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Original poster

Advice - DD starting school and work

21 replies

user1494101503 · 10/07/2019 08:09

Looking for advice
My only child will be starting school in September.
I currently work 2 days a week and every other Saturday. Which was all I could do as we have Zero childcare.
My husband does not earn enough money.
When my daughter starts school I will be taking on some extra days at work as someone in my work is retiring next year.
However my husband is fuming as we will have to wait 6 months before I can work some more days as I will have to wait for this other person to leave so I can take on her shift and said I can’t possibly stay at home 3 days a week doing nothing!!
Thing is I love my job (been there over 12 years)
He wants me to leave in September and get a new job with more hours straight away to take the pressure off of him.
I’m so angry - surely it’s worth waiting a few months so I can stay in my job I love!
I think he’s always been very resentful that I love my job so much as he’s always hated all of his jobs.
What should I do?
Wait so I can stay or leave and possibly move somewhere I hate?

My current job works around the school run and the girls I work with are very flexible swapping shifts.

OP posts:
toomuchfaster · 10/07/2019 08:15

I can see his point, but the logistics need to be looked at in detail. Can you get a new job that has the same flexibility? How much will wrap around care cost? How will the pair of you manage the staggered start in September? It is likely to add up to you staying in your current post but I think it needs to be shown on paper so it's a team work approach to it.

merlotqueen · 10/07/2019 08:16

It could take six months to find a new job?

You could just go through the motions to shut him up then the six months will be up......

Original poster
user1494101503 · 10/07/2019 08:27

Just to say he earns enough to pay the mortgage, bills, food, run a car etc..
just doesn’t have a lot left for fun money!
If something goes wrong in the house we don’t have savings to sort it out
We are skint but not skint skint if that makes sense

OP posts:
Original poster
user1494101503 · 10/07/2019 08:29

Also school run is left to me to sort out and any half term/summer holidays is left for me to sort the child care- not him as he has his job to get to.
I think I’d find it hard finding a job to fit in with school life. He doesn’t seem to think that though
He also does no housework or cooking so this is all left to me

OP posts:
Original poster
user1494101503 · 10/07/2019 08:30

Sorry to rant! Can you tell we had a blazing row this morning?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 10/07/2019 08:31

Can you take another temporary job (retail/hospitality/ironing/babysitting/dog walking/care?) for the six months until the other vacancy comes up? Have you actually asked your current employer if they can offer you any more hours immediately?

Have you factored in school holidays etc?

Your DH doesn’t sound very supportive.

Pipandmum · 10/07/2019 08:37

Stand your ground. It’s not like as soon as your child walks in the school gates you can put your feet up! If you are a partnership you decide these things together.
And he could start doing fine work around the house too - especially when you add those extra days! At the very least he could do some parenting when he comes home - bath etc.

Original poster
user1494101503 · 10/07/2019 08:37

I offered to see if I could work a few evening shifts (local pub)
He said no as that’s our time together! He makes me really cross.
He only wants me to work while dd is at school so it doesnt affect him.

My boss has said if someone is off sick or on holiday and they do t have cover they’ll ring me. My current job is great and they always do their best to help me out

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 10/07/2019 08:39

Well, he’s being the most unreasonable of all the unreasonable things.

Tell him to shut up.

Karigan195 · 10/07/2019 08:42

You could temp through an agency for the short span of time you need to fill? Worth checking out maybe?

rookiemere · 10/07/2019 08:42

Do not change your job, apart from anything else it will be nice for your DD for you to be able to pick her up from school on the days you aren't working.

Encourage your DH to change his job if he hates it so much.

Ragwort · 10/07/2019 08:51

He sounds utterly selfish, I would just take the evening shifts ... he can take care of his own daughter and do some housework.

I couldn’t have any respect for someone who wanted me to earn money but not if it affected ‘our time together’, does he expect you to be at home cooking his meals and pandering to him Hmm? I have a job that I love but it involves a lot of weekend/Bank Holiday working etc my DH is delighted that I am so happy in my job.

Nosquit · 10/07/2019 08:53

Your DH is being an arse! As a PP has said, it could take those 6 months to find another job anyway and it’s far better to stay in a job you love than risk taking on another that might make you unhappy. If your current job was always going to stay at 2 days a week I could maybe understand him more but you have got more days coming soon when the other person retires and the option of extra days for sick cover. Stick to your guns OP!

I myself also only work 2 days a week after a mental breakdown a few years back. I really love my job but after that I couldn’t manage full time. I am healthier now and part of me would love to do more hours, but they are not available at my current place of work any more. My DH and I have talked it through, and while the extra money would be welcome, he would rather I was happy in the job I’m in than risk being unhappy elsewhere. I’m keeping my eyes open for other jobs but I’m not busting a gut.
OP talk to your DH, remind him that there is more to life than money, that your current job works well around family time where a new job might not, that your current job is flexible when you need the childcare where a new job might not etc etc. Your DH May not have considered just how well off you are having an employer who is flexible like that and how much less stress it will cause you both once your DD is at school. DH and I have certainly found school hours with their long holidays, inset days, school closed for polling station days, class assemblies, sports days, come in and see our work days etc. a lot harder to plan hours around than Nursary. Remind him that your DD will appreciate you being able to be there for those events in that first 6 months when she is settling in and that your current job, even on more hours, may well be more likely to let you continue to attend those (which if her school is anything like my DS’s some of them will be at quite short notice).

Youngandfree · 10/07/2019 09:00

Yeah if I were you I would stay where I was and pretend to be looking etc and then wait for the 6months to pass!

gamerchick · 10/07/2019 09:00

I offered to see if I could work a few evening shifts (local pub)
He said no as that’s our time together! He makes me really cross.

But that's how it works when you have no childcare. You do jobs around other halfs hours. They come home to look after kids and you go to work for a few hours. That's life.
He only wants me to work while dd is at school so it doesnt affect him

Well that's tough isn't it? Ask him how to solve the school holidays and sickness issue. School isn't childcare like he seems to think it is.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/07/2019 09:04

Are you actually happy in your marriage??

I'd tell him tough luck. You take his child to and from school, you make her lunches, you cook their dinner, you do their washing, you tidy their mess. If he thinks you do nothing all day then say you're happy to do nothing (or at least bare. Minimum for you and DD) whilst you work more hours but he also needs to do half the s hook runs and half the holiday care.

Scrumptiousbears · 10/07/2019 09:05

I think your DH is a bit of a cock. To find another job to apply for, wait for paper sifting and interview then giving notice you'll be closer to 6 months anyway.

If you want to fill up those days whilst you wait is there temping work you can do to tide you over? Cleaning job? Carer?

mogtheexcellent · 10/07/2019 09:13

Your DH is a twat.

Prometheus · 10/07/2019 09:34

You need to call his bluff. Tell him that you'll look for a full time job and that you'll be drawing up a rota to share cooking and cleaning 50/50. And that you'll do the school run on Mondays, Tuesdays and every other Wednesday whilst he can cover the rest of the week.

Then see what he says.......

Original poster
user1494101503 · 10/07/2019 09:43

Thank you all for your replies - Its just good to know other people’s points of view.
I’m sticking to my guns

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 10/07/2019 10:36

OP, also if you change your job, the next one might not be so secure and it could be a case of first one in, first one out. You've come up with a solution. I understand he wants to spend time with you, but surely he also wants you to be happy.

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