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Original poster

Child sickness and WFH

79 replies

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 08:24

I returned to work following 9 months of mat leave at the start of October.
I've been gradually using up holiday to return to 4 days a week. So I haven't yet been in a 'full' 4 day week.

In that period both my children (5 and 11 month) have been ill. I have WFH 5 days due to child illness since Oct (including today). DH has had the same.

I can WFH, and while I appreciate it's not the same full day as it would be in the office environment, I do as much as I can. I figure it's better to do something than nothing. If I don't work, there is no one to cover my role. DH cannot WFH at all, we lose a days pay when he is off or he takes holiday.

We try and split the days fairly and according to who has the most urgent meetings etc that day. There is no family close to help. Just us.

5yr old was in A&E last night, he's ok but can't go to school today. I am home with him as I can dial in to the meetings I have today. My boss said the situation is 'getting unmanageable'.

Is it? I'm sat here in floods of tears thinking I'm going to lose my job. What do others do in my situation?

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 29/11/2021 08:28

We’re unusual but we have paid childcare in place that will take DC if they’re sick (not COVID). We put it in because we don’t have local family. If you can WFH can you make up the hours in the evening (we had to do so in lockdown…far from fun working until 1 am but needs must)?

drpet49 · 29/11/2021 08:28

You take unpaid leave. That is what others have to do. Your are lucky your boss has allowed you to work from home with sick children to this point.

Original poster

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 08:30

@drpet49 it's more that I am not physically in the office. If I wasn't working at all that would be even worse.

OP posts:

Confusedteacher · 29/11/2021 08:32

Do you have a union or HR department? Are you allowed a specific number of days for caring for dependents?

It is really shit. I had 10 days off in one term once due to the DC having a constant run of sick bugs. I was a TA at the time and was told by the school HR manager that it was ‘unsustainable’ and I should put emergency childcare in place. I asked who these emergency carers were who would look after a vomiting child?! Luckily my line manager was having none of it and told them where to go.

Would your boss rather you took unpaid leave and didn’t dial in to the meetings at all?!

Original poster

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 08:32

@DelurkingAJ sorry I wasn't clear in my post. It's not about making up the hours, it's about not actually being psychically present in the office for meetings / work

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 29/11/2021 08:36

That’s a bit harsh then, assuming your job can be fully done remotely.

My point re paid childcare still stands though…it can be found and works very well when they’re snotty and not well enough for nursery/school but ok (obviously if DC was in hospital we would both take the day off) and when they had chickenpox it was an absolute lifesaver (DH is a teacher so sharing days off in term time is difficult).

Original poster

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 08:36

@Confusedteacher no he'd hate me to do nothing! We do have HR, but I feel really reluctant to talk to them as they are new in post and I feel like he'll find out and be furious I've gone behind his back. That sounds ridiculous now I can see it typed out.

I really feel for you, teachers have it really hard with this

OP posts:

AndMatt · 29/11/2021 08:38

You've managed to wfh while caring for a sick baby or 5yo?

I'm not sure how that's possible TBH. Is that what your boss means, that whilst you're officially working you're not really effective? I think it's better to take the time off than be working but not really.

That said I can't imagine, as a manager, being anything less than sympathetic to a parent who spent the night in A&E. I'd tell them to take the day off and if it was necessary because of what had gone before, talk about it when they're back.

Confusedteacher · 29/11/2021 08:38

@DelurkingAJ I’m intrigued, what is the childcare that will have them when they are sick? Like a nanny service? Thankfully mine are older now, but when they were little I had an amazing childminder, but she wouldn’t have them if they were ill (understandably!)

Catfog · 29/11/2021 08:43

It is savage at the moment, there seems to be back to back illness and then isolating for colds that usually they'd be okay to go in for. I work from home currently and let my manager know if DS is isolating or poorly (well half of the time, me and DH tend to share and take turns of sorts but he works out of the house so tricky), and then have done a mixture of late notice leave, unpaid leave and working on. It sucks that your DH doesn't get paid, which is sadly common, but it sounds like it'll be a balance of what will be the greater financial loss, a few days loss of pay or potentially losing your job.

It sucks though, absolutely empathy.

SquigglePigs · 29/11/2021 08:44

I think your boss is being really unfair if you can do most of your job from home and your DH has shared the load. It's just the reality of having kids. When my DD has been off (too many bugs floating around at the mo) me and DH share WFH and looking after her. We both stay home then tag team so each can attend the most important meetings that day and then either book a few hours annual leave or work in the evening to make up missed hours.

Emergency childcare for a sick child is basically impossible unless you have a willing, non vulnerable, retired grandparent locally. No one else is going to want to look after a sick child and frankly I would want to leave a sick child with anyone but those closest to them.

Original poster

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 08:51

@AndMatt the 5yr old basically watches TV most of the day. I do play with him for a bit, make his lunch etc. but I can make calls and be quite productive.

The baby is harder work, but I can get a good stint done when she naps. I start early and work late when I've had to have her at home.

I know both situations are not like being in the office. But I like my job, I work hard, I hate letting anyone down and right now I feel like I'm letting everyone down

OP posts:

Hulahula86 · 29/11/2021 09:28

Sending sympathy I seem to have a child off at least twice a month at the moment I have one on year R and one on preschool. I’m off with the preschooler today he’s been coughing all night so we are off for a PCR test. I can work from home but I’ve been refused it today so have to take it unpaid it’s a bit unfair as some of my colleagues have their own laptops wher was I have to go and get the communal one (someone has to bring it out to me as I normally have a child with a cough needing testing) my husband can’t step on as he runs his own business and earns the main wage we are hoping in the next year his business will reach a stage I can work for him doing some admin and this will no longer be an issue but I just don’t get how single parents do it!

DelurkingAJ · 29/11/2021 09:29

@Confusedteacher exactly that…our childminder only takes our kids and one other and everyone has agreed that they can therefore have the kids when sick. It’s utterly amazing and we do pay more than we would otherwise but we’ll worth it!

Bibbetybobbity · 29/11/2021 09:38

The employer (as with most) can’t endorse you wfh with a child. This is why they’re starting to push back I bet. If it’s genuinely not impacting on your work then suggest you crack on, but you can’t expect to tell them you have a sick child at home and you’re going to muddle through- and for them to be happy. Either make it not their problem, or take unpaid leave like everyone has to.

Emsie1987 · 29/11/2021 09:54

It's really hard and I am in a similar situation. If nursery won't take them as they are sick, next option (cheapest) is family and friends and if that's not an option emergency childcare which can be around £150 if not more a day. Otherwise it's take unpaid / annual leave.

If they are not willing to let you do that I'm not sure what outcome they expect you to to take and maybe ask them that. Of course it's not their problem you have childcare issue. However, we are still in a pandemic, kids immune systems are low and viruses are circulating more than usual. We are not in normal times at the moment but working parents are expected to act as we are.

I think you need to show them that you have put alternative options in place and say that annual leave / unpaid is the last option. It's not like you can take them with you (maybe ask that) or leave them on their own.

Original poster

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 10:11

@Bibbetybobbity I should have worded my OP better. It's not about me WFH, it's that I'm not physically in the office, despite being able to WFH.

OP posts:

Original poster

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 10:13

@Emsie1987 5 yr old is at school, nursery not an option. There's only me and DH who can have them. We share the load as much as we can. I have no other options.

Even if we had a childminder, they wouldn't want a sick child and it is my / Dh's responsibility to look after my sick children

OP posts:

drpet49 · 29/11/2021 10:14

* It's not about making up the hours, it's about not actually being psychically present in the office for meetings / work*

^This is not acceptable. You are required to be in the office. You are not doing your job but think your boss is being unfair. You are taking the piss.

Viviennemary · 29/11/2021 10:22

It sounds as if your employer has been very flexible and sympathetic so far. However, it was unwise of you to use up your holidays. You should have saved them for times they are really needed. Unpaid time off might be a temporary option. Or reducing your hours and making them flexible.

Catfog · 29/11/2021 10:25

@drpet49

* It's not about making up the hours, it's about not actually being psychically present in the office for meetings / work*

^This is not acceptable. You are required to be in the office. You are not doing your job but think your boss is being unfair. You are taking the piss.

What is your suggestion then? Keen to hear it, it will no doubt help countless parents who have struggled throughout covid and the more rigorous exclusions from childcare and school than in previous years.

Emsie1987 · 29/11/2021 10:28

[quote yellowgecko]@Emsie1987 5 yr old is at school, nursery not an option. There's only me and DH who can have them. We share the load as much as we can. I have no other options.

Even if we had a childminder, they wouldn't want a sick child and it is my / Dh's responsibility to look after my sick children [/quote]
Completely agree with all what you are saying. As I said I am in the same boat. I worked from home a lot last year with my son when he was ill. I did early mornings, worked during the day and the evenings and can 100 per cent say I was not as efficient as I would be in the office. Evenings I was exhausted and day times I was juggling so my concentration wasn't on the job As it should be. I also burnt out very quickly and it was extremely stressful.

So I understand employers do not want you to work from home with a sick child but they also need to understand that you need to take annual leave or unpaid leave if need be as there are no other options.

Floundery · 29/11/2021 10:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

LefttoherownDevizes · 29/11/2021 10:29

I sympathize as I had similar, and no family either. I ended up keeping them off school only when at death's door, and occasionally lying as to why I couldn't come in when they were sick AGAIN.

They have since brought in emergency childcare for exactly these scenarios, through our Employee assistance scheme, could you see if your work could provide similar.

I do think you need to discuss what exactly is the problem though, 'just' not being present or believing you aren't so productive when you're not present as tired also caring for DCs.

CorrBlimeyGG · 29/11/2021 10:31

I can see that you're trying your best, but it does come across that you're not currently capable of fulfilling your responsibilities. Your childcare issues are not your employer's problem.

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