Amazing job offer...childcare issues!

[livingthesimplelife]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some Mumsnet wisdom here.

I have been offered a job with a salary almost double my current one. It also offers innumerable opportunities to progress etc...basically, a really good job that I can't turn down!

But my quandary is that I am a single parent to a child starting school in Sep. Can anyone tell me how they work flexible hours in their full-time job, or give me some suggestions to go to the manager with. Do you think proposing working 9-3 and then 7-9 with the caveat that I can be around for meetings etc. outside of these times if necessary is totally unreasonable? I could use a breakfast club too (and an after-school club but slightly reluctant to use this)

Can you get an au pair ?

Wow thank you all so much for your responses! It's always nice to know it's not just you in this situation.

I spoke to my new manager, reiterating my circumstances, and his response was that 'I'm more concerned about the work getting done than hours. We have plenty of parents that work here and am happy to be flexible around this'. Thankfully, there is only an expectation to be in the office once a week.

Now I'm thinking whether I could get up extra early and do an hour in the morning, 9-3 and then an hour in the evening. But I'm clutching at straws here aren't I?! I think I will have to grow a pair and suck it up that wrap around care will have to feature somewhere in our week. I just wanted to get something set up before I started

@livingthesimplelife

Mine really enjoy the before and after school club, apparently the toast is nicer than mine 🤦‍♀️ they go mad when I work from home and they can’t go 😂.

It won't be long before your child isn't down asleep by 7. Use the clubs

Use the clubs

Can't understand why anyone wouldn't

That's what they're there for

Use the clubs.

I manage a large team and am really flexible but the problem with someone working 7-3 in a 9-5 role is that not only are the first two hours a write-off when it comes to meetings, so are the hours between 3 and 5 because you’re not available when everyone else is.

Obviously, it depends on your job but in my team we have internal clients and having someone only available for five working hours a day where they could meet or speak to others would really disadvantage them.

Use afterschool clubs. Your child will enjoy them - DS has done art club, taekwando, gymnastics and yoga after school, along with the “standard” movies and lego afterschool clubs, so I really don’t feel he is missing out. And so many other children will be in ASC every night too, so your DC will make friends (DS’s two best friends are basically the two boys in most of his clubs).

The other option would be an afterschool nanny or childminder - afterschool nannies in particular are often students looking for babysitting money, and are often pretty cheap as a result. Depends on what your salary and other living costs are of course.

Really glad the call with your boss went well and they have a progressive outlook.

Book the help. If you dont need it it can always be cancelled. It gives you flex.
If you get all you work done and the vaccuum slung around in your lunch breat and the evening meal prepped then go pick DC up from after school club early and hit the park. With this approach you also arent exhausted and have good quality weekends.

With the alternative you wake up on Saturday mornings Exhausted and are a snappy tired mum running on fumes. If you have room to breathe in the week your weekends will be much more enjoyable.

Have you got to plan for short hours when your DC starts school in Sept. They start mornings or afternoons only round here.

Use after school clubs. I am a single mum and my kids love them.

I would use before and after club. My DC loved it.

Use the school clubs! You will lose your mind having zero downtime. Especially as a single parent.

Kids are always sick, or have appointments, or school assemblies, or sports days etc. Use your flexibility for those kind of things. maybe finish early once a week.

Hello op, I did something similar - start a job while my youngest was a few months into reception. It is much, much better for everyone to use the after school club. Having the routine and knowing where everyone is really helps reduce the stress and juggling; also don't forget you'll need to manage school holidays and our after school club operates a full day holiday club too. Ours is great and my son knows the staff and most of the kids, plus they get to mix with all age groups. There are probably 5 or 6 out of his class who use the after school club. It all took me a lot longer to get used to than it did for him!!

Someone else mentioned too but don't forget they don't do full days in the first few weeks of reception so that's another thing to juggle. And congratulations on the job!

Another vote for after school clubs, ds loved his in early primary as a way to play with friends after school.

If your work involves a lot of meetings be aware it can become quite frustrating for you (and others) finding spaces in others calendars for meetings when you are restricted to 9-3, especially if you have tight timelines.

I'd reiterate using the clubs but check there is space. When DD started school although we asked immediately, after school was full for the first term or so I think before a space opened up. Thankfully, her old nursery ran a satellite after school club so that helped. All of this was about 16 years ago though so provision may be a lot better now!

This.

Use the clubs - I work flexibly to a degree and feel like I'm always at work as I invariably have to log back on in the evenings. I also feel guilty that I feel like I often rush the kids into bed because I know I have work to do

I have a great flexible job, with hybrid working and a definite expectation that the work being done is more important than presenteeism. I still use wraparound care, because when I need to flex, I feel like I need to have "banked" enough good will with my team to be able to attend sports day, or a dentist appointment, or deal with illness, etc. I rest easy knowing that I can deal with life without my manager thinking I'm taking the piss with flexible working. I would recommend you do something similar.

@livingthesimplelife - I'm so glad you had a positive response from your prospective employer.

I totally get why you might not want to use wrap-around care - we didn't want to with DD when she started school, and we were both working full time. Obviously I recognise it's so much harder for you, but I can't imagine the thought process is any different, in terms of feeling concerned for your little one.

FWIW, it has amazed me how much children mature in the first year of school - and everyone I know has said the same. It could well be it's only months before you feel after school club would be right - my DD wouldn't have coped well at the start of reception, but now she's really keen to go.

I think working with a child at home is totally doable, and it sounds as if your manager is on board. Of course I don't know your work, so ignore me if I'm not being any use. But, what I've found is that if you need to do an hour or two at work with a child at home, it is really fine. The big thing is giving them lots of changes of scene so they don't get bored. So you get them home and feed them. Then you take your work laptop upstairs and you sit on the bed while they play in their room, or if you can't move, you set out some craft stuff for them, then you change it up and let them watch a cartoon or do some lego or whatever.

But 'every other working parent' doesn't use the clubs? Plenty of us do what the OP is doing. Some people can't afford clubs, even if they're working full time, and IMO that alone is a good reason for employers to learn to be flexible.

My DCs are with a childminder from 8am-5:30/6pm, Mon-Fri. I’m a recent Graduate, so they’ve been doing that for the last 5 years whilst I did my UG and PG. Two are teens now, but my youngest is 7.

Most of us don’t have a choice to but to use wrap around care.

So glad you got a good response OP! That sounds like a progressive company.

Fwiw, both me and dh work FT and no family near by. Obviously there's 2 of us so different but I have a much more flexible job and my manager is very much work what you need to as long as your work is done.
I do most of the school age dc:
work 7:30-8:30
Drop off at school for 8:45, back by 9ish
Work 9-3 on non-after school club days (dc loves the few she does!) or 9-4 on club days
Pick up from school 3:15/4:15
Get dc back and fed, do the extra clubs 2x days a week
Pick up anything else work related after bedtime but generally can get done by 3/4. I have a work phone so just keep that on me and check emails if I'm waiting around at a club or something and if I'm needed I'm contactable.

Days I need to travel dc goes to breakfast club from 7:30ish. Loves it, says she wishes id travel more!

In your position I'd try to have a set day to go into the office and use breakfast and/or after school club. Maybe one or the other a couple of days a week on top at least until you settle in then make a call on what's best.

I would use the breakfast club, and since your employer seems ok with it I would collect the dc, give her a snack and an hour (or a bit more!) or downtime watching a movie while you make up for the time missed on pickup.
If you can't attend any drop off or pick ups it can be harder to make the contacts that help your child have play dates. But you don't need to be at them all.

Why are you reluctant to use breakfast and after school clubs?

OP, no one enjoys the 3-6pm slot with young primary age kids. They’re tired and cranky and you won’t be hosting play dates for some time!

Just book the after school club, and maybe ask to flex Friday afternoons. If you don’t need to be in the office every day then you probably don’t need breakfast club.

Set up a predictable rhythm you will all benefit from and ditch the guilt, honestly.