any working mums wish they could be at home fulltime

[robinredbreast]

?

It's a tough one! DD is at school now. Wouldn't mind being rich enough to not work & just go to the gym, meet my girlfriends for lunch etc etc but I think that might get boring ultimately! Have only worked properly for 2 yrs anyway & enjoy it most of the time & probably wouldn't want to give up at this point in time. Have to work at the moment being single and all that anyway, but don't resent having to IYSWIM.

Ask me in a few yrs time and my answer may be different.

Webdiva, such a shame any chance you can give it up /work from home?

I went back to work 3 days per week when DD was 11.5 months and I was getting to the point where I needed to for both of our sanity. I needed a break and a bit more adult contact and she needed the stimulation, other children and other adult carers. I have pangs of guilt sure when I have to rush off in the morning but I really think it is the best thing for both of us. DD has grown in confidence and I feel much more relaxed when I'm at home because I'm not as bored. It really is such a personal thing tho. I definately wasn't ready at 6 months though but I think it's easier for the baby at that age.

No chance of giving up sadly, not unless we go live in a mobile home or something somewhere!! (believe my I've seriously considered this at times!!). It's probably just me but I don't know how it's possible to work from home, I can't even seem to get upstairs hoovered half the time!!

In fact I should really be thinking of full time if we're ever to get in the house ladder but that really gives me the heebijeebs!

Does make me cross though, it used to be that a family could live on one wage, and then it really was just a matter of persoanl choice - or am I imagining this? DOn't start me on politics

Is the OP still around?

Apols blondilocks - I mis-read your post - had I correctly read it I'd have said - single working parent ,now I raise my hat I don't know how you do it I really don't

WD, agree, it's a tragedy we don't have the choice anymore. I get really cheesed off when people go on about women choosing to have children later and then having the cheek to work. Just not that simple is it? I'm lucky that I enjoy working but it is a juggle and I do have terrible guilt about it. I really hope it works for you.

I've never really had much guilt about working, I'm on my own with 3 girls so I feel it's important to set a good example for them where possible. When they were little it was tough at times but I think you make more of the time you spend together and appreciate it more and of course you can afford to do more interesting things together. It also gives you more choice about where and how to live, and paying for things like school trips and holidays is easier than, say, if you are on a lower income or benefits.

I never realised how much I hated working FT whilst having two young children until I stopped.

This is FAB.

I was soooo tired all the time.

Vacua, I know what you mean about setting a good example, and I try really hard to do this. I think I'm affected by having lost children from my family (don't ask me any more about this, not the time or place). But I'm constantly reminded about how precious time is (especially these early years) not money, and I don't know if this equates to being a good example but I can't help it. I'd be interested in your thoughts though.

If there were two of me it might be different, but I'm the only parental influence so I feel quite pressured. I'm not a 9-5er tho and have a fair amount of flexibility so I'm around quite a bit.

Good on you vacua, the pressure must be immense. flexibility has to be the key, doesn't it?

sorry I'm being very disjointed, should also say thanks GN. hope it works for you too.

Does anyone know much about tax credits? I've never fathomed out whether these help or hinder in these decisions we have to make?

hi webdiva

you may be my kindred spirit
in that i feel like ive jusy found the only job in the world i want to do
that sums it up soooooo well
im gonna use that one on my dh if you dont mind me nicking it

look at my other thread
"what would you do if your dh wanted you to go back to work but you didn't"

its only about 10 threads below this one sorry im crap at doing links

i think alot of it depends on if you enjoy your job tbh

but having said that this is the only thing i want to do

I do enjoy my job as much is possible but if I had the choice financially would be a sahm. Once the ds and any future dcs reach school age I dont think I would want to stay at home. But definatly while they are under 4 I would like to stay at home.

Hi

Think its a really good topic to start especially with the govt constantly talking about childcare help. Overlooking the fact that many mums or dads would like to be the one responsible for childcare.

Just read through all the posts. I totally empathise with you webdiva and Robin. You sound like you are in a similar situation to me.

I agree with the post that said it was nice when families could survive on one income and women had a choice. I think for many that choice has been taken away with the cost of living now. Especially in low and middle income families. My job does not pay for luxuries, I pay the electric and council tax.

Would love to work from home but dont know what I could do to be honest. We need a guaranteed monthly income so couldnt do commission based.

Thanks for starting thread Robin it helped get stuff of my chest. Sorry if I have gone on. Hope things work out for people how they would like.

Nope I love my job. Did part time initially after dc 1 which was nice (specially as this was in days of shorter maternity leave so dd was 3 months when i returned). Then went up to full time later.Never regretted my choice though also have a say it wasn't totally a choice as we couldn't have survived on one income. Would never have wanted to be at home full time though. I think I enjoyed the time I spent with them more because I had a life outside the home too.

Hi RRB
Glad you came back into this. Feel free to use it on your dh I hope it helps. Not had a chance to look at your other thread but from what it sounds like, you think you could stay at home, but he doesn't agree is this right?

Gut wrenching isn't it, and fwiw it has got a little bit easier, now ds is a bit older and yes there are benefits like lo socialising etc at the childminders or nursery. The childminder we have is great and also there's the other benefit of having another point of view on things and suggestions on how to deal with various development stuff. That said though, from the bottom of my heart I feel it is my job to look after my child, and any others that I have, but you don't know until they arrive do you, exactly how you'll feel?

Do you think this is related to whether we had sahms ourselves, I know I did. Think this is what gets me sometimes as I try to learn from all the good examples my mum set, and it doesn't sit comfortably when I can't do this, because of work.

Wish I had an answer......

Nope, not at all - I work full time and would'nt have it any other way!

My heart really breaks for those feeling unhappy with their circumstances. Instead of feeling guilt about working, I really and truely think more working mothers should give themselves a pat on the back and feel proud.

i recently left my job to be a full time mum and its the best decision i ever made being with my daughter every day just makes me so happy. i always worked so this is totally different but i have to say its great

Even during my two weeks annual leave I'm looking forward to returning to work by the end of it! Whilst I adore my children, I love working - putting on my suit and being somebody other than 'mum'.

Have always said even if I won the lottery I'd still work - hubby on the other hand would give up tomorrow!

I would love to be at home full time.
BUT
I would worry about my financial independance, because I am in IT if I took a break I could never go back, so would have to have a completely different career with a LOT less money as no experience or qualifications in anything else.
Although - I have worked out a very good package as I am term-time only, short days on Thursday & Friday and Friday is also working from home.
If we won the lottery, I would definately become a SAHM.

Yes, big pats on backs all round me thinks!

May be it's not so much the guilt that I feel that gets me, I think I've replaced some of it with anger!

Dp and I both work hard, and are not unitelligent, perhaps we could "do" better to afford the lifestyle we want. I guess I have made choices to work in the 3rd sector, with all the lousy pay scales that go with this - but I'm a giving kind of person and sometimes I just feel like it would be nice to have something back, other than just a warm glowy feeling iykwim

sorry I digress into another "hard done by" rant, this whole subject is a can of worms to me perhaps I should stop there and let someone else have a go

one can only do one's best and, ultimately, I guess the fact we spend time thinking about and trying to do the right thing, makes us all good mums, working or not

Interesting point webdiva about whether we had SAHMs ourselves and how that influences how we feel. My mother was a SAHM (though when I was little in the 60s and 70s many more mums were). I actually feel quite strongly that part of my determination to work is because although my mother appeared to enjoy being home with myself and my siblings, and certainly claimed that she wouldn't have wanted it any other way, I suspect that beneath the surface she felt unstimulated and limited at times. She was a very clever woman who had an interesting job before having kids, but subsequently never got back to the same level of work. Even when we were older and in secondary school, she did 'bit' jobs because she wanted to fit it around school terms. Also, I was a shy child and found it very difficult to cope with school so inretrospect it may have done me good to have been cared for by someone other than my mother. I'd literally never been looked after by anyone but her (or occasionally my granny) by the time I started school at 5. My own dcs are definitely a lot more outgoing and socially confident than i was - of course maybe they would have been like this anyway, but I can't help feeling that the interaction they've had with childminder and nursery has helped.

hi webdiva, tizzwizz and everyone!

tizzwizz i totally agree that it would be so great for everyone to have the choice.
also when your working to pay for extras its v different to have to work to pay bills

i blame the cost of houses and i also think its largely down to thatcher selling off all the council houses and therby raising the costs of all housing
i mean it must of great for those that where lucky to buy a council house but all the future generations
such a shortage of houses creates the prices going up
you have to earn alot of money to pay your way and morgage these days
[robin ducks after mentioning such a risky topic as poloitcs]

i guess there is no easy answer!

webdiva i agree i think your desire to either work or stay can be shaped by your experience as a child sadly for me my mum had to work full time when i went to junior school i used to get picked up by the next door neighbour and dropped off home alone
also mum had to work even in the school holidays etc so i spent alot of time without her around
i think it would of been so nice if she had of been able to collect me from school and ask me how my day was and what id learnt etc

but by the time she got home she had to make the tea clear up and then she was really too tired to do much else
bless her,i feel abit sorry for her to be honest she kinda got the bad parts of both expected to do all the chores and work

i guess i just dont want to repeat that

i do not in anyway judge anyone that wants to work and i beleive that for some familys this def works best for them

but i dont believe you have to go to work to have a life, im lucky i have lots of friends and family around me some have children some do not and do loads of activities and am in no way bored at all
also if i want to have some me time i can get one of the grandparents to look after dd and do something i really want to do other than go to work iyswim?

I know what you mean RRB and I totally agree with you. I do not in any way criticise mums that choose to work. I believe that children benefit form having happy parents and if mum is happier working then that I believe will lead to a better relationship with her child.

What I sometimes get frustrated with is feeling like there is no choice. I dont know what the answer is. You are absolutely right the cost of housing etc is meaning many families dont have that choice.