I want to leave my job after a false allegation.

[Tinseltangle]

Im relatively new to my role and have enjoyed it to date, however last week a colleague reported me for making a racist remark. I recall the conversation clearly and did not say or do anything wrong. I am not racist and would never use those words. They have decided not to put in a grievance against me however work want us to undergo mediation.
I contacted ACAS but they couldnt advise me other than to suggest I contact a civil lawyer.
I am devastated by this, it feels absolutely unfair and unjust. My gut reaction is to resign as I do not want to work with this person, I am so angry and upset this has happened to me. I am usually a resiliant person but this has floored me.
Has anyone else been in this situation?

Regarding a grievance, I think doing so in response to one allegation, without trying to resolve it informally (mediation) is going to really escalate matters & make it more difficult.

Go ahead with mediation, but be very clear about the boundaries, time limits & your support during the process.

All of that. You need to be able to defend yourself to a neutral person, and you need that on record.

If you just leave, then it remains unresolved, both in your career and in your head. You need a line drawn under this so that you can then decide whether to stay or leave, but without a stain on your character or this incident stuck in your head.

Yes, have been there. It's truly awful. In my case, I used to do a job which involved being responsible for a team of staff and this one particular team member caused multiple issues among a large number of colleagues, and on one particular occasion, I walked into the room where he was working to find him being aggressive with body language and verbal language towards another staff member.

I spoke with both members of staff, and the one who was (not for the first time being aggressive), didn't like he had been caught out so lodged a complaint, alleging that I was racist. The next month was both ridiculous and incredibly stressful.

He then embarked on a smear campaign which involved making up lies about my sex life and spreading these rumours around. I just had to tolerate it, couldn't respond, and spent time at the end of each shift writing a report of how the day had gone! I can't bring myself to re-live it all right now, and go into the details, but whilst no action was taken against me, I ultimately left, albeit over a year later after this incident. I never felt like I fully moved past it, and felt incredibly ineffective leading a team of staff from that point on. Quite frankly, it was incredibly embarrassing.

Never again will I take on a role where I'm responsible for staff. It's not worth the shit pay, stress or humiliation. In short, it was absolutely bullying, and it was not me who was the bully!

I now work in a very menial role at a different company with obviously less pay, but you know what, it's a million times better than leaving work shaking and being filled with anxiety every single day.

OP I really hope for a successful outcome for you. Get your name cleared first, then see how you feel about leaving. You'll get through it. Feel free to PM me if you want any moral support.

I don’t understand why you’re trying to work out how to leave. I’d be fighting to clear my name if I was accused of something like this. Loudly and clearly.

honestly I don’t understand your desire to run and not to fix it. I’m sorry but for me that says guilty. If you didn’t do it why are you not saying oh my god that’s horrific, I can’t believe she thinks that, she must have misheard I said x she thinks I said y,

can you clarify what the conversation was? You clearly know what’s being referred to. If you did make the comment then I agree. Just leave.

So sorry for you OP. This is such a shit thing to happen. I have been through something similar and it is horrible. It is also really common. Gather your support from family and friends and do the mediation so that you will have closure.

Presumably someone has told her what someone else thought she said otherwise she wouldn't know that anyone had complained about anything.

Good grief.

I’ve had a similar experience. I made a complaint about someone’s very bad behaviour and after a significant delay they made an allegation of racism against me. It was completely false. The person concerned didn’t know me and I believe made a judgement about me (white, working-class woman). He was a professional person and though that was all he needed to say to prove his allegations. I am actually a highly qualified person, easily on a par with him if not more so. I have an extremely strong track record of working in a professional and personal capacity on anti-racist issues. This could all be clearly evidenced by me and came as a huge shock to him. I came at him like a missile and blindsided him. I instructed a very high profile law firm to represent me. I didn’t proceed though because I achieved what I wanted and there was a lot of exiting stuff professionally going on in my career I wanted to focus on. It was a dreadful experience but I am proud of how I responded.
I wish you well OP. It’s a horrible experience.

Thank you so much for your support. The last 18 months of my life have been horrendous. My marriage ended spectacularly and I lost my home, my job and my friends in the fallout. I have spent the last year in counselling trying to come to terms with what happened and only recently started feeling like me again. Its clear by my reaction to this im still not ok at all. No one at work knows any of this but it might explain why i feel unable to fight back at the moment. Im shattered.

I personally would escalate this.

I would make a statement to HR that you never used this word and that the person has:

• either misheard what you said


• or is being malicious.

Tell them that you wish to make a formal complaint against that person too if the matter is not dropped.

If you resign now it will make it look like you did something wrong...

At the end of the day if nobody else heard the conversation it is your word against that person's.

I assume you have been in the workplace for a while and have a good track record so point out to your new employer that you have never had any issues in any workplace until now.

Don't back down or that individual will continue to target you. Make it clear from the start that you won't put up with stuff like this.

I had a GP receptionist tried to make out that I had used swear words when I was making a complaint. I immediately challenged him and repeated what I had just said and stated that no swear word had been used in my sentence and that I would report him to the Practice Manager for making that false allegations. Thankfully the conversation was recorded through a security camera...but still it shows some people will just make stuff up to try to cause you harm.

If you leave you look guilty.

I'd stay and prove them wrong.

So has your employer actually investigated the allegations? Have you been given details about what you have allegedly said and been given a full and fair opportunity to describe your version of events?

If not, then you need to state that you expect that to happen in the first instance. Until that’s done don’t agree to anything.

After that, if there’s a recommendation that you go for mediation, and it’s done properly, it’s voluntary to enter into it, you should have an individual meeting first where you can make it clear that you have not said anything racist, to your knowledge. It should be about repairing the work relationship.

It sounds like too much damage may have been done though, it’s tainted how you feel about this employer so I suggest making sure there’s a record of your version of events, a clean reference and look for another job.

@ArtistViv

I'm so sorry for what you experienced. I can empathise hugely.

I know you are happy with your decision to leave - both that role & team management. I hope you might reconsider the management part, in time.

In my case, I have been through hell & back as a particular employee - who continues to report to me throughout! - has made allegations which have been found to be vexatious and not upheld, yet she finds new & different processes to continue the campaign & ultimately the HR processes (public sector, education, Ireland) are ineffective - they are scared of her ultimately taking legal action & so have let her continue, while acknowledging I've done nothing wrong (but still insisting I respond to each new process). It nearly broke me & I probably will leave eventually but not until I feel ready & only to a more senior role.

I feel I have actually improved as a manager - I've got a lot tougher but also empathetic. And given the shocking way senior management / HR handled so much of this, I've grown in confidence about what is the right way to handle these situations (face it straight on, basically).

I’m sorry but for me that says guilty.

No it doesn't.

When someone is accused of something totally unexpected, serious & completely outside the realm of their usual behaviour, it's not at all surprising that in their shock & upset, they want to leave, and get away from it.

The impulse is understandable but OP needs to stand up to this, for her own sake, as well as her professional standing.

I'm so sorry OP.

I have a lot of parallels to this - I was dealing with an abusive ex, financial issues & raising 3 DC with little / no support.

I think that's partly the reason these people feel able to make their untrue allegations. They sense vulnerability. They are often clever about who they target.

I would encourage you to think of it this way - you have faced terrible difficulties recently; don't allow this to be another thing that happens to you - you & you will stand up to them & regardless of outcome, will triumph.

I'd love to see you quite the UK employment law that says that mediation presupposes that either party is in the wrong. Mediation is specifically a process to determine the respective concerns and to find a way for both parties to move forward. But please do provide a link to the law you are quoting.

OP, this is understandably, for all sorts of reasons, horrible for you. And perhaps the other person had a similar take of sad events that makes them susceptible to having misheard you. Perhaps they also feel they can't work with you if you are the kind of person who says what they think you did. People do make mistakes. They can have disagreements. Walk away and you are confirming that you did it to everyone, and never finding out how this had gone so badly wrong.

Not quite the same situation, but about 25 years ago I worked with someone who made it clear from day 1 that she disliked me, what I stood for, and that we could never agree on certain things. Two years later we were friends, for the last 20 we have been best friends. We'd do anything for each other.

You don't seem to be the kind of person who sees things in black and white. If mediation doesn't work, you can still resign, but at least you've tried. Don't walk away without trying it. Prepare to make your own points, and to listen. It might not work, but you've lost nothing. And you might gain something.

Not quite the same situation, but about 25 years ago I worked with someone who made it clear from day 1 that she disliked me, what I stood for, and that we could never agree on certain things. Two years later we were friends, for the last 20 we have been best friends. We'd do anything for each other.

Did that person also make a serious, false allegation against you?

If not, I've no idea how that anecdote is supposed to help the OP.

If someone takes the step of making a vexatious or malicious allegation, then there is no way forward for the relationship on a personal basis.

It is possible to work together tho, potentially, and if matters get resolved. But you can never trust the individual again.

You have to agree to take part in mediation. If it were me, I would ask what the purpose of the mediation is: what kind of joint agreement could you come to if one of you thinks you said something and the other one doesn't?

There is no evidence that the comment was vexatious or malicious. Someone can be in error without either of those things being true. Perhaps you are one of those fortunate purple who have never made a mistake. Many people aren't in that elevated position. You have ignored everything else that I said to score a point without seeing the reason why I was suggesting that things aren't always so simple in life.

How do we know that the complainant hasn't suffered daily racism at work? That they may have misheard, but that was driven by the desperation and pain of their everyday working life - a final straw but they misheard it? We have no idea what is going on here. But let's all leap to conclusions, then the OP can resign and walk away whilst this continues to hang over her?

And yes, actually I've been accused of racism. It wasn't true. But the fact is it wasn't true because I fought my corner and it was proven untrue. And yes, it was a malicious complaint by a man who wanted my job and didn't get it. What did the complaint get him? Not my job.

The OP doesn't even fully understand what happened here, so none of us can know. But I'd never just walk away - whether from a fight or a misunderstanding. And I don't assume that problems can't be resolved and overcome.

Go to mediation and put your case forward, explaining what you actually said. That should be the end of it. Don’t leave.

Do you have any witnesses to the conversation? Otherwise, it’s going to be their word against yours, and unless other people back them up (that they’ve heard you being racist or you’ve behaved in what could be perceived as a racist or discriminatory way) I don’t think anything will come of it.

I’ve never been accused of racism, but some of my colleagues were (it wasn’t true) there was an investigation and we were all interviewed and asked our thoughts and if we’d ever witnessed or heard anything, no one else backed the accuser up and the case was dropped and deemed to be malicious. Your problem is you’re new there, so people haven’t got a long history of working with you, so I can see why you would want to just leave.

My God we got there in the end

Use the mediation as much to your advantage as they are to theirs.
Why should you be feeling like this if they have made something up! You are just as much a victim as they are. This is an opportunity to hopefully smooth things over and for you to air how this has made you feel!

There is no evidence that the comment was vexatious or malicious. Someone can be in error without either of those things being true.

Yes and in this case, the first step is to raise it informally with the individual (to clarify what they understood) or if that's not possible, with their LM. The first step for most people (who are reasonable) is not to go straight to a HR process (which mediation is part of)

Perhaps you are one of those fortunate purple who have never made a mistake.
No need to be snarky - perhaps read my previous posts to see exactly what I have experienced?

But let's all leap to conclusions, then the OP can resign and walk away whilst this continues to hang over her?
Again read my posts - no-one is telling OP to resign.

But I'd never just walk away - whether from a fight or a misunderstanding. And I don't assume that problems can't be resolved and overcome.
Seriously. Try a quick read of my posts - I never suggested OP walk away - the exact opposite. And I explained exactly that - that problems can be overcome (however, there is no future for meaningful relationship with the person who accused here - but they can work together possibly, if it is resolved.)

• her

Sounds like hell. What new processes has the person found to continue their allegations? Surely they will run out of steam?