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Original poster

Nightmare MIL as childminder

68 replies

annarose · 29/07/2007 22:57

Please help!!!!!! My mum in law and I don't get on! long story. But I'm going back to work soon (full time) and she has offered to look after my ds three days a week. She would be good to him so i don't know if it selfish of me not to let her. By the way she is wanting paid 'a small amount' for this ( about £5 less than a normal childminder a day). Can Anyone give me advice please?

OP posts:
anniebear · 02/08/2007 07:47

It sounds like you have defo done the right thing

CGOmum · 02/08/2007 20:35

Sure she'll get over it in the end she'll still want a relationship with your ds she could always have him when the child minders on holiday etc. You'll be better off with money now your going to use a registered child minder also.

veryverytiredmum · 02/08/2007 20:53

Oh my god - darling don't, don't do it - I have very close friends that did it - they were scared of the nursery fees (and they are very scarey, however you do manage) their son is now just over a year and "granny" had had him five days a week, she made sure that his first words were, "nana" and even at his 1st birthday party ensured that we all knew that she spent more waking hours with him than his parents! My two children have been in full time nursery since they were 3 month old and I have never had a siutaiton when they cry for their nursery more than their mother. I would suggest that you pay the extra £5 a day for peace of mine and keep her in mind for babysitting!

Original poster
annarose · 04/08/2007 17:08

Desiderata, the doctor gave me note no problem. Think she just put PND which think means post natal debility??? A lot of people i know have done this. Is this not common practice? It seems to be where I live. As far as i know i could back to doctor in a month and get note for another month. A girl i know took an extra sick months doing this after her baby!!!! She just kept going back to doctor and getting another note. How long do doctors usually give sick notes for? Feel a bit guilty about it as i'm fine but just been under so much stress about mil and needed more time to sort childcare and make sure my ds is settled and happy. Plus i will hopefully never need sick note again.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 04/08/2007 17:22
Saturn74 · 04/08/2007 21:55

Have reread this thread, and my reaction is still .

Original poster
annarose · 05/08/2007 16:04

Humphrey cushion, i'm puzzled! what does thunk mean? I'm relatively new to MN and don't always understand the lingo etc.!!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 05/08/2007 16:13

usually implies you've fallen over backwards in shock.

Not sure what Humprey thunked at but PND is post natal depression and if you really have it it can be absolutely horrendous - suicidal thoughts, insomnia etc etc etc to hear that some people are getting signed off for 6 months because they just don't want to go back to work (and possibly getting paid) is quite upsetting & insulting to those who have suffered PND

hunkermunker · 05/08/2007 16:18

Crikey - sort your childcare out pronto and get back to work (if you have to) - you're giving working mums a bad name, not to mention those with proper postnatal depression!

RubySlippers · 05/08/2007 16:24

i think you should thank your lucky stars you don't have PND annarose

hunkermunker · 05/08/2007 16:28

Yep, that too.

Original poster
annarose · 05/08/2007 16:34

I'm not stupid. I am well aware of what post natal depression is! I know that PND can mean post natal depression but thats not what the doctor wrote on my note. Also, i don't think one month extra to ensure my baby is happy and settled is really the end of the world! Obviously some of you care more about how you are perceived as 'perfect working mums' handling everthing so wonderfully. Sorry but i don't care whatt anyone thinks of me. My baby come first and always will. I thought MN's are supposed to support each other not attack mums for putting children first!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 05/08/2007 16:38

my only dig is at your Dr for doing so and the women you know who have taken the liberty to have and extra 6 months off for no apparent reason!

Personally I don't find needing an extra few weeks to sort out childcare an issue.

hunkermunker · 05/08/2007 16:56

Support you in lying to your employer?

Nope. I do believe very strongly that women who piss their employers about like this give all women a bad name (whether they work or not) - you're not being straight with them. There's such a thing as parental leave that you are entitled to take to sort out childcare.

PND is postnatal depression - where on earth you got the postnatal debility stuff from, I don't know. To say you have PND when you don't - that's low.

Support you in sorting out your childcare - yep. What choices do you have, where have you looked so far, what do you think will be best for your son? What were the childminders like that you visited?

Original poster
annarose · 05/08/2007 19:27

Oh wind your neck in hunker munker!!! get off your high horse. Are you sure you are not a male boss because you sure sound like one! Its 'women like you' who give other women a hard time that annoy me and 'women like you' who give MN's a bad name!! And actually you are not as clever as you think because there is such a thing as post natal debility. It just happens to share the same abbreviations as post natal depression. So maybe you should get your facts straight before you belittle others here.

I would also like to remind you that I have never mentioned or pretended to have post natal depression. You have jumped on your self righteous high horse just a bit too quick. By the way post natal debility is something which the doctor decided i do have. Although i'm generally fine and i feel ok, i still have incontinence issues due to 4th degree tear. The doctor decided this could constitute post natal debility. (by the way, correct me if i'm wrong hunker munker but i think my doctor knows a bit more than you so thats 'where on earth' i got it from) Sorry if this is TMI which i didn't really want to share but feel i have to defend myself against hunker munker!!

But regardless of this, If any mother posted here saying she wanted to go on sick for a SHORT TIME (even if nothing wrong) i would encourage her to go for it as ultimately our children are more important than any employers. My baby will only be this age once while i will have many years to give everything to my career. We are talking about a one off here. I'm not planning to go on sick for the next year.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 05/08/2007 19:38

If you're sick, you're sick.

You didn't mention the 4th degree tear or the issues arising from it - if you're incontinent, you clearly can't go back to work and I would support you in that totally, obviously.

You sounded like you were cheerfully assuming the mantle of PND and sick notes to get more time off work - which is the sort of thing that irritates me.

Postnatal debility's not an illness as such either, unlike postnatal depression - it might be a blanket term your doctor's using to cover issues relating to your continuing issues.

Genidef · 05/08/2007 21:19

Annarose
I don't agree with your attitude at all. Maternity leave is generous in this country and employers are footing the(in some cases heafty) bill for that. This is right, but it's not right to take advantage. I could bang on about misuse of tax payers money, but I actually don't care so much about that in this case. What bothers me is the SAHM who have given up work and the financial benefits thta come with that and knowing that other people are eeking out an additional however many months pay saying they were sick.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 06/08/2007 15:29

If you arent ready to go back to work then take additional maternity leave. Dont piss your work colleagues about.

Then again....you wouldnt get paid for that, would you

If you are so precious about your baby's early months - dont go back to work yet. Its pretty simple. You've had a few months to sort childcare out. I'm not especially supportive of your taking a months sick leave simply because you are extremely disorganised.

jerrygirl · 06/08/2007 21:02

gosh, can't believe some of you guys are giving Anna rose such a hard time. Why do some mothers feel they have right to criticise other mothers for their choices. Its not as if she is taking it off to spend a week in tenerife!! Plus if she has been working and is returning to the workplace she is paying taxes to support other people who make a 'career' out of being on long term sick i.e those who choose to not work as claiming sickness benefit for years is so much easier. And before i get attacked i realise some are genuinely sick but many others i am aware of doing this are not. Anna rose, i think you are soooooooooooooo doing the right thing. whats a month. In my opinion working women who have kids get a raw deal a lot of the time. Its up to us to put ourselves and kids first and before our jobs. Don't listen to hunkymunker or veni... you'll always get the likes of them on here trying to make out they are so much better than others. They shud be ashamed. hope they don't put you of MUMSNet

hunkermunker · 06/08/2007 21:06

Oh, fgs.

Yes, don't let me put you off MN. I'm so horrible and have never helped anyone on here...

hunkermunker · 06/08/2007 21:07

First post, Jerrygirl?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 06/08/2007 21:42

Well, lets face it, I havent got to try hard in this case, have i?

Genidef · 06/08/2007 21:50

Jerrygirl
Why is she getting a hard time? Because what she was suggesting in her posts isn't right. I know someone who had to pay back over ten grand in maternity pay when she decided not to return to work. A difficult decision, but one she took without resorting to getting signed off.

hunkermunker · 06/08/2007 22:35

Genidef, there's a chance that Jerrygirl IS annarose, I think

Genidef · 06/08/2007 22:38

oooh! didn't realise!!! slooow on the uptake these days...

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