Longterm sickness, need to resign

[Alldelicious]

DS is employed on a 4 year apprenticeship, coming to the end of the 3rd year. Started at 16.

His father was diagnosed with a terminal illness at the start of y2 and died towards the end of year2

DS did very well in year 1, but the wheels have come off since then. He kept telling us all was well, but it became apparent 4 months ago that he hadn't coped at all well and was seriously behind at work and college. Hadn't been turning up much for either. He has since been off sick since, engaging well with treatment, you can see a marked improvement. However, he reamind bery anxious at the prosect of returning and he has gained a good university place for September.

Therefore he needs to leave the job. They're still paying him in full, but the only contact he's had in this time is to chase up doctors certificates.

Obviously he let himself down, I feel that I let him down by not noticing sooner how badly he was coping, but I also feel that the employer has failed him. He was 17 when his "trauma" began, wfh (covid) with very little contact from work, his mentor went on ML and the replacement was allocated from another city, but wfh. They never met and hardly spoke. Company knew about the bereavement.

Then when things started going wrong, there doesn't appear to have been any response or support from employer or college. There have been staff changes at college too and no one seems to be able to tell us exactly what he has (or hasn't) passed.

The difference in the way this (large) company responded and my own employer did, for example, is huge.

So,

• He could just leave it, keep getting signed off until they stop paying him. This doesn't seem like a good lesson for him, but I kind of feel it's what they deserve after deserting a grieving 17/18 yo.

• We could have an attempt at negotiating some sort of settlement. I think this might be possible, they'll want to solve this problem as much as we do and they can't deny there have been failings albeit, DS has failed too.

• He could just give his 4 weeks' notice. This feels like the right thing to do, but I don't know if it sells him short. It's the straightforward option, but I do feel the company should have to face their own shortcomings too.

Obviously any cash he can secure now will help while he studies.

WWYD?

I'm sorry you went through that.

Without knowing exactly how abrupt his disappearance or underperformance was and where the division of responsibility lay between college and employer, it's hard to see if there was a major issue here. Students often disappear because of harrowing personal circumstances - but some don't have harrowing personal circumstances and drift off anyway. I would hand in notice and move on.

I know all of this and I don't have any real intention of doing it. I'd just like to do something that makes the reflect.on how they've handled things for the benefit of those who follow, if nothing else.

He doesn't have anything to lose in relation to the company's response though?

I'd also ask what he wants to do? It's likely he has more information than you on the situation and you really may find he has broken terms and agreements. He is an adult now and has been for some time. At a guess I would say the college, not the employer, had the formal duty of care before that.

I may be missing something here, but if he'll be on sick leave until he leaves, isn't he already being paid PILON by default?

Anyway. Everything you've said suggests his employers have been pretty fair, even generous. The public sector is on its knees - please don't try to demand more money from them.

Requesting an exit interview or writing to HR and whoever manages the scheme at the college might be the way to go then

We could have an attempt at negotiating some sort of settlement. I think this might be possible, they'll want to solve this problem as much as we do and they can't deny there have been failings albeit, DS has failed too.

Do you mean the college or the employer? And what problem do you think they will want to resolve?

Do you think they will/should be concerned about legal action?

This isn't public sector

Firstly , it doesn’t matter if he was under or over 18, the company should not have contacted you due to GDPR, unless he has given them explicit permission. I recently had a similar situation where the parent rang me to advise XYZ and all I could do was listen. The apprentice was very unhappy that parents had phoned and asked me not to action their request - I advised I couldn’t as the parent was not my employee!
I do think that you are trying to get something from nothing and i personally would love to have a job where I could be paid for a year and not have done any work.
whilst off sick - did your son go out and about doing things and spend al of his wages? If he was, then that was unfair on the company as someone else had to cover his work whilst he was off as by paying him the company would have been unable to recruit someone to do his job thus leaving his colleagues with a higher work load - maybe you feel this is harsh but that is the reality. My 3rd year apprentices are valued members of staff who do fantastic work.
if he wasn’t out and about, hopefully he’ll have saved some money so won’t need a job to help fund his first year at Uni - but I do think you may need to be aware that when he’s at Uni he may say he’s fine to you, but he may not attend lectures or submit work and may fail his first year and you will have no idea as the Uni does not contact you as he’s an ADULT.

I'm not proposing legal action, just an agreement to draw a line under things.

I'm afraid safeguarding is different (in practice) at a schools sixth form compared to a college- especially if college has been online. They do
Not know what's "normal" behaviour from him.
You'd sound like your projecting your guilt over not noticing (understand under the circumstances) onto the college to lessen the burden you feel.
The college/employment have done nothing wrong.
Do not drag out the process. Just let him resign and begin afresh.

You think someone off sick with MH shouldn't be "out and about" and you're in charge of apprentices? [Shock]

He's been following his doctor's advice and making himself go out, when he'd rather stay in. Yes.

' I'm not proposing legal action, just an agreement to draw a line under things.

will that not be achieved by his handing notice in and leaving?

He draws a line under it by resigning.

Consider that you are probably not getting the full story as to what the employer/college has done either

Is it OK to just say fuck off? Yes I feel a lot of guilt. Guilt that I didn't fight harder to see my dying husband when he was in hospital, guilt that DC didn't see him at all for 3 months until he came home to die a changed man, guilt that DC had to help with his care probably the cause of his trauma, guilt that I wasn't there for DC like I should have been, guilt that I wasn't always on it in my own job. Fuck me, you want to rub it in?

Obviously he let himself down

No, he didn't. He didn't fail. It wasn't a "trauma" as you dismissively put it in quotation marks. It was a trauma.

He was a child who suffered a traumatic bereavement of his parent. A loss that will reverberate for the rest of his life.

He had an entirely normal response to a deeply traumatic experience. He might have nearly been a legal adult, but he was and is so very young. Teenagers are affected by bereavement especially of a parent differently to adults.

It is unusual that he is still being paid. I would say the fact he wasn't dismissed for non-attendance without following the absence policy, and has received full pay instead of SSP throughout is already them showing as much consideration for what was happening to him as any employer might.

Trying to ask for a settlement is almost as distasteful as you describing your son as failing for being affected by this trauma.

I'm confused why you made a comparison with public sector then. If it's private sector, they've been more generous than I'd expect. And it does sound like he'll still be paid for not working til he leaves.

I'm sorry for your loss - that sounds really hard.

OP, I mean this with kindness. A lot of things have very happened to you that show that life can be tough and really unfair, I just don't think this situation with your son's employer is one of them.

I’m glad he has managed to go out and about as that’s obviously healthy,
I feel that he should resign and make the most of his next chapter and as previous posters have said HR may have made welfare checks on him but once he has entered a break in learning from his apprenticeship then the College/training provider are unable to contact him.

You are absolutely right and that's what I would do for a client in that situation.

HR here. I know you will always want the best for your child but they actually treated him very well. I think this is because of the circumstances. Option 3 is the right and responsible response. What sort of settlement do you think he is entitled to?

Fuck me, you want to rub it in?*
*
Apologies OP- I really wasn't trying to rub it in.
However, if you want the best thing- just let him have an exit interview where he can be honest about his experience (both college/employment)- but you do need to not be involved. You need to let him handle it. Guide him, but don't push him to do something he doesn't want to do; you haven't mentioned if he wants something or whether it's just you who wants something?

Your son has already drawn a line under it by accepting a Uni place.

I'm not proposing legal action, just an agreement to draw a line under things.

I don't think the employer will dispute the fact that a line needs to be drawn. They will accept his letter of resignation and wish him well.

He's signed off sick.

If he hands in his notice, he's paid for the next four weeks, and doesn't go in.

If he gets PILON, he's paid for the next four weeks, and doesn't go in.

What exactly are you hoping to achieve by complicating things?

This comment speaks volumes.

"Obviously any cash he can secure now will help while he studies"

Grabby, entitled and downright unfair to a company who paid him for a full year no questions asked.

Let it fucking go and stop trying to look for ways to make a quick buck.