Child sickness and WFH

[yellowgecko]

I returned to work following 9 months of mat leave at the start of October.
I've been gradually using up holiday to return to 4 days a week. So I haven't yet been in a 'full' 4 day week.

In that period both my children (5 and 11 month) have been ill. I have WFH 5 days due to child illness since Oct (including today). DH has had the same.

I can WFH, and while I appreciate it's not the same full day as it would be in the office environment, I do as much as I can. I figure it's better to do something than nothing. If I don't work, there is no one to cover my role. DH cannot WFH at all, we lose a days pay when he is off or he takes holiday.

We try and split the days fairly and according to who has the most urgent meetings etc that day. There is no family close to help. Just us.

5yr old was in A&E last night, he's ok but can't go to school today. I am home with him as I can dial in to the meetings I have today. My boss said the situation is 'getting unmanageable'.

Is it? I'm sat here in floods of tears thinking I'm going to lose my job. What do others do in my situation?

@Bluntness100

I also suspect this is compounded by the fact you didn’t return to work properly and used your holidays every week to ensure you didn’t need to do four days, and then also not being able to come in for five or six days and not using your holiday for that makes it a lot of time to be absent from the office.

In hindsight they should not have permitted you to take your holidays every week to reduce your hours, our company really don’t permit that, but they did permit it, and then not coming in on top of it, has just made the whole situation worse.

A staggered return is a very normal/common thing to do - lots of employers actively encourage it whenever someone's been away for a long time, whether mat leave or sick leave.

What I do think, though, is that if you're in a staggered return then your DH should be taking the hit, even if that's a (short-term) struggle financially. I'm about to go back to work two days a week, working up to my usual four, and DH and I are in agreement that he'll have to do any days off for illness during that time (our two are also constantly ill currently) because it really is noticeable if you're having days off while working so part-time and when you're only just back. And realistically, a day where you 'work during the baby's nap' is pretty close to a day off in terms of what you can actually get done.

@Bluntness100

I also suspect this is compounded by the fact you didn’t return to work properly and used your holidays every week to ensure you didn’t need to do four days, and then also not being able to come in for five or six days and not using your holiday for that makes it a lot of time to be absent from the office.

In hindsight they should not have permitted you to take your holidays every week to reduce your hours, our company really don’t permit that, but they did permit it, and then not coming in on top of it, has just made the whole situation worse.

Omg this exactly. I was told I had to take my accrued holiday before end of year as that's when ours resets.

Stop using AL to make your weeks shorter and then you'll be in the office note and also have more AL for illnesses cover

I agree with this - while you say it’d be worse for your manager if you took leave because then you’re not working at all, I disagree. If someone is kind of working but not really, that’s harder to manage than if you have certainty that they are not available for the rest of the day/week.

For pp saying get alternative childcare - who?? We have no family nearby and no friends in a position to ask / take sick children.
DH is doing all he can.
I've basically used up my accrued holiday now, there's none left until new year.

The feeling is that I've made the (wrong) assumption that some work is better than no work. I need to talk to boss about taking unpaid leave instead of trying to keep my tasks going.

Re getting a childminder / nanny - genuine questions:

• do they look after sick children?
• how do I get one? We've used nurseries to ensure we also have provision when our children are healthy. I'm worried that we'll be in the same position when the childminder is sick.

Thank you to those who have sympathised, and for anyone going through the same
I just want to be a good employee and a good mum and I'm neither of those things right now.

@yellowgecko you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, I completely sympathise. I think all you can do, as you have said is talk to your boss and explain how you have tried to do the right thing by WFH when you can. But if he prefers you to take unpaid leave you will have to… however make sure you don’t then end up still doing some work on those days because you feel guilty!

In my experience, childminders won’t take ill children, unless you find one who is completely exclusive to you (which is basically a nanny).

It is NOT your fault, and you ARE a good employee and mum! Unfortunately I think the system for parental leave in a lot of companies is woefully lacking.

The feeling is that I've made the (wrong) assumption that some work is better than no work. I need to talk to boss about taking unpaid leave instead of trying to keep my tasks going.

No, you need to talk to boss about how you're going to fulfil your role.

How flexible is the childcare you have for the baby? Is there any way that you could cancel some of your leave and use it as sick cover instead? Obviously that'll depend on being able to get childcare for the baby on the days you were expecting to be off.

The other thing is - does your boss know your DH has done as many days as you? In my experience making it clear that you're sharing it makes people much more well-disposed to you. In lots and lots of families it still is the case that the woman always takes the leave and I've found it comes almost as a relief to my line managers to discover that that isn't the case for us.

No, you need to talk to boss about how you're going to fulfil your role

But what can the OP realistically do? The children exist, they need to be cared for, the OP and her DH don't have family support. If they've already been splitting the days, there's not a lot they can do except hire an emergency nanny at short notice which is going to cost the earth.

@yellowgecko Ask at nursery, ask any other mums that you know or ask of Facebook groups. Where I am there are lots of registered nannies or childminders who no longer work full time for various reasons but do ad hoc nannying or holiday cover or sickness cover - exactly what you need. Or find out if any nursery staff are even open to it on their days off.

They key is to get to know three or four so you have a pool you can call on at short notice.

@Gliderx That's the choice, isn't it. Pay a lot for an emergency nanny on top of the nursery fee which you aren't using when the DC is sick, or take a day's holiday or unpaid leave. It sucks. It's one of the many reasons so many women don't return to work. But crap as it is, it's the OP's thing to fix and not their employer's.

But what can the OP realistically do? The children exist, they need to be cared for, the OP and her DH don't have family support. If they've already been splitting the days, there's not a lot they can do except hire an emergency nanny at short notice which is going to cost the earth.

That is what they do, though - hire an emergency nanny - if she wants to keep her job. Or it may be better to take unpaid parental leave - but that’s for a week at a time, and the employer is entitled to postpone it. It’s normal.

I think your boss is being pretty unreasonable to be honest.

Your accrued annual leave had to be taken. With the benefit of hindsight it might have been better to take it all in a block before you returned but lots of people use annual leave as you have on return from mat leave. It was agreed and even it was/is a bit annoying for them it was for a finite period of time and is now pretty much done anyway.

How long have you been employed there? I'd be wanting to have a "cards on the table" meeting with my boss and be honest. You appreciate it's not ideal but what else does he suggest you do? Presumably it wouldn't be easy to replace you if no-one can cover your role?

Could you offer to occasionally go in on your day off to catch up once DC are better? Why can't you have meetings via Teams?

I have never known anyone use an emergency nanny - I'm sure they do, but I think it's at a very different income bracket - and I find it hard to imagine leaving an ill 11 month old with a total stranger.

I think what makes it really hard currently is that it's widely agreed that this winter is absolutely brutal for illnesses; there's a consensus (including among doctors) that lockdowns have meant that there is an unusually high level of circulating illness that started earlier than usual and shows no sign of abating. This has happened to every parent of small children I know, and it's very notably worse than the 'usual' round of illnesses on starting childcare that my oldest got. But if you're the only parent of young children on your team I can easily see that it might look really excessive - 'how can her children possibly be ill again?'. I keep thinking that myself, about my own children!

I see his point to be honest .in my office there are a number of people constantly out or wfh with sick kids. They get, as you would expect very little done but fully expect to be paid in full. Meanwhile back in the office their colleagues are working twice as hard to pick up the slack.
In my company bosses are pushing back a bit now on this as well.

Are you swapping out your "WfH" sick days for your annual leave where you can?

E.g. you'd planned to go in Monday, Tues, Weds and take Thurs as A/L, if child is sick on Monday, you reorganise your week so that Monday is A/L and you go in Tues/Weds/Thurs instead? I appreciate that this doesn't help with planned meeting etc, but at least you'd be in and working on the expected number of days each week. Presumably you would have childcare arranged to cover, since these will be your usual hours going forward.

Also we are still in a pandemic. Most illnesses children would still be able to go to nursery, childcare or alternative arrangements but most symptoms which children experience are on the radar for being covid. I have had an email this morning from nursery updating us that their are now 8 different symptoms that parents now need to be aware of that require a pcr test. From looking at the news this new variant takes longer to test for as well increasing the lead time in receiving the results. Which will all lead to parents taking more time off work.

From my experiencing looking into emergency nanny / childcare 1) it doesn't fall into my budget and is nearly twice as much as I earn a day (not so bad if it's once in a while but kids are off every other week at the moment) 2) they are not taking sick kids due to potentially being covid-19 which will affect how they can work going forwards.

Also who leaves their child with a stranger it's irresponsible and damaging to young children without a proper settling in period.

Illnesses are brutal this year. We've had what feels like constant awful colds since September and there's hfm and chicken pox circulating in our nursery chain (as well as Covid popping up from time to time). It all adds up to lots of days off and running around getting tests.

But what can the OP realistically do?

I agree it's difficult to find a solution, but that is not the employer's problem. If a solution cannot be found, then they need to apply to reduce their hours or find alternative employment (although it appears the problem will exist wherever they work).

The feeling is that I've made the (wrong) assumption that some work is better than no work. I need to talk to boss about taking unpaid leave instead of trying to keep my tasks going

I don’t think that’s what’s been said at all, what was said was using up all your holidays so you didn’t have to do your weekly hours is the cause of the issue here. If you’d worked your four days or saved some of your annual leave it would be more manageable for the business, there must be weeks where you’re either not there at all or just there for a day or two.

You already have an older child, so this isn’t your first rodeo. Most parents know that using all your annual leave as actual holiday to reduce your working hours and then having nothing left if your kid is Ill so need to take more on top is not going to be sustainable..

It’s not some work is worse than no work, it’s the extent of the absence that your employer is struggling with.

@CorrBlimeyGG

The feeling is that I've made the (wrong) assumption that some work is better than no work. I need to talk to boss about taking unpaid leave instead of trying to keep my tasks going.

No, you need to talk to boss about how you're going to fulfil your role.

This. Staggered return + emergency leave/WFH all adds up to an employer/manager who needs to get the job done feeling a bit mugged really. Fairly or unfairly.

I would involve HR with him/her to sit down and explain that the requirement to use up the leave within such a short window is forcing you to take days off which you could live without when your kids are well (which tbh doesn't sound very frequent)
Tell them how much you value your job, recognise that the combination of the baby picking up every bug going (which they always do in the first winter of nursery) and Covid rules to remove them at the first sniffle is creating huge pressure. That you have shared the load with your husband (which may not be visible) and have done your level best to keep the show on the road by wfh so the job gets done.
Your situation isn't unusual. Few can afford an emergency nanny at £20phr and even fewer emergency nannies will work with an infectious child.
Fall on your sword and ask them what can you do to make them feel less like you are taking advantage. You need some goodwill to get through the next few months!

@CorrBlimeyGG

But what can the OP realistically do?

I agree it's difficult to find a solution, but that is not the employer's problem. If a solution cannot be found, then they need to apply to reduce their hours or find alternative employment (although it appears the problem will exist wherever they work).

It sort of depends on what the OP does and how many other people there are that can do what she does. It is definitely an employee's market at the moment and lots of industries are really struggling to recruit.

If there has been a good working relationship previously then it should be entirely possible to resolve this with some honest communication and goodwill on both sides.

I really

Really don't think WFH with young children is sustainable other than as an emergency
Not fair on employers/colleagues or children
Obviously during lockdown people had little choice,but employers are pushing back now
It's annual or unpaid leave for us

Geez. What exactly are you supposed to do?

You are sharing the sickness.
You are doing work and being flexible to get the hours done.

What’s the alternative - day off without pay and no one covers role?

Thankfully my employers value us and trust us. I can wfh with a sick child and I am totally productive - overly so- during normal times so they know any blips are temporary and will be made up!

Lol where are these emergency childcare? My baby is 8 months old, no friends or family who can care for him nearby. If nursery don't take, who does? I can't just palm my baby off on to anyone. We are both teachers and share the days off, but they are practically every week. Would love to know what the alternative is.