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Original poster

Colleague annoying the fuck out of me

57 replies

TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 09:53

She's quite new, she does administration, which includes sorting out emails.
She was hired to tidy things up and she'd done that.

But god she's annoying.
She will send 'gentle reminders' or 'looks like it's one of those days' when she's fixed something.

It annoys me because what she fixed was something I don't even want to be doing e.g. cc'ing a certain email address for Every Single Email I send. That's by the by I suppose, because it's what the group have agreed. I think it was a case of it not doing any harm.

Mostly though if I've done something wrong just bloody tell me. I take responsibility for my mistakes, I don't need to be patronised. She will also make 'gentle suggestions' of how we can manage mailboxes, including screenshots.

For background, it's an academic environment. We are quite a small team of people who are used to working without supervision - stuff just gets done.
I think she's come in, seen this bunch of chaotic academics and wants to tidy us up.

Part of me wants to discuss it with my boss, and another part is telling me just to leave it. She's come in, having to work with a bunch of people who are stuck in our ways, so it's not easy for her.

She just makes me feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
catpoppet · 07/06/2022 09:55

I'd have a quiet word with the boss, say you don't want to ruffle feathers but maybe there's a more constructive way you can work together, e.g. weekly meetings rather than "gentle reminders".

dreamingbohemian · 07/06/2022 10:03

Wow Yanbu. I say that as an academic on a small team! Academic budgets are being cut to the bone, if they are willing to shell out for an admin for a small team, I imagine things were getting really disorganised.

I don't see how you could complain -- she's good at her job but she's too nice? Try to focus on all the positive aspects of having her there. I'm sure she'll settle into a different approach once she's gotten to know you all better.

PersonaNonGarter · 07/06/2022 10:03

Separate out some of your response: your defensive feelings from her intrusion.

Tbh, it sounds as though she is sorting stuff out and you needed that and that you do need to Cc those emails whether you like it or not. Your behaviour and defensiveness, and getting picked up on it, are not going to look good if you go to a line manager. You need to be squeaky clean before you complain about someone else.

Having said that, passive aggressiveness of ‘gentle reminders’ can be bloody infuriating. So keep an eye on it. But be aware that if you complain it is likely to cost you.

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 17:07

Thank you for your responses. You are right, while I am making mistakes (as small as I might think they are) I cannot say anything.

It really is mostly the way it's done that niggles me. If one of my immediate colleagues picks something up it doesn't bother me at all. Likewise I'll spot things. The conversation will then go something like
Person 1: I noticed nnnn, so changed it to xxx
Person 2: Oops, good spot, thanks

Another example of her being annoying is when she'll suggest I send a chase up to an author (I'm in publishing). The suggestion was made in such a way that made me feel she thought I had missed it and I needed a prod and advising on what to do. I absolutely didn't. I ignored her and just did what I was going to do.

It sounds petty and I'm trying to work out why it annoys me so much.

OP posts:
EmilyBolton · 07/06/2022 17:28

Ok, I think this is that there are not clear defined boundaries about what she is responsible for vs you that you both understand.
imho I’d ask for a meeting with her. Sit down together. Explain that you appreciate you’re both trying to acheive the same thing and explain what that is. Then “tell you story” with a few examples. Say that when she did this you felt this…make it about you not her. Ask her then why she is doing what she does in the way she does..hear her out, mirror what you’re hearing back to her to show you are listening. Then say how can we work together to make it better for us both. Establish the boundaries, a framework you both feel will help you acheive you’re mutual objectives.
don’t make assumptions about why she does what she does. Ask her. Don’t make it about her, make it about you.

EmilyBolton · 07/06/2022 17:30

Oh, plan out the conversation…think about what you need to happen and keep your point succinct and short..don’t ramble…

ReachersAbs · 07/06/2022 17:32

God all the academics I know would kill for admin support! It would reduce their workload massively and make them far more efficient

Nahnanananahna · 07/06/2022 17:33

This isn't your question, do you know you can set up an email rule to do the cc'ing for you, so you don't have to think about it? Sorry if stating the obvious but your email suggested you we're adding this cc email in every time so thought I'd mention it!

wordler · 07/06/2022 18:10

If you are this hostile towards her in person she's probably walking on egg shells and doing 'gentle reminders' because she's afraid of setting you off!

If what she's doing is her job then you are being unreasonable.

It's not unreasonable not to like someone's manner - we can't like everyone.

I hope you're not making her feel unwelcome though.

wordler · 07/06/2022 18:13

Also who hired her? You said

I think she's come in, seen this bunch of chaotic academics and wants to tidy us up.

Does she have a line manager - is it someone higher up from the whole team. Maybe someone else wants to tidy you all up and she's being given a remit to improve productivity.

TooManyPJs · 07/06/2022 18:23

Sooooo she was hired to tidy things up but you are upset because she's tidying things up. Sounds like she's just doing her job.

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 18:24

wordler · 07/06/2022 18:10

If you are this hostile towards her in person she's probably walking on egg shells and doing 'gentle reminders' because she's afraid of setting you off!

If what she's doing is her job then you are being unreasonable.

It's not unreasonable not to like someone's manner - we can't like everyone.

I hope you're not making her feel unwelcome though.

No! I am absolutely professional in every interaction with her.
This is why I've come here to vent and ask.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 07/06/2022 18:55

I think you said it really, as long as you're all making mistakes, you can't really complain about her.

If you want to get her out of your lives, I would actually try to embrace her suggestions and get yourselves much more organised, with a minimum of mistakes happening, and then she will no longer be needed.

For example, you mentioned chasing authors. What is the current system for this? Is it X days before/after a deadline, every 3 months, etc?
If you can go to her and show her a spreadsheet of all your authors, with the ones who need to be chased in their own section, and explain to her what your process/schedule is for doing that, then she won't need to send you gentle reminders anymore.

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 19:04

The situation with the author chase up was that they would be emailed on say Monday morning.
Admin person is in different time zone to me and sent me reminder during her working hours before I was even at my desk (which she is aware of because part of her role is to keep track of who's in and out).
It just annoyed me and is not how I'm used to working.

OP posts:
Harrysutton · 07/06/2022 19:14

Reading between the lines do you think you are above being told what to do by an administrator? I know when I worked in an academic environment the teachers and lecturers often looked down on the admin staff without even realising until they were pulled up on it.

OnaBegonia · 07/06/2022 19:26

She must be a MNer, with all her 'gentle' reminders.
Too often you see it on here, 'could you say gently?' or 'I'm saying this gently' it's one of the daftest uses of the word.

wordler · 07/06/2022 20:06

TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 19:04

The situation with the author chase up was that they would be emailed on say Monday morning.
Admin person is in different time zone to me and sent me reminder during her working hours before I was even at my desk (which she is aware of because part of her role is to keep track of who's in and out).
It just annoyed me and is not how I'm used to working.

Ah - so all this interaction is via emails? Tone is very hard to get right in that case. Have you ever met her face-to-face?

Do you think she has been asked to make sure the author follow-up happens?

I.E. Does she have a line manager who has said to her - make sure you remind everyone by email to do x,y,z every week?

You are unreasonable to criticise her for doing her tasks within her own working hours - it's not her fault you are on different timezones. Do you want her to log in during her off hours just so that you don't get an email too early?

IAmAWomanNotACis · 07/06/2022 20:11

It sounds a bit like she thinks her job is to get you (plural) into better shape.

Has her manager perhaps asked her to do this? I'd be wary of complaining if you're not 100% sure.

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 20:14

Do you want her to log in during her off hours just so that you don't get an email too early?

Of course not. I need only be chased up if I have failed to do something.
I don't want to get to my desk at 9am to find an email saying "you can chase this author now".

OP posts:
Neoandtrinity · 07/06/2022 20:15

See it from her point of view. She knows she's coming into a team to answer to nobody and are used to doing their own thing. She knows it wont go down well if she starts being shirty and bossing people about. She has been brought in to tidy up your collective shit show and is trying to tell you to sort your shit out whilst also not upsetting the apple cart.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 07/06/2022 20:17

OnaBegonia · 07/06/2022 19:26

She must be a MNer, with all her 'gentle' reminders.
Too often you see it on here, 'could you say gently?' or 'I'm saying this gently' it's one of the daftest uses of the word.

Dear God, I hate that word because of MN.
I detest a 'gentle' anything now!

Original poster
TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 20:18

Harrysutton · 07/06/2022 19:14

Reading between the lines do you think you are above being told what to do by an administrator? I know when I worked in an academic environment the teachers and lecturers often looked down on the admin staff without even realising until they were pulled up on it.

I really hope I am not like that. I am 51 and have worked in this field for 30 years, with staff more junior and more senior than me.
I have never felt like this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrigRights · 07/06/2022 20:20

Neoandtrinity · 07/06/2022 20:15

See it from her point of view. She knows she's coming into a team to answer to nobody and are used to doing their own thing. She knows it wont go down well if she starts being shirty and bossing people about. She has been brought in to tidy up your collective shit show and is trying to tell you to sort your shit out whilst also not upsetting the apple cart.

Yes, things is what I try and keep in mind. It was never going to be easy for her.

OP posts:
Clymene · 07/06/2022 20:22

Oh god I've worked with someone like this before. They're supposed to be your support but end up feeling like your supervisor.

So fucking annoying.

The only thing I can suggest is to add everything you're going to do into you calendar and share it with her. So then you can go 'yes Bethany, as you can see, I have that scheduled for every 3rd Monday' or whatever.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/06/2022 20:30

The idea of her being there is to ensure that you don't make mistakes because the system has been put in place - by her - that makes you look good.

I could let people make mistakes. But they then look like idiots and there's often a lot of work firefighting the resulting consequences. Far better to get them to follow systems and procedures that ensure they aren't going to embarrass themselves and others in the first place, even if they think they're infallible; it also means that if they're off sick or an emergency crops up whilst they're on leave/in another meeting, somebody else can step in before it's a clusterfuck of inefficiency. I follow similar procedures in my own work that means I wouldn't screw them over if I fell under a bus or got struck by lightning - and if somebody else can spot that I've missed something really important, I'd rather the quick save than the post mortem.