Treated differently at work.. opinions?

[Daisyzxcv]

Hi all!

Just a thought going through my mind at the moment and would like some opinions?

I work in a small office, with another woman and a man. We both have given birth about 6 months apart from each other recently. She went on maternity leave before me and she was thrown a little goodbye cake-coffee gathering for the whole company to give their well wishes and send her off and it was so lovely. She also got a card organised with collection and gift of approximately £60. And then the team all went out for a lunch time meal, and my boss even went as far as paying for her meal.

A few months later I was ready to go on maternity. My last day, my boss comes into the office and says "sorry we haven't organised anything and we haven't got you a card. Maybe we can do something when the baby comes" I didn't really know what to say.. and also, nothing ever happened after I have birth. Also I had an absolutely terrible time with lots of time in NICU and still.. nothing.

AIBU to be a bit hurt by this? They've not even contacted me or anything to see how I am.

They don't really treat me with respect and have dumbed me down so much I've lost all confidence... It seems they pushed me out of meetings etc since I miscarried previously and had to have time off.

Me and this other woman practically do the same job but they've managed to swing it so that I get paid around two grades less and won't budge. I know I sound stupid for even staying there but I have no other work and like I said they've dumbed me down so much I just don't feel confident anymore.

Are you sure she didn’t experience problems too? My manager tends to value me a lot because I force myself to work (even if it’s at home) flexibly despite having pregnancy complications that could justify being signed off. I am also very vocal when I spot a problem and read and research stuff in our line of work to add extra value. It’s not fair, admittedly, but it means my reputation hasn’t suffered a huge deal. It still has suffered (presenteeism is important to the most senior people ) but not as much as I expected it too. In your situation I would assume the trust (both ways) is gone and would look for another job (with a promotion)

You also need to remember that if you aren’t confident in yourself others won’t have confidence in you. Pull yourself up by looking for another job and you may find that a pay rise and a fresh start may be all that’s needed to help you gain your mojo back.

Yanbu about the different way you have been treated when going on mat leave. Sounds very unfair, I would be hurt

Thanks for the reply.. but I don't believe that's the case. I have worked my butt off for these guys, she had to have time off too for another unrelated reason but I stepped in and took on the role and did everything possible and more. Also she didn't have problems, we're actually good friends and she was my bridesmaid!

Also... I did work from home when I was actually miscarrying, and offered to work from home afterwards when recovering. My colleague works from home when she wants without question.. but for me it's an issue for some reason

What did they say when you offered to work from home when you were miscarrying? Honestly as a manager I would say no if asked in that situation too to cover my back. I would expect my team to just wfh if it was doable or take leave if not. Also, when you work from home, how visible are you? While wfh it’s a good idea reply to emails / messages more quickly while wfh, and make more calls to colleagues rather than send emails so it looks like you’re active and engaged and working hard. It’s also a good idea to work longer hours when at home - the odd email to your boss at 7:30 am or pm could help highlight your work ethic.

They just said no and that was that. But then I felt penalised for it afterwards. I wasn't sure what they wanted me to do tbh.
When I have worked from home previously, that's exactly what I've done. Worked extra hours, made continuous contact, moreso than normal to show I am actually working. The content of my work can actively be seen by the team anyway. I've always been a hard worker.
There were times where my colleague used to go out at lunch (we're supposed to get half an hour) for a couple of hours to go shopping! Nothing was ever said.

@BloggersBlog thank you for that - at least I know I'm not just being silly

Oh ok. In that case just leave.

Bump

Do you have an annual appraisal due whereby you could bring some of the issues up? Maybe not the lack of present etc but the recognition of the level of work you're putting in.

For whatever reason, they like her and do not rate you as highly. Nothing will change this. All you can do is get another job. Sorry, it is crap what you have to deal with

I have brought this up before to my manager but somehow they have an excuse for everything. I really did try with them which makes it worse. I arranged decorations/flowers/baked cakes for all of them for their birthdays etc too. I feel silly for doing all of that but that was before.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Sounds like you are the office organiser and people are reliant on you, when it was your turn no one stepped up to od the same for you, the bastards.
Are you back at work now?

I'm still on maternity leave at the moment.. I'm absolutely dreading going back. It feels so awkward now..

I've just made contact with my boss to try and sort out my hours for when I return and it sounds like he's even letting the other colleague choose her hours and I'm left to pick up the hours she doesn't want. I didn't agree to this so I said I'd like to discuss it first but now I'm being ignored. I know everyone's first thought is to leave but I'd have to pay back maternity pay and I have a mortgage to pay for so I'm stuck for now.