Childcare and WFH

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I am expecting my first born in May, I am a senior manager who works from home expect Thursdays I'm in the city and don't get home til 8pm. I was speaking to my dad and he said don't pay out for childcare when you both have such flexible jobs, my husband is an IT manager and works 8-4 in his office upstairs, he is completely WFH but his job is demanding and he is in constant calls all day over teams. There would be no room for him to look after a baby.

I'm going back to work after 7 months of mat leave, the plan is to reduce my hours to just 4 days a week for 3 months to spend more time (Fridays and the weekend) with my son.

I'd love to hear some experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby because I cannot see how this would work in reality .

I'm a sales manager and run a team, I manage projects for sales and prepare proposals for clients, I need to concentrate, I often have back to back meetings virtually and squeeze in my lunch break. Yes, I'm done by 4pm most days, but on days where I do get a bit of time I like to put my washing on, and my partner will do the same, we stay on top of housework because we WFH, if a child is here 24/7 without childcare I think my brain would explode.

I don't know what my dad thinks I'm gonna do, put my baby in a bouncer and put kids tv on and ignore the poor child? I want to be present with my kid, my husband feels like this is a great idea because of how expensive childcare is. I think its bonkers.

Ask your dad to have the baby lol

It is bonkers.

I'm sure your Dad means well, but this won't work. You will need childcare for the hours you're working.

You won't be able to work and look after a baby. Or if you do, your work or your baby will suffer

Ask your DH to give it a try one day next week if he thinks it will work - go out and be unavailable for a few hours!

It’s a ridiculous suggestion and you wouldn’t be doing the best for your baby or your job.

Absolutely no chance. DH and I both work from home full time and we pay for full time childcare for our youngest and wrap around care for our older two in primary school.

Does not work. One of my NCT group had a go at doing it and returning at 6 months - and within 2 weeks she was begging people to take the baby because she couldn’t get a childcare place for a couple of months and it wasn’t working out. I cannot imagine being able to do much while looking after a 1yo, some days we struggled to get a load of laundry on and a quick vacuum. A FT job would be out of the question!!

I think you need childcare up until 4pm on the days you are both working.

Honestly, it won't work. Just won't. Employers aren't allowing it either in my experience.

If you could both compress hours in to 4 days in the long term, you could each have a week day at home, if the flexibility in your jobs allows.

But you need proper childcare for while you are working.

Yeah good plan, trial run 😊

There’s no way you can do this as a permanent child care solution - I work from home and we’re 100% not allowed to be doing child care as well as working, it’s not possible or practical whatsoever.

work AND baby will suffer. Not or.

Of course you can’t do that! And contractually speaking, you might be in hot water with your employer as most won’t countenance working from home with children under a certain age (barring some exceptional circumstances like a primary child home sick who can be parked in front of the TV for the day).

You need proper professional childcare. Nursery, nanny or childminder - unless you have family members who are willing and able to help and who you’d trust with your baby.

If your DH thinks it’s a great idea, as someone else said, let him try it for half a day one week. Or does he think it’s only a great idea if you’re doing the childcare and it’s your job being impacted?! And just wait until they’re mobile….

Your dad clearly doesn't understand what early years workers actually do, or mothers for that matter.

Your baby will need attention, stimulation, playtime. The they will start walking and talking and want company etc. Most sahms take their kids to nursery groups, mothers and toddlers etc so they get chance to socialise.

I notice how it is immediately discounted that your DH would be able to look after the baby because he has back to back calls, but he is fine with you looking after the baby despite the fact you are often on back to back calls as well.

Stop letting these men in your life dictate that you should deprioritise both your job and your baby's development just to save money. It won't save much money if you fuck up your career.

It won't work in reality I'm afraid. At 7 months baby will be starting to get more mobile, wanting to crawl, changing up their naps but still heavily reliant on you. You might get a solid hour or 2 once or twice during the day when you can just work but for the rest of the time you will be entertaining a baby who will not accept 'just 10 more mins baby, mummy needs to finish this call/email/report'.

My DD is 8yo and I can now have her at home straight from school and she'll have a snack watch a bit of telly and do some crafts while I finish work at 5.30. But even a year ago that wasn't possible.

During lockdown we had no choice so DH and I were WFH full time while 'teaching' a 5 yo. In reality what that meant was me starting work at 5am and then taking a break 8-11am while DH did some work, then I'd work 11-1 while DH took a break and we just swapped off like that with each of us working into the evening/night to get our full 8 hrs in and all the work done. It was knackering, nearly broke us both and was only possible because workplaces were willing to be very flexible. That flexibility has reduced and workplaces now expect childcare to be in place.

Bless your dad. As other pp said I think he should offer himself up as childminder if he wants to make silly suggestions!!

It is absolutely not an option. I am in a similar position with an 8 mo and worked my first two weeks back, from home. Little was in nursery for 3 days a week and home being looked after by her dad for two days. I have a very undemanding role and only worked for four hours a day. My other half had to go out with her when I needed to work just so I could do something work related!

It won't take you long to realise how unrealistic a suggestion it is when your baby is actually here. A lovely thought, but not practical!

Your DH is in for a rude awakening if he thinks this is a great idea. Does he know any babies? You can't wfh and look after a baby/toddler. Stress levels would be through the roof.

Your dad has done that thing parents do of forgetting how hard babies, toddlers and children are. Most likely your DM did the actual childcare. If your dad is like mine was, he played with us for 5 minutes, got bored and went off to do some DIY. I'm sure that was easy enough for him.

My DH works from home and occasional does childcare for our (school age) children if they are sick or on teacher training days.

Basically they watch TV and he checks on them every hour and makes them lunch at lunch time.

If your child needs more care than check-ins and a sandwich then it won't work.

You can tell your Dad never cared for you in your childhood as a baby or toddler.

Oh course you can't care for a baby whilst working!! (even if you are wfh!!)

Ignore your idiot of a dad and book baby into a nursery

Ps don't let him babysit either !! 😱😱

You're absolutely correct, it won't work. Some people I work with cancelled their childcare during covid and continue to do childcare while WFH. It's very obvious who is doing that because they produce little to no work. You can't do it and be productive.

It's literally impossible. The memories from lockdown are still visceral for many of us.

Your dad underestimates childcare/parenting, your job, or both! It's not possible. Lockdown has given some people (most often those who didn't actually do it) the mistaken idea that this is possible. It really isn't.

It doesn't sound like you do really have flexible jobs. You're going to need childcare. Maybe go out for the day, or even a couple of hours, leaving the baby with your DH while he's working. He might change his view 😉

Your dad and husband think it's a great idea because they are not the ones who will have to work and look after the baby at the same time.

It's a hard, flat, over-my-dead-body no, and needs to stay that way.

Did your dad wfh? My DM thinks I'm basically not working when I WFH - she tries to pop round and chat. I have to be quite rude to get her to stop chatting and let me get on with work.

Some childminders are willing to reduce their fee for a shorter day, which might reduce costs for you a bit.