Don't want to be a nurse anymore

[m1s]

Been a nurse for 4 years. Loved it through uni then I qualified and absolutely hated it. Rode it out for a year then changed jobs. Stayed there through covid. Was off for 18 months (mat leave and put on medical suspension for my last 6 months of pregnancy). Returned back around 6 months ago and it's taking a huge toll on my mental health and quality of life.

I just got offered my dream job but feeling like I don't even want to pursue that anymore.

Every day off I spend dwelling on things, not feeling like I'm a very good nurse and it's completely and utterly exhausting. And I hate it because it's affecting my time with my family. I just don't know what to do. I've had counselling through work which helped a little but now back to square one again.

I just feel like I should be looking for a job that will allow me to have a better work-life balance but I also feel I would be wasting all that time and effort. 7 years of my life!

Anyone else felt like this? What did you do about it? I know the NHS is under a lot of strain at the moment. Well let's face it, it has been for a while...
Just feeling very down in the dumps and desperate for some enjoyment back in my life for my family's sake

as a 'patient' these threads terrify me. I'm scared all the remaining 'good ones' are leaving

on a personal level you can't stay if this is how you feel, your life is as important as patients.

I wish the Givt was looking for ways to make muses (&Drs) happy in the job they've trained for. But they need to do more than up the pay, they need to get someone in to cut middle management & drastically improve the staff culture.

NOW, before they have NO staff to work with.

Totally agree. It’s terrifying.

What about being a school nurse or a child health nurse/health visitor or something like that, where you would be out of the hospital environment, perhaps with a bit more autonomy? Or at a GP?

Is there a role you could do in training student nurses?

@Didiplanthis oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Hugs to you. I hope you find some peace knowing that you've done the best that you can do in the circumstances. It's bloody hard working in healthcare and 25 years is a hell of a long time

@USaYwHatNow my new job is specialist. Something I've always wanted to do but I'm afraid I'm just losing my love for nursing and not going to enjoy it as much as I thought I would

@Justcashnosweets thank you. I wish you the best of luck. I wish I had your optimism to continue to the new year. Right now I just want to run away from it all and never return

@FannyFifer that's how I feel. I feel like I don't know what else I would do. I don't know anything else other than nursing. I worked at a nursing home for 2 years before I started my nursing studies and I honestly can't remember what my life was like without being in a caring role

@SirMoose please don't read this thread. Nursing isn't for everyone but there are some people who are more resilient to the problems that we are currently facing so I would hate for this thread to put you off. I wish you all the best in your studies

@LardyRoot nooooo the safeguarding would be enough to send me to my grave I think. Thanks for the idea though

@Flossiemoss yes my aim is to try the specialist nurse role first before making any decision but I'm really worried I'm not going to make it the next few weeks without having a mental breakdown. I had one a few months back. Felt like I was at the tipping point over the weekend and I know it's just going to continue for the next few weeks. I already know the team very well and know I will be well supported while settling in but there are many days where I struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Wish the notice period for nurses was much shorter

I know- I have 3 months. It’s a form of torture that should be banned by the Geneva convention.
there is always sickness…

@Flossiemoss I would totally go off sick because I need it but I can't 😔

I became a teacher in FE for 9 years but kept my registration then about 6 years ago I moved into HE to mainly write programmes and courses and love it. There's lots you can do once you have your nursing degree but try to keep your registration going.

@m1s why can’t you go off sick? Crying every day when you aren’t at work shows it is really serious and you are burnt out. Can’t you just give in your notice and work in some very low stress job, such as a supermarket, or private nursing for individuals in their home? I think you have to do something, this is very serious. Nothing is more important than your mental well being and peace of mind.

I have to agree regarding the bullying! I’m a midwife & it was always my dream job but honestly now some of my colleagues seem to hate the mothers & other staff . It is usually older midwives or mca’s who rule the roost . It can also be quite confrontational with partners who can be aggressive & intimidating too. When I check my off duty to see who I’m working with I dread some shifts. Other times the team are great . I’m only part time at moment after mat leave .

I work in renal dialysis, renal nurses are on a different level! I’ve worked in different places and the vast majority are great!
There are so many areas to specialise in and a great work life balance.
I love what I do and I specialise now and it’s really fulfilling.

Think Nurses have to make change happen. They continue bullying behaviour because the culture allows them to.

Sometimes the people at the top are not leaders but managers. I have met some grumpy dinosaurs in my time, but sometimes they have the experience and you take what you can from them.

Is your line manager not approachable?

Nursing isn’t for everyone, there is life after nursing! and the private sector.
Your mental health is important. Could you contact occupational heath they may have people you can talk to/ provide coping strategies.

I think you are missing the point about the bullying culture in the NHS.
Everyone's job is impossible, there is so much pressure and from the top down gaslighting and bullying.
Rather than stand up to the government it's a culture of gaslighting and abuse.
You are to blame, its because you don't work long, hard or clever enough. Do better.
For years and years this has been going on.
People are breaking down and the answer is a 15 minute mindfulness session that no-one can attend as they are too busy.
Nurses are at the end of that line and no matter how good you are, you aren't good enough, ever.
The sense of dread going into work is horrendous.
So they are leaving in droves and this is what people voted for.
They didn't listen to us

I gave up nursing this year, I’d got to the point where I was constantly anxious because of the bullying culture and lack of support. I couldn’t think straight anymore and recognised I was not safe. Definitely try different areas of nursing before you leave and access support from occupational health. The only people who I know who have done more than 10 years in specialist nurses, all community nurses I know says community is the worst. Back to back house calls with no opportunities to write your notes then sitting all evening writing them up.
I used to wish that a car would knock me down on the way to work, don’t let yourself get that bad.

I knew a nurse who moved to community nursing, would have enjoyed it but said too many visits packed in on the schedule so stressful in they regard. She then became a school vax nurse, and basically just checked off returned permission slips against the roll and jabbed each child as they came through, entered the ‘paperwork’ into the system. A new school each day. Don’t know if she stayed but imagine so as last i spoke with her she gushed it was her dream job, no time pressure, zero stress.

My advice- “don’t throw good money after bad” get out while you can. Four years in isn’t to bad, you still have other options.

I’m 20 years in and am in the process of de-registering this year. Nursing has ruined my mental health. Colleagues are leaving in droves.

Ive been a manager and trust me you are a name on a list. Right now you’re “in post” and when you leva you will be a “vacancy”. You are a number on an excel spreadsheet.

The sad truth is the job is impossible. The CQC want us to make a lobster dinner on an pasta budget. The government will not increase our wages making retention impossible so hospitals are forced to hire agency staff at three times the cost to fill vacancies because the CQC says we can’t have the vacancies. Substantive staff can’t pay their bills and leave- there’s more vacancies- the CQC punish hospitals for the vacancies- hospitals can’t retain staff so have to hire more agency staff (plus an international recruitment lead on a band 8d) and so the whole circus goes round and round- wasting money and failing patients.

You’re worth more. Look for other options whilst you can.

Pick your job apart. The bits you like and the bits that make you feel you can't go on.

Remember that you have returned after getting a new title: mum. That in itself with all the rubbish hours is something to be proud of.

If I'm right, it's not the work. You like the work and you returned because health and learning more about the specialism is for you. You enjoy spending time with patients.

But the structure, being surrounded by a group of people who are as supportive as a a buscuit in a tea (that's gone cold during a long wait) are whats putting you off.

So you need to move to a role where you see less of the people who are sucking up your energy. Like a clinical setting which is one to one with patients.

If it's still not for you, then you need to move on for yours and your family's future. You spend most of your waking hours at work. It needs to be something you enjoy.

A different job in a different environment in a different team can make all the difference. Nursing is so diverse and one team or ward can be a world away from another. Glad you are taking the specialist job. It sounds like you know the team and feel you will get some support.

It sounds like you possibly need to go off sick from your current role if you are not feeling mentally well, or take annual leave / unpaid leave to get to the end of your notice period. You need to build yourself up, physically and mentally, for your new role. Put your focus on that. And see your GP. Take their advice.

Things can and will change OP. Good luck in your new role.

Me too 🥲😓

argh - stupid not being to edit! I am a student nurse and can understand this. I have such mixed emotions about it all. Luckily I have a job in primary care to go back to but for all of you in secondary care the working ethics/conditions are not good 😓

Have you chatted to your manager about how you feel - if they are not part of the problem.

Are you in the union, can you talk to them. I would certainly talk to your doctor about how you feel. It must be very hard mentally working and feeling like that.

I've left units/wards due to bullying the worst was ICU: it was constant.

I now work in the community, it's less stressful but the pressure is still there.

I believe the problems is there are now so few nurses, the ones left get all the stress and pressure to pick up the shortfall. My team is lovely but last week I felt like giving up, so fed up with pressure of visits (too many), the paperwork, not having a break and the constant begging to cover more shifts. Plus my trust have hired international nurses who no fault of theres cannot drive (its community driving job) and create more work for the rest of the team as they can't work lates/weekends and their training is not up to scratch so errors have been made. The money the trust have spent on these interntaional nurses they could have spent on a retention budget to keep the nurses we have from leaving.

I definatley wouldn't want anyone in my family to be a nurse and that is sad.

Only you know whats right for you, have a think of the options and decide then.

Good luck

100% what @shininghope said. I’ve been a nurse for 27 years and in a specialist nurse role for most of that. I love the patients and I actually work with some amazing doctors and nurses so I’m very lucky in that sense. The job is increasingly impossible though. We cannot recruit and retain staff, we are treated like crap by management, we definitely are a number not a person, we are expected to do more and more with less and less. I see the NHS is on it’s knees and it really scares me. I left work last night and there were 9 ambulances outside A and E. No doubt most were waiting to get patients into the department but couldn’t because the hospital is full. Full of patients, getting the bare minimum care because there aren’t enough staff to care for them properly and the staff that are there are exhausted, depressed and burnt out, fed up of trying to tick all the boxes that managers request of them, do increasing amounts of mandatory training and then read all their daily emails about mostly nothing/corporate bullshit. Sorry it’s not a more positive post but it’s the sad truth.

When I broke up with my ex of 9 years, his mum came to see me. She said what a waste it was after all that time together. That was 14 years ago now. Perish the thought of another single day with that person.

You haven't wasted 7 years, but rather that than waste another 7 years, or more, following a path that is wrong for you. No doubt you will have plenty of transferable skills. Don't stay in a job you hate.

There are so many potential areas of nursing you could try, don't just give up. The specialist nurse role sounds good. I've done ward nursing then specialist nursing in the same unit. Vastly different job, generally well respected and sociable hours. There are always the negative people. In the end there were too many in my unit and I left but I was happy in the role for quite a few years before things got to that point.
I now do bank which suits me better. I have done a lot of school vaccines (as mentioned above) which, particularly as bank is very low stress. I also do COVID vaccines now. For now at least it suits me and there is enough work for my needs.
Try the new job, hopefully you'll be happier doing that. Give it at least 6 months to get used to it and know what you're doing. You describe it as your dream job which is great. You've only been qualified 4 years and off for a chunk of that with baby etc so to get this job already you must be doing something right!
Don't give up. Some people (staff and patients) are very unpleasant but the majority are good!

This^
I've been in the community for years..9 to 5 and money to Friday....very flexible .....never seen any bullying .....or medical sales my sons friend earned 140k last year ( she was a children's nurse...now selling peadiatric ICU equipment)

No, sorry I don’t think I miss the point at all. This isn’t my experience. Not everyone in the NHS is a bully or is out to bully others.
I won’t apologise for finding great people to work with! I’ve worked in different places, yea Nursing hasn’t been without it challenges. It’s not just the NHS, a lot of places have this culture. There are plenty of us good ones why don’t we make a change in the culture?