Childcare and WFH

[objectivebread]

I am expecting my first born in May, I am a senior manager who works from home expect Thursdays I'm in the city and don't get home til 8pm. I was speaking to my dad and he said don't pay out for childcare when you both have such flexible jobs, my husband is an IT manager and works 8-4 in his office upstairs, he is completely WFH but his job is demanding and he is in constant calls all day over teams. There would be no room for him to look after a baby.

I'm going back to work after 7 months of mat leave, the plan is to reduce my hours to just 4 days a week for 3 months to spend more time (Fridays and the weekend) with my son.

I'd love to hear some experiences of working from home while also looking after a baby because I cannot see how this would work in reality .

I'm a sales manager and run a team, I manage projects for sales and prepare proposals for clients, I need to concentrate, I often have back to back meetings virtually and squeeze in my lunch break. Yes, I'm done by 4pm most days, but on days where I do get a bit of time I like to put my washing on, and my partner will do the same, we stay on top of housework because we WFH, if a child is here 24/7 without childcare I think my brain would explode.

I don't know what my dad thinks I'm gonna do, put my baby in a bouncer and put kids tv on and ignore the poor child? I want to be present with my kid, my husband feels like this is a great idea because of how expensive childcare is. I think its bonkers.

The other thing OP is you are hearing stories on here of how people coped with this in the pandemic, and how it nearly broke them. But these stories are all about how couples managed this between them. Remember that the other side of the story is all the mums who ended up having to give up their jobs during the pandemic.

Your DH has already opted out of this whilst volunteering you for it. And I bet he's not on social media asking for whether it can be done or the best way to do it. He's waltzed in with an opinion which doesn't impact him in the slightest and waltzed out without considering you at all.

At this point you are clearly the default parent, and you haven't even had the child yet.

Hs he/you even discussed shared parental leave, the option of him compressing his hours to reduce the need for childcare etc? Or is his vision of parenthood currently 2 weeks of paternity leave and the occasional bedtime?

Yes, by compress your hours, I did mean both of you. It’s possible to save 2 days childcare if you can both compress to a 4 day week.

Yeah, good luck with that 😬

I have a 5 week old baby and while he’s a (gorgeous) easy going little chap, he is still v high maintenance. My day is all about him and dedicated entirely to his needs. 2 hourly feeds, sometimes more often, cuddles, frequent nappy changing not to mention random crying where I have to give him immediate attention and assess what the issues is, cos erm yeah, he’s a baby and that’s what they do 🤷🏻‍♀️ I fit a shower in but this is done with military planning often briefly requiring the services of my WFH DH.

You need to be there for your baby 24/7. You can’t possibly do this while you’re focussing on work. What would you do if on a call and your baby started crying?

Your dad’s hare brained plan is impractical at the very least and potentially neglectful at worse. Not fair on your baby or your employer.

@catmum88 Yes he is a national sales manager for a global brand

Nah (unpaid) childcare is the woman’s job. Men’s (jobs) too important.

@Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead That is a bit presumptuous.. We are a team. One comment i will not hold against him or judge him harshly for, he has not been around young babies pretty much ever

Perhaps it is presumptuous, but I would be careful if I were you, there are plenty of threads on here about how couples are a team until the first baby comes along and the fact that he is willing to sacrifice your career to save money whilst not intending on doing any of the childcare himself is concerning. Because if it was because he thought it wasn't much work, he would have assumed he could have done it too surely?

But you know him better than me, and I am probably jaded after seeing female friends messed around by their spouses too many times

I have a 4 month old and a FTM. I can say that I cannot imagine working AND looking after my baby through the day. Some days I'm lucky if I get to brush my hair and put a load of washing in. It would be impossible to work and care for a baby whilst giving both undivided attention.

@Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead I have no clue what he will be like until baby is here to be honest. He is also insisting on looking after the baby as well as me, I don't know how he would.. I've pointed this out to him and he believes he can put the child in a bouncer and plop them in front of sensory videos, or give them finger food.

I've gone over how this just won't work, and the reasons why and I get told I am black and white thinking. Idk.

At 7 months your baby will be starting to be mobile. They will be teething and learning so everything will be going in their mouth, whether it’s safe or not. They don’t have much attention span at this age and so they will play with different toys and won’t be watching TV for long periods. You’ll be in the process of weaning so you’ll be clearing up their lunch or snacks. They eat every few hours. If you have a baby that is good at napping, goes down well and has long naps, you might be able to get 3 hours done while they sleep but that’s if you don’t make the baby meals yourself and don’t care about the baby toys and baby food scattered all over the floor. You also can’t guarantee when they will wake up and so when they are screaming in their cot, are you going to sign off the call?

It’ll only get worse as they get more mobile and nap less as they get older.

In which case I would leave it a few days and then tell him you have checked your contact and its clear that if you have a child under school age you have to have childcare in place and your workplace reserve the right to ask for proof of this. Many workplaces have this clause anyway.

Thanks all, to clarify, my stance is baby will go into daycare part time at 6 months 1 day a week, and then full time a 7 months old. WFH with a baby is completely unviable thanks all for your contributions here

My DD when she was one would close my laptop if I tried writing an email on it, so no you can't work at home and look after young children.

I've pointed this out to him and he believes he can put the child in a bouncer and plop them in front of sensory videos, or give them finger food.

Your DH is in for a huge shock!!

@oiwiththepoodlesalready83 it's not the husband; it's OP's dad who suggested it.

Absolutely no way you'll be able to work and have the baby at home! Baby will need lots of entertainment not to mention all the meals and milk feeds. Babies are a full time job.
You need to get a nanny, childminder or nursery.

I think/hope he will see sense when he actually has some baby experience.

Apart from anything else, it sounds like he hasn't really thought through what it will be like when your baby is a toddler... No self respecting 2 year old is going to stand for the bouncer!

Nope op and it’s really unsafe and quite frankly neglectful. Babies get bigger and get mobile. A toddler fell into a hot tub and died while his mother tried to WFH during lockdown. Just don’t entertain it.

All will become clear to you both when the baby is born, so don’t even worry about it.

You will see that it is literally impossible to work and look after an infant / toddler / pre-schooler.

I WFH when both my two were born. We had a mother’s help live in with us, and it worked brilliantly. I got to seem during breaks and was able to give them lunch. But she took care of them while I was working. Not sure if you have the space for that, but it was a best of both worlds scenario for us.

Honestly it sounds like the suggestion of someone who either has never looked after a baby or has never worked.

You need to borrow a 1 yr old and leave them with your dh for 8 hours.
Leave same 1 yr old with your Dad if he repeats his ridiculous suggestion.

In amongst all of the other posts I would suggest that if you haven't already got childcare sorted you should start looking at it now.

I know baby isn't due until May so childcare could be 12 months away but I was astonished with my first that the good nurseries were already booked a year before people needed them.

This won't work is the answer.

I worked 14 hours a week around the world's most chilled out baby, but I could do this over 7 days and I rarely had calls to do or to meet a schedule. A whole day of work with calls etc, this will not be possible. You can't predict the temprement, nap schedule of your baby... There are too many unknowns. Plus how your employer would feel. I was freelance and they knew I had a baby but as long as I completed the work it didn't matter, this is unusual.

This x10000000

Your dad is an idiot. It is not possible. Don't even think about trying to hold down a job whilst looking after a baby at the same time, you really won't succeed.