Going back to the office with someone you have feelings ings for

Charliec12 · 2021-08-03T06:23:07+00:00

Going back to office after covid when you have feelings for someone how to cope. Things were on and off we would flirt and sext a bit for last few years but in April he started ghosting me. I am really hurt by it all particularly as I find work lonely now not chatting to him. He is doing things like telling me my colleagues have sexy bodies so I think he will get with any female. Right now I feel like jacking work in especially as I will have to see him more from beginning of Sept as we go back to working in the office. Everytime someone is recruited at work I am concerned in case they are attractive and he starts flirting with them :(

Original poster

Charliec12 · 03/08/2021 07:25

To add to this I am married too with 2 children but I have had a few marriage wobbles last few years and this guy has definitely turned my head :(

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MummyOf4Kids · 03/08/2021 07:28

You were a bit of fun for him, ignore him and concentrate on your job while at work. Concentrate on your marriage and speak to your husband about making it work.
How would you feel if he'd been sexting a colleague?

Darker · 03/08/2021 07:31

Honestly? You need to try to let this go and forget about him in this way. Otherwise it will drive you crazy and make you utterly miserable. If you can’t let go you might be better off finding a new job.

Sorry to be harsh but it sounds like he enjoys the flirting and the transgression of breaking professional boundaries to mess with people he’s working with. His behaviour isn’t on but there are rarely consequences for this sort of thing.

Hekatestorch · 03/08/2021 07:32

Look for a new job.

He is ghosting you apart from when, he is telling you other women are sexy?

You are married, he would be silly to continue doing what you have been doing. Sounds like he has decided your just a mate. You both crossed a line.

If your concern, with a new starter, is wether he will fancy them or not you need to move on.

Your marriage wobbles, will not get any better while you are so focused on this man.

Is your husband aware? If so, how does he feel about telling return to the office.

Darker · 03/08/2021 07:33

Ah I missed that you are married. Think this through. It doesn’t end well.

Chunkymenrock · 03/08/2021 07:33

Alex, is that you?

Amrapaali · 03/08/2021 07:35

Yes ignore and hold your head high. The pandemic and lockdowns were a big reset. Manny many things cannot and will not go back to the way we were. Even ininterpersonal relationships however fleeting they were.

Walk into that office a new woman. Concentrate on work and new challenges and goals.

Original poster

Charliec12 · 03/08/2021 18:31

Yes hubbie is aware we got too friendly. He is okay with it which is good of him. Thank you :)

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Original poster

Charliec12 · 03/08/2021 18:35

Oh no not someone else. Good luck to them too 😊

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Original poster

Charliec12 · 03/08/2021 20:10

@Darker

Honestly? You need to try to let this go and forget about him in this way. Otherwise it will drive you crazy and make you utterly miserable. If you can’t let go you might be better off finding a new job.

Sorry to be harsh but it sounds like he enjoys the flirting and the transgression of breaking professional boundaries to mess with people he’s working with. His behaviour isn’t on but there are rarely consequences for this sort of thing.

It has made me very miserable for the last 2 years as I fell big time for someone I couldn't have and realised also I was not that special to him 😞 how could I be anyway when I am married. But he has tried similar on with my colleagues too

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Darker · 03/08/2021 22:45

Good luck with it and don’t beat yourself up about it. I’ve experienced having a crush on someone at work and it was not a happy time.

fourplusfour · 03/08/2021 22:56

I have been in a similar position. Fell for someone at work, met up outside of work a few times over a few months. Then suddenly he dropped me. Seeing him at the office was really hard for a while but actually we now get on great on a professional level. Knowing that it was never going to work, both married to other people, so really he was right to end it helped. I do still miss the chats though. I hope it works out for you.

Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 07:38

@fourplusfour

I have been in a similar position. Fell for someone at work, met up outside of work a few times over a few months. Then suddenly he dropped me. Seeing him at the office was really hard for a while but actually we now get on great on a professional level. Knowing that it was never going to work, both married to other people, so really he was right to end it helped. I do still miss the chats though. I hope it works out for you.

Thanks my concern is he turned my head while I was married but he would be nothing more than a bit of fun even if I was single. I have been struggling to get over things for a few years but we only cut a lot of outside of work contact out a few months back. My marriage has been a bit on and off and I think it was down to the guy at work at times

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Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 07:41

@Darker

Good luck with it and don’t beat yourself up about it. I’ve experienced having a crush on someone at work and it was not a happy time.

Thanks I got way too sucked in was thinking about leaving my marriage for him but then he started showing many red flags like he fancies any girl he sees who is artractive and he likes telling me this. He tried to date one of friends too which hurt. I suppose I will have to see how it goes at work. If he doesn't talk to me much even on a work level each day I get down :(

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PersonaNonGarter · 04/08/2021 07:42

This is your fresh start. Don’t make yourself into the victim - you had a lucky escape from marriage chaos and work humiliation. This has worked out well in the end.

Go in to work to work.

Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 07:44

@MummyOf4Kids

You were a bit of fun for him, ignore him and concentrate on your job while at work. Concentrate on your marriage and speak to your husband about making it work. How would you feel if he'd been sexting a colleague?

Thank you, yes I agree a bit of fun and now it has calmed he doesn't want to know me much as harder for him to get his wicked way. This is what hurts quite a bit as I thought he was quite a good friend. I wouldn't feel great if hubbie did it but not devastated I suppose that shows I am not as in to things as I was

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DGFB · 04/08/2021 07:44

You’ve been a bit of a fool thinking he has he genuine feelings for you and that this would become a relationship. It won’t. Even if you leave your marriage, you will be nothing more than fun to him.
Don’t let him have this power over you. Move on, work on your marriage or leave it, but don’t let this man manipulate you.

Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 07:48

@DGFB

You’ve been a bit of a fool thinking he has he genuine feelings for you and that this would become a relationship. It won’t. Even if you leave your marriage, you will be nothing more than fun to him. Don’t let him have this power over you. Move on, work on your marriage or leave it, but don’t let this man manipulate you.

Thanks he was telling me things like he loved me but then it changed down the line to he would love me if I slept with him. I got way too sucked in with it all

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Trampolean · 04/08/2021 07:50

Honestly the bigger issue seems to be your marriage, if you're so upset about someone at work blowing hot and cold when you aren't even single then you should address that issue first.

Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 07:50

@PersonaNonGarter

This is your fresh start. Don’t make yourself into the victim - you had a lucky escape from marriage chaos and work humiliation. This has worked out well in the end.

Go in to work to work.

You are right no one at work suspects anything and this could have gone really wrong there. Thank you I will aim to do that :)

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Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 08:01

@Trampolean

Honestly the bigger issue seems to be your marriage, if you're so upset about someone at work blowing hot and cold when you aren't even single then you should address that issue first.

Agreed I think that is one of the main underlying issues. We had a baby last year though so she was a new start and I am trying to put the past behind me but I will admit I am not there yet. My hubbie has basically said he can't live without me so I feel very stuck at times about what a marriage breakdown will do to him. Also how I would be able to afford to bring up 2 children in my own. Also my husband treats me so well so I am trying to get there just really struggling with what happened with work

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Hekatestorch · 04/08/2021 08:27

I am not saying you should end your marriage.

But your husband absolutely can live without you. That should be a reasons to stay. Sometimes it feels like we can't. But the vast majority of people do carry on living. If he is actually saying he would kill himself that's a whole other story and indicates emotional abuse.

You would also find a way to be a single parent. He would have to pay CMS to start with. And if he is so great, he wouldn't begrudge that.

Its mot way being a single parent. Neither is ending a marriage. But sometimes it is the better option.

You don't seem that invested in your marriage yourself. Your reasons for wanting the marriage to work, is because of the impact on him and that it will be difficult.

To save a struggling marriage, you need to want to save it, because you want to be in the marriage. Not because he does and not because otherwise it will be hard.

Again, I am not saying end your marriage. But I think you really need to think about things alot more. If your husband picks up he is more invested than you and then you go back to work, with this man. Your husband may not be be fine when it's happening.

Maybe you need 5o talk this out with someone, a trusted friend or counsellor or somebody.

SaltySheepdog · 04/08/2021 08:32

Go to couples counselling with your partner

With the office bloke make a mental list of everything wrong with him and throw yourself into your work and having a laugh with your colleagues. It might be more manageable then expected.

Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 08:34

@Hekatestorch

I am not saying you should end your marriage.

But your husband absolutely can live without you. That should be a reasons to stay. Sometimes it feels like we can't. But the vast majority of people do carry on living. If he is actually saying he would kill himself that's a whole other story and indicates emotional abuse.

You would also find a way to be a single parent. He would have to pay CMS to start with. And if he is so great, he wouldn't begrudge that.

Its mot way being a single parent. Neither is ending a marriage. But sometimes it is the better option.

You don't seem that invested in your marriage yourself. Your reasons for wanting the marriage to work, is because of the impact on him and that it will be difficult.

To save a struggling marriage, you need to want to save it, because you want to be in the marriage. Not because he does and not because otherwise it will be hard.

Again, I am not saying end your marriage. But I think you really need to think about things alot more. If your husband picks up he is more invested than you and then you go back to work, with this man. Your husband may not be be fine when it's happening.

Maybe you need 5o talk this out with someone, a trusted friend or counsellor or somebody.

Thank you for your advice the sparks seem to of faded a bit a few years back but I felt so happy and I really want to get that back but I gave struggled with that for a while. I am trying to work harder at it for him, for our children and for myself too. I will see how I go but it is getting me down as I keep trying to understand why I am not as happy as I was 😞

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Original poster

Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 08:36

@SaltySheepdog

Go to couples counselling with your partner

With the office bloke make a mental list of everything wrong with him and throw yourself into your work and having a laugh with your colleagues. It might be more manageable then expected.

There is certainly a long list there and I often think about that ha ha. Thanks :)

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