I want to leave my job after a false allegation.

[Tinseltangle]

Im relatively new to my role and have enjoyed it to date, however last week a colleague reported me for making a racist remark. I recall the conversation clearly and did not say or do anything wrong. I am not racist and would never use those words. They have decided not to put in a grievance against me however work want us to undergo mediation.
I contacted ACAS but they couldnt advise me other than to suggest I contact a civil lawyer.
I am devastated by this, it feels absolutely unfair and unjust. My gut reaction is to resign as I do not want to work with this person, I am so angry and upset this has happened to me. I am usually a resiliant person but this has floored me.
Has anyone else been in this situation?

No but it sounds very upsetting.

Can you share the conversation?

Can you see any other solution?

I was once accused of being racist and I too was very upset and also mortified that someone was upset by me. It transpired that the person had a track record of making formal complaints about almost everyone in the organisation. So the company was very supportive of me but it still felt terrible and to this day I wish I had sat down with that person and listened to what they had to say because I still want a hurt person to feel heard.

What did you say and what are they alleging you said?

@Tinseltangle this sounds really difficult, especially as you haven’t been in your role for long. You say you remember the conversation clearly, did your colleague mishear or misunderstand what you said?

Mediation will allow you to explain your version of the situation and then everyone will know what actually happened. It isn’t a form of punishment.

If your colleague isn’t raising a grievance then they clearly don’t have any substance to what they have said.

Is there a way you can do your job in a different area to this particular colleague?

Don't leave. Go to mediation.

Make sure you are never alone with that person - so as to avoid any false accusations.

Sorry, I explained that very badly.

Only you know how strongly you feel about this. And your employer is in a difficult situation of being in the middle.

Incredibly upsetting for you. Do you have any understanding of their motive?

Is this person simply lying or did they take something you said the wrong way?

Don't leave. False allegations are made in education a lot, and the point of the process is for you to tell your side of things.

Counter grievance and ask why it is not being considered as a vexatious complaint. Every complaints policy should include an opportunity for informal resolution, which is what they are jumping to with mediation - but before that there should be a consideration of whether there are grounds for complaint investigation. In this case you can reasonably say that going into mediation presupposes there is a reason, which is a detriment to you if you have done nothing wrong.

I dont want to use the word here, but I believe they must have misheard, the thought they are lying is too horrible to contemplate.
It has diminished me in a way i cant describe, i feel like my name has been tarnished and even if i do the mediation and they agree it was a mistake I do not want to work with them ever again. I so wish they had queried what I said at the time, i would have happily repeated what I did say.

What are they saying you said? It’s unusual for someone to make an unfounded allegation like this and also to not want to fight to clear your name. I think you need to understand exactly what’s happened here.

Rubbish. Going to mediation is exactly the opposite of a presupposition that there is any blame or wrong doing.

I understand your feelings. I would want to say exactly that at the mediation.

Sometimes people make allegations without a clue as to the effect it has on the recipient. If this person has a history of trauma with regard to racism it may be that they misunderstood what you said and are now revisiting that trauma.

And you have the right to clarify what was said and to share how it has affected you to be wrongly accused.

Go to mediation simply to find out what they are saying and to have the opportunity to correct them.

Assuming you are cleared I would then ask for a formal apology.

You have done nothing wrong so shouldn't have to leave. The fact that they're not pursuing the complaint further shows that it is likely not an issue.

Is there an opportunity for you and the other person to work in different sections of the company. You can state that their false allegations have caused a breakdown in your working relationship.

What word DID you say?

I had untrue allegations (not racist but something else) made about me by a member of my team. She was vile towards me behind closed doors. I stopped meeting with her 1:1 and insisted on a mediation session. I was SO close to resigning due to the stress and embarrassment, but she resigned and recently left. I don’t know why she chose to make a personal attack on me, but after the mediation and a separate meeting with my boss (in which she behaved bizarrely), the company were 100% behind me.

It is so stressful, but don’t give in to this. Go to the mediation with your head held high.

OP said they didn’t say the offensive word being alleged.

No the OP said they didn't want to say the word here, so there must have been a word that was misheard. So trying to work out what the word was that she did say, is key to her defending herself if she wants to respond to this.

Read it again

I'll quote it for you -

I dont want to use the word here, but I believe they must have misheard

So they misheard something. What is the thing they misheard?

What was the actual conversation?

well how is op going to know??? You want her to see inside the head of another person and imagine their ears and thought processes.

Op, have you considered putting in a grievance, even though the other person has not?

If things are so bad you are considering resigning, it might be worth it.

Ok HR lady. That's not the position in employment law, but ok.

I have considered putting in a grievance, but my concern would be by escalating the situation i would be making it worse for me. If I can no longer work with this person I would like a good reference so I can move on. At the moment im trying to work out the least worst option.

I have experience of many situations like this - either as the manager (where direct reports have instigated proceedings against a team member) or where complaints (not racist comments but serious allegations) have been made against me.

It's a truly awful process as sadly, in my sector, many complaints are vexatious and entirely the issue of the complainant, rather than having merit.

Of course there are genuine complaints too, and that's why the process is needed.

I fully understand the upset you feel however:

• don't allow that emotion to cloud your judgment. Leaving without engaging with the process is extreme. It also doesn't provide you with a chance to clear your name.

• the mediation process is a good starting point because a neutral person will manage the process & ensure your viewpoint is heard & noted

• as you didn't say anything racist, you will want that on record.

• as much as you feel you never want to work with them again (I had a similar feeling following a vexatious complaint), believe me it is possible to, in time, remove emotion & keep it business-only & do your job.

• you may eventually decide to leave. But make it on your terms. Not as a reaction to a false allegation

• have someone you trust to talk to - not in your immediate work place. If you are in a union you may find them supportive (they are not always however).

Just take it step by step. Good luck 💐