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Original poster

Unprofessional behaviour

59 replies

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/07/2021 08:05

I'm probably going to get flamed for this but.......I feel really let down by the majority of the other women at work, We're in medical.
I was a single parent for the early part of my working life in the 80's and constantly had to be better than anyone else to be taken seriously.
We're now about half men and half women at work.
None of the men take any time off sick, they tend to progress quite quickly through the ranks, they don't bring their emotions to work they just get on with work as do I whatever is going on in my private life.
The majority of the women especially through covid have had many weeks off with stress, request extra time to do their jobs, don't volunteer for anything, get hysterical a lot, won't take any criticism, constructive or otherwise, gossip, use periods as an excuse for bad behaviour and are always in tears.
I overheard some of the guys talking about this the other day and saying no wonder some places don't employ women and I felt really pissed off and ashamed, I'm disabled and have a serious mental health disorder akin to schizophrenia which none of them apart from my manager know about, have never had a day off sick, never get hysterical at work, volunteer for everything and try to be a professional at all times, I never get involved in bitching or gossip.
The men have time off with their sick kids too and do equal pick ups and so on because their wives all work too but how are we supposed to be equal in the workplace when women are behaving like this?
I get covid has been tough, I haven't exactly found it a bed of roses, I'm 60 years old and I'm now getting ageist shit from the WOMEN at work not the men who respect me and know I will get the job done.
Why do we still behave like this? Is it just my workplace?

OP posts:

InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 09/07/2021 08:10

Unfortunately not. I'm with you on this but soon we will be told we are being cows, I'm sure.

DinosaurDiana · 09/07/2021 08:11

I find that people in my workplace get away with stuff that I would never dream of doing.
One woman used to wear leggings all the time despite it being against policy. She would be spoken to occasionally and toe the line for a short time, then back into leggings.
It’s little things like that that really get on my nerves. It’s like they’re constantly pushing the boundaries - childish behaviour I suppose.

Ylvamoon · 09/07/2021 08:17

I have worked with women & men as OP describes, giving the rest of us a bad name.

But I have also worked with some amazing had working women & men proofing your theory wrong.

In my opinion it's really down to individuals and overall company culture.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 09/07/2021 08:24

I agree OP, I think there's a lot of entitlement and behaviour that lets others down. I am particularly seeing this with Covid where sadly it is mostly female colleagues will play all sorts of cards even tears for reasons they can't come in to the office but they are perfectly fine with socialising even travelling abroad. These are not people with young kids juggling school pick ups and dealing with homeschooling either. It's all take take, do the bare minimum but expect everything in return.

brownboxkit · 09/07/2021 08:28

We had a business partner who fell in love within 3 months of business starting and decided that she no longer wished to put in extra effort as she had more interesting things to do at the weekend - cried when she was called out on not working hard enough - huffed when she didn't get her own way, cried some more when she was told it wasn't ethical to impress her new boyfriend on client expenses - apparently she thought as a boss she could do as she pleased. Got pregnant, treated the business like a lifestyle option - took off loads of time because she was tired, go shopping, needed holidays etc.

Didn't feel the need to inform other partners of her plans - didn't see the need to follow signed legal agreements - cried and huffed a bit more - refused to enter into discussions.

The work still had to be done by everyone except her - it was either that or the business would have failed. There's another side to someone not pulling their weight - the other people running the business who have to step in and work 80 hours a week and more to keep the business afloat - or just make everyone redundant.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 09/07/2021 08:34

@brownboxkit I think that's it because for everyone that behaves like this there are other behind picking up the slack and it's just so infuriating. It's especially hard when employers are tip towing around them in fear that they are going to face some sort of discrimination case if they don't pander to their needs.

brownboxkit · 09/07/2021 08:50

[quote SilverGlitterBaubles]@brownboxkit I think that's it because for everyone that behaves like this there are other behind picking up the slack and it's just so infuriating. It's especially hard when employers are tip towing around them in fear that they are going to face some sort of discrimination case if they don't pander to their needs. [/quote]
I know I'm sure if you heard her side of the story it would all be about her rights and discrimination - she wasn't too concerned about the rights of the partner left behind and his mental health carrying everything on his shoulders - working over 80 hours a week to keep the business running successfully - or the employees who would have lost their jobs had the partner not picked up the slack.

Palavah · 09/07/2021 08:58

The counterpoint to this is that women have shouldered the burden of the pandemic and lockdown disproportionately to men, and so it's not at all surprising that they're the ones cracking. Mn over the past 18 months has been full of examples.

I'm not saying there are no CFs, just that they're not the whole story.

00100001 · 09/07/2021 09:36

Yeah, I can guarantee that it was the mother's shouldering the burden of home school etc. Not the blokes.

brownboxkit · 09/07/2021 09:54

Someone was shouldering the burden of the mothers not being at work.

00100001 · 09/07/2021 09:58

@brownboxkit

Someone was shouldering the burden of the mothers not being at work.

The mother's were working from home presumably.

brownboxkit · 09/07/2021 10:08

At work - meaning the act of doing work - not referring to the location. Sorry for the confusion.

Rubyrecka · 09/07/2021 10:11

They all sounds like drips to be honest.

use periods as an excuse for bad behaviour

God. Who does that!

littlejalapeno · 09/07/2021 10:39

Your first problem is referring to women as if we are a monolithic block. Your second is saying then men are paragons of work virtue in your first paragraph and then admit they do take flexible time and consideration further down your post. It reads like you have some bias and blindness to what each group needs and how harshly you judge them. I’ve found that attitude a lot in women of your age, often a bit of jealous, a bit of lack of self awareness. A bit crabs in a barrel, sadly. It’s a tough time for everyone with corona, people losing family members and having life changing experiences. I’m sure the relevant bosses and HR are aware of who the strivers and shirkers are. I’m sure they don’t divide down gender/sex lines as clearly as you want to make out.

brownboxkit · 09/07/2021 10:45

@littlejalapeno

I’m sure the relevant bosses and HR are aware of who the strivers and shirkers are. There are those who do a good job and those who appear to do a good job - it's not always clear which box someone sits in.

InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 09/07/2021 12:37

@brownboxkit

Someone was shouldering the burden of the mothers not being at work.

This. Because every time someone is out of work (besides scheduled time off) it leaves colleagues picking up the work they are not doing.

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 12:39

I’m signed off with stress at the moment, because my dd was sexually assaulted. I’m already feeling guilty about taking time off

Aimee1987 · 09/07/2021 12:59

I cant say I see this in my field.
However I used to work in scientific research and I ended up leaving due to an absolute lack of support from senior Male scientist. I returned from mat leave during the pandemic. They had given away my equipment. When I asked for it back they gave me old broken equipment. I spent over a month working 7 days a week with zero support, never seeing my baby untill I broke. I finished my contract working a 9-5. The project wasnt completed and remains unpublished. They 100% have form for doing this, I watched them do it to a colleague a few years ago. This shit is the reason women in STEM drop off at my level.
So in my field and my experience I dont think the problem is the women. I think it's often men

YelloYelloYello · 09/07/2021 13:00

use periods as an excuse for bad behaviour
Or, maybe they really are suffering with their periods. Just because you aren’t doesn’t mean they aren’t.

I’m not in your workplace so I can only speak from my own experience but I think it’s more down to individuals rather than gender split. After all you’ve lumped yourself in with the shit side despite your actions suggesting you belong amongst the hard workers. Your colleague was wrong to generalise - you’re a clear example of why.

YelloYelloYello · 09/07/2021 13:01

I’m sorry @Hamnetssister. Please don’t feel guilty. You’ve done nothing wrong.

eurochick · 09/07/2021 13:02

It seems like a culture issue at your workplace. I've never seen women behave in the way you describe in the workplace.

Noterook · 09/07/2021 13:04

@eurochick

It seems like a culture issue at your workplace. I've never seen women behave in the way you describe in the workplace.

Me neither.

VeryLongBeeeeep · 09/07/2021 13:51

@eurochick

It seems like a culture issue at your workplace. I've never seen women behave in the way you describe in the workplace.

I've seen a couple over the years (in my 50s now) but far, far outweighed and outnumbered by fucking superwomen who did an awesome job in the office while also juggling the responsibilities of running a home, caring for kids / elderly parents etc etc.

And the most difficult, drama-queenesque person I ever managed was a bloke.

blairresignationjam · 09/07/2021 14:11

My MIL would be in agreement. She staffs nurses for surgery theatres. Not just during covid though. It's easy for (some) women to take the piss with how flexible an employer the NHS is. Regular, serious operations have to be cancelled when the nurses suddenly announce they can't stay because (for example) their child has the dentist. My MIL begs them in desperation to ask their partners to take them but just gets "oh no he can't he has meetings", like WTF? this patient needs heart surgery!
Or if a surgery over runs they just walk out! The NHS never pushes back. Or nurses are absolutely notorious for disappearing near the end of their shifts if not booked in to surgery. Because there is no clock in/ out system to track them. They've been known to literally hide some where skivving, or even leave the building all together and go home.

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 14:13

@YelloYelloYello thank you. It’s not something I’ve done lightly and I would hate people to think I’m a shirker - but it has been harrowing. Dd has had significant MH issues following the assault and there’s only so much you can deal with. I would rather be able to do a good job at work and I’m hoping this time will help us both.

Of course, only select people know why I’m off, so they may just think I’m unprofessional.

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