Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Office Christmas Meal

89 replies

Noogar · 30/09/2021 17:15

Every year the team go for a meal out. It is getting increasingly expensive. If I don't shell out the £40+ and go this year is it going to cause me issues?

OP posts:
westcountryboy · 01/10/2021 08:06

If you're on a budget then 40 quid is loads at the most expensive time of the year.

I could easily afford it these days without thinking but in earlier years I used to take out loans to pay for Christmas and have really struggled to cover the work Christmas do.

Please don't shame people on here for being skint.

Original poster
Noogar · 01/10/2021 08:13

@westcountryboy exactly thank you. It's expensive at christmas as it is. We have 3 kids to think about and energy bills going up. I don't really want to start putting things on the credit card just so I don't miss out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Noogar · 01/10/2021 08:14

@coodawoodashooda

Honestly just tell them.
I will do thank you
OP posts:
Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 01/10/2021 08:35

Well they can't argue with it but if you were my colleague I'd be thinking you were a bit tight and joyless, like it's once a year and especially after the dreariness of the last 18 months. So if you don't want to go I really really wouldn't use money as the excuse. By any standards, 40 pounds is not wildly extravagant is it? And I'm a low earner

Not everyone has £40 esp at Xmas. It's really not nice to fail to recognise other people's realities and be judgemental. OP if people do think like this I'd suggest they're people whose opinions you should not be too worried about.

theleafandnotthetree · 01/10/2021 11:27

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

Well they can't argue with it but if you were my colleague I'd be thinking you were a bit tight and joyless, like it's once a year and especially after the dreariness of the last 18 months. So if you don't want to go I really really wouldn't use money as the excuse. By any standards, 40 pounds is not wildly extravagant is it? And I'm a low earner

Not everyone has £40 esp at Xmas. It's really not nice to fail to recognise other people's realities and be judgemental. OP if people do think like this I'd suggest they're people whose opinions you should not be too worried about.

It mightn't be 'nice' but it's what lots of people do, even I am sure lots of people on here. I am being honest with the OP about what I think lots of people would think. Yes, you can discount all those people as assholes but surely the easier path, not worth caring about etc but the reality is most people do care about what others think. Much the easiest path is to offer another excuse for not going this year and next year get more involved in the planning and suggesting cheaper options
theleafandnotthetree · 01/10/2021 11:28

I have no idea how my last post came out so mangled, I hope the gist is clear!

PurBal · 01/10/2021 11:35

£40?! No way could I afford that. Maternity leave has meant we’ve had to seriously tighten our belts but even if I was working I’d struggle to justify it. We’ve only budgeted £50 for all DS Christmas presents and I actually like him.

RampantIvy · 01/10/2021 11:37

Well they can't argue with it but if you were my colleague I'd be thinking you were a bit tight and joyless,

And I would think you were completely lacking in social awareness and empathy Hmm

It is people like you who make people afraid to say that they can't afford to do something.

Comefromaway · 01/10/2021 11:38

£40 is expensive. I'd just say you are not going this year.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 01/10/2021 11:51

It mightn't be 'nice' but it's what lots of people do, even I am sure lots of people on here. I am being honest with the OP about what I think lots of people would think. Yes, you can discount all those people as assholes but surely the easier path, not worth caring about etc but the reality is most people do care about what others think. Much the easiest path is to offer another excuse for not going this year and next year get more involved in the planning and suggesting cheaper options

It's up to the OP of course but my thoughts - which she asked for - are that yes, people who judge like that are assholes and she should not have to feel pressured to lie just because they feel entitled to sit in judgement about how others prioritise their spends.

theleafandnotthetree · 01/10/2021 12:01

@RampantIvy

Well they can't argue with it but if you were my colleague I'd be thinking you were a bit tight and joyless,

And I would think you were completely lacking in social awareness and empathy Hmm

It is people like you who make people afraid to say that they can't afford to do something.

I am not a sociopath, I promise you Smile. I have been on the bones of my arse and sometimes, in some contexts have said I can't afford something and sometimes made another excuse. Having being in this situation, I generally don't judge people for not being able to afford things but in this context of a Christmas celebration, once a year, for a working person I would honestly think that the person could afford it if they really wanted to but couldn't be arsed. Maybe there's a cultural difference but I'm Irish and I think most people would think similarly to me.
Comefromaway · 01/10/2021 12:07

Nothing wrong with not being arsed. Work colleagues are just that, work colleagues. I would much prefer to spend my leisure time with actual friends & family

bigbeautwoman · 01/10/2021 12:12

Just say you can’t make it, no need to explain further. You’ll probably find you’ll be one of many.

Teeturtle · 01/10/2021 13:06

@Noogar

It's just organised within the team so we're paying for ourselves. I'll just say I can't afford it this year. They can't really argue with that!
Why do you need to say you can’t afford it? It sounds like you are having a dig at the organiser. Just say you are busy.
RosesAndHellebores · 01/10/2021 13:11

We always have a team Christmas meal. I'm the Head of Service and always pick-up the drinks bill, my BP's chip into their administrators' contribution and I make sure nobody has to pay more than £20. It's a team of 20 and a gesture of goodwill. There is always someone who refuses to come because they think it should be held in working hours and not in their free time.

RampantIvy · 01/10/2021 13:31

@Comefromaway

Nothing wrong with not being arsed. Work colleagues are just that, work colleagues. I would much prefer to spend my leisure time with actual friends & family
Funnily enough I have made some actual friends through work.

It is a typical mumsnet philiosophy that you should have a cap on the number of friends, and never make friends at work.

5BlackDoors · 01/10/2021 13:31

Our last office prty our receptionist said quite forcefully to our MD 'I don;t much like spending time with work people when I am being paid for it. I'm not doing it in my own time and on my own dime'.

I thought she was awesome.

(Just say no, make up an excuse, but I'd tell them no).

RosesAndHellebores · 01/10/2021 14:04

@RampantIvy over 40 years at work I have made work friends who have joined our inner circle, usually when jobs have changed. However I would never share large parts of my life with people at work.

theleafandnotthetree · 01/10/2021 14:10

@5BlackDoors

Our last office prty our receptionist said quite forcefully to our MD 'I don;t much like spending time with work people when I am being paid for it. I'm not doing it in my own time and on my own dime'.

I thought she was awesome.

(Just say no, make up an excuse, but I'd tell them no).

And I think she sounds horrible and childish. I do sometimes wonder about all these mumsnetters who seem to dislike and/or have no friendships with anyone they work with. It seems scarcely credible to me. I have gotten on well with most people I've ever worked and have three very deep friendships which were formed at various workplaces. It is not some prison or den of shitheads, it's a place you spend a lot of time with people where good vibes, including the occasional bit of socialising help make it more enjoyable and where occasionally real friendships and connections are made.
theleafandnotthetree · 01/10/2021 14:11

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@RampantIvy over 40 years at work I have made work friends who have joined our inner circle, usually when jobs have changed. However I would never share large parts of my life with people at work.[/quote]
But would you consider one night a year 'sharing large parts' of your life? Seriously?

Ionlydomassiveones · 01/10/2021 14:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Ragwort · 01/10/2021 14:24

I think £40 is a lot for a Christmas meal ... just be honest.

We have an organised meal, the company gives a very modest budget (considerably less than £40 !) and I find somewhere that can provide a meal within that budget. As the Manager I then choose to buy everyone one drink. We all have a nice time (as far as I know, everyone comes to it Grin).

torquewench · 01/10/2021 14:30

I wouldn't pay £40 for a team work "do", but I have no qualms about telling my colleagues this. I don't even go to the official work paid for party, because and usually just say something along the lines of "it's bad enough having to spend all day with you gobshites, never mind my own time". They understand 🤣 Also, it's never just £40 for the meal when there's drinks, taxis, hair, outfit etc. to factor in.

torquewench · 01/10/2021 14:35

*because The food is generally overpriced and bland.

(I do actually get on with all my colleagues, and actually go to gigs etc. and even on holiday with some of them. It's just the idea of a sit down meal in an overcrowded, overpriced restaurant just because its chrimbo that I can't bear)

5BlackDoors · 01/10/2021 14:48

@theleafandnotthetree I think it was awesome in the context of the really really toxic office culture we were in. Which included all sorts of things I won't even get into as I posted about some issues on Legal under another user name. So the receptionist just said what alot of us were thinking.

FWIW I transferred out of that office into a subsidiary in another city and the office culture is entirely different, and with much nicer people.