Colleague annoying the fuck out of me

[TheOrigRights]

She's quite new, she does administration, which includes sorting out emails.
She was hired to tidy things up and she'd done that.

But god she's annoying.
She will send 'gentle reminders' or 'looks like it's one of those days' when she's fixed something.

It annoys me because what she fixed was something I don't even want to be doing e.g. cc'ing a certain email address for Every Single Email I send. That's by the by I suppose, because it's what the group have agreed. I think it was a case of it not doing any harm.

Mostly though if I've done something wrong just bloody tell me. I take responsibility for my mistakes, I don't need to be patronised. She will also make 'gentle suggestions' of how we can manage mailboxes, including screenshots.

For background, it's an academic environment. We are quite a small team of people who are used to working without supervision - stuff just gets done.
I think she's come in, seen this bunch of chaotic academics and wants to tidy us up.

Part of me wants to discuss it with my boss, and another part is telling me just to leave it. She's come in, having to work with a bunch of people who are stuck in our ways, so it's not easy for her.

She just makes me feel like an idiot.

it’s annoying. I am curious to know if you have enacted any of the relationship building advice recommended up thread? As in, did you arrange a one to one, did you discuss scope of role and how she can help support you? Did you get a sense of what her goals are? If so, how did it go?

No, I didn't do any of that. I listened to what people had said and made a conscious effort to not immediately be on the defensive, to not let my personal annoyance at her choice of words ("gentle reminder", "one of those days?") cloud my judgement and to remember what she has been hired to do.

It would not be my place to set up a one-to-one meeting. She is hired to support a whole team and I would raise grievances with my immediate manager first.

Things have been better. She no longer cc's other colleagues who really don't need to know about certain issues. I think that came from a policy of being open about everything in other positions she has had, but actually just clogs up people inboxes and makes us feel a bit uncomfortable for the person who made a mistake or let something slip.

I have been sure to thank her more frequently and also to have some non-work chatter (all via email, we are in different continents!).

Is she American? They are more direct than brits imo.

I wonder if she acknowledges your strengths? If all you get from her is "xyz [relatively minor] things you did were wrong", it can build a huge defensive reaction because there is no appreciation or perception of all the zillion things you're doing (that she could not) right.

I used to work in publishing and fools would say ooh I found a typo on page 245, and I'd want to smack them - they lacked the awareness of what publishing a book takes, and thought they were helpfully pointing out a mistake. Bah.

@TheOrigRights 😂sorry maybe that post wasn’t very clear, a one to one wouldn’t be about raising a grievance! Good god!That would be appalling for relationship building with a new colleague, it would be more about “welcome to the team, here’s what I do, what’s your role going to be? How can we help each other?”

It’s great that the advice here has helped improve things in any case, and probably really helped by a bit of non work chatter thrown into the mix like you described. I would say though that there’s no substitute for getting to know people, e.g. via DMs, when I read your update I had suspected that you hadn’t made that much of a personal connection yet because she still has the whiff of a cartoon villain about her.

This is an anonymous forum, so I’ll just be blunt- my experience with academics and academia is that judging, evaluating and correcting is so much part of the culture that it seems to make most people involved in it extraordinarily defensive about corrections, however slight. It can also make them much better at integrating the criticism but that brittleness is often palpable to those outside the arena. It’s completely understandable and I admire people who are able to tough it out, I don’t think I could do it long term, but to the rest of the world corrections (even shitty wrong corrections like the one you described) are not necessarily intended as the barb they may feel like to an academic.
So, practical advice? I think the most charitable possible interpretation of her corrections is probably the way to go on this honestly, when she says “long day?” I would probably reply “is it that obvious?😂don’t worry, I corrected it in time, nothing gets by you does it?” Or something equally light-hearted. Just assume she’s quite clumsily trying to prove her worth/make a friendly connection, even if you’re wrong about it, it will probably preserve your sanity to view it that way. Interpret it as hostility and you run the risk of coming across as insecure in your seniority or of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

@TheOrigRights Yes that is annoying given that you had already spotted and corrected it. Everyone makes the odd mistake.

Has she been brought in specifically to spot issues like this across the organisation to stop some of the 'chaotic' elements?

Can you think of instances when she's been helpful? We all get annoyed about odd things from colleagues but it's normally counterbalanced with them also being nice or efficient etc. If 99% emails are fine then try not to get too upset about the odd one. I think you are probably also annoyed at yourself for giving her ammunition. So practical action - double check all emails before you send so she has nothing to pull you up on ;-)

@Baggyeye

Yes, she was hired to streamline how we work - sort out the email boxes, make sure tasks don't get missed, chase things up etc.

Yes, she has been helpful overall; things are more organised so it's easier for individuals to keep track of their own work, and she has made some good spots.
I have been sure to thank her.

Some of the things she's picked up on are changes that she has implemented that a few of us are sceptical about, so I think there has been double annoyance for me; that I forgot to do something I don't see the benefit in doing and the tone of the email telling me. These are things which are still under discussion (some of the old ways have been in place for years) so don't think my frustration is entirely misplaced.

@RoundandRound123 you make some good points, thank you.
My job involves a high level of detail and yes, it stings when it's brought to my attention that I've been absent minded, or not double checked something.
All our work has a final check before it's published (obviously) so we are all used to having others scrutinise what we've done.
So thinking about it, I think it's mainly the manner in which she does it.

This thread has given me lots to think about. The thought that someone might think I'm above them makes me feel awful.

I wonder if she acknowledges your strengths?

Not really, that's not her role, though there was an incident where she picked something up, I explained that I would normally have done so but due to workload had let it slip, and she agreed that indeed that aspect was usually fine. I did thank her.