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Original poster

Amazing job offer...childcare issues!

88 replies

livingthesimplelife · 08/08/2022 19:46

Hi everyone,

Looking for some Mumsnet wisdom here.

I have been offered a job with a salary almost double my current one. It also offers innumerable opportunities to progress etc...basically, a really good job that I can't turn down!

But my quandary is that I am a single parent to a child starting school in Sep. Can anyone tell me how they work flexible hours in their full-time job, or give me some suggestions to go to the manager with. Do you think proposing working 9-3 and then 7-9 with the caveat that I can be around for meetings etc. outside of these times if necessary is totally unreasonable? I could use a breakfast club too (and an after-school club but slightly reluctant to use this)

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 08/08/2022 22:42

Flexible jobs are amazing, but you should still use some child care. You need to save the flexibility for the curveballs that are going to be thrown at you. Don’t underestimate how many of them there are going to be.

FinneusMum · 08/08/2022 22:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SarahAndQuack · 08/08/2022 23:14

Ponderingwindow · 08/08/2022 22:42

Flexible jobs are amazing, but you should still use some child care. You need to save the flexibility for the curveballs that are going to be thrown at you. Don’t underestimate how many of them there are going to be.

Why?

I'm not trying to be combative, honestly, but it seems clear the OP's manager is on board for genuinely flexible working. I can see she might need to figure out what her emergency options might be, but I don't see why that has to mean wrap around care? As a PP says, she'll likely be doing playdates too (if she's not already), and IME that very soon leads to knowing other parents who will do you a favour every now and then.

SarahAndQuack · 08/08/2022 23:18

Oops, my mistake, I looked back and saw the mention of play dates was negative!

@NoSquirrels, why won't she be doing play dates?

lastminutedotcom22 · 08/08/2022 23:23

Elsanore · 08/08/2022 20:08

Get a nice childminder to do before and after school and some of the holidays.

I work full time with a child the same age as yours and it works perfectly.

I second this
Take the job and get in and after 6 months after you have shown them you'll be an asset to them you'll be in a position to negotiate

I'm nhs
We have people who do 8-2:30 then 6-7:30pm but only 1-2 days a week to do a school run not every day as the core hours are 9-4

We Have people who compress hours so do 4 x 9:15hr days to have a day off maybe stopping at 5pm then working in the evening making the hours up

We also have people who do a 9 day fortnight

I do 30 hours over 4 days and you never know if you can successfully get everything done in 4 days they may let you do 30 hours

WGACA · 09/08/2022 00:02

Most children love breakfast and after school clubs in my experience. They cope fine with longer days and so many children go at least some of the time.

RidingMyBike · 09/08/2022 08:01

Do the wraparound care - I had to do the flexible days for a while when wraparound was closed and it was awful - my brain hated the switching between work and childcare, I seemed to be constantly hurtling around and it's hard to get anything done with a tired Reception age child in the house and I very much felt I wasn't doing a good job at either. It also meant I lacked any flexibility to be able to work on site later any day which limited some parts of my job.

DD loved being in breakfast and after school club when it reopened - much more fun for her and she learnt loads of new skills from the leaders there. She went in 3 days a week which was a really nice balance. We don't need the childcare now (DH is a SAHD now) but she's still registered with wraparound and we use it occasionally as sometimes you need that bit of flexibility to cover a hospital appt or needing to be somewhere during the day and not being able to get back to school in time.

RidingMyBike · 09/08/2022 08:04

We haven't found organising play dates very helpful for this situation either - great for the kids to have fun when they can be organised but it isn't a solution to childcare as it's so uncertain. Depends on the other family's availability. We've found if we've asked the other kid would be in wraparound anyway!

averythinline · 09/08/2022 08:12

Childminder was more expensive than school club but also did dinner! So i could work a bit later those days.....And was a bit more relaxed than club and had a dog ...but she was v popular so i did a mix Childminder wed/thurs and club mon/tues ...dc liked both ..I generally finished earlier on the Friday ...

toomuchlaundry · 09/08/2022 08:13

How will you cover school holidays?

NoSquirrels · 09/08/2022 08:24

SarahAndQuack · 08/08/2022 23:18

Oops, my mistake, I looked back and saw the mention of play dates was negative!

@NoSquirrels, why won't she be doing play dates?

Cos that first term of reception they’re all tired and cranky and play dates are shit!

As they get older, sure. But to begin with, not worth the bother. Better for OP to focus on her job fully, and then be in a position to ask for the flex she really needs, not the ‘ideally I’ll do play dates and activities 3x days a week’. Having say a Friday afternoon regularly off is useful (so you can offer/reciprocate play dates eventually) but generally it’s better to focus on work in regular work hours, not try to do both things and feel stretched thin. Super important as a single parent. If she’s booked into after school club OP can always not use it if the offer of a play date comes up. But she can’t use it at all if not booked in.

coconuthead · 09/08/2022 09:38

My work let me block out 3-4 to do school run and then I just have my dd at home whilst I work after that. I work from home though!

catwomando · 09/08/2022 09:38

Honestly I'd go with a childminder so that you don't then have the hassle of what to do in school holidays.

Your children get consistency of care and you can flex to do pick ups and drop offs. The CM gets extra money working in holidays too so will likely be chuffed with that.

You could do,it so you start later and do,drop,offs (also allows you to get to know parents at the gate) and cm does pick up and holidays.

Then have a flexi Friday when you do pick up as well. I was a FT working parent and did this, the kids are big now but have fond memories of when i did pick them up , they said it was really special and they always looked forward to it Smile

coconuthead · 09/08/2022 09:39

I also use after school club if I have meetings and my dd loves it!

Original poster
livingthesimplelife · 09/08/2022 09:48

Again, thank you for all your replies. I dropped my new manager an email this morning, and he has agreed for me to work 9-3 and then an hour either side. This is for a managerial position in a large corporation so this gives me hope that the trend is moving towards being more flexible!

OP posts:
Changechangychange · 09/08/2022 12:29

Sounds good @livingthesimplelife .

Don’t write off breakfast club and a couple of afterschool clubs after the first half term - I’m not sure what your company’s standard hours are, but being able to work 8:30-16:30 2 or 3 days a week (with you doing pick ups the other days) will be much easier than trying to work once DC are in bed, especially once your child is a bit older and going to bed at 8pm.

Assuming the school ASC is activities rather than free play, most children really enjoy going with their friends, especially by Year 1 when they have settled in a bit and are that bit more mature.

And it means you can feel happy your child is doing extracurriculars/physical exercise without having to physically take them (DS does swimming, Saturday language school and rugby outside of school, and honestly I’m really happy he can do his other clubs straight after school and I don’t need to ferry him about.

Embarras83 · 09/08/2022 12:31

I haven’t RTFT. Your options are before and after school clubs, childminders. You could also ask for hybrid working (maybe 3 days in the office) and 2 days from home so you can do drop offs and pick ups?

MintJulia · 09/08/2022 12:40

I used wrap around care.

I'd drop DS at school at 8.40, be in work at 9, then collect ds at 6pm.

DS loved it. As an only child, he spent the two and a half hours after school tearing around with the others in After School Club, they became his little 'tribe'. He'd burn off a lot of energy and be ready for home and tea by 6.

It worked perfectly. 😊

Whichwhatnow · 09/08/2022 12:50

Glad to hear your boss is being flexible OP.

FWIW my boss (senior in-house lawyer in a large multinational company) does similar hours - starts at 7:30-ish, is off from 8:30-9:30 for the school run, off again from about 3:30 to 5/6-ish for school run and dinner etc., then works for an hour or two in the evening. He has two young primary aged kids and although he's married his wife has a role (I think she's a GP?) that doesn't allow any flexibility.

It's absolutely fine - he has those times blocked out permanently in his Outlook diary so that people can't drop a meeting in and he shows as 'busy' on Teams etc. Some roles really are about getting the work done and managing your time and workload yourself rather than being available for strict hours. In a senior management role I'd imagine there will be large chunks of the day when you're in calls etc so not constantly available anyway - it doesn't make much difference whether the reason for that is childcare or another meeting.

Congratulations and good luck for the new role!

saddowizca · 09/08/2022 16:36

I am probably a lot older than you, and much further into my career, but there is something to be said for having very set working hours with no expectation to log on in the evenings or at weekends.
My advice would be to do what you can to fit into the normal working week and then have all of your evenings and weekends free. You have to look after yourself and make sure that you have time to unwind.
It is hard when they go to school and seem so little, but as others have said, they fit right in to the new routine of ASC or childminder, and it just becomes their new normal. My preference would have been a childminder for my DD, as she always just wanted to come home, eat her snacks and unwind, a lot of her friends still had loads of energy to spare and loved the ASC.
Good luck with it all and congratulations on your new job 👏👏

minipie · 09/08/2022 16:54

I think your solution of working school hours plus early morning and evening could work well for the first term or two of school while your Dc is adjusting and likely to be tired. Glad your employer is ok with this.

However I would definitely aim to move more to “normal” hours and wrap around care once your DC is settled in school.

Your proposed pattern will be tough on you longer term, you will find it hard swapping from work mode to child mode several times a day, plus it doesn’t leave you time to get family stuff (laundry admin food shop etc) done let alone time for yourself like exercise. And as pp have said your Dc will go to bed later and later. You may also find it hard to make it work at work if people want to have meetings at 3pm for example. And you will feel a lot more comfortable with using wrap around care by then.

The only issue is - will there be space later on if you haven’t taken up the clubs in the first term?

Congratulations on the job!

3totheright4totheleft · 09/08/2022 18:30

OP you mentioned having to go into the office once a week - will you be using wraparound care on that day?
It does sound as if your manager is on board and you can make it work. Just remember though it probably isn't him who has to juggle a million diaries to fit in a meeting. It's his poor PA.

jayhoo · 10/08/2022 04:27

I've been in the same boat, this is the reality for working single parents.

If you have an understanding employer then I'd offer a phased joining. You work 9-3 and settle your child in school. Then you can look at introducing breakfast club and after school - mine lived it.

Take advantage of wfh as much as possible. I'd probably go into the office a couple of times a week for half days rather than trying to commit to a full day.

Do not commit to an hour early am or late pm. Something will always come up with your child and you will be stressed.

Does your child have regular contact with their nrp? I used to use the days mine were picked up by their dad/mornings without school run responsibilities to get some hours in

Go for it , my experience has been that a good employer would rather have an effective employee present and adding value for the time they can manage rather than clock watching.

MarieG10 · 10/08/2022 06:12

I think your manager is great with the approach but you need to be realistic..new job, new challenges (all exciting) and more money will prob mean more hours as well. You really do need the childcare and don't then obliterate your evenings when you need to have some time to yourself or other household jobs

Butterfly44 · 12/08/2022 21:11

Your boss sounds flexible. I used after school 2-3 times a week and collected from school other days. It worked well. They did love the clubs tbh and it kept them more busy than at home. Used breakfast clubs when needed. These went really fast - by the time they ate it was time for lessons so I never felt bad about it.

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