Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Going back to the office with someone you have feelings ings for

55 replies

Charliec12 · 03/08/2021 07:23

Going back to office after covid when you have feelings for someone how to cope. Things were on and off we would flirt and sext a bit for last few years but in April he started ghosting me. I am really hurt by it all particularly as I find work lonely now not chatting to him. He is doing things like telling me my colleagues have sexy bodies so I think he will get with any female. Right now I feel like jacking work in especially as I will have to see him more from beginning of Sept as we go back to working in the office. Everytime someone is recruited at work I am concerned in case they are attractive and he starts flirting with them :(

OP posts:
TheNewBlack · 04/08/2021 08:45

Go to work to work is the best advice on this thread.

You say that your husband ‘treats you so well’. You also have a new baby. In the kindest possible way, what on earth are you doing?

I have an acquaintance who started getting involved with a man she worked with. Very similar story. He was giving her lots of positives and seemed really interested in her. Turned her head. Wrecked her marriage. Messed up her children’s lives. For nothing.

SaltySheepdog · 04/08/2021 08:57

Every time you feel attracted to him run through your mental list of negatives about him

SaltySheepdog · 04/08/2021 08:59

Personally I’d get my head down and try to make the relationship work, go to couples counselling.

SaltySheepdog · 04/08/2021 09:00

But also bare in mind you’ve just had a baby and this can really throw your emotions out

Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 09:21

@TheNewBlack

Go to work to work is the best advice on this thread.

You say that your husband ‘treats you so well’. You also have a new baby. In the kindest possible way, what on earth are you doing?

I have an acquaintance who started getting involved with a man she worked with. Very similar story. He was giving her lots of positives and seemed really interested in her. Turned her head. Wrecked her marriage. Messed up her children’s lives. For nothing.

Nothing is going on now we are professional it all started about 2 years back but gradually cooled. I am concerned it will start firing up again when we are face to face again soon
OP posts:
TheNewBlack · 04/08/2021 09:50

It really will only fire up again if you let it. As a previous poster said, write a list of all the reasons why he is very bad for you. Put it on your phone and read it regularly. Make other friendships in the workplace so you have other people to talk to and don’t put yourself in ‘vulnerable’ situations where you are likely to be together alone.

Of course you will have to observe him flirting with other women but that just shows what kind of person he is. He doesn’t care about them or their feelings. My acquaintance’s office ‘romance’ was with a man who eventually admitted he hadn’t been ‘serious’ about her, hadn’t expected her marriage to break down, hadn’t realised how she had developed feelings for him. He’d wanted fun and light entertainment, not a relationship with her.

He’s bad news OP. Re-read this thread every time you feel tempted. Speak with a counsellor about what is missing in your life (your own counselling not relationship counselling) because if you address this then that will be a start. If you are bored with your life, find a new hobby, a new challenge, a new job but stay clear of this man!

Good luck!

Disneycharacter · 04/08/2021 09:59

You need to grow up. People go to work to actually work not flirt and sext their married colleagues.

Sorry I have little sympathy for emotional or any other kind of cheater.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 04/08/2021 10:05

He is doing things like telling me my colleagues have sexy bodies so I think he will get with any female.

He's a low life.
Your DH will not be okay with you starting things up again with this jerk, I don't expect.

You are not helpless, here. It's up to you to decide that this guy is a waste of space, and to focus on work when you are at work.

BlithePilgrim · 04/08/2021 10:20

OP, I’m more concerned about you saying you still ‘have feelings for’ someone who is basically the standard-issue office sleazebucket, who has not in some time even pretended you are anything other than another office sex conquest he’s lost interest in, who almost wrecked your marriage and who is now perving on about your colleagues’ bodies to you. Have a bit of self-respect and take control. Frankly, it doesn’t matter how he behaves when you return to work, because you will be ice cool and civil, and concentrating on your job, your baby and dealing with your marriage

Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 10:22

@Disneycharacter

You need to grow up. People go to work to actually work not flirt and sext their married colleagues. Sorry I have little sympathy for emotional or any other kind of cheater.
Thanks for your advice I guess you have never been in my shoes and don't understand how this has all impacted my mental health. It's not something I planned I have been in my relationship for 20 years and we both had a few wobbles
OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 10:24

@GrandmaSteglitszch

He is doing things like telling me my colleagues have sexy bodies so I think he will get with any female.

He's a low life.
Your DH will not be okay with you starting things up again with this jerk, I don't expect.

You are not helpless, here. It's up to you to decide that this guy is a waste of space, and to focus on work when you are at work.

Thanks it is tricky to go back with the past there but I will do my best :)
OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 10:26

@BlithePilgrim

OP, I’m more concerned about you saying you still ‘have feelings for’ someone who is basically the standard-issue office sleazebucket, who has not in some time even pretended you are anything other than another office sex conquest he’s lost interest in, who almost wrecked your marriage and who is now perving on about your colleagues’ bodies to you. Have a bit of self-respect and take control. Frankly, it doesn’t matter how he behaves when you return to work, because you will be ice cool and civil, and concentrating on your job, your baby and dealing with your marriage
Thank you and yes I know it is all very strange I just got sucked in too much but definitely need to get some self respect
OP posts:
overnightangel · 04/08/2021 10:26

I feel sorry for your husband

Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 10:33

@overnightangel

I feel sorry for your husband
Agreed, but surely trying to work at your marriage is better than jacking it in? Again you won't have been in this position to say that it has and is very tough
OP posts:
TheNewBlack · 04/08/2021 10:41

Improve your own life OP. It’s not even about improving your marriage. It’s about being fulfilled in yourself. I’m of the belief that people develop feelings for other people when they themselves feel unhappy. The other person makes them feel good about themselves and fills a void. This is not a void in your marriage but a void in yourself. Address that.

NothingIsWrong · 04/08/2021 10:53

Your marriage may or may not work out. But this guy is not the answer.

If you can find a good counsellor to work on yourself, and make you happy for you, then you can work out if your marriage is worth staying in. But this guy is a player, a fuckboy and is worth none of your time or energy.

I felt very lost after having my 3rd baby and when I went back to work it felt like that was my real life, where people listened to me and respected my opinion, compared to home where I had three under 6 and a husband who worked long hours, and I just wanted to fade away into my work life. Had I had someone like this hanging around it could have ended very differently, but a course of anti depressants and some counselling and the kids growing up a bit shook me back to me, if that makes sense.

I'm now at the stage where my kids don't need me so much any more, in secondary school etc and I'm going through the same thing again, not really sure who I am after 15 years of small child raising. I'm back in counselling again to work through it.

Please just block him everywhere personal, ice Queen him at work and work on yourself.

hedgehogger1 · 04/08/2021 10:59

Work guy sounds thoroughly repulsive. If you want to end your marriage then do it in a less destructive way

Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 18:04

@GrandmaSteglitszch

He is doing things like telling me my colleagues have sexy bodies so I think he will get with any female.

He's a low life.
Your DH will not be okay with you starting things up again with this jerk, I don't expect.

You are not helpless, here. It's up to you to decide that this guy is a waste of space, and to focus on work when you are at work.

Thank you and very true 😊
OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 04/08/2021 18:05

@TheNewBlack

Improve your own life OP. It’s not even about improving your marriage. It’s about being fulfilled in yourself. I’m of the belief that people develop feelings for other people when they themselves feel unhappy. The other person makes them feel good about themselves and fills a void. This is not a void in your marriage but a void in yourself. Address that.
Thank you :)
OP posts:
TheNewBlack · 04/08/2021 18:18

Agree @hedgehogger1 he really does sound repulsive. Seriously @Charliec12 I feel sorry for the poor person who does end up with him…he sounds a nightmare.

Do you know though, when you go back to the office after this gap, you may see him in a different light. All those qualities you thought were attractive may not be so much now.

It’s amazing what a bit of space and distance from someone can do to make you see them differently.

Good luck. Steer clear!

Original poster
Charliec12 · 05/08/2021 06:55

@TheNewBlack

Agree *@hedgehogger1 he really does sound repulsive. Seriously @Charliec12* I feel sorry for the poor person who does end up with him…he sounds a nightmare.

Do you know though, when you go back to the office after this gap, you may see him in a different light. All those qualities you thought were attractive may not be so much now.

It’s amazing what a bit of space and distance from someone can do to make you see them differently.

Good luck. Steer clear!

Thank you :)
OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 05/08/2021 06:59

@TheNewBlack

Go to work to work is the best advice on this thread.

You say that your husband ‘treats you so well’. You also have a new baby. In the kindest possible way, what on earth are you doing?

I have an acquaintance who started getting involved with a man she worked with. Very similar story. He was giving her lots of positives and seemed really interested in her. Turned her head. Wrecked her marriage. Messed up her children’s lives. For nothing.

That's awful 😔 I can see from my example that would be me too. Most of the conversations were of a sexual nature from him rather than hi how are you etc
OP posts:
Original poster
Charliec12 · 05/08/2021 07:01

@hedgehogger1

Work guy sounds thoroughly repulsive. If you want to end your marriage then do it in a less destructive way
Thank you :)
OP posts:
HalzTangz · 05/08/2021 07:01

Surely the time is to forget this person, use the effort you ha put into him to save your marriage.

I'm surprised people are being so nice to you. If your husband had posted my wife is sexting another man what should I do, they would advise him to leave you. You are cheating on your marriage.

Time to decide if you actually want a marriage, if you do, focus on that and not some office fling

Original poster
Charliec12 · 05/08/2021 07:09

@HalzTangz

Surely the time is to forget this person, use the effort you ha put into him to save your marriage.

I'm surprised people are being so nice to you. If your husband had posted my wife is sexting another man what should I do, they would advise him to leave you. You are cheating on your marriage.

Time to decide if you actually want a marriage, if you do, focus on that and not some office fling

Thanks but maybe because they are being understanding of my situation. I didn't set out to fall for someone else when married it is the biggest mess I have been in. The sexting was a few years back btw but yes it is not great but neither is what I have been through since. I stopped it from a full on affair and I wouldn't leave my husband for cheating as marriages deserve work not jacking it in for something like that
OP posts: