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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ here: We want to know all about your return to work experience.

115 replies

PeggyMumsnet · 04/03/2022 17:06

Hi Mumsnetters,

Our Planning team is currently doing some research for a potential partnership and we wanted to know about your returning to work experiences.

Getting back to work after maternity leave can be an emotional rollercoaster, whether it’s your first, second or tenth baby.

For some of us, returning to work is an exciting opportunity to drink a hot cup of tea, have grown-up conversations and feel vaguely like our old selves again. For others it can be a much harder transition. Many of us feel the pressure of new deadlines, financial burdens, the ‘mum guilt’ of leaving the kids at nursery, and the overwhelming sense that you can’t do everything at once. It’s important to remember, you’re not alone.

But even though being a working parent is challenging at times, it can also be filled with comedy gold moments that make the hard times easier - you might even look back, years later, after several nights of unbroken sleep and laugh about it. Yes, even that time you stayed up until midnight to make a costume for Dress Like a Pharaoh Day because you only found out about it on the train home. (Schools send a LOT of emails, in your defence.)

We want to hear your stories about the funny side of juggling kids, a career and a social life - cos if you don’t laugh you’ll cry right?

From the unfortunate baby items you pull out of your bag in meetings, to sneaking in some shut-eye during your lunch hour or your kids merrily dancing their way into your zoom background - we want to know your experiences.

Thanks!
MNHQ

OP posts:
Onceuponatimethen · 07/03/2022 21:50

@Newbie44 you know what this has also made me feel better. I felt like everyone around me was so professional, managing to go back smartly dressed to their careers and their calm babies without sn doing so well at nursery. I by contrast wasn’t managing any part of my life. I wouldn’t wish that pain on others but it’s good to see I wasn’t alone. Still not laughing tho

Newmum738 · 07/03/2022 21:53

Yep, nothing funny about juggling work and care or facing discrimination after maternity leave. I went back to work after 5 months and my husband took shared parental leave. It turned out that the Chief Exec didn't like the terms of my return which had been agreed with HR. They went on to be unhappy with flexible working so I made a statutory request which they had no grounds to turn down. They then tried to move my base which would have forced me back to 5 days. Also, about 20 people asked if I was going part-time and no one asked my husband at all even though he stayed at home for months to look after the baby - why is that? I felt like I was going to have a breakdown during that first year. It was hilarious... not.

Newbie44 · 07/03/2022 21:54

@MissHavershamReturns
Just wish someone could’ve told us at the time. Hope you are ok now and like everyone else who has commented, you are a walking miracle! X

Cleanbedlinen12 · 07/03/2022 21:56

Yes, it only just dawned on me recently that no one asked Dp to stay at home, yet I earned 3 x what he did.

endofthelinefinally · 07/03/2022 22:12

@Newbie44

In a way I’m relieved, and of course sad, to read of these terrible experiences. I honestly thought I was the only one and everyone else seemed to be coping. We all suffer in silence, even in front of each other. I am forever grateful I was lucky enough to stick two fingers up at the lot of it, get off the crazy merry go round and stay with my children. Got lots of hate for it at the time, unbelievable. Maybe someone should start a true thread about the misery of leaving your babies and the disgusting way some of you have been treated.
Well. Mumsnet have this one. It would be great if they would give some serious thought to what could be done with all the life experiences recorded here.
RandomCatGenerator · 07/03/2022 22:33

I mean, there’s a whole section of the forum about it. It isn’t funny; it’s so stressful.

My husband works for a wonderful, incredibly flexible, very small company. His boss texted me after I gave birth to offer any support she could, to share her experience of early parenthood, and to thank me (!!) for agreeing to my husband going back to work part time a few weeks after I gave birth as the company needed him. She’s a magnificent boss and CEO in actually putting her principles into practise.

But she’s unusual and was herself pushed out of her last job after having kids…

theemperorhasnoclothes · 07/03/2022 23:42

I do wonder who on earth wrote the OP. Either someone who's not yet had kids, a man, or a woman who has a large amount of parental / financial support.

Not someone who's spent a lot of time reading the threads on here because if you look there's thread after thread after thread about the shitty way women are treated in pregnancy and once they've had their babies: by their employers, by society, by their partners, by pretty much everyone.

Onceuponatimethen · 08/03/2022 05:54

@theemperorhasnoclothes I’ve also come across very relaxed attitudes to going back where people have a very easy chilled baby they know will be fine to be left. It also helps where people are working in a family business, so not having the dread of having to call yet again to explain your baby is sick and so you can’t go in as family will understand. Also much less scary to go back where the job can be done 100% from home, so the compromise in terms of time away can be less.

Vebrithien · 08/03/2022 06:44

I requested to work part time, on return from maternity leave. I was told my choices were full time or resign.

MrsWidgerysLodger · 08/03/2022 07:40

I was given less and less work when I returned to work and made redundant after a few months. 6 months later my exact job was advertised but as a full time role. Hilarious.

SirChenjins · 08/03/2022 07:59

@theemperorhasnoclothes

I do wonder who on earth wrote the OP. Either someone who's not yet had kids, a man, or a woman who has a large amount of parental / financial support.

Not someone who's spent a lot of time reading the threads on here because if you look there's thread after thread after thread about the shitty way women are treated in pregnancy and once they've had their babies: by their employers, by society, by their partners, by pretty much everyone.

Absolutely agree. The complete lack of awareness suggests it was someone who really doesn’t have a clue.
MaternityActionfreeadvice · 08/03/2022 19:08

Some of these stories are awful to read! For anyone having issues at work during pregnancy/maternity leave, Maternity Action is currently running our free legal clinic on Mumsnet this week. You can ask your questions here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/employment_issues/4496336-MNHQ-here-post-your-pregnancy-maternity-work-questions-here-for-FREE-legal-advice-from-Maternity-Action?watched=1&msgid=115688610#115688610
These clinics run at the end of every term on Mumsnet.

We also have free advice lines staffed by in house employment lawyers and an in house casework team:

National line, Monday to Friday 10am-1pm 0808 802 0029
London line (for those who live and work in London), Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, 10am-1pm 0808 802 0057

SpikeySmooth · 08/03/2022 19:49

I worked shifts. I couldn't do nights with the baby. Manager offered a PT fixed hours role. I said no, I'm the breadwinner, I need the money. I said, because of childcare costs and DH having only been able to secure weekends off, late shifts only. My union rep was a force to be reckoned with but despite her help it took three months to sort out. Had to rely on MiL getting to my house for 5am so I could get to work (DH is a postal worker, so also early starts). My head wasn't at work it was making sure DC was looked after all day.

DC was bottle fed but there's still no pumping room at ANY location in my job, you're expected to use the prayer/quiet room! Or a cupboard.

No funny bits, I'm afraid.

11GrumpsaGrumping · 08/03/2022 21:08

God if only it were funny instead of tragic.

Come on Mumsnet- I would expect better of you.

I mean there WAS the time... nope... can't think of anything funny!

Houseonfire · 27/07/2022 17:39

Returning to work after my first baby has been the single most soul-destroying experience of my life. I lost my professional registration and had to pay £350 to re-register, complete a form detailing the 18 hours of CPD I had completed (I was raising a human not attending conferences) and they still haven’t resolved it 6 months later. Apparently no one in my profession has ever procreated.

One of my NHS roles made me redundant over an email 2 weeks before my scheduled return and only offered me alternative roles with no condensed hours or flexible working (oh and I didn’t qualify for any redundancy pay 🙌). The other role took 4 MONTHS of back-and-forth with HR and increasingly irate emails threatening to legal action for someone to return me to payroll. I still haven’t been remunerated for my KIT days. All whilst I went through the struggle of the financial devastation of working part-time, paying £700/month in childcare and pumping whilst in a petrol station toilet off the M25 because I joyfully work in community care ……

Both my partner and I work extra assessments on evenings and weekends to make up the extra money I’ve ‘lost’ by caring for our son and are basically resentful and burnout. I have been searching for new jobs. But nothing allows me to keep my current childcare/work days so I am stuck. Really makes all those years studying for a qualification feel worth it…..

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