Nightmare colleague

[homeoffice21]

First post on here ever but I’m really upset.
We are all newish and a colleague constantly complains she doesn’t have enough time to get done what she needs to and keeps trying to push her work onto me. Our roles are very defined and I have way more than enough to do. She doesn’t seem to care.
In the short space of time we have been working together she had blamed me for delays (nobody’s fault / some she could have prevented).
Since she started in the role she has had numerous issues, internet connection, after school childcare issues, appointments at the doctor, dentist, school etc. Meeting are arranged around this which is fine. I am a single parent with small DC so whilst I am sympathetic I have my own stuff to manage around childcare which I do through after school etc but there is zero reciprocal acknowledgement which I don’t really expect either - we are professional working team not a ladies lunch club.

I explained to her if she is having issues to raise this with her team lead but she didn’t want to draw attention to it. I said I will raise it with mine (we are is different functions but the same team and she got annoyed and said no dont) now she’s called a meeting next week with her manager and I after I refused to do a significant part of her job.
I have been told I can’t tell anyone about this meeting. My manager is more senior than hers and will not be happy about this I know.

I’m quite upset actually, she’s proven to be untrustworthy already so I am expecting to be railroaded at this meeting. I am minded too raise this as she is trying to redefine my role to suit her, there are issues across the organisation but everyone is just getting on with it.

She’s causing me endless stress to the point I couldn’t sleep last night. Constantly moaning and complaining is exhausting and her issues are to do with her role directly. I am doing my job but she doesn’t like some of the tasks of her role and thinks they should be mine. I disagree and so does my manager but I am starting to feel harassed by her.

I can raise it with my manager but then I look like I am creating a fuss or I can joint this meeting and look like a pushover.
I have to keep relations good as we work so closely together but I’ve never had to deal with anyone constantly trying to get me to take on their role because they don’t feel it should be part of theirs. It’s baffling me. I am not her subordinate nor her assistant and we are all stretches to the max. I was sympathetic until she started blaming everyone else, as well as me for delays. I have covered her on more than one occasion too.

I don’t want to go in all guns blazing but I am getting angrier the more I think about it as the other teams I work with have none of the complaints she does and manage what they need to do without any issues. It’s just her.

Sorry for the rant but she’s driving me up the wall.

No.
Involve your manager.
She's going to try to chuck you under a bus.

The fact she refused to put it in writing speaks volumes I agree.

I think I need to keep the email to my manager short but alluding to the fact she is taking the complete piss and trying to make me look like I’m not doing my job.

Definitely clue your manager in-she has to know if you’re going to be dumped in with someone else’s work to do because it will effect your productivity of your actual job! I think you should invite your manager to the meeting for support actually-then you will 100% be on the same page and rubbish colleague will know you won’t be walked all over

Having read all these posts im now quite angry. She has been very underhand recently and lied about a couple of things, things she could have easily done.
I am actually quite disappointed at her behaviour as it’s quite unprofessional but her work background means she had limited experience of working in a more corporate environment and throwing team members under the bus is not a smart move. She did this last week which is what prompted me to question her ethics.

She is creating unnecessary stress and pushing it onto me which I will not accept any longer.

I agree with the advice given here.
I wouldn't be happy with any other managers inviting one of my team to a meeting like this.
If anyone clarifies their roles and tasks, it's going to be me.

As an employee, you can insist on allocated tasks going through your line manager, to avoid competing tasks, blurred roles, duplication (and above all, being dumped on.)
You could even hint that this is beginning to cause you undue stress and it is the responsibility of the workplace to ensure that your workplace is a healthy environment.

I used to advise my team to parrot the line, “This will need to be discussed with my line manager”

Presumably, you have a job description and records of discussions with your manager? These should clearly outline what your tasks are and are not.

Your colleague needs to be firmly put in her place about this and then a trail needs to be created, with any further any communication being by email.
This needs to include you writing an email for every conversation you may have with her in future:
“As discussed today, I am afraid I am unable to assist with…/the tasks you have requested me to undertake are not part of my role…/As my work role is clearly defined and does not include X, I have no responsibility regarding the delays incurred by you failing to complete X…” etc.

Good luck, OP. As you can tell, I have had a similar situation.

Why are you still trying to protect her? She is not a friend.

Tell your manager absolutely everything that has happened. Try not to bring emotion in to it, just the facts.

Do not go to that meeting on your own.

Don't answer any more calls from her. Let her put her queries/unreasonable requests in an email or voicemail so you have proof of her expecting you to do her job. If her voicemail asks you to return her call, you should email her instead asking what she wants.

And yes, I agree, you need to inform your manager.

Forgot to ask, who said don’t tell your manager? Her?

If your manager knows about it beforehand there's every chance the meeting won't go ahead as planned cos I sure as shit wouldn't agree or have you trapise along to any meeting or discussion until whatever the issues were had been put down and discussed prior.

Even still if you turned up first thing on Monday and had no time to speak with her first, you still needn't worry or get yourself wrapped into knots.

From what you say it sounds as though she's really shot herself in the foot and made this into an issue which will come to the attention of more people in a much brighter light than if she'd just actually taken on board your suggestion to let her line manager know what she was struggling with.

She's had a strop because you finally had enough and refused to do work for her and complained without thinking it through. Dug herself a nice big hole so you don't need to do anything else to help her along she'll keep digging.

You needn't go in there on the defensive or with the feeling you have to play her game and fight to win because you've won it hands down already.

I'd say if anything you only maybe need go in there with a copy of your own job role and responsibilities, some notes as to what your average general working routine is or would be on a normal day.

It might help to think and maybe jot a few notes down of any specific times, dates or issues when you were were backed into a corner and made to feel uncomfortable, pressured or intimidated just for your own reference and in case she denies any / all of what you might say and you can then pull out one or two examples.

Otherwise don't think you need to go in fighting or be on the defensive. Nobody has even accused or said what the meeting is for strictly speaking.

Honestly I don't think she sounds smart enough to pull off anything you need worry about.

Again, sooner your manager knows the better she may well shit kittens and mean you needn't go to any meeting

Thanks, yes, I may have caught this just in time but should have escalated it a while back. She pleaded with me not to raise anything just yet as she is newish but after last week I must put a stop to it as she’s shown she is manipulating the situation now. I don’t want to work with her as a result but have no choice in the matter so have to deal with it. I don’t have this issue with any of her counterparts and nobody else has behaved like this. It’s very unprofessional IMO

Feels good to moan as it’s been really stressing me out.

Yes it was her would wants to keep
It between us

Who's in this meeting next week? If it's just the two of you I'd firmly decline!

I actually have examples of her asking me to do something outrageous and raised it a few weeks ago. My manger was very dismissive of the request so it’s on the radar but I am in a very senior role so don’t want to go running to my manager with petty nonsense which has now become a potentially serious issue. Our roles are clearly defined and very different, there are aspects of hers she doesn’t like and thinks they should be mine so she says because she has to do them she can’t do her own job and is trying to guilt trip me into doing things which are her role. It’s madness and not the way I operate and it’s all being done under the radar.

That’s it in a nutshell.

I think she feels certain things are beneath her

This makes no sense
You literally cannot agree to a change in your job role to accommodate what she wants because it would be for your manager to define your role and not you so it's pointless to have a secret meeting

I agree that I would repeatedly parrot the line 'that will need to be discussed with my line manager'

If she is having her manager there yours should be there too.

Nothing to add to the great advice here but just wanted to say take some comfort in the fact that in trying to chuck you under the bus for not propping her up any more she is in fact quite likely to end up splatted up the windscreen of said metaphorical bus.

I'd now see it as an opportunity for you to show how professional and sensible you are (and also a chance to learn what HER manager is like- they may week have been hoodwinked by her or they could be the same sort of Muppet, but either way it could be useful info for you in the future).

Best of luck OP, you're in the right and whatever comes out of the situation she only has herself to blame.

I’m becoming more and more outraged but been so focused on my own tasks and obviously don’t manage her.

I have asked her several times over the past few weeks to send me an email of where she wants supoort but she has refused to put anything in writing. I guess I’ve been too distracted with getting the job done to pay attention to what she has been doing / moaning about instead of doing her job. Bloody help I’m mad with myself for not nipping this in the bud when I should have.

@FoxgloveSummers

If you get on well with your manager I would call them and explain it clearly over the phone - see what their reaction is. Then I think either the meeting will vanish because your manager will go directly to other manager, if not then follow up with an email to them along the lines of “Dear X, as discussed I understand A&B would like to hold a meeting on date to clarify job roles. I trust you will be interested in attending and I attach a copy of our job descriptions which might be handy to have with us on the day.”

Really good advice, I would also add at the start of the email “further to our conversation.” So she can’t say you have made it up.

The alternative is to email, cc’ing in both managers, along the same lines but stating it would be best for both managers to attend as you are not able to agree any changes to your job. Then add job descriptions as suggested.

The critical bits of info which stand out for me and which I think should be brought to the attn of both your managers:

Her predecessor managed fine so you're wondering whether something that's not immediately obvious has changed

You're very sympathetic because everyone else is also stretched but alas, game faces on people
These aspects of her work may or may not fall naturally under her role - you guess that is a matter for her and her manager - but they don't fall under yours and never have, so...
You wonder whether having conversations about this stuff mightn't be a recipe for misunderstandings, and whether it would be a good plan for anything related to roles and functions to be discussed in writing and/or minuted.

Have you got your own written targets?
Have you completed your probation period and had a review?
I presume it's too soon for you to have had an appraisal.
I think you need to focus on your role, what time and resources you need to complete it and evidence that your work to date has met acceptable standards. Some sort of timesheet or use of how your day is spent would be handy, to evidence that you do t have spare time to pick up anyone else's slack, but I'm sensing your role doesn't run by timesheet?
Be clear that you're a team player and will always pitch in in an emergency but your primary focus is deliver objectives as set out in your JD.
how her work gets done is between her and her manager. If the manager wants to negotiate extra resource (ie you) then they need to take it up with your manager.

I’m a bit surprised to hear you’re in a senior role, to be honest.

Surely you’ve built up some basic assertiveness skills throughout your career? Like, I’m not a confrontational person, but I’m assertive.

Why are you cowering from this woman? You own her nothing. Your job is to do your job, not hers.

I also can’t see why you’re emailing your manager. Approach them on Monday, ask for a chat, and let them know your concerns.

Decline the meeting and stop engaging with her.

Don't get railroaded into any meeting. Insist that, if it is necessary, it be arranged at a time when your own manager can attend, and that there is a proper agenda and full notice of what is to be discussed.

Do not go to that meeting unless you have spoken to your manager and there is a clear agenda for what is going to be discussed. Even then I would say I won’t attend unless we have managers present so we can all participate and have a shared understanding of what fits in the respective roles, and collectively agree actions. After all you’re a team player

Keep any discussion about it focused on clarification of roles and when she has surplus work what the process is she needs to follow to escalate that. Show you are considering this from the employer’s perspective, she’s been recruited to do this role, perhaps the role profile should be looked at. Tasks she’s not doing - has training been completed? Is the process clear? Etc. Steer away from the behaviour in front of her in any meetings but do mention your observations to your manager about any pattern or repeat behaviour where she expects you to do something that is her job.

@Rainbowshine

Do not go to that meeting unless you have spoken to your manager and there is a clear agenda for what is going to be discussed. Even then I would say I won’t attend unless we have managers present so we can all participate and have a shared understanding of what fits in the respective roles, and collectively agree actions. After all you’re a team player

Keep any discussion about it focused on clarification of roles and when she has surplus work what the process is she needs to follow to escalate that. Show you are considering this from the employer’s perspective, she’s been recruited to do this role, perhaps the role profile should be looked at. Tasks she’s not doing - has training been completed? Is the process clear? Etc. Steer away from the behaviour in front of her in any meetings but do mention your observations to your manager about any pattern or repeat behaviour where she expects you to do something that is her job.

This