I’m a career coach for women changing direction AMA

[Angliski]

Hello

I’m a career coach with 15 years experience of heaping women find the right rile and change direction. I also have a newborn cluster feeding so am pretty bored. Ask me anything!

Ola!

Ok here is an online class for you - it's a free recording from a career planning in the pandemic session we did last week.

vimeo.com/431447584

@Nogoodatnames Clarity is ALWAYS valuable. The more you know about what would suit you best the more value you will add to a business when you have it. For many of my clients, redundancy is the best thing that happened as it forces them to re-evaluate when they would not have done otherwise and it brings efficiency and speed because financially, needs must!

@Nowisthemonthofmaying yes, i love a good psychometric. I think they can definitely help. Myers briggs 16 personalities website gives some good career recommendations based on your type. I do think the most important thing is to use your own discernment, which is why I believe in the Career Equation, because the process forces you to draw your own conclusions rather than have it done for you/to you. Nothing replaces getting super clear and owning your decisions. So these - DISC, HOGAN, MYERS etc etc, are a helpful supplement for insight, but not the whole story.

@WinnieWonder good for you! I am a very impatient person so i deigned a method that is a very fast route to clarity. Some of these processes for career coaching can be a bit long winded in my view. Navel gazing is an important component but getting to clarity and taking action to find a role that fits, that's the exciting bit!

@DianaPrinceRocks IT gives you LOADS of transferable skills. To test this out, find a role you think might be interesting and highlight in green the transferable skills you already possess that are set out in the job decription. Every new role, even in the same field, should have its areas of stretch! So it's ok not to have everything on the JD. While i havent worked with someone in IT, I have worked with a lot of business process and knowledge management folk and I know their structure, creativity, flexibility, user experience focus and project management are super valuable. What bits of your job do you love? What do you do outside work that fuels and energises you that you would love to get paid for? For example, I love talking to strangers. See me here! And now I get paid to do that.. you could too if you can pinpoint the experience you most enjoy having.

@MissClementine thank you! What will you do to get back into work that inspires and drives you?

@Honeyroar don't panic. In every crisis is an opportunity. If you could choose again, what would you choose? Have you enjoyed the role you have been in?

@Nowisthemonthofmaying keep me posted

@bunhead34 yes I like that book - he has some excellent advice. It's a big book though, maybe read mine first!! hehe.

@Angliski thank you so much . Lots of food for thought. I am going to do lots of reading and post back if I make any progress or draw any conclusions.

@JingleCatJingle yes! Those jobs you mentioned are something I never even knew existed . I do think about teaching too but I think I'm too introverted sometimes .

Right now I'm in a dark place so all I can think of is how can I get paid to eat chocolate .

Think about a time when you did make a really conscious decision

This was a very useful exercise as when I tell people about how I made important decisions such as starting a relationship with my husband, deciding on my career, deciding where to live, I emphasise the happenstance and coincidences, making it sound as though I largely have fallen into these choices by luck. I have even been believing this myself.

But when I properly reflected, actually I did put lots of thought into these choices!
As I was not choosing boyfriends well, I saw a therapist for several months to help me figure out what kind of partner I would like, and during that time I met my husband. There was a bit of luck in how I met him, but ultimately I embarked on the relationship because of the conscious choices I made via therapy.
Same with choosing my career and where we live currently - when I tell the story (even to myself) I only remember the coincidental bits, not all the research and planning that followed.

The same is true in your career - without a set of criteria it is quite difficult to feel confident about making the right decisions.
So now I see that i have actually been making decisions using a set of criteria.
I guess it took me some time to get to the stage where I was properly considering my criteria, and not just making impulsive decisions.
And there's something I like about being a person who falls into lucky happy choices.
In the past I really enjoyed travel and being very very carefree, impulsive and throwing caution to the wind. Whereas in my life back home I was more sensible.
So maybe I need to make choices that lead me to a situation where I can have opportunities to be more impulsive and spontaneous, if that makes sense?

@MrsSneeze there you go! How could you expose yourself to more opportunities to experience luck, connect, saying yes to the right thing? And what does the right thing mean in terms of your criteria for the experiences you want to have next in your career?

This is an amazingly useful thread Angliski.

I wondered how I could rebuild my confidence. Concerned that due to my age (early 50,s) post redundancy and impact of coronavirus it will be difficult to find work.

I am well qualified and have a MSc. Qualifications in teaching (adults), nursing and workforce development experience. I do not wish to return to nursing, which seems to be the primary role recruiters offer me.

I had an interview offered for a part time role that I would have loved in education for adult learners but is now being withdrawn due to lack of funding, so very disappointed. During lockdown I have completed an online course to keep up to date, but aware now that there is a 4 month gap where I have not worked and concerned as to what I need to do to put myself in a good position to employers given the gap and my age.

Ps I have also toyed with the idea of setting up a small freelance business however if this did not work wondered how this would come across to future employers if I had to explain this.

Sorry forcramble feeling very worried and confused about future and would welcome any advice.

How could you expose yourself to more opportunities to experience luck, connect, saying yes to the right thing?
I need to let go of my fear of experiencing regret and making bad decisions (or decisions that by bad luck don't work out as planned).

I need to avoid the seeking of perfection preventing me from doing something good. I plan a lot, weigh things up, try to find the elusive perfect solution. I used to think the only bad decision is to not make a decision, I need to get that mindset back.

I need to be more open about speaking to people. I do a lot of research, but I feel bad about speaking to people and 'wasting their time' if I don't take the job, or the awkwardness of having to tell them I'm not interested any more. I miss out on opportunities that way.

And what does the right thing mean in terms of your criteria for the experiences you want to have next in your career?

I am still thinking about this question!

As we are wanting to relocate, I am also using this exercise to figure out where we should relocate to as well.

Hi @Angliski thanks so much for starting this thread!

I already did a 'change' once at 27, from accountancy at a big 4 to, let's call it, proposals project management at a bank (dull but pays well, which is often the tradeoff). That change was accidental but I'm glad I got out of accountancy, despite sailing through exams.

I've reached a dead-end. Recently i've grown increasingly anxious that i'm not really in a 'proper' profession (in the sense of an accountant, teacher, paramedic etc) and I can't (don't want to) be doing this / not learning anything for another 25 years.

I am results-driven, numerate, big picture, logical, write well, enjoy variety, impatient, hate admin, bureaucracy, processes and to some extent management. I test as INTP but am not remotely sciency or techy or artsy (just a failure of an INTP lol). I am an introvert but sociable especially in small groups and enjoy a ferocious ideas argument with DH/close friends.

I've been thinking about what to pursue next,

• real estate: i'm not sure why, partly because I personally love renovation projects and also i met a property manager. It seems to be quite people oriented and varied (one moment dealing with tenants, other with models, another with lawyers, another with builders for a fit out). I am also like that it is not 100% deskbound or outdoors. however, i do feel a bit old to pursue this - in a male-dominated environment - i know it's not impossible but i don't have the energy and child-free freedom of a 21 year old. i also worry about the job outlook in post-covid world.

• reward management: this strikes me as more stable and family friendly, but could potentially be dull and a lower ceiling once mastered. plus side: i'm nosey, enjoy managing personal finances/tax, and am good enough with numbers.

• recruitment: i came across reward researching recruitment as I love meeting and talking to strangers (i'm a wierd person who enjoys interviews). But I thought I didn't have the traditional sales/wheeler dealer personality to succeed in this, and risk being paid next to nothing to try it out as a trainee recruiter.

Also DH travels for his job and we're saving up for potential private schooling (one of our DC has ASD) so a career change (and an indefinite pay cut) will jeopardise this. Thoughts??

Sorry for being so rambly.

I work in what was my dream job, area I’m passionate about and that I feel is important and interesting. I’ve recently been promoted - but since lockdown I’m really struggling with homeschooling and low mood and my motivation for work is flagging and my confidence in my abilities has tanked. It’s been a turbulent 18months at work (lots of organisational change, lots of personnel change, limited resources) and I’ve done a really good job in challenging circumstances to keep the wheels from falling off in the areas I’m responsible for. However, whilst I have been working in this area for a while I feel my expertise is lacking and I have major imposter syndrome. I think without the pandemic it’d be ok. But at the moment I’m so overwhelmed I’m thinking of looking for another job at a lower grade as I just can’t handle the responsibility. I feel so burnt out.

Any advice?

@MrsMigginsPie@sheepdreams@ZoomZord sorry just seen these- will be in touch later today with detailed thoughts!

I've been working through your book and I've got to the section on having mini-experiences to try things out, and I've got a complete inertia on this. I've been avoiding opportunities to try things out. My instinct is to just leap into something without trialling it first and hope for the best/ try and work it out if it isn't quite right. I'm not sure if this is a terrible idea and rooted in an anxiety of proper decision making, or a good idea as capturing the adventurous spirit I had in my 20s.

This is a great thread. The one great passion of my life, that I have dedicated countless hours to, is arguing with people on MN. I am really struggling to see how to turn that into a career. I certainly don't want to be a politician and am too old to be a lawyer.

@sheepdreams Ok so, let's talk a bit about beliefs. What we believe shapes what we see - so if, for example, we think that we are over the hill and won't be considered for roles, we find evidence to make this true. But is it absolutely true? Are we sure? And even if we do feel quite sure, is it useful to you in your job search?

Exercise: What else could be true? Make a list of 5 more useful perspectives e.g. I am a well qualified and experienced person.

Come back to me with the list.

Second, what's the freelance idea? Why does it appeal? tell us some more.

I once went from self employed to employed and then got fired twice. Managed to tell the tale honestly and got hired happily, for a third role - third time lucky.

When in doubt about your career journey, always tell the truth - but don't dwell on and apologise for things. Just be honest. Then focus on how you can add value in the future. In my case i said:

"When i took that role, i was actually in the final stages of applying for another one. I'd be self employed for 5 years and to be honest, was a bit naive about how the world of work and working culture might have moved on. I'd never worked in a large corporate before and quickly discovered that my innovative ideas and the speedy outcomes based pace i liked to work at, wasn't a fit for a large, slow and political bureaucracy. I've learned from that and that's why I am keen to find out more about your start up. I understand you are a culture that likes everyone to roll up their sleeves and take ownership, is that right?

I can help clients find an answer to pretty much anything - tell me what you are worried they will ask and we can discuss it.

But just also notice, that you havent env started the business and you are already thinking about how you will explain that it didn't work ( no shame in that btw).

So, what could be a more useful way of thinking about taking the leap and trying this idea?

@Hingeandbracket pundit? journalist? Blogger? Market researcher? Secret shopper? Complaints expert? Public policy?

@MrsMigginsPie ok so there are a few things to untangle here.

1. The pandemic is having a huge impact on mental health and burnout. Especially with home school etc. This is a big factor and one to not underestimate. Also, this too shall pass. How would you feel if you moved on and looked back from a vantage point of 5 years in the future? Would it feel the right decision? Only you can tell.

1. Imposter syndrome means you are growing and trying something new. It's totally normal to feel that you are unworthy, unqualified and inexerpeinced - the last two are always true in a new job and the first is just the discomfort of the shock of the new. Think about mastering a new skill - at some point you moved from useless at piano scales, say, to competent and then to effortlessly good and familiar. Any growth spurt involves the point at which you are conscious of your incompetence. This sucks but it won't last and its better than being unconsciously incompetent.

1. If they hired you and promoted you, someone out there believes in you. Consider reaching out for support, mentoring and encouragement and also give yourself a break. To learn and grow we need to experiment. Is there any way to see this as exciting rather than terrifying?

1. I really recommend that people take holiday time right now - lockdown is exhausting - yes there may be nowhere safe to go, but a bit of baking, time out, skiving ,sleeping, could do the world of good. Frazzled systems do not make good decisions.

Anyone in real life whose a good listener round you right now?

I couldn't possibly advise on here as to whether a more junior job would be better for you as I don't know you or your circumstances. Also you are the expert on you and your career. But please consider all the above.

Hope that helps.

@ZoomZord thanks for sharing. You've given a great example of why career change can be so overwhelming - too many choices and criteria and concerns buzzing dans le head.

So take a breath. Let's approach this differently.

The career equation is skills + passion + impact /environmental fit.

Forget for now about the jobs, its too early - first think about what you want under the four headings.

Things like most, logical are strengths
Things like property are subject matters/passions
Things like security, interesting work are impacts.
Things like money, hate bureaucracy, male/female balance/pace are environment.

Once you have these categories you can filter them for the top 3 priorities in each area and THEN ask - what role enables me to have these 12 things?

Then start thinking about roles in companies that have your desired environment.

One other thing is to ask yourself - what experience would i get from 'real estate'? What kind of energy does it give me? What excites me about it? Because there will be more than one way to get that feeling or experience when we know what it is.

So there. :)

@MrsSneeze it really depends on what is at stake. I say pilot the micro version because i dont want you to spend your life savings on a wrong turn, like the client who came to me having spent £40k ( don't ask) on a website for a company she decided she didnt want to start up after all!!!

Especially when start up costs for something are high or when the risk of financial problems if a role doesn't work out are high, it is important to try before you buy.

It's also fun.

If you can't be arsed to experiment with new opportunities before committing then either you have a high risk tolerance or you like surprises, both of which are fine - it's just that you can't get a huff on if you discover it isn't the right role and you didn't listen to Angliski - plus it takes quite a lot of effort to keep dragging oneself out the pool and jumping back in - potentially more energy than it would take to overcome your inertia. What's behind the inertia?

I'm off to bed now!

Are you Liz Ryan by any chance OP? 😂
If yes, thanks for your book!

Following

@possiblepickle I'm not but I have that book too! I recommended it to someone just the other day - lovely illustrations! I'm this person www.ericasosna.com

First book was Your Life Plan, second book, deadline next week -argh - is The Career Equation.

What did you learn from Liz Ryan @possiblepickle?

Following.

I feel like I’m at a real crossroads - I’ve been a SAHM for four years but DS starts school in September so I’ll be looking for a job. But I have no idea what I want to do. I fell into being a civil servant after uni, then moved on to public affairs in a charity and did that for 8 years until I had DS. Trouble is, I had a series of managers who in their own ways all chipped away at my confidence until I had nothing left. I don’t want to go back into public affairs but I don’t really know what I do want to do. I started teaching myself to code (php mostly) and even built a website for a client but I didn’t have enough time to make it work and DH is hugely negative about the prospect of me freelancing (to be fair, he is a web developer and freelances for years so knows what he’s talking about).

I just feel so lost. I’ve got this huge gap on my CV and I don’t think anyone will ever want to employ me again.

What a great thread, some really useful advice here.

Oh @Angliski you are good! Thank you for getting back - and also with everyone else's experiences.

Erica, I wish I had your kind of people intuition & psychological skills. I have been told before I tend to jump the gun, having a stereotypical male tendency of patching problems and moving on - so this is very helpful.

Skills

1. Logical/analytical
2. Results-driven
3. Commercial awareness

(closely after comes communication, collaboration and resilient - i'm adaptable to change)

My top skills cancel each other out lol - one is raw entrepreneurial sense. The other is the calm/cool head that weighs risks, calculates it and (over)thinks execution problems.

Passions

1. Skiing / outdoors
2. Finding value: it's what i enjoy about renovating houses, or approach anything. I am determined to source and buy what i want at the lowest possible cost (yes, i considered procurement as a career too last year, lol)
3. Modern, practical design - particularly commercial spaces

Impact

1. Interesting work
2. Commercial impact
3. Income security / pays well - at least eventually, i dont mind a temporary pay cut (i am frugal/saver but see passion #1 above...)

Environment

1. Autonomy / control
2. Variety and pace (not process/admin/bureaucracy-led. not civil service!)
3. Mix of dealing with people, writing and numbers

(I didn't put gender balance as top 3. But i expect any company I work in to respect women, childcare commitments, BAME - because that's me)

Thank you for helping me with this self discovery.

I am starting to think a pivot to a different company could work - but the pandemic along with my and various industry outlook is making me pessimistic and insecure. I also feel like i am very restricted to a niche in financial services, have 25 years to go... hence the urge to retrain/do something different to get out of london. Trying to plan for the next two decades.

There are also other skills and impact that I could find personal outlets for. For example, while i love design/creation, i know a couple of interior designers and am clear I would hate that work because of the lack of creative control and execution of somebody else's vision. So I rather do my own house, draw with kids and could try to do more writing, painting etc.

Anything jumps out at you or advice?

Also, I'm really in awe of what you've done for yourself, the coaching, website, book, videos/speaking and whole reinvention. Plus baby! It takes guts to start your own business, and really inspiring.

[quote Angliski]@Hingeandbracket pundit? journalist? Blogger? Market researcher? Secret shopper? Complaints expert? Public policy?[/quote]
Thanks for these - I will investigate