Bad performance review - need help

[YoureTheTop]

I've had a performance review after my probationary period.
My prob. period has been extended but I need help from you lovely MNers please.

My boss is a bit arrogant. I can't suggest anything to him. He humiliated me in a meeting.

There's not a lot I can do about that, but I feel I was given inadequate direction and support in what is effectively a new field for me.
I was told to arrange meetings but people didn't respond or if they did they declined. This was 'my fault'. These people are male and have 'big jobs' and are far too busy to bother with me. The women seem to be a delight to work with.

I feel that no matter what I did it wouldn't be good enough.

I have a specialised role that is a bit niche, and this position would add to my CV, so it's worth persevering with, but I can't see it improving if it is only me making an effort. He told me that he too was a (my job title) but he isn't. That in itself isn't an issue, but it does indicate that he does not value my skill set.

The only way I can see of improving things is if I get my confidence back, and the best way of doing that would be if I felt that I had some chance of achieving a goal, not to find that the brief and the actual expectation were not the same.

How do I add something to the form without totally screwing things up?

What I want to add is along the lines of ' I feel that Boss and I need to find a way of using my strengths in this position, and currently I feel that there has been too much focus on what isn't particularly in my nature. '

@Shattered04

I understand, completely. While we don't have the exact same role, there are a lot of similarities. I have the same issues over hassling people (who usually are more senior males who are super busy) you do. The sick feeling over having to chase yet again (and be ignored yet again) is horrendous. Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place of chasing yet again, or getting into trouble! And the total unfairness that most likely unconscious (or worse, conscious) bias towards my gender was playing a part too. Being seen as the "nagging woman" or some other awful gender stereotype.

Things have got better for me in recent years. It started when I moved to another company and had better management who actually supported me. While this alone didn't make a difference initially, it was enough to make me realise I wasn't the issue; shit management was. It was then that I started working on my boundaries and the thought processes (a healthy dose of people pleasing in the mix too) that were causing the issues.

Don't get me wrong, I still would rather not send off yet another chasing email! But it's easier now. I've been setting deadlines for people, and escalating if they're not met. I tell myself that if I were in their shoes, and received an email asking me to do X and I didn't do X on time, regardless of my personal feelings over doing X or the resource I had available, as a professional it is unfair of me to not do it as it is part of my job. Therefore I should expect, as part of my job, to get chasing emails if I don't do it, and for things to be escalated. If I can't do all the things expected of me, then there is a resourcing issue which should be taken up with my manager.

This realisation and change of perspective meant that whenever I now send a chasing email or escalate to their manager (as after all, it's a resourcing issue!), it's nothing personal, and by doing this I'm just doing the job expected of me as part of a cog in the machine. I find this takes a lot of the heat and guilt I feel over asking somebody to do something for the fifth time! And so far nothing bad has happened as a result, quite a few years on; if anything I get people apologise for ignoring me sometimes, which never used to happen.

Good luck! Don't let your talent be trodden on by arseholes. Having a crappy manager won't make it easy, but I've also seen crappy managers back off with those who are more assertive too; they like easy prey, and people who want to please are great targets for that. There's a small chance he may change if you appear to.

Brilliant advice here.

I also worked in a similar role, remotely, without having the ability to build trust and relationships with the seniors who had very little thought for me and my requests.

They weren't my requests, they were standards that they needed to meet to fulfill their role.

I would request, re-arrange, prompt and then esculate by adding their manager in to the 4th email BCC giving their manager a chance to pull them in to line to review and attend.

Keep everything factual, well documented and make sure you have catch up time with your manager to keep them in the loop. Just because they are poor at what they are doing doesn't mean you have to be as well! Good luck.

Oh thank you. You lovely people.

Sensible advice. I think I'll just leave the form fairly as is.
I do feel that if you have someone underperforming then there is quite likely another issue.

I am slightly s about these men who are so busy. I have a sneaky suspicion that theis DWs/DPs are posting on AIBU about their Big Jobs and Hobbies.

@YoureTheTop

I wouldn't say the Boss isn't warm, he's nice enough to chat to and i get on OK with him. He's not really a git or anything, just when he talks it's about all the amazing things he has done.

I think he actually does want too turn things round, as do I. I know I can do the work, but when given clear direction and support.

I am not particularly assertive but normally I will stand up for myself. I normally build good relationships by doing good work, being reliable, knowing who to ask etc. I normally work in middle-class male environments and am used to chasing people but this is not like what I've seen before

I can't establish a rapport with people who I can't manage to contact.
Lots of people work from home, but I will go into the office.

The reason I am doing the work is because the other project I'm on wanted me to work for them, but the vacancy was with Boss.

It''s one of those organisations where the attitude is 'That's not the ACME way of doing things. It's like I am back in 1990 or something.
'The other project is more modern, more Agile.'

Unfortunately it really doesn't sound like the role for you--the skills to push people and do proactive stakeholder management are more sales/business development, rather than the skills around reliability and proving yourself through good work that you say you have. The problem is you're saying here that you want your boss' direction and support to get what you need out of people, when from his perspective you are paid to get this out of people and bring it to him. If he has to directly support you in this then he might as well do it himself.

He wants you to be proactive, persistent and to bring him results not excuses. He also wants you to come to meetings highly prepared--if you are working on a project and there is a meeting in the diary to discuss, you either bring results to the meeting or talk to him and reschedule for a few days later when you will have those results. You don't go to a meeting to tell him that there's nothing for him to oversee

I'd keep the form fairly vanilla, maybe reference taking on board everything advised and offering to meet with LM to keep them up to date.

Then put your big girl pants on, start a spreadsheet and get those fuckers booked in!

@PepperPepperMan

I'd keep the form fairly vanilla, maybe reference taking on board everything advised and offering to meet with LM to keep them up to date.

Then put your big girl pants on, start a spreadsheet and get those fuckers booked in!

Agree with this.

Best job advice I ever got: if you want to impress your boss, try treating them as a client for a month. You come to meetings THAT prepared, you give them the ideal regular updates, you bring them solutions and answers rather than problems.

Unfortunately it really doesn't sound like the role for you--the skills to push people and do proactive stakeholder management are more sales/business development, rather than the skills around reliability and proving yourself through good work that you say you have.

But I do have the skills normally. I'm not a salesy type person - if I were I'd be doing sales. This is the sort of work where you ask people stuff, use it and go back to them with something to approve. Nothing new to me. I'm used to having to be persistent, but these are people that if I went up to them and hovered over them demanding attention, they'd still be too busy. (as quoted to me by a colleague in a private chat, unfortunately, he added that his height and weight hovering over them couldn't be ignored but I'm a short middle-aged twig )

If I am not suited to the work, why the hell have I been doing it for 20 years? It's a new-to-me industry not a new role. Why do I get headhunted?

@YoureTheTop

Unfortunately it really doesn't sound like the role for you--the skills to push people and do proactive stakeholder management are more sales/business development, rather than the skills around reliability and proving yourself through good work that you say you have.

But I do have the skills normally. I'm not a salesy type person - if I were I'd be doing sales. This is the sort of work where you ask people stuff, use it and go back to them with something to approve. Nothing new to me. I'm used to having to be persistent, but these are people that if I went up to them and hovered over them demanding attention, they'd still be too busy. (as quoted to me by a colleague in a private chat, unfortunately, he added that his height and weight hovering over them couldn't be ignored but I'm a short middle-aged twig )

If I am not suited to the work, why the hell have I been doing it for 20 years? It's a new-to-me industry not a new role. Why do I get headhunted?

But you said you haven't done this role before, and (without wanting to be rude) you posted this thread as you didn't pass your probation?

You can't just say to your boss "the job is undoable" and blame it on other people. Especially when you haven't even picked up the phone!! He's told you that you're not getting results out of people and you literally started the thread by saying that that's not where your skills lie.

Not being arsey here but just pick up the phone!!!

“Hi it’s Pepper! How’s things with you? I’m calling about the email I sent you last week. I haven’t heard from you about _. Can you review it and get back to me ASAP please? I need to know by __. This is part of the project being led by Big Boss Name.”

And repeat!

Leave missed calls and voicemails!

Let them get to know you.

Escalate to you and their manager in you still get nowhere.

It may feel awkward at first but you get used to it.

I hope this thread has helped you. It does sound like you have a skill set that you just need to find a balance to work in the new role.

I think it's good that you don't dislike your boss, you need to find a way to work for him and with him without being seen as needy.

Find a middle ground as said above so you can get your job done which sounds like it's being able to make others tick their boxes for them.

It's not phone calls, it's calling people through Teams. If someone is in a meeting, I doubt that they will

The OP was possibly misleading. It's more like I normally work in IndustryA but this is IndustryB of which I have some experience but in a different role. The role is one I've been doing a long time. It's a specialised role, and tbh, I'm not convinced that what I am expected to do is right, or rather it isn't how I normally do things.

I have worked with good and bad managers, and can tell if there is an issue there. Giving a brief and then changing it is not good.

I have had the probation period extended. I want to turn things round.

I have the hide of a rhino normally but the situation has made me feel like a nervous wreck. Normally, I would just say, something meaning look i don't believe that this is really what you want me to do, how about this? It wouldn't go down well here.

You do need support. You could try to turn it into a project. With a SM as the project sponsor, a steering group and a project plan. If the organisation are willing to just let you fail then they are not committed to the work.

@YoureTheTop

It's not phone calls, it's calling people through Teams. If someone is in a meeting, I doubt that they will

The OP was possibly misleading. It's more like I normally work in IndustryA but this is IndustryB of which I have some experience but in a different role. The role is one I've been doing a long time. It's a specialised role, and tbh, I'm not convinced that what I am expected to do is right, or rather it isn't how I normally do things.

I have worked with good and bad managers, and can tell if there is an issue there. Giving a brief and then changing it is not good.

I have had the probation period extended. I want to turn things round.

I have the hide of a rhino normally but the situation has made me feel like a nervous wreck. Normally, I would just say, something meaning look i don't believe that this is really what you want me to do, how about this? It wouldn't go down well here.

Document everything, factual notes/diary minutes and don't forget, the train set ultimately lands on your managers lap.

You may know more but they are paid to make the big decisions so let him get on with it and keep your powder dry.

It's not how you are used to working so either get on with it or find something else.

Yes, but it's a two way thing.

Normally, I would just go 'Oh, OK that's how Gordon works, Gordon's not necessarily right but he wants it done that way, and he pays my wages''

Here it's more 'Does Boss really want that, it doesn't look right'....Oh Boss actually wanted something else'

With the calling people,, yes I probably should call them anyway but if they are already in two meetings according to their schedule, there's not much chance of them picking up the call.

You might be on to something with CCing their boss. Hello 1990.

Is this job newly created, with you the first person filling it?

Unless the answer is yes, your boss is able to directly compare the results you are getting to the results previous employees got. So seriously, stop with the argument that it's literally impossible.

If I had something due in 2 weeks and at the end of that went to my boss to say that speaking to someone was literally impossible, he would want a hell of a lot more evidence of that than 2 emails. If I had to admit I had never even tried to call, he would question why I'm making my lack of effort his problem.

Seriously, if you want to turn this job around you need to change your attitude fast. How long have you been there and how many successful conversations/drafts have you achieved? Your boss is not required to give you months more to turn this around, I think he could probably let you go with a week's notice currently? Him extending your probation is not a surefire sign that you're getting the full extension, if he doesn't see change after this conversation you'll be gone

Anywhere where people are simultaneously in two meetings even on zoom is dysfunctional. I’d just look for a new job

Good luck
Massive back steps to 1990 and once you have them all onside... Management change and you start again unless you find some where else!

Also, if your boss is giving you instructions you don't understand (whether they are unclear, or just something you don't know) it is your job to go to look into them and then go to him to clarify. Not do the wrong thing and realise much later.

Set out your understanding of what he wants done, run this by him and ask for feedback. Make your proposals of how it could be done better, get his sign off and do it

Honestly op everything you write is about how it’s not your fault, you’re doing nothing wrong and it’s all their fault. It’s the process, the people, the boss, everything apart from you.

If you’re already through your probation period fhen how long have you been doing it, six months? And you’re still not delivering. You know the expectations. You know what you need to deliver, saying well no ones available ever is not going to cut it. You need to plan ahead, schedule in calls, and start to manage this more proficiently, deliver on what’s expected. Communicate issues in advance, if you fail to do this fhen you are going to loose the job,

Stating you still need support is difficult. It makes it seem like you’re not capable, than after howver many months they still need to allocate resource to hold your hand.

I’d firmly recommend you stop focusing on why everyone else is the problem and start focusing on how you can deliver in the role, to the expectations set.

Also, if your boss is giving you instructions you don't understand (whether they are unclear, or just something you don't know) it is your job to go to look into them and then go to him to clarify. Not do the wrong thing and realise much later.

He was on leave and not contactable.

Thanks everyone. It has been illuminating.

He was on leave and not contactable

But he would have had a stand in or someone else you could have asked.

You do seem to be twisting yourself to make it that it’s totally not any of your responsibility that you had a poor review. The truth is that you do bear at least some of the responsibility and it is on you to try to resolve that. Blaming everyone else is only going to see you out of a job.

OP you've had some great advise but I note you are getting a bit defensive about anything that's out of your comfort zone or "not in my nature" - so picking up the phone snd talking to these people.

You are in a different Industry and company AND in a new type of working era because of Covid. So it's actually a lot of change to navigate. You seem to be under the miscomprehension that the way you've done things previously will work now.

It's not. So you are going to have to change and adapt. And you'd possibly find the same thing has happened in the industry you left.

You've got to build relationships from scratch in new ways and putting off doing this because people are "busy" snd I think you mean intimidating is setting yourself up to fail. It's not your boss's fault.

Remember that a lot of senior people (I'm one) put "meeting" in their online diaries so people like you don't badger them.

You are going to have to bite the bullet or you will fail.

A PP poster gave an excellent bit of advice. Treat your boss like a client. That means meticulously preparing for meetings. Paper trails and solutions not problems and wispy washy excuses.

I can see why your boss extended your probation period. If you want to pass you need to decide if you are prepared to put in a lot more effort than you think on building relationships with these SMEs.

Loads more!

@YoureTheTop

Also, if your boss is giving you instructions you don't understand (whether they are unclear, or just something you don't know) it is your job to go to look into them and then go to him to clarify. Not do the wrong thing and realise much later.

He was on leave and not contactable.

I don’t get this—you’ve presumably been there for quite a while to get to your probation meeting. You’ve complained that your boss doesn’t make clear what your tasks are, now you seem to be talking about one specific incident only—in which case if it’s one miscommunication with your boss that’s not a big deal, or is this you dodging ownership again? Like he says in your review that you’re not understanding the tasks and you say “well one time you were away!” like that means you’re off the hook for ever needing to communicate with him?

Your attitude just seems to be to refuse to accept there is anything different you have done. Which is not going to get you out of the probation extension. Genuinely, you’re going to need to be humble, really be willing to relearn what is needed from you, and show you can complete these tasks.

This morning I put on my teflon pants and decided to accept that people are the way they are and to just go with it and so far so good.

We had a meeting this morning and I got a 'What you sent me is not adequate' and you need to return the form to me.
With my new backbone I said I;ve sent you the form but nothing else as I am still working on it.

Meeting went OK after that and I have some defined tasks that I actually know what is needed.,

Just pick up the phone. Teams often shows people are in a meeting when they're not. I ignore it and call anyway. 7 times out of 10 they answer. Or call me back within 2 minutes. Just be much more pushy.