Nightmare colleague

[homeoffice21]

First post on here ever but I’m really upset.
We are all newish and a colleague constantly complains she doesn’t have enough time to get done what she needs to and keeps trying to push her work onto me. Our roles are very defined and I have way more than enough to do. She doesn’t seem to care.
In the short space of time we have been working together she had blamed me for delays (nobody’s fault / some she could have prevented).
Since she started in the role she has had numerous issues, internet connection, after school childcare issues, appointments at the doctor, dentist, school etc. Meeting are arranged around this which is fine. I am a single parent with small DC so whilst I am sympathetic I have my own stuff to manage around childcare which I do through after school etc but there is zero reciprocal acknowledgement which I don’t really expect either - we are professional working team not a ladies lunch club.

I explained to her if she is having issues to raise this with her team lead but she didn’t want to draw attention to it. I said I will raise it with mine (we are is different functions but the same team and she got annoyed and said no dont) now she’s called a meeting next week with her manager and I after I refused to do a significant part of her job.
I have been told I can’t tell anyone about this meeting. My manager is more senior than hers and will not be happy about this I know.

I’m quite upset actually, she’s proven to be untrustworthy already so I am expecting to be railroaded at this meeting. I am minded too raise this as she is trying to redefine my role to suit her, there are issues across the organisation but everyone is just getting on with it.

She’s causing me endless stress to the point I couldn’t sleep last night. Constantly moaning and complaining is exhausting and her issues are to do with her role directly. I am doing my job but she doesn’t like some of the tasks of her role and thinks they should be mine. I disagree and so does my manager but I am starting to feel harassed by her.

I can raise it with my manager but then I look like I am creating a fuss or I can joint this meeting and look like a pushover.
I have to keep relations good as we work so closely together but I’ve never had to deal with anyone constantly trying to get me to take on their role because they don’t feel it should be part of theirs. It’s baffling me. I am not her subordinate nor her assistant and we are all stretches to the max. I was sympathetic until she started blaming everyone else, as well as me for delays. I have covered her on more than one occasion too.

I don’t want to go in all guns blazing but I am getting angrier the more I think about it as the other teams I work with have none of the complaints she does and manage what they need to do without any issues. It’s just her.

Sorry for the rant but she’s driving me up the wall.

I have been told I can’t tell anyone about this meeting

Who said you cannot tell anyone?

Do it now.

Raise it with your manager and suggest either a) the two managers sort this out and then let you and your colleague know if there are any changes, or b) your manager joins the existing meeting as it would be more efficient to have all the decision-makers in the room at the same time.

Try and keep the side-issues out of the meeting (her moaning, her private appointments) as those are between her and her manager. Make the goal of this meeting to have absolute clarity about what everybody's remit is.

All the best op

Absolutely agree with the PP.

I would raise it with your manager. This meeting has been arranged. You need to respond. Your agenda is to get absolute clarity about what your responsibility was intended to be, demonstrate that you have been meeting your responsibilities. Are your responsibilities going to change?

Definitely raise it with your manager

You have been told you can’t tel anyone about the meeting
Not even own manager that is more senior?

Do you honestly expect us to believe that op?

Don’t be silly of course you can and must tell your manager. I’d just tell them everything about the job stuff (not the appointments etc) here and say you’re concerned. If it were my manager she’d be dashing in and telling them they were having a laugh if they think they can redefine her staff’s roles without her agreement.

Bloody hell if anyone were trying to have meetings like this with my supervisees without me knowing about it I'd be really unhappy.

Definitely tell your manager. If I were your manager, I would want to know that you'd been told not to tell me, as well.

I would email back and state that you feel it would be beneficial for your manager to be a part of this meeting do that everyone is on the same page

I have been told I can’t tell anyone about this meeting

By whom?

Tell your manager what been happening and about the meeting. Have them decide if it should go ahead, or if they also attend.

Honestly though, it really should be just the two managers meeting to sort this out.

If you do go alone and they’re trying to railroad you, just keep saying “so what you’re asking me to do is X. I’m going to have to discuss that with Manager as it’s outside of our team’s remit so I’ll have to see if she’s comfortable with it”.

Start standing up for yourself more. Your job isn’t to protect her. Take a step back, assess what you’re being asked to do by her and why, and then calmly explain why you won’t be doing what she’s asked. You don’t need to be rude or aggressive, in fact these things are easier if you smile and deliver in a very cheery manner- “I can’t do X because my job is to do Y and I need to crack on with that now because I’m also under pressure/up against a deadline. Best of luck with X”.

I would not attend this meeting without your manager present. Absolutely not.

I would also get both of your job descriptions role specs out and write a list of what is hers she has been asking you to do.
If this paperwork does not exist you need to sort it out with your manager before the meeting and go in with their backing.

A good manager should calmly support you without it escalating. And you need this second person there for you as this colleague is obviously a star manipulator.

Do you have email records of what has been happening? If so it's pretty conclusive she isn't fulfilling her job role. It would be much more productive for the two managers to discuss this and let you both know any changes.

You are being manipulated here OP. Time to fight fire with fire as otherwise this person will walk all over you. Raise it with your manager and be prepared for things to get dirty. I say this as someone who hates conflict and tries to get on with colleagues as much as possible. I’ve seen people like her before however, and you need to protect yourself as she will have no qualms sacrificing you to save herself.

@Blogdog

You are being manipulated here OP. Time to fight fire with fire as otherwise this person will walk all over you. Raise it with your manager and be prepared for things to get dirty. I say this as someone who hates conflict and tries to get on with colleagues as much as possible. I’ve seen people like her before however, and you need to protect yourself as she will have no qualms sacrificing you to save herself.

Agree with this completely. You must tell your manager ASAP and stand up for yourself.

I agree with the previous posters. Bring in your manager on the discussion. Your primary duty here is to protect your own back from this whinger.

I am doing my job but she doesn’t like some of the tasks of her role and thinks they should be mine. I disagree and so does my manager but I am starting to feel harassed by her

Speak to your manager about this!
Your manager should be an active part of this meeting. You can sit in, but only as bystander.

I assume your manager evaluates your performance against your job role and responsibilities. Email with your manager copied in to confirm you are happy to attend a meeting to discuss workload and responsibilities, but are not in a position to agree any changes to the current work split without your manager's agreement, so there needs to be a mutually conveniently time agreed when all those involved in the decision making process can be present. Send a separate email to your manager or speak to them to ensure they know about the meeting request and take it from there. Your manager won't want your performance to be negatively impacted because it has repercussions for her and her team.

Of course you should speak to your line manager! Why would you protect this person, I very much doubt that she will protect you and might "drop you in it".

I'd keep it to the things that affect you - eg the constantrequests to do the parts of her job that she doesn't want to do, and that you need to know how to handle this as you have enough work kf your own to do.

Oh no no no... You need to let your manager know about this nonsense as soon as you can and not let this little shit try bullying you any more.

This needs your manager, her manager and whoever else needs to know what the game is because she's otherwise going to keep putting on and effectively bullying her way around what she doesn't want to do or feels is too much.

If she can't do her job, can't manage the workload and to the extent she needs to unload some of it onto another person her managers need to know.

You have done nothing wrong save for be unfortunate to meet a textook workplace bitch.

Tell your manager first thing when you're back in work. Don't rock up to any meeting or agree to keep anything secret either and if she starts to put the pressure on you on a day to day basis and is making life hard work, be sure to tell your manager about that as well.

Thank you all. It feels very underhand and sneaky. She called me instead of writing to me which is a flag too.

She can’t do her job and her predecessor managed a far higher workload!

I’m so tired of her moaning and complaining and expecting me to deal with it.

She’s told me on a few occasions not to address the issues - I did raise them actually to my manager and their response was tough it’s for her to sort out. So her calling this meeting is a piss poor show of judgement of me and I intend to stand up for myself. I may be very quiet but I hate bullies especially insidious ones.

I need to have a think about what to write as I don’t want to come across as defensive or blaming anyone as it doesn’t come across well!

I’ve never in all my years had anyone behave like this so I’m shocked.

Hope you get it sorted out OP

Just need to get the tone right and say just enough to make sure I get my point across without bitching about how unreasonable this person is being

If you get on well with your manager I would call them and explain it clearly over the phone - see what their reaction is. Then I think either the meeting will vanish because your manager will go directly to other manager, if not then follow up with an email to them along the lines of “Dear X, as discussed I understand A&B would like to hold a meeting on date to clarify job roles. I trust you will be interested in attending and I attach a copy of our job descriptions which might be handy to have with us on the day.”

She sounds lazy and manipulative. Do you really think she would tolerate you handing over all your work? Do you think that if you told her not to tell her manager something that she would just do what she was told?

In future I wouldn't answer the phone to her. I'd send her a message saying that you are busy and could she sent a text instead.