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Original poster

Child sickness and WFH

79 replies

yellowgecko · 29/11/2021 08:24

I returned to work following 9 months of mat leave at the start of October.
I've been gradually using up holiday to return to 4 days a week. So I haven't yet been in a 'full' 4 day week.

In that period both my children (5 and 11 month) have been ill. I have WFH 5 days due to child illness since Oct (including today). DH has had the same.

I can WFH, and while I appreciate it's not the same full day as it would be in the office environment, I do as much as I can. I figure it's better to do something than nothing. If I don't work, there is no one to cover my role. DH cannot WFH at all, we lose a days pay when he is off or he takes holiday.

We try and split the days fairly and according to who has the most urgent meetings etc that day. There is no family close to help. Just us.

5yr old was in A&E last night, he's ok but can't go to school today. I am home with him as I can dial in to the meetings I have today. My boss said the situation is 'getting unmanageable'.

Is it? I'm sat here in floods of tears thinking I'm going to lose my job. What do others do in my situation?

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 29/11/2021 10:32

@Floundery

This is not acceptable. You are required to be in the office. You are not doing your job but think your boss is being unfair. You are taking the piss

Absolutely this. Boggling at the comments. Looking after a baby =/= working from home. Your boss is completely correct.

Most definately this
RestingPandaFace · 29/11/2021 10:41

If I understood correctly, you’ve been back less than 8 weeks and had 5 days WFH? It’s quite a lot!

You mentioned that you normally do 4 days and you’ve been using holiday to work your way back to that so presumably you’ve been doing 3 day weeks in which case 5 days is like being away 1/4 of the time.

I suspect that the combination of WFH and holidays is making it seem like you are never there.

Could you drop some of the holidays, or swap your day off some weeks to cover issues rather than having 2 disruptions in the week?

FrownedUpon · 29/11/2021 10:47

There is no way you can wfh effectively while looking after a sick baby or child. You’re being completely unreasonable and I’m not surprised your employer has had enough. You’ll be lucky to keep your job if you don’t find a solution.

We take a days A/L or unpaid leave when we need to. Why should you get paid to look after your child and not do your job?

AndMatt · 29/11/2021 10:58

TBH, I'm surprised they agreed to one day pw AL, so they've already accommodated your family needs. I'd cancel that so you have leave available when you need it.

You can't wfh with small children present. You just can't. The pandemic has made people think it's normal and acceptable, it's not. That said employers do recognise that staff are in a difficult position so the ofd day might be acceptable when there's really no alternative.

Don't be telling work you need the time because DH isn't paid. It's not their fault your DH works for an inferior employer and makes them feel like mugs.

It needs give and take, but it does seem like you've done a lot of taking.

AndMatt · 29/11/2021 11:04

BTW it's right and proper that he wants to discuss it. The first step isn't that you lose your job!

inflatableseahorses · 29/11/2021 11:19

So you've been back for 8 weeks which would have been 32 working days. For 5 of those (over 15%) you've been working from home due to child illness. How many days annual leave have you taken? Your line manager no doubt had worked lined up for you when you came back - how much of that have you managed to do? The issue might not be the wfh as such but the combination of that and the annual leave.
I've had a similar bout of children's illnesses to juggle this term (unusual for my DC) but, after the first couple of instances, chose to raise it with my boss, explain how DH & I were juggling and I think he at least realises I'm doing what I can. Also, whilst I didn't need to, I did earn a few brownie points by stepping in and covering a colleague at short notice one weekend.
Sometimes, I think they just want reassurance that you are going to pull your weight and that this has just been an unusual set of circumstances, not how you plan on continuing long term.

Gliderx · 29/11/2021 11:27

Realistically, you need to make a choice. What is more important to your family financially? Keeping the day's pay if your DH goes to work or your job security? It sounds like you can't have both.

If you tell your boss that you're sorry, there's been a lot of sickness about but your DH will be taking his turn now (i.e. doing the next 5 days of illness so you can work), that will probably gain you back some goodwill.

It's really tough Flowers.

whywouldntyou · 29/11/2021 11:28

I am CS and it is stated quite categorically that if you have a sick child you cannot work so take leave, paid or unpaid. You cannot (in their opinion) work and look after a sick child. TBH I suspect many people simply don't admit they have a child at home... but that only works if you are able to wfh when you want.

BeyondOurReef · 29/11/2021 11:30

I am struggling with all the illness since I returned from maternity leave. It looks like all my annual leave is just going to be used up with the days the baby isn’t well enough to go to nursery (I left my husband just before I went back to work so it is just me covering it all and doing everything).

It’s shit and I worry about not performing at work because of it. It has been pretty much constant. I am lucky if I get two weeks of work before the baby is unwell again and can’t go to nursery.

I genuinely can WFH if my older child (12) is ill. He doesn’t require much tending. But it’s completely impossible when the baby is ill. I tried to see if I could manage to get anything done one day and it was not possible. So I just have to take leave.

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 29/11/2021 11:40

[quote yellowgecko]@DelurkingAJ sorry I wasn't clear in my post. It's not about making up the hours, it's about not actually being psychically present in the office for meetings / work[/quote]
It sounds like your actual issue is that you feel you can do your role (or at least most of it) WFH and your boss disagrees. In which case you need to talk to HR/ACAS/union. But if your boss really insists your job can't be done from home then you have to take special leave or holiday when your children are sick. It sucks.

What pp are saying though is that even in roles where you can WFH it's unusual to find an employer who will pay you for a full day of WFH while caring for a sick young child. I can WFH in my job, but my kids are 4 and 1 and if they are ill (which is quite frequent at the moment) I still have to take leave as no one will believe I can work with kids that young at home.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 29/11/2021 11:40

@Hulahula86

Sending sympathy I seem to have a child off at least twice a month at the moment I have one on year R and one on preschool. I’m off with the preschooler today he’s been coughing all night so we are off for a PCR test. I can work from home but I’ve been refused it today so have to take it unpaid it’s a bit unfair as some of my colleagues have their own laptops wher was I have to go and get the communal one (someone has to bring it out to me as I normally have a child with a cough needing testing) my husband can’t step on as he runs his own business and earns the main wage we are hoping in the next year his business will reach a stage I can work for him doing some admin and this will no longer be an issue but I just don’t get how single parents do it!
This is why women are held back in the workplace. Surely as someone self employed they have more flexibility to step in when your DC are poorly. It shouldn't all be down to the wife to take on the childcare burden.
Gliderx · 29/11/2021 11:42

Fathers need to step up more and do their share Sad.

Catfog · 29/11/2021 11:54

@whywouldntyou

I am CS and it is stated quite categorically that if you have a sick child you cannot work so take leave, paid or unpaid. You cannot (in their opinion) work and look after a sick child. TBH I suspect many people simply don't admit they have a child at home... but that only works if you are able to wfh when you want.
It depends what department, that's not the case across the civil service.
Bluntness100 · 29/11/2021 11:59

I also suspect this is compounded by the fact you didn’t return to work properly and used your holidays every week to ensure you didn’t need to do four days, and then also not being able to come in for five or six days and not using your holiday for that makes it a lot of time to be absent from the office.

In hindsight they should not have permitted you to take your holidays every week to reduce your hours, our company really don’t permit that, but they did permit it, and then not coming in on top of it, has just made the whole situation worse.

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2021 12:01

@Gliderx

Fathers need to step up more and do their share Sad.
What are you taking about, she says right there in the op her husband has done the exact same amount of days as she Has

Th issue is she’s not using holiday or unpaid leave to take care of her children like most others do, she’s taking her holiday then just not coming in on top of it when her kid is sick.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 29/11/2021 12:09

I'm sorry OP, I'm in exactly your situation having just returned to work and the DC are constantly ill.

You do acknowledge that you aren't as effective with DC around, doing something is better than nothing and that you are making up the hours. That's all well and good but...

None of those factors are the issue. The issue is your manager expects you in the office and it sounds like after some leniency, it is not sustainable for you to continue not to be at this frequency.

Therefore if your contract requires you in the office, you need to find a way to be there if you want to keep the job. So you need different childcare solutions. Get to know and have a list of emergency nannies, for example.

It's shit but it's effectively part of the package of being a working parent.

Cheekytea · 29/11/2021 12:14

Retail workers can't work from home when we have sick kids, we need child care in place, I think your boss has been more than understanding and maybe going in and doing full weeks work and using your holiday for days when your kids are actual sick

Gliderx · 29/11/2021 12:20

What are you taking about, she says right there in the op her husband has done the exact same amount of days as she Has

Ahh, ok, I misunderstood when she said he can't WFH.

OP, in that case how much holiday does your DH have left? Can he take more holiday to cover any future illnesses? If he's doing fine at work and you're at risk, it sounds like he has more leeway to be off even if it's financially worse for you.

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2021 12:23

@Cheekytea

Retail workers can't work from home when we have sick kids, we need child care in place, I think your boss has been more than understanding and maybe going in and doing full weeks work and using your holiday for days when your kids are actual sick
This I’m afraid, this is what people do, they use their holidays and unpaid leave when they need to stay at home for their kids.

The issue is you’ve used your holidays every week instead of returning properly then tried to work from home when you have sick kids, and then kept taking your hols separately.

From an employees stand point it likely is becoming unmanageable now.

Classicblunder · 29/11/2021 12:24

It is really hard and it sounds like you are doing your best. I think you need to talk it through with your manager and make sure he is aware that you are trying your best not to let work down, therefore WFH not just not working and that your DH is doing half of it.

Your options as I can see them:

Stop using AL to make your weeks shorter and then you'll be in the office note and also have more AL for illnesses cover

Consider your DH doing more than half of the sick days temporarily until you're settled back at work - your job security is likely worth more than a few more days off for him

Consider paid childcare options - I realise for the baby it's probably not doable but you might be able to find a babysitter to cover the days when your 5 year old isn't super ill but just too much so for school

Realise it's very expensive but you could also look at a nanny or nanny share more generally as most are willing to deal with illnesses

JSL52 · 29/11/2021 12:30

@Gliderx

What are you taking about, she says right there in the op her husband has done the exact same amount of days as she Has

Ahh, ok, I misunderstood when she said he can't WFH.

OP, in that case how much holiday does your DH have left? Can he take more holiday to cover any future illnesses? If he's doing fine at work and you're at risk, it sounds like he has more leeway to be off even if it's financially worse for you.

She said he's a teacher. They don't get holiday in term time.
daisypond · 29/11/2021 12:36

You need to take either emergency leave, unpaid parental leave or annual leave. This is normal. You cannot work while having children at home. Your employer sounds like they have been understanding up till now. I had a sickly child, in and out of hospital, and all my entire annual leave was used up on hospital visits and appointments and being at home with sick child.

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2021 12:38

She said he's a teacher. They don't get holiday in term time

I don’t think she did say he was a teacher, she simply empathised with another poster that teachers had it hard?

AndMatt · 29/11/2021 12:40

@daisypond

You need to take either emergency leave, unpaid parental leave or annual leave. This is normal. You cannot work while having children at home. Your employer sounds like they have been understanding up till now. I had a sickly child, in and out of hospital, and all my entire annual leave was used up on hospital visits and appointments and being at home with sick child.
Technically emergency leave is to arrange childcare, it's not for actual childcare
daisypond · 29/11/2021 12:43

Yes, I know the emergency leave is just to arrange childcare- but an urgent visit to A&E would qualify for a day’s emergency leave the next day, I think.