Bad performance review - need help

[YoureTheTop]

I've had a performance review after my probationary period.
My prob. period has been extended but I need help from you lovely MNers please.

My boss is a bit arrogant. I can't suggest anything to him. He humiliated me in a meeting.

There's not a lot I can do about that, but I feel I was given inadequate direction and support in what is effectively a new field for me.
I was told to arrange meetings but people didn't respond or if they did they declined. This was 'my fault'. These people are male and have 'big jobs' and are far too busy to bother with me. The women seem to be a delight to work with.

I feel that no matter what I did it wouldn't be good enough.

I have a specialised role that is a bit niche, and this position would add to my CV, so it's worth persevering with, but I can't see it improving if it is only me making an effort. He told me that he too was a (my job title) but he isn't. That in itself isn't an issue, but it does indicate that he does not value my skill set.

The only way I can see of improving things is if I get my confidence back, and the best way of doing that would be if I felt that I had some chance of achieving a goal, not to find that the brief and the actual expectation were not the same.

How do I add something to the form without totally screwing things up?

What I want to add is along the lines of ' I feel that Boss and I need to find a way of using my strengths in this position, and currently I feel that there has been too much focus on what isn't particularly in my nature. '

I'd be more specific, and make the goal more SMART. That way, there's no arguing about whether or not you've achieved it.
Without knowing what the job is, and what your responsibilities are, it's difficult to give a relevant example.

I was told to arrange meetings but people didn't respond or if they did they declined. This was 'my fault'.

Were the meetings for you or for someone else? When people declined did you make sure they understood and agreed why the meeting was required and ask them to suggest a suitable time for them? Did you flag that you were struggling to set the meetings up?

Your suggested addition does not read well. Focus on outcomes - agree with PP that you need SMART objectives.

I feel that there has been too much focus on what isn't particularly in my nature

As your LM, if you said that to me, I'd be wondering if you're right for the job.
Don't forget you're still on probation!

What does he want you to have achieved by the end of the probationary period in order for him to keep you on?
Find out, and then agree a plan to achieve those things. It doesn't matter if they aren't particularly "in your nature". You're being paid to do them.

OK, the work is writing standards. The SMEs are managers.
They are busy, I can accept that. The standards are needed for compliance.

I was to create a standard from something written by an SME, who hadn't written it.

The review meeting was attended but Boss shut it down quickly, mainly because when I shared the document I'd left the formatting marks on. (if you don't know, they're the paragraph marks and page breaks etc in Word)
When Boss said, this document was the one written by Simon, Simon said 'It was nothing to do with me'.

Simon is ok and I don't really want to drop him in it.

I want the working relationship between me and Boss to be a bit more harmonious. Normally I would just shut up and put up, but it's not working here.

As regards my suitability for the work it's not an exact match, more of a sideways move, there are a lot of skills I have that are relevant.

(names have been changed lest it be outing)

Simon is an SME.

The goals are to get the standards written up and reviewed and approved.

What isn't in my nature is to hassle/persuade people to review stuff, especially when they are far more senior and are so busy. It would be easier to achieve if I could get the review done by people who are less busy and less senior, or if I had more clout.

Ah tricky. The standards are probably seen as a pain, had Simon had a chance to see the doc before the meeting? I think if they are busy you need to enforce how critical the standard is and find a tine that works for them ( can you see their diaries, do they have anyone making their appointments?)

The meeting being shut down and Simon's comment aren't the issue.
It's been and gone.

The fact that my boss makes me feel crap is an issue.
I've told him that I feel that I am starting on tasks that I haven;t had enough direction, and that it's almost like he expects me to fail.

I have failed, in that I should have stood up for myself earlier.

IRL I am fairly introverted and a don't rock the boat person.

I am also working on another project with a different team, and it is so different, but I'm not being assessed on that.

I can see their schedule, but some of them were too busy to mark leave on their calendars or set up out of office message.

I think, in a roundabout way, you're being asked to be more assertive. If a meeting is declined, you have to follow it up. Even if it feels like hassling.

What did you do when the meeting was declined? Because if have sent something along these lines:

Hi Simon, there is a deadline for this. I could offer alternative meeting times of X or X. Which suits you?

Could you write something like: I have been unable to make substantial progress with the target because I have been unable to conduct the required meetings with 75% of the relevant managers. In order to achieve this target, I need the co-operation of these managers and the support of big boss to ensure that the necessary meetings take place before specified date.

It's there someone you could ask to mentor you? Someone who does a similar role?

@JuneOsborne

I think, in a roundabout way, you're being asked to be more assertive. If a meeting is declined, you have to follow it up. Even if it feels like hassling.

What did you do when the meeting was declined? Because if have sent something along these lines:

Hi Simon, there is a deadline for this. I could offer alternative meeting times of X or X. Which suits you?

I’d agree with this. Having previously worked in roles where I had to write, input and approve standards one of the key skills needed is stakeholder management skills and assertiveness. You’ve got to get time out of senior people and SMEs without annoying them. It’s tricky and not for everyone. I’d focus less on the feeling that your boss is arrogant and focus on what you can do to improve on these things.

@YoureTheTop

Simon is an SME.

The goals are to get the standards written up and reviewed and approved.

What isn't in my nature is to hassle/persuade people to review stuff, especially when they are far more senior and are so busy. It would be easier to achieve if I could get the review done by people who are less busy and less senior, or if I had more clout.

I think the problem is your manager doesn’t really care what your nature is like, your job is to get this done by charming/hassling/chasing people. You’re basically refusing to do that and therefore not delivering the required product. You’re expected to be proactive and get this out if people even if there’s not helping. What realistically do you want your boss to do? You’re being expected to deliver a specific product, he’s understandably frustrated that you’re not doing so. If you tell him that the role isn’t utilising your skills, unfortunately I think the answer will be then we’re not a match, get a new role that does

@JuneOsborne

I think, in a roundabout way, you're being asked to be more assertive. If a meeting is declined, you have to follow it up. Even if it feels like hassling.

What did you do when the meeting was declined? Because if have sent something along these lines:

Hi Simon, there is a deadline for this. I could offer alternative meeting times of X or X. Which suits you?

This. I work with loads of people much more senior to me and I have to use a lot of relationship building / rapport building skills to get stuff done. It sounds like you could do with a coach or a mentor. There's no excuse for your boss to be so hostile.

Unfortunately I think if you want the work relationship with the boss to be more harmonious, first step is to deliver some results. I don’t think you claiming he’s not warm enough is going to be taken as an adequate excuse for not hitting results

What sort of salary are you on OP?

That is better., Thanks.

I don't believe that the e-mails get read. or the Teams messages I send. I could call them, but I don't think that I'd get a reply. These people have full schedules, so could be in several meetings at the same time.

I'm more of a foot-soldier, more of a head down and get on with it person, but I am spending the day doing work that is met with 'oh but this isn't what i wanted, I wanted that' and wasting lots of time chasing people who don't respond, or who just point me to another person until I am eventually pointed to the 1st person I ask.

Salary is pretty decent. Not £££ but not rubbish. About the going rate.

@YoureTheTop

That is better., Thanks.

I don't believe that the e-mails get read. or the Teams messages I send. I could call them, but I don't think that I'd get a reply. These people have full schedules, so could be in several meetings at the same time.

I'm more of a foot-soldier, more of a head down and get on with it person, but I am spending the day doing work that is met with 'oh but this isn't what i wanted, I wanted that' and wasting lots of time chasing people who don't respond, or who just point me to another person until I am eventually pointed to the 1st person I ask.

Honestly? It sounds like the worst possible job match for you. If you’re someone whose skills lie in putting your head down to deliver a detailed task, taking a role essentially in stakeholder management is not going to work. If you’re not even calling people I don’t think you can complain that you’re not getting anywhere

I understand, completely. While we don't have the exact same role, there are a lot of similarities. I have the same issues over hassling people (who usually are more senior males who are super busy) you do. The sick feeling over having to chase yet again (and be ignored yet again) is horrendous. Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place of chasing yet again, or getting into trouble! And the total unfairness that most likely unconscious (or worse, conscious) bias towards my gender was playing a part too. Being seen as the "nagging woman" or some other awful gender stereotype.

Things have got better for me in recent years. It started when I moved to another company and had better management who actually supported me. While this alone didn't make a difference initially, it was enough to make me realise I wasn't the issue; shit management was. It was then that I started working on my boundaries and the thought processes (a healthy dose of people pleasing in the mix too) that were causing the issues.

Don't get me wrong, I still would rather not send off yet another chasing email! But it's easier now. I've been setting deadlines for people, and escalating if they're not met. I tell myself that if I were in their shoes, and received an email asking me to do X and I didn't do X on time, regardless of my personal feelings over doing X or the resource I had available, as a professional it is unfair of me to not do it as it is part of my job. Therefore I should expect, as part of my job, to get chasing emails if I don't do it, and for things to be escalated. If I can't do all the things expected of me, then there is a resourcing issue which should be taken up with my manager.

This realisation and change of perspective meant that whenever I now send a chasing email or escalate to their manager (as after all, it's a resourcing issue!), it's nothing personal, and by doing this I'm just doing the job expected of me as part of a cog in the machine. I find this takes a lot of the heat and guilt I feel over asking somebody to do something for the fifth time! And so far nothing bad has happened as a result, quite a few years on; if anything I get people apologise for ignoring me sometimes, which never used to happen.

Good luck! Don't let your talent be trodden on by arseholes. Having a crappy manager won't make it easy, but I've also seen crappy managers back off with those who are more assertive too; they like easy prey, and people who want to please are great targets for that. There's a small chance he may change if you appear to.

Have you had any face to face or online meetings with these people? Have you asked them face to face what you need instead of email and teams?
It's much harder to say no to someone in front of you.
If all you have is an email/message it's much easier to ignore.

As your LM, if you said that to me, I'd be wondering if you're right for the job.

I was going to say this, and the rest of your replies since have basically confirmed that this isn’t a good job for you. You’re not confident contacting people who are senior to you, it doesn’t seem that stakeholder management is one of your strong areas, and what you describe as your area of expertise is basically the opposite of what your boss needs for this project.

Your boss may well be a git, but if you haven’t called people and you’ve left it there once people decline meetings, he’s got a reasonable point here.

Was the sideways move a choice? Is there opportunities to move into something closer to what you enjoy and are good at?

You need to stop thinking about what’s in your nature, and start thinking about what’s in your job description, I’m afraid.

We all have things to do in work that aren’t natural activities for us, but need to be done in order to make progress on tasks and projects.

In my case, I’m a complete introvert but have adopted a “fake it til you make it” approach, then, in turn, I’ve built up strong stakeholder relationships and find it much easier to pick up the phone to say something like “hey Simon, just spotted that you haven’t come back to me on the review meeting on the 15th. John is really keen to get everything in final draft at the stage so I wanted to make sure you’re ok to be there?”

The meetings that you’re arranging- are you giving sufficient notice? Are you giving people enough info so that they know the purpose and importance of the meeting? Are you giving them clear instructions on what they need to do as in “ahead of the meeting, can you please send me your final draft by 5pm on the 13th and I’ll add it to the overall presentation and issue to everyone ahead of the meeting?”

Why was the meeting shut down because of the formatting marks? Surely a simple “just a tick and I’ll take these off” would have sorted that?

Have you got other options lined up, he may have made his mind up.

I wouldn't say the Boss isn't warm, he's nice enough to chat to and i get on OK with him. He's not really a git or anything, just when he talks it's about all the amazing things he has done.

I think he actually does want too turn things round, as do I. I know I can do the work, but when given clear direction and support.

I am not particularly assertive but normally I will stand up for myself. I normally build good relationships by doing good work, being reliable, knowing who to ask etc. I normally work in middle-class male environments and am used to chasing people but this is not like what I've seen before

I can't establish a rapport with people who I can't manage to contact.
Lots of people work from home, but I will go into the office.

The reason I am doing the work is because the other project I'm on wanted me to work for them, but the vacancy was with Boss.

It''s one of those organisations where the attitude is 'That's not the ACME way of doing things. It's like I am back in 1990 or something.
'The other project is more modern, more Agile.'