Stepping up in your late 40s

[sixthirty]

I'm mid-late 40s and currently working in a pretty easy job. I don't like the phrase "mum job' but I suppose that's essentially what it is - a self contained role with primary school hours, which has served me very well while my children were young, but is quite out of sync with my qualifications and pre-kids work experience. I've now got the opportunity to apply for a much more full on role - it's full time, much more challenging and interesting work, much better paid.

I just can't decide whether to go for it, and I'm interested in other people's experiences of doing something similar at a similar stage in life. It feels like quite a now or never moment, and a big part of me really really wants it. I love working, and it would be a very fulfilling job (if I got it!). But another part of me thinks perhaps I'm nuts. My kids are youngish secondary age, so increasingly independent, but will have important exam years ahead. My husband has quite a high pressure job (though with some wfh flexibility). I've got ageing parents who are largely fine at the moment, but getting frailer. I've had a few pre menopausal twinges, with no idea yet of how hard a menopause I'll have. We don't need the extra money (obviously it would be nice, but we're comfortable without it). Plus, I'd be going against the flow of what most of my female friends are doing - the majority either don't work at all now, or they've scaled back their work so they've got more time to spend walking the dog, or doing hobbies, or in the gym, or working on the house, or meeting up with friends. If I got the job then I would have much less time for any of this kind of stuff (although I don't do that much of it now).

I can't decide whether to go for it, and I haven't got long to decide!

I’d definitely go for it.

Most mums I know in a similar position have either stayed safe (as it’s easier but a couple also had ageing parents etc.) and they’ve either been happier or they’ve done as you’ve done as a step up, including my own DM when she worked.

I think if you think you’d regret not taking this chance then take it.

I do have another scenario, a close friend retrained as an accountant and then she had two children so did jobs to work around them. Her youngest is almost 8 and eldest 12 but she got a job as an accountant locally last year and as she didn’t like the company she now is in a new job as an accountant. I think she likes the fact she can use her skills and qualification even though it means her DH has had to step up a lot with childcare. She has no options from her parents both dead and her DH same only father alive but lives a few hours away.

My friend is on HRT and is late 40s.

So, I wanted to thank everyone again for all your good advice, and come back to give you an update - I decided to apply for the job, and I got it! I'm starting in a few weeks. So now we'll see. Perhaps I'll come back again in six months' time and tell you whether I regret it!!

Brilliant news, well done!

Well done, and good luck!

Awesome! Well done and good luck 😁

Pleased for you - hope it goes well:)

Good for you, well done. Hope it goes really well.

Congratulations @sixthirty !
I am very inspired by you and (I think) about to apply for a big step up too. This thread has been really helpful. Best of luck and best wishes.

Wow, what a lovely post - thank you! Good luck with your application.

@sixthirty sorry I know it’s been over a year but I wanted to see how you are getting on? You might remember you inspired me to go for a big new job last year and I did and I’m now a year on and so grateful I did. Hope all is good with you 🙏

If you have the opportunity I'd go for it but put some of your newfound cash into making the rest of your life easier. You won't necessarily get the opportunity in another five years but you can always quit if it's too much.

I am similar age and 100% stepping up in my career, I want to make more money (we do need it) but I also want to get to where I feel l should be professionally, as I see people without my responsibilities achieving things that I am capable of and it's firing me up (plus I love the work and would happily do it for the rest of my life.)

@sixthirty it would be nice to hear how the last year went for you?

I would also be interested in how you are getting on.

I'm early fifties, and everyone I know, whether SAHP, part time or full time during the early years, is having a bit of a reckoning about what they want to do with their lives. A couple of my friends who were mostly SAHP now want to find jobs or businesses to occupy themselves with, as they don't fancy sitting at home with children at uni or adults (and partners still working). A couple with jobs have wondered if this is the right job for them, whether to switch careers. I know at least two who have done career jobs who are now dropping to three day weeks and can afford that financially.

All this is to say that none of it is fixed. I think it's easier (mentally) to do well in a career, get a lot of support (e.g. cleaner more than once a week, gardening, online shopping) and then drop back than to have a frustrated feeling you can't quite scratch. Retiring early having achieved what you wanted looks more tempting to me. Trying to make up lost ground in your early fifties without a good work record is much harder. That said, some people don't enjoy work at all or the jobs they do and if there's the chance to stay p/t or even quit, then I would do what will be most satisfying. For me that's stepping up in early fifties, first chance I've had to do that, but I don't intend to do it til 67.

None of the things you mention are barriers at the moment - they're things you're worried might become issues in the future.

You should go for it. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out and, if you do have problems, you go back to a similar job to your current one. It sounds like it wouldn't be difficult to pick up something similar and go back to something like your current life if it doesn't work.

You've really got very little to lose.

Just realised this is an old thread - hope it worked out for you OP!

Do it! If it’s not right then you can step back out of the ring so to speak but if you don’t try you’ll forever wonder what could’ve been and then in a couple of years or so your kids will need you even less and you’ll feel like Wtaf, my life beyond being a mother has stagnated. Give it a try!

Also I’m not sure how you being at work hinders your kids development (aimed at a PP)

It honestly depends on your own ability to cope. I'm mid 45s and recently stepped up. I've always worked FT though so never really been part of the SAHM scene etc which suits me. My job before was fairly senior but I was getting so bored doing a job I could do standing on my head. For my own sanity I had to step up as I needed the challenge. Kids are 6 and 8 and used to our hectic lives but know we both work to allow nice things to happen and I like to think we're influencing a good work ethic in them too. Working at home most of the time does help with the day to day management of things.