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Original poster

Shared Parental Leave

25 replies

CharlieB93 · 12/11/2019 15:12

Hi, firstly apologies if this is in the wrong topic

I am due next year with my first baby, me and my OH have been looking into SPL. Reasons for this - actively wanting to share the leave and I earn around 10k per year more than him, i'm also an accountant and rather typically, my due date falls around year end.
My question is -
Can SPL be refused on the blokes side? or is it a legal requirement to allow?
If its refused - where do we go from here?
We were planning to do 4 months leave each, with me taking the first stint.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Hugsandpastries · 13/11/2019 06:08

Think as long as you both meet all the criteria at www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/eligibility-for-birth-parents then they have to grant it, but unless you’re lucky and have a good deal they can just pay the legal minimum.

marmitemayonnaise · 13/11/2019 06:16

I would have thought being due around year end was absolutely perfect, surely the best excuse to avoid it!

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 09:10

@Hugsandpastries thanks, that's how it reads to me, since it came in we've not had anyone have any babies at work so i'm not sure how it works! I think we'd just get the bare minimum (apart from i get 90% for 6 weeks..)

@marmitemayonnaise haha! I didn't think of that to be honest... i'm trying to be fair with my work so they aren't having to get expensive temps in while i'm off on mat leave.

OP posts:

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 09:26

@CharlieB93 don't be considerate to your work. You're having a baby.
They'd drop you like a hot potato if they needed to make redundancies.

You also have to legally take some time (think it's 4 weeks) off once baby is born anyway. And if you have a c-section you can't drive for 6 weeks, so you can't base your decisions on whether your workplace will be busy and have to bring in temps. They'll get maternity cover whether you're off for 2 months or 12.

BendingSpoons · 13/11/2019 09:29

They can't refuse it as long as you meet the criteria. We did it, although I had 9 months and DH had 3 afterwards. It was great for him to have opportunity to be with DD full time.

SundayMorningSun · 13/11/2019 09:30

Yes, they have to approve a request for continuous leave for the partner.

If he requests discontinuous leave (eg two weeks of, two weeks on, two weeks off) they can refuse that.

Congratulations! My partner and I are doing shared parental leave - best decision we made! (Though I had to explain it to my work's HR several times...)

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 09:37

Thank you all for your help!
Yes its not only because of sharing the responsibility of leave its also because my partner wants time to bond with our child (which I thinks a healthy attitude to have!) I think hes been met with some strange looks etc at work as he works in engineering so its very much a 'mans' world but hes got his heart set on it.

@AmIThough You are right, i'm a sucker for feeling guilty and not wanting to let people down. To be honest work really put on me and i'm expected to go above and beyond a lot (my predecessor earnt £15k more than me a year!)

@SundayMorningSun are you on leave now? congratulations to you too!

@BendingSpoons thats exactly why we've decided to split it - I think fathers often get their noses pushed out and i'm a big believer in equality :)

OP posts:

moonlight1705 · 13/11/2019 09:39

Same, I took 5 months and my DH took another 2 (plus the summer holidays at full pay) so had 4 months and it worked so well.

Considering I was working in a place with over 4,000 employees, HR had only done 4 other cases of shared parental leave sadly.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 09:45

@CharlieB93 I'm just speaking from experience because I worked myself into the ground until I found out I was pregnant and realised they don't give anywhere near as much of a shit about me as I did about them.

Take a step back and enjoy being a mommy because it's the most difficult and most amazing thing you'll ever do and you won't regret setting work aside for a while

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 09:46

@moonlight1705 it seems not a lot of places have heard of it even though its been around for a couple of years, its really sad isn't it. I don't get why the responsibility should lie with the mother especially when we are expected to be equal in terms of career and earnings...

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 13/11/2019 09:52

You may find that the maternity cover for your role is hired for longer than 4 months anyway (it’s difficult hiring a contractor accountant for shorter than 12 months at the moment due to the changes in rules around contractors). So while you may return to the same role on paper in reality there may be two people doing the same job and it the other person is more qualified or experienced a decision may be taken when you return as to who is better for the role. This can be more stressful for you because at 4 months you may still be recovering from pregnancy complications.

Suggest you take the full 8 months. Recover fully and then return at your best

moonlight1705 · 13/11/2019 09:58

@CharlieB93 very sad but since my DH has taken it then another two male teachers have also applied for SPL so maybe it will slowly catch on.

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 10:00

@GrumpyHoonMain They aren't planning on getting any cover whilst i'm on mat leave. I would use KIT days to do the statutory stuff (VAT/CIS returns etc) and everything else will be left.

'So while you may return to the same role on paper in reality there may be two people doing the same job and it the other person is more qualified or experienced a decision may be taken when you return as to who is better for the role.'
Wouldn't this be effectively sacking me though? And unfair/constructive dismissal?

OP posts:

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 10:03

@moonlight1705 good for him! Did he find it helped him bond with your son/daughter? Would he recommend it?

OP posts:

moonlight1705 · 13/11/2019 10:08

@CharlieB93 absolutely the bond is amazing between him and DD now. She adores him the same as she does me. It did help that by the time I left them to it, I was not breastfeeding anymore so all food / bottles could be done by him.

I think actually it has helped me the most as DH has now got a very good understanding of how difficult it can be looking after a small baby. He said it was joyful but also so boring in equal measure (welcome to maternity leave!) but he wouldn't have changed a thing.

GrumpyHoonMain · 13/11/2019 10:24

Nope because the decision over who to keep often happens months after you return. If women take a longer mat leave the contractor is usually forced in a position to find a new role before the person on mat leave returns, but in shorter ones the company may decide to keep on the contractor permanently when the renewal date comes in (often months or up to half a year later, by which time unless you are 100% on the ball immediately from when you return your performance might be the clincher).

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 10:52

@moonlight1705 thats exactly what i wanted to hear! Oh yes i'm looking forward to having a baby but part of me is dreading maternity leave, I like waking up in the morning and going to work, being at home drives me mad so its definitely going to be hard to adjust! I'm sure its going to be worth it though :)

@GrumpyHoonMain I don't agree with this sorry. You've either worked at horrendous companies which do not value their staff at all or its just scare mongering. I very much doubt i'd come back to work after my maternity leave to be told I don't have a job anymore.

OP posts:

Jennyz123 · 13/11/2019 12:55

Hi Charlie, another big fan of shared parental leave here! Just wanted to share our experience- we took our leave simultaneously. It wasn't allowed for the first while when SPL was brought in I think and a lot of people still think it's not doable, but the rules changed and it is now totally fine to take leave at the same time. My husband was at home for the first four and a half months (with a little annual leave and paternity leave as well) and I was at home for the first six months. It was such a fantastic experience having that time to get to know each other as a new family and it was brilliant for my mental health having so much support after the birth. We have both gone back part time and our baby has just as strong a bond with her dad as with me, it's lovely to see. The only downside from our perspective was financial as obviously we were both on statutory pay only, once my enhanced maternity ran out, so I appreciate it's not an option for everyone which is a shame- but if you can manage with savings or whatever then I would definitely recommend taking some of the time simultaneously- maybe as a 'handover' period between your block of leave and his? Whatever works best for you as a family but just thought I'd share our experience in case it was helpful. Enjoy your new bundle!

Hugsandpastries · 13/11/2019 13:41

It’s great to hear your positive experience @Jennyz123

We’re trying out simultaneous shared parental leave for the first three months too when our second arrives. It will be a big help if this one has colic too. If we could have afforded to would have liked to split the leave 50/50.

Original poster

CharlieB93 · 13/11/2019 15:04

@Jennyz123 I didnt even consider about taking the time simultaneously - like you say I think finanially we wouldn't be able to do this but it would be nice to have a week or two's handover between the leave if you can do this? Thank you so much!

@Hugsandpastries what are your plans after the 3 months?

I've just been speaking to a close friend and she's said to me that 4 months will not be enough for me and i'd be better doing 5 and him 3 - its so hard because I don't know how i'm going to feel as its my first!

OP posts:

SundayMorningSun · 13/11/2019 15:14

Thanks! We are also doing simultaneous leave - he has the first 12 weeks with me. When you include all my annual leave as well,I still basically get a year. As it happens, I've been quite unwell so it was an excellent decision for us, though we couldn't have known that at the time.

Handover weeks sound a good idea!

Hugsandpastries · 13/11/2019 15:47

@CharlieB93 after the first three months I will be on my own, eek. Then going back to work at nine months.

It is really hard to predict how you’ll feel, babies can be so different too. Some of my friends had placid babies who slept all the time, I had a grumpy colicky one so was relieved to go back part time and get a bit of peace. Also it depends if you’re planning to breast feed after four months or not, another thing which is hard to predict!

Jennyz123 · 13/11/2019 20:51

Ah really glad to have been of help, definitely worth thinking about a handover I think if you can manage it but I know it's really hard with the financial side of things. Great to hear about others taking the leave simultaneously as well, hopefully it will become better known that it is allowed. I totally hear you about the colic Hugs - our baby had horrendous colic from 2 weeks on the button, exactly when my husband's paternity leave would have run out if we hadn't shared leave! It was a complete godsend having him there and we often say how awful it would have been if he had only been seeing her from 6pm every night because that is exactly when she used to become inconsolable, you could set your watch by it! As you say it all depends on the baby as they are all so different and each family set up will be different, but I am so glad we took shared leave and would recommend it to anyone.

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ClareMat · 05/12/2019 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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