Harassment

[mamasin]

A senior colleague humiliated me publicly almost two months ago. I reported this and while he denied making a comment, he "apologised" in the must insulting way possible. I have sought to have the matter dealt with formally and met with HR who tried to convince me because he said it on a work night out it didn't count(it was a work do.) I have been isolated by my line managers and HR have told me that nothing will happen at least until next month.
Advice please

I want my colleague to acknowledge what he said. I want him to get a smack on the wrist.
I know this must seem trivial as a remark, but my old bosses'reaction was to say that this incident couldn't be discussed, and to isolate me until i moved managers.
How can i deal with this in the most effective way?

I'm no HR expert.

All I can say is you are the one who is suffering here and you can make it stop by simply putting it down to experience.

I am not excusing the behaviour of the man at all, but I can assure you he isnt quaking in his boots about any potential slap on the wrist, especially as he is senior at the company.

Sorry you have got so bad you've been signed off work, but I really think it would be in your best interest to let it go.

mamasin I would say the dates on the letter is just as likely to be a dozy HR person forgetting it's September rather than a deliberate ploy of any kind.

If they won't speak to you on the phone I would go there, 3 hours or no 3 hours. Explain as discussed that you do want to move on in a positive way with your new boss, and look forward to contributing, however this is still up in the air and you would like some resolution to it. You are happy to assist if there is anything you can do to achieve this, or can they let you know what the problem seems to be so that this can be resolved and everyone concerned can get on with working towards their objectives.
I will say again that it is the way a remark of this kind makes someone feel that is the crucial thing, not the objective opinion of others as to whether that reaction is justified or not.
I would often be an advocat of moving on regardless of action taken, but if you have been signed off with anxiety this is obviously affecting you, and as I say, in everyone's interest this needs to be resolved. I would suggest that the delays that seem to be occurring for no apparent good reason are contributing to your anxiety as much as the comment in the first place - if some action had been taken quickly, you would have felt better about it, would have been able to go back to working effectively and it would very possibly have been all in the past now.
I'm not sure what the problem is in getting this addressed. As a complaint of possible sexual harassment or bullying, your organisation has a duty of care to you and other employees to sort it out.
Go to HR, in a calm, reasonable way, and ask for their reasons for the delay and as I say, offer any assistance they need to get this resolved quickly in order that you can come back to work quickly.

thanks guys.
I really appreciate your thoughts and advice. I've started looking for a new job as well so I'll keep you posted on both counts!

here's the latest. I got a letter yesterday (17 September)from HR.
Their letter was dated 7 September and requested that I confirm my choice of investigator by "close of business 14 September". They didn't post the letter until 14 September!
I wrote back to them today pointing this out and saying that I am on sick leave at present and will contact them upon my return to work.
I feel like punching them for their stupidity..

Sorry to go on about this...what can/should I do?

Mamasin you are signed off for a month yes?
Judging by how slow things have been moving, could you not let them know your choice of investigator as they have requested with a view to having the meeting or whatever it is as soon as you get back?
Obviously let them know as I am sure you have done, that their deadline was impossible as the letter was only posted on 14th September, but I think it could reasonably be argued that even if you are not well enough to participate in the investigation at the moment, you are well enough to at least enable them to get on with organising it?
Do that if you can, and I would request any further correspondence comes by email, they seem to not cope with using the post very well.

Hope you are feeling ok today

thanks for that flowery. Confidence seems to be at an all time low at the moment
I wrote to them about the 14th of course but don't have email at home. Husband is in hospital at the mo so I said I would contact them upon my return to work in two weeks.
thanks for your advice, hopefully we can get this sorted soonish. Have a great weekend y'all

I'm sorry that this is dragging on, and that the entire situation continues to be so stressful.

I'm going to repeat my question of below: Given what transpired with the senior colleague, what outcome to this situation would satisfy you?

In order to keep pursuing this matter, I think you need to know what would make you feel 'OK' about this incident so you can put it behind you and move on.

I would like colleague to acknowledge his comment and apologise. I would like for it to be recognised that I have not been supported at all in making my complaint and that I have been victimised (excluded from meeting, bitchy emails about nothing, isolated from others).
I would like it recognised that I have done nothing wrong as intimated by colleague and HR.

How's it going mamasin?

Thanks for your comments on the other thread by the way

I rang my union rep today. I have quite a lot to acquaint him with so will be typing like a mad one tonight, I'm happy to be sharing the load of responsibility/stress so feeling positive about stuff. I hadn't contacted union to date as didn't want to drag this into a new team but I'm glad I contacted him.
doctor signed me off for another month with "anxiety secondary to stress" so rang my manager and HR about this on friday.
I wrote to HR today as found out they had appointed a female officer to investigate (which is great) but I only found out cos I rang in sick.HR also said that they didn't receive my last sick certificate and that my leave was unauthorised, so I had to get a duplicate cert. Like you suggested, I said in the letter that while I couldn't take part in the investigation process, I was happy that progress seemed to be made and could they inform me of future developments.
Hopefully things will start to happen now.
I'll keep you posted.
Your friendship, support and willingness to listen here have meant so much to me:I can't describe, thank you

Sounds like a bit of progress, that's good news.

Keep your chin up and keep us posted

phoned union rep today he said he doesn't think i have a case as colleague did apologise to me, so he won't be assisting me with this. I'm really disappointed and feeling teary. I feel like giving up on the whole thing only the fact that that would probably worsen the work situation stops me. Flowery, oh sage one, help me on this... HR haven't responded to my letters of Sept 15 and October 8 either -am meant to be going back to work on november 5th.
I have thought about doing awful stuff and that makes me think that I am not wrong in pursuing this.

at union rep!

This isn't about whether you've 'got a case' or not. This is about you feeling harassed and it not being addressed and dealt with in a prompt and appropriate manner. I am not impressed that your union rep is not interested in helping you unless you are bringing some kind of legal case.

This is all obviously causing you great distress, which makes me as I do think if this had been taken seriously, dealt with quickly and appropriately straightaway, you and everyone else could have moved on effectively. As is it, it's dragging on, you are not feeling listened to, and I think as a result this is escalating far beyond what was originally necessary.

Is your new manager keeping in touch with you properly while you are signed off? My inclination would be to see if he can meet with you - if I were advising him from an HR point of view I would advise him to visit you at home, so hopefully this is possible. Have a chat with him, say you are frustrated by the feeling that you are not being taken seriously, HR are being really slow, not acknowledging your correspondence, and dragging it all out, you feel unnecessarily.

Say that you are disappointed that you are not able to work at the moment, and frustrated because if this had all been addressed quickly and appropriately, you feel you may well have been able to put it all behind you, move on and contribute to the new team as you would like to do. Tell him about the most recent correspondence you have had with HR and ask whether he could speak to whoever the most senior HR person is to find out what the delay is and push for a quick resolution.

He is your line manager and if there is an issue which is affecting you like this and preventing you from working, it is his business and his responsibility to you and to the organisation to do what he can to get it resolved. Obviously you need to take responsibility as well, and do what you can, which you have done. But if you are not getting a satisfactory response, and are having trouble with HR, your line manager should be the one to push them and find out what the problem is. It's in his interests as well as yours anyway.

See if you can have a chat with him, face to face if at all possible, make sure you emphasise your desire to get back to work but your frustration that the lack of response to your problem is delaying your return.

And with regard to returning to work, if you are not feeling up to it to return on 5th November, just make sure you see your doctor, he/she should sign you off for a bit longer if you need it.

thanks flowery for your response, i really appreciate the time and effort you're taking. Got letter today from Hr saying that they know I'm on sick leave and will send investigators to meet me at location of my choice if necessary. As I am off sick with anxiety, is that usual/appropriate?
Naturally, I dread the meeting but at least it will be the beginning of the end but I wonder am I able to do myself justice at the moment?
Have not had one contact from line manager since going sick on September 7.

hi mamasin

Perfectly usual and appropriate to meet in a location of your choice when you are off with anxiety. The assumption is being made that you may not want to come into work for this discussion so you are being given the option of whether you want people to come to your home or meet at a neutral venue.

When you do have the meeting write everything down beforehand so you are not scrambling for what you want to say/forgetting things. Write down exactly what happened, in a timeline or however makes it easiest. Write down how you felt at the time, how it is affecting you now, and write down all the interaction you have had with HR/manager/anyone else pertinent since then.

It doesn't matter if you are literally reading from a piece of paper when you meet, or whether it's just there as a 'security blanket' or to check you haven't missed anything. It will take some of the pressure off. As long as you get across what you want to say, that will be fine, and that will be doing yourself justice.

I am completely unimpressed with your line manager's lack of contact with a member of his team who is off work with anxiety and going through a lengthy process like this.

Maybe write to him saying you are surprised not to have heard from him since you were signed off sick, update him on what is happening at the moment, the problems you have had, express your frustration at this taking so much time and preventing you from returning to work and say you would appreciate a meeting or conversation with him to a)update him on how you are doing and b)for him to keep you in touch with what's happening in the team so you don't feel as isolated.

Copy it to HR and ask for it to be put on your file. It would be a good idea to have on the record that while you were off sick with anxiety your line manager made no attempt to keep in touch with you or do all he could to resolve the situation.

thanks flowery. I will get started on that straight away!

howdy! Sent off letter to line Manager re no contact and cc'd to HR on Friday-haven't got a response from Line Manager or HR.

Got letter from HR saying that they want me to see company Doc November 2 re my illness and ability to partake in interview process.
I really hope i can return to work on November 5 (when my sick cert expires) but won't it look suspicious that when I meet with Company Doc if I'm "suddenly" able to return to work?
Who will see that Doc's report?
Will it be sent to my GP as well? What if my GP and company GP don't agree re my return to work?

HR also sent the terms of reference for the investigation, everything looks fine but they don't have a time frame which I've asked for, they've just said as soon as possible. Should I just sign off on this to get the ball rolling?
Any ideas? Ought I do anything else?bloody hell, it's the human question mark!

hiya

well done getting that letter on the record.

Good news about referral to company doctor as well. Doesn't look suspicious returning to work soon afterwards - that's when your current sicknote expires anyway so don't worry about that.

With regards to who sees the report, I don't know about the law as you are in Ireland aren't you? I would expect only those with a direct involvement - eg your manager and HR or something - to see the report, but you should have that explained to you either by HR or at the very least by the doctor when you see him/her. It shouldn't be sent to your GP - can't think of any reason why it would and I would certainly expect you to have to provide consent for that.

I think it's unlikely your GP and this other doctor would disagree about your fitness to return to work. You are keen to return, the company doctor will be keen for you to return so as long as you are fit, your GP should also be fine with you returning. If you really aren't fit for return according to your GP, he or she can sign you off and your company doctor won't be able to override that medical certificate. I do think that's not something you should need to worry about though.

About the investigation i really think a timescale isn't too much to ask, but you don't want to be the one that's holding anything up. I would sign off on it with the proviso added that you have requested a timeframe which has not been forthcoming, you do not wish to hold proceedings up with further discussion so you are signing off however you will be monitoring progress which you expect to happen promptly given the problems which have delayed this already.

thank you flowery, I'll put that in with terms of ref. I appreciate your advice and the time you've taken with this.
Please apply for work here in Ireland, I think I know a hr department that would thrive under you! seriously, " mile buiochas duit"
( a thousand thanks)

Haven't heard anything from HR or Line Manager since sending letter almost 2 weeks ago re lack of contact.ought I write again?
As i hope to be going back to work on Monday, its going to be awkward to say the least after 2 months off.
I have to contact HR to confirm that I'm attending company doc on Friday, should I mention it again?

Splutter! at not hearing anything following a written complaint about lack of contact! That would be funny if it wasn't so appalling.

Can you drop them an email? I'd email line manager and HR, attach a copy of your letter if you can, just say you are disappointed to have had no contact whatsoever since writing your letter complaining that you have not had any contact from your line manager during your illness. You would like to remind them that you will be back at work on Monday, and to confirm that you will be attending a meeting with the company doctor on Friday.

I know!
I'll write to them as I only have dial up access at home which is a pain. ta for being there flowery! I'll keep you posted

grrr! sent off letter to line manager and ccd HR
Returned home to find letter from line manager saying that he thought it was inappropriate for him to make any comment and that all future correspondence in relation to my complaint be forwarded to HR. Also said would update me "on all work related matters" on my return.
Bloody hell! What's a girl to do?