, now...otherwise it'll be him!

...he keeps messaging me with a question like 'what do you think the priorities are going forwards' and I explain, with my plan to action them. He will then send either an email or a meeting invitation to the team with my idea or plan but not mention that it was my idea.

He knows what he is doing all right, he's nicking your ideas and presenting them as his own. Respond to that sort of request by saying that you are currently working on it, and it would be helpful if he could tell you what his ideas are, so you can cross-check to confirm that you both think the same way.

When it comes to meetings, and him actioning things you've talked about in meetings, take control. Immediately after you have spoken, then say to him 'Will you be actioning that on my behalf, or shall I do it myself?'

don't tell him anything , or you could make something up which if he followed through ,would make him look stupid ..carefully think of a plan ,it may take a little while , but don't give up.

what do you think the priorities are going forwards'

^

Answer : not sure, you?

Be very transactional about all your communication, no please & thank you, would you mind etc. I'd be very guarded and keep your cards close to your chest

Someone said above 'have a woman shout up for you' and my goodness I don't know if I was just not noticing it but I have had 3 female colleagues today really stand up for me.

He was a dick in a meeting where I was going over next years planned upgrades, entirely my area. Choosing what to build is on me. He challenged my priority, 2, 3, times and then someone piped up and said 'I don't see why we need to keep revisiting this, Yesitssea has given her product priorities'. He didn't back down though. He just kept saying 'yes but I don't think...' and another woman challenged him.

Unbelievable. He's still going after the meeting. Trying to send emails to get his way. Mad.

One to one meeting.

X.. I have given you the curtesy of answering your questions and sharing my thoughts with you. In return you have taken action on my plans and overstepped your role.

We need to find a way of working together so in future, please ensure you have prealigned any actions you take which are based on my strategies.

Things may have worked differently in your previous workplace and we can discuss changes if they seem appropriate but for now, let's agree actions nd responsibilities.

For clarity, these are the examples over the past month where you have taken action on areas that fall within my remit.

Perhaps run it by your mnager first....

Also think about progression... if you do not want to step into your bosses role, how would you feel if he is offered the role and how will thay affect how you see the relationship developing.

Ugh he sounds unbearable. Stop sharing your ideas with him.

Clearly people have noticed his behaviour of they're defending you in meetings.

I also agree that if he has his sights on your boss's job and he gets it, how will that affect you?

If he gets my boss job I'll be out of there.

He's overstepped the mark today in front of our boss.

We were doing 22/23 planning and a senior leader challenged him on an activity that had a deadline which was a technical task. This leader said something like 'have you spoken to the technical architect to ensure he can meet this commitments and agrees with the direction?'

Turns out this architect was in the meeting so this leader said 'architect can you confirm this item is doable in the time frame?' And before he could talk, this bloke cut him of and said 'I've already spoken to X, (his pal who is an architect in another dept) it's doable' and the senior leader went red (in frustration).

She said again, politely 'architect can you commit to this timeline' and the architect said 'I don't know what that task is and I don't have it on my plan'

So in a way, I'm now feeling sad for the architect who it's probably feeling like how I was feeling (railroaded, professional experience ignored) but at the same time I am thrilled he's done it in public. They all know.

Our boss cut him off, asked him to revise the plan after speaking to all stakeholders who have items on there and to bring us back together in the new year. He was furious.

Put everything in email so you have paper trail and call him out on it. He is hanging on your ideas and using you to get ahead. Call this cf out!

Yep, poisoning the well, definitely agree with that one.

Also, it seems there are two issues here... you tell him something in private and he runs with it, so stop doing that.

And you're in a meeting, come up with a great idea and he mass-emails making everyone think it's his idea. This one is trickier because you can't easily email during a meeting. Can you preempt it by sending the emails before the meeting and then say you DID these great ideas, rather than you're going to, or might?

Thing is, though, @yesitssea, you still haven't stuck up for yourself. You're still being pretty passive and letting it play out around you instead of taking credit for your own ideas, work and initiatives.

It's all very well seeing him being hoist by his own petard, but you also need to be making your own worth and contribution much more obvious!

He's overstepped the mark today in front of our boss.
Start stirring!
You need some comment to the boss about how CF talked over her, like he does to you (both women).
And you need to speak to architect about the railroading, again "I know how you feel. He does it to me, too".

Effectively, give everyone the heads up that they didn't misunderstand or misinterpret - he is like that, all the time. They may be at the stage of your "am I being petty?" original post so get them thinking a bit more. Let them know (subtly) that he is bad news with his ideas-stealing, for being competitive instead of collegiate, for annoying co-workers. Get them spreading the message talking about him between themselves.

Next time he asks priorities and plans, say you’re currently thinking about it but will be ready to present it in the meeting. What a fucking dick he sounds. Cut off his info.

Sounds like you are two G6s working to a DD. Do you touch on these matters in your KITs with the DD? I think you need to take care not to play out this discord in front of the team. Maybe time to start looking around now.

Why aren’t you getting in there first with the meeting invites and emails? Don’t give him the opportunity to do this, take action yourself before you tell him anything.