Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Nightmare MIL as childminder

68 replies

annarose · 29/07/2007 22:57

Please help!!!!!! My mum in law and I don't get on! long story. But I'm going back to work soon (full time) and she has offered to look after my ds three days a week. She would be good to him so i don't know if it selfish of me not to let her. By the way she is wanting paid 'a small amount' for this ( about £5 less than a normal childminder a day). Can Anyone give me advice please?

OP posts:
Original poster
annarose · 29/07/2007 23:01

By the way my ds likes her. She doesn't like me and can be quite critical at times but so far seems to dote on ds. My dh can't understand problem and its causing problems. Just don't know what to do. Soooo worried. Anyone?

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 29/07/2007 23:09

God NO

if you don't get on this would be madness - all so you can save £5 a day

noonononononononononono

lemonaid · 29/07/2007 23:11

Don't do it. Nononononononono. If you got on, great. But as it is, a bad idea. Badbadbadbadbadbadbad.

greensleeves · 29/07/2007 23:11

NOOOO you will end up with an ulcer and a twitch

it is not worth it, really, really. Andi t's not selfish to want your childcare arrangements to be to your own taste and satisfaction. Not at all.

DON'T DO IT

JoMa · 29/07/2007 23:11

do you get tax credits? If you do then just tell her that you can't get the childcare element if you use someone not Ofsted registered. Even if you wouldn't get it anyway she won't know that

FrannyandZooey · 29/07/2007 23:13

GENIUS JoMa

CGOmum · 29/07/2007 23:14

If you don't get on I'd not do it as it will get harder when you disagree about how you want ds raised. As for the money is she going to get registered otherwise you will not be entitled to any gov help with childcare costs. At mo through tax credits you can get up to 80% back. My mum is just registering so I can return full time. She's got to take on at least 1 other child to remain a registered childminder but then we tend to get on full out like all mother/daughters but we get over it fast.

greensleeves · 29/07/2007 23:14

Franny!!!!

smeeinit · 29/07/2007 23:18

anna, its actually ilegal for someone to care for a child under the age of 8yrs who isnt ofsted registered if they are being paid for the work.
maybe you can get out of it that way!

FrannyandZooey · 29/07/2007 23:20

I knew you lurked Greeny

greensleeves · 29/07/2007 23:20

well that's that then, all you have to do is say "OK MIL, I'm happy for you to have him - just get yourself registered with Ofsted, and then there's the CRB check - best to be on the safe side - and you'll need a copy of the new "Birth To Three Matters" guidelines - and of course they'll want to pop round and check your recording system, and your fire policy, and all that - and away we go!"

Sorted

lemonaid · 29/07/2007 23:21

smeeinit -- not if they are a close relation it isn't (unfortunately in this case as otherwise it would be an ideal get-out).

CGOmum · 29/07/2007 23:21

smeeinit don't think that this applies to mothers/grandmothers of the children as my mum needs paying and at her Ofsted meeting Thursday they said the only reason for her to register is if I want to get childcare element of working tax credit.

smeeinit · 29/07/2007 23:22

@ greeny!

smeeinit · 29/07/2007 23:23

i was just giving anna a way out guys!!

greensleeves · 29/07/2007 23:24

well the old bat will probably fall for it, people are terrified of officialdom as a rule - it's got to be worth a try!!

CGOmum · 29/07/2007 23:26

Way out to get registered she would have to have a least one other paying child who is not related else Ofsted will cancel registration with 6 mths or so. Plus you could say that your employer is paying you with gov vouchers (busy bee) and that this is a major tax release for you but that only a registered child care provider can cash them so unless she registered then you will not be able to us her!!!!

Original poster
annarose · 29/07/2007 23:36

Wow! Great ideas ladies! I'd never thought of using excuses like that. I've been so stressed about it i can't even think clearly. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and try and scare the hell out of her about OFSTED etc. You've really helped me see things clearly. Thanx

OP posts:
CGOmum · 31/07/2007 14:27

annarose
hope you've managed to sort out your child care issues

CarGirl · 31/07/2007 14:30

If it's not to late you could still offer here the olive branch that she could help out in emergencies when CM away/on training courses etc.

Plus add that you want him to have the interaction of other children with the CM

Hope it went well

Mumpbump · 31/07/2007 14:32

If I were you, I'd just say that you would rather use someone who wasn't a relative because if there is anything which you're not happy with, you wouldn't want it to cause problems within the family... I agree that for a saving of £5 a day, it is not worth it.

One of my friend's mums looks after her ds for free, but insisted that she would not prepare her food because, after looking after about 7 other grandchildren in their infancy, in her experience, there were always arguments about food.

So don't do it if you don't even get on with her to start with...

anniebear · 31/07/2007 19:27

wouldnt say about Ofsted, she could check...and as a few others said a close family member doesnt have to be registered to care for your child

I would go down tax credits and also that you want him to be with other children,

defo agree with everyone else....dont do it

Original poster
annarose · 01/08/2007 19:11

Well, I did it! I told the witch she wasn't minding my ds and it did not go down well! I used all your good ideas for resons but she was not amused. She said i was so ungrateful etc. and was so horrible that i'm even more sure i've done the right thing. She'll probably never speak to me again.....but to be honest that mightn't be a bad thing. I've now just been to the doctor to get a sick note for an extra month to make sure i've time to get my childcare sorted. Going to check out two childminders tomorrow. Thanks again for the advice!

OP posts:
lizziemun · 01/08/2007 19:55

annarose

I'm glad you have said no to mil. My sil and bil use mil to look after their 2 children and it causes no end of stress.

MIL moans about how much hard work they are in breath, then gets very upset and sulks when they say that they will find an alternative.

It makes any meals we have together very stressfull as mil spends it all moaning about the grandchildren and sil getting upset.

Desiderata · 01/08/2007 19:59

How do you get a sick note for a whole month?