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Original poster

Unprofessional behaviour

59 replies

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 09/07/2021 08:05

I'm probably going to get flamed for this but.......I feel really let down by the majority of the other women at work, We're in medical.
I was a single parent for the early part of my working life in the 80's and constantly had to be better than anyone else to be taken seriously.
We're now about half men and half women at work.
None of the men take any time off sick, they tend to progress quite quickly through the ranks, they don't bring their emotions to work they just get on with work as do I whatever is going on in my private life.
The majority of the women especially through covid have had many weeks off with stress, request extra time to do their jobs, don't volunteer for anything, get hysterical a lot, won't take any criticism, constructive or otherwise, gossip, use periods as an excuse for bad behaviour and are always in tears.
I overheard some of the guys talking about this the other day and saying no wonder some places don't employ women and I felt really pissed off and ashamed, I'm disabled and have a serious mental health disorder akin to schizophrenia which none of them apart from my manager know about, have never had a day off sick, never get hysterical at work, volunteer for everything and try to be a professional at all times, I never get involved in bitching or gossip.
The men have time off with their sick kids too and do equal pick ups and so on because their wives all work too but how are we supposed to be equal in the workplace when women are behaving like this?
I get covid has been tough, I haven't exactly found it a bed of roses, I'm 60 years old and I'm now getting ageist shit from the WOMEN at work not the men who respect me and know I will get the job done.
Why do we still behave like this? Is it just my workplace?

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 09/07/2021 14:19

I've worked in healthcare since the 1980s, and my experience has been that lazy men have been promoted over hard-working women, in largely female professions (nursing and physio).

I now work in care, and female care staff are, on the whole, streets ahead of male care staff in both terms of competence and effort.
And it's the men who are always off sick with stress. Or hangovers :-(

Ozanj · 09/07/2021 14:24

With all due respect OP nobody with older kids ever remembers how difficult and soul destroying working full time with babies / young kids is. You think you did well with your rose tinted glasses on because you didn’t take a day off, but I’m sure your colleagues at the time had issues with your performance. This is actually a real thing that has been reviewed a lot in longevity research

You also need to remember you were in a more junior position at a time when nursing was better staffed. So you taking more time to do things / forgetting probably wasn’t as much of an issue as it is now

iamtopazmortmain · 09/07/2021 14:29

You cannot really overgeneralize. Some women are good, reliable colleagues and so are some men. Same goes for the rubbish, lazy unreliable ones.

For what it's worth. In my thirty odd years of work I have worked with more women who gossip, gang up on others and take time off for very flimsy reasons. I have also worked with far more men than women who were promoted beyond their abilities because they were very good at BS and sucking up to the right people. Once promoted they get away with doing very little, offloading their work onto those below them and get paid well for their antics.

So which is work - unreliable, nasty female co-workers or crap, lazy overpaid male managers?

chickenyhead · 09/07/2021 14:53

What a horrible thread

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 15:01

Yes it isn’t nice to read for me at the moment being signed off with stress after hearing my dd was sexually assaulted. I’m obviously not professional.

itcouldhave · 09/07/2021 15:28

I would have posted a proper response but I was so hurt that I'm shaking and crying in the corner.

LockdownLard · 09/07/2021 15:30

I work for the NHS, there is always somebody off on sick - we never have a full team on, it's like they take it in turns - one will come back and someone else will go off - and it's not for days or even weeks, it's for months. I always wonder if they weren't on full pay but SSP whether they would be taking these elongated periods of time off on sick. And because they are on full pay, there is no money to backfill and the rest of the staff have to pick up the slack.

Surely if you find the job so stressful you have to go off for 6 months, come back for four weeks and then go off for another 6 months, surely you need to find a different job? Incidentally 6 months is the cut off point to go from full pay to half pay, amazing how many feel able to return just before the 6 months is up..... I'm not saying there aren't people who genuinely need to be off, but there are also the ones who massively take the piss which impacts on views of the people in genuine need.

chickenyhead · 09/07/2021 15:31

@Hamnetssister

Yes it isn’t nice to read for me at the moment being signed off with stress after hearing my dd was sexually assaulted. I’m obviously not professional.

I was going to froth, but I had a cappuccino instead and it was lurrrvley

chickenyhead · 09/07/2021 15:31

Don't pay any attention to it

DareDevil223 · 09/07/2021 15:41

Cool story bro....

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/07/2021 15:55

Yep. Those terrible women. All of them! Except the OP of course. Thank goodness for all the wonderful men there to save the day. Let’s all bow to their superiority and hope our little lady brains can see beyond our Menzies induced hissy fits to follow their example.

Alternatively, there are hard-working men and women and there are lazy-arse men and women. Poor management means they get away with being crap.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/07/2021 15:57

@Hamnetssister

Yes it isn’t nice to read for me at the moment being signed off with stress after hearing my dd was sexually assaulted. I’m obviously not professional.

I’m sorry that happened to your daughter. You take all the time you need to support her with recovery and allow yourself time to grieve. Don’t even worry about work.

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 15:59

DD’s dad isn’t signed off - but he wasn’t at the police station with her when she made her statement, or with her when she did her video interview or the one she made the disclosure to. He’s not the one who goes to all the CAMHS appointments or takes her to hospital. He sees her twice a month at most. So yeah, his job probably isn’t affected.

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 16:00

Thank you @BeingATwatItsABingThing. Sorry to take over the thread - I think it just struck a nerve. I never take time off, it’s really unlike me - but I couldn’t have carried on at work.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/07/2021 16:03

@Hamnetssister

Thank you *@BeingATwatItsABingThing*. Sorry to take over the thread - I think it just struck a nerve. I never take time off, it’s really unlike me - but I couldn’t have carried on at work.

I can understand why you are upset about this thread. The people at your work who know what’s happening will be completely understanding why you’re not there. What other people think doesn’t even matter. As you never take time off, they’ll probably be worried because they’ll know it must be serious for you to be off.

chickenyhead · 09/07/2021 16:04

@Hamnetssister

Thank you *@BeingATwatItsABingThing*. Sorry to take over the thread - I think it just struck a nerve. I never take time off, it’s really unlike me - but I couldn’t have carried on at work.

It isnt you.

It is a goady pile of sexist rubbish.

LadyWithLapdog · 09/07/2021 16:16

OP this is a massively ill-judged thread. For someone who never gossips, what are the chances you were around to overhear the men in your workplace gossiping.

As for NHS staff being off sick. Take a moment and think why that might be. It’s not all a bed of Roses. No, someone being off sick doesn’t mean you can’t replace them with bank or locum.

Hamnettssister - I’m sorry to read about your daughter. This is not the thread you’d expect on MN when you’re feeling fragile 🦢

ahoyshipmates · 09/07/2021 16:16

Well of course it could be that your employer treats male employees well, gives them salary increases and promotes them regularly, and treats their female employees like shit, causing them untold stress, frustration and resentment. Employees treated like that tend to be unhappy.

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 16:17

It is. Mental health issues shouldn’t carry a stigma either. I thought as a society we had moved past that.

cassandre · 09/07/2021 19:42

Wow, I nominate the OP's post for most sexist post of the day.

cassandre · 09/07/2021 19:44

None of the men take any time off sick, they tend to progress quite quickly through the ranks, they don't bring their emotions to work they just get on with work

You do realise that if men are able to do this, especially men who are fathers, it's usually because they are relying on the unrecognised domestic labour of women to keep their households going.

I find it sad OP that you are so proud of 'working like a man'.

Flapjak · 09/07/2021 19:46

Are you sure you are not male OP? Am pretty sure most of the women i work with are juggling mist of the childcare, domestic, emotional load, careers for parents. Meanwhile most of the men just work ! Its no wonder women are at breaking point.

Hamnetssister · 09/07/2021 19:51

I don’t understand how people can be so judgmental when you have no idea of someone’s circumstances. This thread was so upsetting when I was already feeling vulnerable.

cansu · 09/07/2021 19:53

OP How would you know the circumstances of all your colleagues? How do you know how many times your male colleagues have taken time off work vs the number of times their wives have taken time off? How do you know their circumstances at home? I think that it is very easy to be the perfect employee if you do not have dependents. It is much more difficult if you are managing home schooling, constant isolations and a home.

cassandre · 09/07/2021 20:04

Actually I've had a quick look at your posting history and I feel sorry for you now, OP.

You said above:
I'm disabled and have a serious mental health disorder akin to schizophrenia which none of them apart from my manager know about, have never had a day off sick, never get hysterical at work, volunteer for everything and try to be a professional at all times

Believe it or not, never taking a day off work sick and forcing yourself to keep up appearances at all times is NOT always the best way to cope with a long-term mental health disorder. There are many of us in the world (both men and women!) who have to cope with mental health troubles, and many of us have DC with mental health troubles as well. Sometimes we need to take time off work or school; it's part of responsible self-care. When our employers are piling on more work responsibilities than we can cope with, we need to be honest and let them know. In the long run, honesty and time off/reduced workload can mean the difference between relative happiness and sanity on the one hand, and a complete breakdown on the other.

'Volunteering for everything' in the workplace sounds like a recipe for misery to me.

In the light of your struggles with mental health and work, OP, I suspect you need to be kinder not just to other women, but to yourself.

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