I am so fucking fed up re my (lack of) career

[BackwardsGoing]

Been with the same company six years. Report to the (female) CEO. Keep being told I'm doing a good job to my face but only had one tiny promotion in those six years.

Am watching younger, less experienced, less talented people being given opportunities and promotions past me. Before motherhood I worked at a much more senior level.

Boss keeps saying I am future COO material but I'm not being given the opportunity to get involved in enough things to develop.

The SMT is a cliquey closed shop which excludes everyone outside the immediate circle.

And I can't leave easily. I live in a very rural area. Senior management jobs are incredibly rare. Nearest city of any size is 1hr45 minutes away, and even that place is economically depressed.

DH and DD are happily settled and won't countenance a move. I'm the main earner by far but even if I wasn't my career is really important to me.

I recognise that I am in a downward spiral of being fed up, implicitly and explicitly communicating that fed-up-ness to my colleagues, getting a reputation for being difficult or negative and spiralling downwards

I've talked about it all to my boss but I sense she is just bored and frustrated with my whining. She's the CEO so has a lot more issues going on than me.

I don't really know what I'm asking.

”Am watching younger, less experienced, less talented people being given opportunities and promotions past me.”

Did you ask for feedback when your applications for these promotions were unsuccessful?

I think these days, six years is too long in one place, unless you're quickly progressing up the ranks. It's just too long. You start getting seen as part of the furniture, there's endless promises of promotions and potential but nothing pays off.

Could you commute, if DH and DD are settled?

Your choices may well be to stay and do your best where you are, taking into account any feedback, or to take a longer commute to get further. I'd probably have to do the latter, I hate feeling stagnant!

No real knowledge of these things but can you ask for a clear development plan? Decide an aim, put a time frame on it, meet with your boss and discuss how you are going to get you there. Ask what development she feels you need and tell her to sort it out for you. If you don’t get a good response then look at moving.

@flowery, thank you for your reply. These were unadvertised posts or upgrading of someone's existing job, not internal vacancies. I've applied for one internal job, didn't get an interview, was told they wanted someone with a different skillset.

Realistically my only option for commuting would be working away during the week and coming home on weekends. A lot of people in this area do it. But it would have to be a really big pay rise to justify that.

@KMoKMo I've tried that. Get lots of positive noises but there's no clear career path and the organisation/industry is changing so roles I might aspire to now might not exist next year IYSWIM.

How big is the organisation we are talking here? Numbers of employees? How are you from the CEO role at present?

300 employees, £70m turnover. I work for the CEO but there's two levels between me and senior management.

So when she says primed for CEO, I’m confused
Bye cause essentially there’s the group below her first call, and then group below them, second call. Potentially leaving your group many many years away.

Unless she’s seeing you as spring boarding over one or both groups? Which it doesn’t appear so, as you’d be being pushed forward fairly forcefully if that was the case.

The whinging... not a good impression

COO, not CEO, sorry, did I typo in my OP.

Yes, I know the whining is bad. I am running out of positivity. And I don't know how many more times I can say "I have loads more to contribute if you'd just give me the chance" without sounding like a needy nag.

Last year I wrote a new proposal and JD for myself based on massive gaps in the organisation. Got a "yes, maybe, we'll see" and am still waiting a year later.

OP, on the basis of what you have said here either...

They do no see you as COO material in any where near the future or indeed at all but don’t have the time and / or skill to manage your expectations appropriately

OR

A very passive organisation that talks the talk but doesn’t actually deliver in respect if it’s employees

DH and DD are happily settled and won't countenance a move. I'm the main earner by far but even if I wasn't my career is really important to me

I do have empathy for your situation but if you are resolute in only giving yourself 1 option by living miles from any alternatives, you'll be stuck with what you've got. Iow - you can't have your cake and eat it.

Putting all your career eggs into one basket is not a good strategy, it's demoralising to see the years slip by. They could have promoted you but decided to give it to someone else, which is a clear signal they don't see your potential, in their company. They've pigeonholed you in their mind. You could be flogging a dead horse....

If you move to a new company, where you have no past history, it gives you the chance to reinvent yourself, and apply for a role that takes you to the next rung of the ladder, which would give you the launch pad to go higher.

If you're not prepared to move towards those opportunities, I'm afraid the companies aren't going to move towards you!

I think, 'i have more skills just let me show you' doesn't work. Also, people re always telling me they should be working higher than they are, but I can see they aren't even managing their own job as well as if want, why would I want them moving up. What's your feedback like on your own work?
Do you have reviews? Ask for a progression plan. Are there courses or anything you can do to up your skill set? Are there any chances to volunteer? Shadow? Help someone higher than you with their workload? Step into someone's job when they're off sick or at least share the load to help out and take one for the team? Prove you have the skills you're talking about.
Lots of people will say you're working for free then and that's not fair, and it's not, but personally I've always preferred to step up than bleat about whats fair.
I'd also be setting up meetings with people a couple of steps above me, at my work place and others, asking for advice, how did you get to where you are.
Are there any other networking opportunities?
What's your CV like? Give it a boost so next time you're applying for stuff you're demonstrating the skills they want.

If you do all that, and they still don't want to move you up, at least you know it's never going to happen and you can stop torturing yourself about it. Then you can accept it or seriously tackle another option.

What's your feedback like on your own work? - Always excellent - beyond expectations.

Do you have reviews? - Yes, always good. Frustratingly. No points for improvement or development.

Ask for a progression plan. - This is hard as there isn't a specific role for me to step up to. It's more about expanding my current role upwards (e.g. taking on areas of work that SMs are currently doing but could delegate. And they should because they are overloaded and I'm not!). Or being given new opportunities as the business changes. Or spotting those opportunities myself (which I do and get knocked back on).

Are there courses or anything you can do to up your skill set? I'm pretty qualified. Got a relevant MSc recently (paid for myself, studied in my own time), have got a few role-specific qualifications, working on some more.

Are there any chances to volunteer? Shadow? Help someone higher than you with their workload? Step into someone's job when they're off sick or at least share the load to help out and take one for the team? Prove you have the skills you're talking about. - This is tricky. I've done this in the past and got zero credit (all credit went to the people in charge) so I've given up. I was recently asked to step in to fill a resource gap in another team but it was covering for a role I did 10 years ago and can do in my sleep. I did it and it felt like a step backwards. A lot of what I've done feels like they've asked me because I'm convenient and utterly reliable on delivery. It's not added up to a coherent role.

Lots of people will say you're working for free then and that's not fair, and it's not, but personally I've always preferred to step up than bleat about whats fair. - Agree, but that tactic doesn't seem to be working!

I'd also be setting up meetings with people a couple of steps above me, at my work place and others, asking for advice, how did you get to where you are. - Sadly there is a surfeit of arrogant mansplainers. Or SMs happy to exploit my experience/knowledge/skills for their own benefit. New SM who joined recently tried to give me the "opportunity" to "mentor" a headcase in his team because I have a good reputation for being able to manage out (or improve the performance of) underperforming staff. I declined.

Are there any other networking opportunities? - Few. But I'm trying. I am in this awful negative mindset though which makes me un-fun to network with!

What's your CV like? Give it a boost so next time you're applying for stuff you're demonstrating the skills they want. - I'm applying for anything in a 100 mile radius and heard today about a possible opportunity in one of our subsidiary companies (local) so will pursue that. It would be away from the CEO's team but it would be more money at least.

Sorry if I am coming across as unresourceful. I really do appreciate each and every response.

Op, I think I would focus on getting out. You are clearly disillusioned and need a fresh start.

Good luck

Do you have reviews? - Yes, always good. Frustratingly. No points for improvement or development.

Sorry to sound negative, but it doesn't bode well that you don't have any areas for improvement or development.

Either you haven't taken on board any feedback or they have locked down on giving you feedback on areas for development because they don't want you to progress .

Sadly there is a surfeit of arrogant mansplainers. Or SMs happy to exploit my experience/knowledge/skills for their own benefit. New SM who joined recently tried to give me the "opportunity" to "mentor" a headcase in his team because I have a good reputation for being able to manage out (or improve the performance of) underperforming staff. I declined.

I'd get out if it's as bad as you've described here. Sounds toxic and not woman-friendly. Are SMs mainly men. If so you don't stand a chance in that culture.

I don't think it's toxic, more mildly chaotic. It's a growing business that's trying to do too much on a shoestring budget.

Frustratingly I can see how good it could be to work there but it never quite makes the mark.

And I really cannot just leave. I'm the main earner.

I need tactics to stay outwardly cheerful and positive whilst internally seething.

Personally I'd look for something else and mentally disengage from this company. From all you have said it is clear they want you just where you are and no higher on the management scale.

Good luck.

You need to demand some feedback points, because if there aren't any, they don't see you progressing, or they've put no thought into your review. - or they're completely clueless managers. Non of which are ideal options.

It sounds like you have (understandably) stopped trying as hard, whilst simultaneously saying they should promote you.
Perhaps you can make a list of all the things you do over a couple of months, all the things that are above your job role or the skill set that only you have etc.
Then you can have a serious think about how to expand your role, what new things will be emerging in this company or what things can you take off the snowed under sm?

Then can you write a proposal email to your boss.
Here is what I can do - examples
Here is where the company is struggling - examples
This is where I can help - examples
This is why you would be stupid not to take this help

Honestly though, it does sound like they're taking the piss, they're happy to let you do whatever, for whatever money and title you have now, they don't care about your progression and they know you can't leave. It's poor management.
I am always looking for ways that my team can step up. Even if it's just an hour's work that a sm is a bit stressed about fitting in, but that area of work is an interest or an area of development a jnr member of staff wants more experience in, I'll try to remember and offer it to them with the SMs supervision. I'm always asking what people want to do and where they see their career going. You want your staff to be motivated to work and develop surely??

Do you feel like the culture is the same across the company, or just impacting you?

@Sleepinginthebathroom I do need some more concrete feedback and a progress plan. My boss just kind of waves their hands about and says "lots of changes blah blah, lots of opportunities blah blah, who know what will come of it... you are in a great positon... great reputation...." And then nothing happens.

Re the proposal - I did that a year a go. There's one part of the business that's really underperforming and I showed how I could help, a really well thought out proposal. They spent 6 months saying it wasn't a problem and when they decided it was a problem they gave it to a (already snowed under) SM to deal with. He still hasn't started. Meanwhile the problems are becoming a headache and I'm twiddling my thumbs!

I think there is a general culture of not internally promoting people. Most people get a pay rise by getting themselves into a niche and then bargaining with an alternative job offer. But I am not niche and I think my boss knows I really don't want to go anywhere.

In a similar position to you so watching with interest

Sorry for your troubles @Still18atheart. Any tips on not letting it get you down?

The problem here sounds like basically they have you over a barrel and they know it. You can’t just quit and there are very few alternatives and tbh I suspect your boss knows this and is exploiting it. Whereas if you were in eg London, Birmingham, Glasgow, you’d have a lot more potential options.

It is crap to get no development points. It is a poor review that gives that. EVERYONE has development points. Even CEOs and chairs.

I don’t have much advice on not letting it get you down. Save for if you can try and change your mindset to accept that it’s is what it is, it facilitates your life, it won’t improve and so make your peace for the time you are still there. By this I mean just accept that promotion and more senior scope isn’t on the cards and try and make your peace with it rather than feeling angry and resentful. Reign back the discretionary effort but be professional - treat it as a way to get paid whilst looking elsewhere. Not sure I could quite manage it but maybe worth a go perhaps.

Think it’s case of head down and just doing the work. And trying now to get wound up or too irate