Derogatory comments about my weight

[Toobusyeatingcake]

Hi everyone

Have been put in a pretty unpleasant situation at work and would appreciate some guidance on what I can reasonably expect to happen going forwards.

Essentially as part of my role, I act at the go between support/relationship manger between an over-arching umbrella company and the smaller partners that make up the membership of said umbrella company.

One of the partners i directly support on behalf of the umbrella company meet regularly to discuss strategy and escalate any issues they have. Usually for this meeting, I stay for the whole thing via Microsoft teams, but as we are so short staffed in my team this week, it was agreed I’d hop on the meeting to give my update specifically and then I would touch base later to pick up any additional bits that got brought up later during the course of the meeting.

As the person who usually takes minutes for this meeting was on leave, it was recorded via Microsoft teams so she could listen later and take minutes. As I wasn’t able to stay for the whole thing and the recording was available on teams, I skimmed the transcript to see if anything relating to actions for me/discussion points to pick up were mentioned this evening.

In the course of doing so, I saw my name mentioned in the transcript, but the transcript itself was a little garbled, so I listened to that potion on the recording instead. Clearly the partners didn’t realise the meeting recording would be made available to all, because amongst the disparaging comments they made about our organisation my team mates, they also made very derogatory comments regarding my weight.

The person making those comments was the director of the partner organisation and also a board member of our umbrella company.

I feel that I know even if I escalate this, nothing really will happen - at best he will get a ‘this so bad, don’t do it again’ type slap on the wrist. Is there anything Else I can reasonably do to take this to anything meaningful?

I moved into this role internally about 6 months ago (I reach 2 years with the org in general in Nov) and have been on the fence about if it was a good fit for me. This seems like the straw that’s broken the camels back in terms of wanting to stay.

On the flip side, i have a 3 1/2 year old DS and DH and I were talking about starting trying for another baby this month, so I’m equally worried about being pushed out of a totally new job if I announce I’m pregnant.

I have asked my boss for a chat today about what has been said. Feeling really sick to my stomach about the whole thing and lots of tears. I feel really humiliated. The way he spat the word ‘fat’ and the way everyone else in the room was giggling keeps revolving round in my head.

That's really horrible, OP. I hope it goes well.
It sounds like you'd be better off finding a job with nicer colleagues.

Unfortunately I have no advice to give other than to make sure you have asaved copy of that recording. What a horrible thing and what horrible people.

Hopefully someone with knowledge or experience in this area will come along otherwise maybe speak to a solicitor?

That’s dreadful-make sure you save a copy of that recording so it can’t be redacted.

Apply for another job. And give reason for leaving.. Email the utter twat and tell him you could lose weight if you so wished by he will always be a cunt..

I feel so sorry for you. How unproffessional and mean.

I agree, keep the record.

How did it go today?

Oh I'm sorry. That's horrible to have to listen to. I hope your manager deals with this properly.

What outcome would you want?

OP I've named changed as this sounds very much like the company I work for.
The Partner, who is also a board member, sounds like someone who's behaviour I've also witnessed. Does he have an aligned manager/Business Partner? Although he's more senior to them in the business, he needs to hear the feedback. Can your own manager have this conversation?
I've tackled a number of these "gents" over similar issues and , without fail, they shit themselves when receiving this embarrassing feedback.

100% this. So sorry this has happened op

So sorry OP. Please do let us know how it goes.

Dreadful, classless people, so sorry you had to hear that op.
Second others who have said to keep the recording safe.

So sorry to hear this, no one should be treated like this at work. Your organisation may have a Respect at Work policy and Code of Conduct or similar which could be relevant here if you decide to take this to your manager.

Have you got a copy stored?

Thank you all for your support - it really means a lot to have a bit of a hand hold.

Had a chat with my manager this morning and she was horrified. The irony of the situation is that this particular board member is also our mental health representative. She has fully supported me not having to work with them any longer and will tackle the director herself.

she also escalated it up the chain to our COO, who has also called me to check in and gave me a pep talk on how she thinks I great and this is not acceptable.

Its been alluded to that since he himself isn’t employed by us, Our HR can’t really do much. But on a board level, people will be made aware of what has taken place.

I’ve been told to take the day and process (likely because I just kept getting so emotional when talking about it).

Annoyingly because the recording is on teams and I’m not the owner of the chat, I can’t download it directly and the actual transcript that I CAN download doesn’t pick up what was said - just the odd word here or there. I have had to resort to recording the portion on my phone, which isn’t great, but I guess will have to do in the meantime.

Rather horrid migraine today from the tears/stress/lack of sleep. My colleagues have been lovely about it though.

Im not holding my breath for anything more to happen, except maybe an update once my manager has spoken to him. Will
update if anything else develops/any avenues open up for taking it further

Appalling, I’m quite shocked and saddened by this. I’ve been working 30+ years and really thought this behaviour died out years ago. Definitely call it out and get evidence. As PP have said he will likely be mortified and ashamed well I bloody hope so and he thinks before making such awful comments (or even thinking them) again.

I'm glad your manager and COO have been supportive.

Remember that Mean Guy's words speak volumes about HIM - not you.

Such a horrible thing to happen, and he sounds vile.

💐

Nothing to add other than reassure you that you are not overreacting to this, id feel exactly the same way. So glad your seniors have taken it seriously. What a vile unprofessional twat.

This is just so utterly awful. No way would I (or anyone else I work with) want to continue to work with someone who behaves like this and thinks that voicing these opinions is acceptable. It says a lot about the value he places on the people around him. Totally hideous.

I am so sorry for you because I can imagine how upset you must be feeling. I am really angry on your behalf. But please please remember that he is belittling you because that is the only thing he can think of to do to make himself seem superior. It's tragic and ridiculous. So sorry you went through that. God knows what else he has said in the past about other people. Nasty man.

I’m sorry that happened to you, that’s really shit. Some people are just awful. I once overheard derogatory comments being made about me at work and no matter how much you tell yourself it’s them, not you, it does sting.

It’s good that your manager and COO are supportive.

I would expect a private written apology, and a public groveling apology in front of every person that was on the Teams meeting.

I personally wouldn’t be withdrawing from any meeting where he was. I would much rather let him have to cope with any embarrassment he feels. Try nut to back down.

Speak to a solicitor about someone saying, to someone else, that the OP’s fat?

Why?

I’m really sorry OP.

Sounds like you’ll move on as soon as you can, so I would put in the mother of all complaints. Keep a copy, speak to your union (join one if you don’t belong), and put in a massive complaint. You need to make sure he has to apologise which means it will sit on his record.

If he’s said something derogatory about the colour of your skin, it would be taken seriously and there would be some consequences for him, this is no different.

Record it on your phone if you can.

Gosh they sound like a bunch of bitches (regardless of whether male or female) People who behave like that are usually not very intelligent!

And just to add sorry you've been a victim of such bitchiness

@FarFromHome2

As I said I was hoping someone with the right knowledge would come along to advise otherwise maybe speak to a solicitor. Maybe an employment solicitor could give the op information or advice on how to proceed? It can sometimes be hard to talk to people internally without a little backup elsewhere. I accept I maybe wrong. She wasn't simply called fat though not that that would be ok either.

Look at the impact it's had on her. No one should have a work environment like that. At the very least it's incredibly unprofessional behaviour but it's definitely worse than that and unfortunately I'm neither very knowledgeable about any of this nor articulate enough to explain how I feel about the situation.

I can't imagine speaking like that about someone in any scenario but in a work meeting that's even worse. Returning to work with people like that isn't nice. This is the one instance she's come across. Maybe they do this at other times too and to others.