Childcare and WFH

[objectivebread]

I am expecting my first born in May, I am a senior manager who works from home expect Thursdays I'm in the city and don't get home til 8pm. I was speaking to my dad and he said don't pay out for childcare when you both have such flexible jobs, my husband is an IT manager and works 8-4 in his office upstairs, he is completely WFH but his job is demanding and he is in constant calls all day over teams. There would be no room for him to look after a baby.

I'm going back to work after 7 months of mat leave, the plan is to reduce my hours to just 4 days a week for 3 months to spend more time (Fridays and the weekend) with my son.

I'd love to hear some experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby because I cannot see how this would work in reality .

I'm a sales manager and run a team, I manage projects for sales and prepare proposals for clients, I need to concentrate, I often have back to back meetings virtually and squeeze in my lunch break. Yes, I'm done by 4pm most days, but on days where I do get a bit of time I like to put my washing on, and my partner will do the same, we stay on top of housework because we WFH, if a child is here 24/7 without childcare I think my brain would explode.

I don't know what my dad thinks I'm gonna do, put my baby in a bouncer and put kids tv on and ignore the poor child? I want to be present with my kid, my husband feels like this is a great idea because of how expensive childcare is. I think its bonkers.

You need childcare, many companies have it in their contracts now for wfh staff.

One option though could be a young nanny (first job) or mothers help as they don't need sole charge. I personally would seriously consider contacting the local college with childcare courses and see about offering a junior nanny apprentice type position with college on the Friday perhaps.

@AgathaMillersGoneMissing Yes he is a national sales area manager, he's so busy he never gets down time, which confused me why he suggested this

@yellowjellytot Cheers for the suggestion I think a childminder from 7:30am til 5pm would be good, our calls over run all the time so I think anything earlier than 4 wouldn't work

Your dad clearly comes from the baffling school of thought of WFH = not a proper job.

Ignore him and get formal childcare in place.

I don’t think employers will allow that.
The childminding plan would work

@Headabovetheparakeet that makes no sense as he works from home himself lol but yes I will be getting childcare 100%

WFH=not a proper job... if you are a woman!

Well as a senior manager how would you feel if your reportees were working and looking after a baby?

It's not possible to do either justice, will most likely be against your company's policy but most of all is contributing to setting women back decades in the workplace.

I'd love to hear some experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby because I cannot see how this would work in reality .

Don't do it, it's an absolutely ridiculous idea because there is no way you will be able to work effectively and look after a seven month old properly. And you are already excising your husband from having to participate in childcare because he's busy and important

You will fail your child and your employer, damage your credibility and feel shit in the process

Use childcare

@objectivebread

Well in that case he mustn't have a clue what parenting a young child involves. Or he's just massively slack at his job.

I don’t think it can work for either your job or your child-not on a regular basis (ok for occasionally days). I think you can look for flexible child care options like a child minder who you can pay hourly as that might work better if you have flexible hours, rather than paying for a full nursery day

Haha. No. Unfortunately this won’t work.

DH and I both WFH and are still paying for nursery for DS2 even though our hours are completely flexible. During the pandemic, DH worked 6-14:30, DS1 napped 12:30-14:30 and I worked 12:30- 6:30 (I didn’t work full time at that point). This was exhausting and only worked as DS was an older child with a reliable nap. I wouldn’t do this by choice.

Practical things to help reduce cost:
Tax free childcare
Compress your hours
Find a childcare provider that charges by the hour so you don’t pay until close if you are collecting at 16:00.

You need to set some ground rules with your DH before you return to work. You are both busy, both have equally important roles and will both be sharing housework, childcare and sickleave duties. It is not just your responsibility.

You could do it, but you'd be a shit mum and a shit employee. And you'd need the money you save not paying for childcare for when you lose your job from underperforming.

If your dad is insisting you don’t fork out for childcare then he can come and look after your dc for free. I don’t think any job with serious responsibility will allow for a baby in the background that could be very distracting especially as your husband’s job is ‘too demanding’ and therefore far too important to keep an eye then I don’t see why your job would be any different unless it’s cos you’re a woman and you’re expected to make it work. I wfh albeit part time and can cope with my 3yo if off sick for one off days but when my latest dc arrives it will be a nanny that we both will be paying for. No way can I imagine having a one year old in the background and if my Dh suggested that, and didn’t put himself forward well, let’s just say he wouldn’t dare. And he earns way more than I do and has a ‘really important job’. Women are forever being told their jobs aren’t as important as men’s because they get paid less (because they went on Mat leave so often are less paid due to the break) or get paid nothing if at home. Lack of respect really. My mum will never disturb my brother working from home but was more than happy to hound me when I was working outside the home.

You're dad didn't look after you when you were born, clearly. Not meant nastily, just the scenario he is suggesting isn't a reality. Childcare is required.

Your, stupid predictive text

@ForgottenNurseryRhymes Correct, he was at work lol. My mum was SAHM

It's bonkers and selfish. I hate it when people do this. It's unfair on the rest of us who fork out for childcare ao we can do the job we're actually being paid to do. Both the baby and work will suffer if you follow your dad's advice.

We both work from home and we've looked after our daughter a couple of afternoons when my mum had covid. It was fucking hard. We couldn't concentrate on work, constant snacks, finding teddy again, iPad malfunction. Never again. It's not fair on the child and it's not fair on your work.

I'd love to hear some experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby because I cannot see how this would work in reality .

I'd love to see a flying horse ... they don't work in reality either.

I've been wfh since 1995. When I had DD, once maternity leave was over we hired a nanny - this can work well if you've got sufficient income and a large enough house with separate office(s) as you can see your child at lunch and tea breaks. Our nanny was brilliant, happy to do ironing etc when (or rather if) DD napped.

When dd started school I dropped to half time as that would fit between the school run times.

I'd love to hear some experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby because I cannot see how this would work in reality .^

As per pp, it won't work in reality

Someone at my work got fired for doing this. It is obvious and will ruffle feathers.

Get your dad and husband to do the childcare, problem solved. Clearly no need to pay for a place in nursery.

Does your dad understand the reality of your job? Has he worked in something similar? I’ve had comments like this from family who assume I sit and write letters on a computer all day. It would never work!