MNHQ here: We want to know all about your return to work experience.

[PeggyMumsnet]

Hi Mumsnetters,

Our Planning team is currently doing some research for a potential partnership and we wanted to know about your returning to work experiences.

Getting back to work after maternity leave can be an emotional rollercoaster, whether it’s your first, second or tenth baby.

For some of us, returning to work is an exciting opportunity to drink a hot cup of tea, have grown-up conversations and feel vaguely like our old selves again. For others it can be a much harder transition. Many of us feel the pressure of new deadlines, financial burdens, the ‘mum guilt’ of leaving the kids at nursery, and the overwhelming sense that you can’t do everything at once. It’s important to remember, you’re not alone.

But even though being a working parent is challenging at times, it can also be filled with comedy gold moments that make the hard times easier - you might even look back, years later, after several nights of unbroken sleep and laugh about it. Yes, even that time you stayed up until midnight to make a costume for Dress Like a Pharaoh Day because you only found out about it on the train home. (Schools send a LOT of emails, in your defence.)

We want to hear your stories about the funny side of juggling kids, a career and a social life - cos if you don’t laugh you’ll cry right?

From the unfortunate baby items you pull out of your bag in meetings, to sneaking in some shut-eye during your lunch hour or your kids merrily dancing their way into your zoom background - we want to know your experiences.

Thanks!
MNHQ

I once drove to work worried that I needed to get the brakes checked as they were squeaking terribly.

It wasn't until I went to get my bag from the back seat that I realised the 'squeaky brakes' was actually my baby son that I had forgotten to drop off at the child minder.

I felt terrible & cried all the way back.

You will find your pace
But I think it takes time and a lot of mistakes.

I’ve been trying to find funny bits but can’t!

Sorry mumsnet, I can't think of anything funny but I can manage ironic.

My boss who made me redundant that first morning back said "I'm sorry Mint, it wasn't my decision" and managed to look embarrassed. He was the managing director. Apparently the chairman had over-ruled him because he 'didn't want mums as managers.'
My boss' wife was 7 months pregnant at the time. I wonder what she thought of her husband's ethics.

Oh God. So many NOT funny stories but all so real. Is this post meant to be a bit like Sharon Horgan in Motherland - let's all laugh at the mom fails... 😒
Recognising that there actually is a very serious personal identity and confidence problem with women returning to work, and the lack of support available, earlier this year I set out a solution for employers to support mothers. This was co-created with the moms at my daughter's school (one of whose return to work was so stressful her periods stopped - is that the sort of funny entry we're meant to put here? 🤔) and won the Microsoft #BuildFor2030 Hackathon for Gender Equality. It's a cross industry programme that's one-part community, one-part support and development including live coaching, workshops and an on-demand library covering regaining confidence, professional presence and practical support; and also an AI-powered companion coach to help structure a return to work plan so you're not as dependent on your line manager.
Although it's mainly aimed at businesses to buy for their employees, we currently have the doors open for mothers to join as a member from April with access to all the above and a buy one give one donation to support business training for women in developing countries. All under goal #5 of the UN sustainability goals to support gender equality and empowerment - because being regarded as equals in work is a fundamental human right. So not really a laughing matter actually, but the genuine support working mothers need. 👍
You can see more info here Propelelo.com/mothers or Propelelo.com/rockyourreturn for a free course on managing your return.

Well I had a breakdown, oh what larks.

I can see you’re going for a Motherland vibe but this is mumsnet where people come for support and the share their darkest and deepest. By exclusively focussing on the ‘funny’ side of this massive and often stressful life event you’re trivialising many women’s experiences and missing an opportunity to have a proper discussion and maybe make some positive change. Really disappointing.

@HelenTinnelly

Oh God. So many NOT funny stories but all so real. Is this post meant to be a bit like Sharon Horgan in Motherland - let's all laugh at the mom fails... 😒 Recognising that there actually is a very serious personal identity and confidence problem with women returning to work, and the lack of support available, earlier this year I set out a solution for employers to support mothers. This was co-created with the moms at my daughter's school (one of whose return to work was so stressful her periods stopped - is that the sort of funny entry we're meant to put here? 🤔) and won the Microsoft #BuildFor2030 Hackathon for Gender Equality. It's a cross industry programme that's one-part community, one-part support and development including live coaching, workshops and an on-demand library covering regaining confidence, professional presence and practical support; and also an AI-powered companion coach to help structure a return to work plan so you're not as dependent on your line manager. Although it's mainly aimed at businesses to buy for their employees, we currently have the doors open for mothers to join as a member from April with access to all the above and a buy one give one donation to support business training for women in developing countries. All under goal #5 of the UN sustainability goals to support gender equality and empowerment - because being regarded as equals in work is a fundamental human right. So not really a laughing matter actually, but the genuine support working mothers need. 👍 You can see more info here Propelelo.com/mothers or Propelelo.com/rockyourreturn for a free course on managing your return.

PS. We are recruiting for a part-time community and social media manager (c.15 hours/wk - flexible times and location) to facilitate the community and support conversation. If you are interested in further details or know someone particularly passionate about this space please PM me x

Absolutely nothing funny at all to offer you I’m afraid.

I effectively lost my job of 23 years when I returned to work as I couldn’t afford the childcare costs and my brand new in post manager refused to be flexible with my hours in any shape or form. So I had to leave.

I was top of my game and fucking good at my job.
It has taken me another 5 years to climb back up to the top again.
It bloody broke my heart. I absolutely loved that job.

I came back to work and realised quite a significant restructure had happened whilst I was away but it was fine as I had been relocated to Cambridge - I live in Wiltshire! I kicked up a massive fuss and eventually got relocated to my main role. They had permanently kept my mat cover on and were insisting that it wasn't mat cover. Funny when she left they didn't replace her and gave me all her work as she was only mat cover!

This time round I've applied and succeeded to get a promotion but feel massively under confident and apprehensive about leaving my baby.

How about being put at risk of redundancy on the day of my return?

Or getting a new line manager who knew I was being managed out and refused to meet with me? This might be a funny story - we lived in the same village and caught the same two-carriage train in to work. Watching him try to predict my schedule and dodge me on our commute for six months was pretty comical?

Or when we finally went through the kangaroo redundancy process my colleague who had been promoted (we were same level before maternity) had to manage my redundancy meetings. Which consisted of her moaning about how busy she was? That's blackly funny, especially when you add in how much HR and my union downplayed it. Or the employment lawyer who said off the record to not challenge as they'd done just enough to avoid unfair dismissal.

What about getting another job where the sheer exhaustion of trying to act as if I didn't have a child brought on an auto-immune condition where I lost 50% of my sight? And then another redundancy over this despite previously identifying me as high talent potential?

Having to take a job 200 miles away to keep my career at the same level? And living away from home mon-Thursday? That's funny!

Or what about now 10 years later and I still don't earn the same as I did when I got pregnant. So hilarious

I got moved into a role with a lesser job title that ultimately got made redundant. It was hilarious.

Also don’t like the funny approach here.

I cried in the toilet because I knew my dc would really miss me. Dc has since been dx with sn but it was obvious even at the return to work stage that he was vulnerable. I couldn’t go back ft because of this so went very much pt.

A kind colleague reassured me that it becomes easier and that it would be ok. She always gave me the space to talk.

Nothing very funny unless you want stories about expressing at midnight, crying with exhaustion and earning not much but feeling like I had to go back so I wouldn’t get shut out of the labour market.

Yet another mumsnet post that misses the mark…

Hilarity ensues when pumping in toilets crying, or being offered an unlocked room with a window to express despite their being a “policy” in place to provide a proper space.

Having the whole senior team discussing my breasts was a hoot.

Being told I could stay if I took a demotion, despite pre-pregnant promise of promotion.

Being told I was strategically less important that others.

Being bullied.

Being managed out.

Having my kids be the first ones dropped off and last to be picked up to nursery.

Being denied flexible working.

Being undermined, micro managed and overlooked.

Having several mental breakdowns and needing therapy.

It’s all so darn funny.

Mumsnet - why don’t you tell us all about YOUR employees experiences returning for work. What YOU are doing to help women return to work that sets the standard for supporting us. How YOU are set a blazing trail on women in the workplace.

Or did I miss the mark?

I’m finding it offensive that you’re just interested in mums returning straight after maternity leave. I’ve done that many many years ago.

I also took years out to be a SAHM - because we had no family support and three children.

When I tried to return to work more recently- as a Doctor in Child Psychiatry (a branch of medicine crying out for Drs) it was awful.

Financially it cost a lot of money - I had to go to London to re register. There was no support or guidance from the hospital. I went in for free for 3 months. I wasn’t given technical support and when I asked for it one of the administrators shouted and shouted at me.

So I jacked that in and returned to being a SAHM.

Actually I also think that saying the pharaoh example in the op is funny is part of the problem. My mother constantly points out that it’s almost impossible for me to do everything school ask and actually do my job. Read every day after school with both kids? Two lots of homework? Attend in school events and parents evenings at the drop of a hat? Buy costumes for assemblies?

None of this is compatible with working life. I would really like to see mn campaign for schools to reduce the load on working mothers in terms of costumes, events etc as it’s usually US who end up doing all this stuff due to current gender politics in the UK!!

I was wondering why there has been no reply from mn?
I would have thought that with 40 very similar replies that they would possibly review the thread and offer some feedback to us that have taken the time to reply.
I’m really surprised and somewhat disappointed in this to be honest.

I had the same experience as many others here. I returned from having my first baby to find my clinical managers job had been absorbed into the senior managers role and I was sidelined into another role without warning. The only reason I didn't fight it was because I used it as leverage to negotiate the working hours I wanted.

I'm just about to return to work after my second and I wonder what I'm going back to this time.

So far there’s a distinct absence of laughs on this thread

This is so disrespectful to women, but actually reflects the way mothers are treated in the work place and society. So many hardworking, talented women lost to the work force. It is shameful.

Mumsnet, I would suggest you tell your advertising partner that trying to show the funny side in going back to work is a bad idea. It’ll just piss off a load of mums. In my circles, discrimination is the norm and not exception unfortunately.

Why not instead show an older mum giving solidarity to a younger mum in the workplace in a kind of “I get it” way. Something more sentimental, with a John Lewis ad vibe.

I love Motherland and Catastrophe, both are done very well, but it’s hard to pull off funny in these circumstances. Yes there are some cliches, like getting to drink a hot cup of tea, but there is not much to laugh about on the topic of returning to work I’m afraid.

Hello everyone - we're considering all the responses on here and will have a discussion this week about a:what we got wrong (lots) and b:what we can do to address all the issues raised here. Thank you.

I didn't have a job to return to, because I'd been forced out on mat leave. So.... Hahaha

My employer (a school) were pretty decent but that may be because I saw an employment lawyer at my own expense while I was pregnant to avoid ending up as one of those Pregnant Then Screwed case studies.

However, they did mess up my mat pay to the tune of several £k meaning I was overdrawn for my first month back as they didn't sort the back pay till the end of September.

I also was quite poorly within several months as my iron levels had crashed. I passed out in the disabled loo. My sixth formers were way more concerned about my health than the school!

And that is a positive experience on the whole as I didn't get made redundant, my maternity cover didn't get kept on (tbh she didn't want to be) and they promoted me.

Oh, and in the meantime my DH got loads of sympathy and support at work as a new dad and was allowed to work 4 days a week for 3 years for full time pay.

Whereas I have worked full time for part time pay ever since and some colleagues think I am being done a favour as I get "days off" (which are obviously unpaid and I often spend marking).

@MissHavershamReturns

Actually I also think that saying the pharaoh example in the op is funny is part of the problem. My mother constantly points out that it’s almost impossible for me to do everything school ask and actually do my job. Read every day after school with both kids? Two lots of homework? Attend in school events and parents evenings at the drop of a hat? Buy costumes for assemblies?

None of this is compatible with working life. I would really like to see mn campaign for schools to reduce the load on working mothers in terms of costumes, events etc as it’s usually US who end up doing all this stuff due to current gender politics in the UK!!

This is very true Schools assume that there’s a sahm and not much motive to organise things especially on a budget. I would tell my kids I needed at least a weeks notice or it couldn’t happen. Or we would see what could be made at home quickly.

One of the first things I said to my friend who was pregnant was you can’t have it / do it all there’s no point in adding the pressure on. And it doesn’t matter what choice you make
Sahm- lose your career
FT - major guilt re dc
PT- career curtailed, pension decimated
Pulled everywhere