Fired yesterday now tricky boss wants 2 hour meeting!

[NotMyDust]

Very badly managed project, no busonness plan, unclear goals,anager has fallen out with a lot of people. Previous post holder walked out, his targets transferred on to me with no real handover process, losing money fast, so yesterday I was called on to. a meeting with the CEO and my line manager and "let go". I made it easy for them as the writing was in the wall for a while and I've been applying for new jobs right left and cente.

BUT line manager now wants a 2 hour meeting this morning! juat handover stuff officially I guess which part of me cba to do after being treated so badly, but otoh I am a decent human being and like to be professional.

However she has said some pretty horrid/immature stuff to me in the past eg I give her a negative feeling every time she sees me.

Please can i have some tips for how to deal with this, what to say, boundaries etc? ideally I would channel Michelle Obama rather than pissed off teenager (which is secretly how I could be triggered after everything she's put me through) .
thanks

If it is just a handover, keep it brief and say you will email any relevant notes on the areas highlighted rather than discuss. It is for their benefit and convenience not yours. Ask if a month's notice starts from end of the week to allow you today as a paid working day to do so.

@Whitehorsegirl yes. I've only been there a year so not covered by any protection. but everything else you say is right. the CEO has had a few employees leave because of LM but won't get rid of her for some reason, maybe it would be expensive she's on a high salary and has been there 20+ years.

But I guess I'm asking should I feed her need for 'being right" or how do I create boundaries etc?

If you have to do this meeting, literally focus on the position you held, do the handover for that role. Nothing more. You do not have to put up with a personal attack. So please do not say "I'll bear that in mind" etc. Be the professional, be courteous, but ultimately fuck them, info only exercise.

Your knowledge (that you have and they don't, apparently) is power. Don't give it up lightly. Postpone the meeting and think awhile. What can they do if you postpone - fire you?
It's the old “Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine.”

Don't feel every comment needs a response from you, this can really escalate things especially as you say you trigger certain behaviour in each other. Sometimes no response/a period of silence is really useful. Also fine to say 'I am not sure how to respond to that' or 'I will take that away/give that some thought'. Maybe agree to send your handover notes through later today and keep the meeting itself short. And do a big loud sigh of relief just before you join the call as you would when something is over. I find that really helps settle me before stressful meetings. Good luck!

Urgh sorry that sounds shit. Agree with PP you need a list of things to say. You could try:

I think we’re getting a bit side-tracked here

It’s probably most useful if we stick to what needs to happen going forward rather than pointing fingers

I’d prefer it if we keep this purely factual/professional

That’s no longer my responsibility/that will be up to you and/or the team to decide

I don’t think we’re making much headway so please can you email me a list of what you need and I’ll reply in writing

Actually might be inclined to offer that from the start - who wants a 2 hour Teams meeting at the best of times? Good luck.

@Passtheduchyonthelefthandside so like " what else would you need to do x"
" I've put this in xyz folder"

WHY though does she want 2 hours??I can't stand the thought talk about awkward!

@Aozora13 good one I will keep those phrases next to me! I am naturally chatty and quite warm so this will be tricky! boundaries boundaries boundaries

@Batinahat yes lovely help there thank you so much

@senua I've blooming agreed to it now
total torture

I think you need to clearly establish the purpose of the meeting before hand. Via email so you have it in writing. Since you've already been let go then focussing on your alleged short comings shouldn't be the purpose. A hand over meeting is fair enough but you need to practice repeating firmly and calmly "right the purpose of this meeting is x so let's get back to that" then return to transferring helpful, factual information.
Refuse to be drawn into or react to any personal attacks.
As far as you can be, be helpful in transferring actual information/documents etc. You need to try to stand out as the professional one no matter how they're behaving. It will involve a lot of teeth gritting but leaving well is always a good move for your future career.
Good luck.

I would say at the top of the meeting

“I think I can handover most productively and efficiently for you if I can email you a document of notes, then we can discuss the details in another meeting once you’ve read through. So if you want to give me any urgent pressing issues you need to discuss now we can go through those for 30 minutes then I’ll spend time on the handover document for you to look at on Monday/Tuesday next week.”

Can you decline to meet on TEAMS the day after being dismissed and ask her to put what she wants in writing and you will respond to that.

You say you need a reference off her but surely you will put HR's details on any reference and they will just give dates and job role?

@senua I've blooming agreed to it now
total torture
So? You can un-agree or cut short. Stop being nice.

She is an idiot for not getting this out of you before firing you. Make her pay for it.

Is there a way of recording a Teams meeting? Might be worth setting up as that gives you evidence if she does cross the line.

If you’re in danger of exploding you always have a get out: turn the laptop/pc off and msg to explain you’ve suddenly lost power so will have to leave it there.

My two tips would be to align with her at the outset (we both agree this project didn’t go well….), and also make sure any feedback she gives about you is really specific.

So if she starts with, ‘this project was a failure and you did a terrible job’. I’d probably respond with, ‘I agree that the project didn’t go as well as we both planned. Please can you be more specific about the failures that I made personally.’

And then be professional. It’s very difficult to have an argument with somebody who is agreeing with you, and getting them to be really specific makes them look less churlish, whilst giving you the chance to discuss particular points of concern.

You need to know, very specifically, what the meeting is about, so I'd ask for:

• the purpose of the meeting
• an outline agenda
• what LM wants to get out of the meeting
• what your contribution is expected to be

The last one is important too, as it means you will know in advance what information you need to have to hand to refer to, or to pass on

I'd also suggest that if you find yourself getting overly emotional, that you turn your camera off. It's easier to stay calmer/more rational if you can't see the person. Even if it's only temporary. (You can always claim technical issues!)

'Unfortunately, my TEAMS isn't connecting this morning, so if you could put what it is you want in writing and I'll type it up for you'.

If you were given a poor handover when you started in the role then they can’t expect you to make a running success of it.

I wouldn’t have agreed to the meeting. It sounds like your line manager is going to try and blame the failure of this project on you to cover her own shortcomings, sack you and then get a full and thorough handover from you via this meeting. She wants to have her cake and eat it.

You can always change your mind and decline. Don’t make it so easy for her.

Lots of good advice above - establish purpose of meeting, offer to follow up in writing in more detail, don't engage with anything personal or emotive,leave if it goes off topic and suggest she emails you with any further questions.

Keep a big note next to your laptop reminding you that it's the last time you'll have to speak to her! Every time you need to look at it more minutes will have passed and you'll be closer to the point where you can breathe and forget about her and the messy project she's left with!

What was your last date? Is everything in writing?

If all you have is verbal for last day, the first item on the agenda is getting those things in writing.

If your last day was yesterday and you're getting a 'pay off' equivalent to 1 month notice then you're no longer an employee. You are not bound to attend this meeting.

References these days are statements of fact. Essentially that you worked for company from X to Y dates. There shouldn't be any additional information. I've worked for small & huge companies - this was always handled by the HR team or person, never the line manager. So try not to worry that this woman has power over you still.

Before the call, think about what any person would need for a handover. FACTS only. Not opinion, not helpful pointers. Have your OWN agenda and run through it. Then after the call, send a summary of the meeting, include points covered - finish it positively eg "I hope the project ends well"

Approach the meeting as if you'd fired them, or resigned already. A bit like a reverse interview - hold your head high.

Phrases...

This may be awkward but let's get the best out of that we can, eh?

I don't think this is a productive conversation (if she strays into non-handover conversation)

I'd prefer to focus on the handover.

Channel a bit of Ben Cooper QC: "let's come back to that later" ... but then ignore it.

I'd try to finish on a positive: best of luck on the project, I've learned a lot about dickhead line managers

If you need more time, consider saying the timing doesn't work for you & postponing to next week. It's not like they can achieve a lot over a 4 day weekend...

Exactly. The fact that they haven’t done this is poor planning. I would never invite someone to a 2 hour meeting and not give them an agenda or at least some idea as to what is to be covered.

When I was 'let go' forced to resign recently I didn't go in or help them at all. I had a very brief catch up with my bitch of a manager and left.

You owe them nothing and I wouldn't go in at all, even if they paid you. Onwards and upwards.

Been in a new job 3 weeks (almost a month now) and the difference (almost from the start) is amazing. People are great, I've been invited to meetings, included in work. I saw something where they worried if I'd been thrown in at the deep end, but I don't think I have been. Larger company too though.