Amazing job offer...childcare issues!

[livingthesimplelife]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some Mumsnet wisdom here.

I have been offered a job with a salary almost double my current one. It also offers innumerable opportunities to progress etc...basically, a really good job that I can't turn down!

But my quandary is that I am a single parent to a child starting school in Sep. Can anyone tell me how they work flexible hours in their full-time job, or give me some suggestions to go to the manager with. Do you think proposing working 9-3 and then 7-9 with the caveat that I can be around for meetings etc. outside of these times if necessary is totally unreasonable? I could use a breakfast club too (and an after-school club but slightly reluctant to use this)

Good on you for setting boundaries so early on. When you WFH, you invariably log in "just to check" how things are and before you know it, you are working an extra 4-5 hours a day.

I home educate, so log in 2-3 hours before I am meant to start, make myself available in the day, work at every available opportunity (i.e. when my partner does some of the children's lessons) and then work late into the night with meetings often going past midnight. It's tiring and requires two people to juggle, so not a viable option for you, but it's the only way for us.

Good luck with the new job!

My friend used au pairs fir this and found it worked fine.

I work a crazy job - sometimes it is nights, often I’m out of the house for 16-18 hours - (film and TV on shoots) the ONLY thing which worked for me (especially after I split with their dad) was a live in au pair. They come to learn the language and get free accommodation so are actually stunningly cheap when compared to full time child care. (About £100 a week but this was ages ago). You have someone living in your house so need a spare room - but it means they are around for 25 hours a week and you can arrange the timings how it suits the both of you. Of course this was pre Brexit - I have no idea how it works now.

I would do half and half so you're not always having to get up early in the morning and work evenings. You matter too and you need to look after yourself - that means having some down-time. It's great that your work is flexible but I think it would be a mistake not to use any clubs... they're not a bad thing imo, they will keep your DC happy, active and having fun with friends while you get your work done rather than at home in front of the TV while you try to work. If you can afford it, a balance of both would be good.

In your position, I'd book afterschool club for 3 afternoons a week and breakfast club for 2 mornings. That way, you'll either be working extra in the morning OR the evening but not both on the same day. And you have two afternoons a week when your DC can just come home and watch TV and relax, or when you can do stuff together. So I'd start with that, see how it works out and then you can adjust it for next term depending on how it goes.

Sounds like you’ve got things sorted OP, and I wish you luck in your new role.
I’m facing a similar dilemma, although mine would be shift work, and I can’t decide whether the trade off of a “career” is worth the trade off of my teenage daughter not having me around much.
It’s such a hard choice to make. It’s not always just about whether you CAN sort out childcare, and whether the child is “safe”, but about whether it’s the best thing for THEM or not. It seems as if you’ve managed to get that balance right, congratulations on your job x

I had a similar situation this time last year.
My company is very flexible since covid and adopt a remote first working approach, although 80% of my actual role would require me to be in the office.

The way I manage is:
I drop DS at school for 8.45 (I make sure I'm the first one in the playground waiting by the classroom door so I can leave quickly)
Drive to the next town where my office is, usually make it for about 9.05 (which isn't an issue due to the flexible working)
Childminder picks him up from school every day at 3.20 when he finishes and they walk back to her house (same village as the school but the total opposite end so it's a fair walk)
I work at the office until 5, again I have to leave at 5 on the dot
Collect DS from childminder no later than 5.20, so I pay her for 2 hours a day 5 days a week.
Some days I have lots of admin to do so I will WFH, or will work in the office until 3 then pick DS up from school myself and WFH the rest of the day. He is 8 so will quite happily entertain himself while I work.
However I obviously still have to pay the childminder even when I pick him up.

Sorry I didn't RTFT before posting, sounds great OP, glad to hear your employers sound really family friendly

Would/could you consider an au pair?

I would really advise that you book at least one day on the clubs to get your child used to it in case you need to change your hours in future. I also found making up hours in the evening is much more tiring than you think, I couldn’t imagine having to do it 5 days a week. Please think about doing two days after school club or something so you can have two evenings off to just relax. The children love it.

we always did drop off at 8.45 between us and started a bit later - then used after school clubs, and picked up on a Friday when we had early finish anyway. You’re then there 6 times out of 10 for touchpoints with school without impinging too much on your work and home life.

Not legal post-Brexit - they can’t get visas. Unless you can find somebody already living here, but without the cultural and language exchange element, that just makes them a badly-paid live-in nanny.

I used breakfast and ASC when I found myself in a similar position last year, with my older DC starting reception, and my younger DC still at pre-school.

With the help of my Dad who I lived with, we got through the first school year. I'm completing on my own house soon, and have just taken on a Nanny Housekeeper, as my job is 3 DPW office/2 DPW WfH, and DC's schools are in different directions. The logistics of it all were too much, and I'm hoping this solution helps to calm life down. Could be something for you to consider too.

My advice is that if you think you will need wraparound care start them early. I've been a single mum for 8 years.

When my DC were young, they went to before and after school care. They never complained, it was their routine and they enjoyed it. School holidays were a series of activity camps interspersed with seeing grandparents and a summer holiday.

A few years after their dad and I split up, I took a part time and term time only job to spend more time with them. They got used to me being around more and started to resent the days they had to have childcare.

Now they are teens and still resent getting the school bus and me working in the holidays 😆