I am so fucking fed up re my (lack of) career

[BackwardsGoing]

Been with the same company six years. Report to the (female) CEO. Keep being told I'm doing a good job to my face but only had one tiny promotion in those six years.

Am watching younger, less experienced, less talented people being given opportunities and promotions past me. Before motherhood I worked at a much more senior level.

Boss keeps saying I am future COO material but I'm not being given the opportunity to get involved in enough things to develop.

The SMT is a cliquey closed shop which excludes everyone outside the immediate circle.

And I can't leave easily. I live in a very rural area. Senior management jobs are incredibly rare. Nearest city of any size is 1hr45 minutes away, and even that place is economically depressed.

DH and DD are happily settled and won't countenance a move. I'm the main earner by far but even if I wasn't my career is really important to me.

I recognise that I am in a downward spiral of being fed up, implicitly and explicitly communicating that fed-up-ness to my colleagues, getting a reputation for being difficult or negative and spiralling downwards

I've talked about it all to my boss but I sense she is just bored and frustrated with my whining. She's the CEO so has a lot more issues going on than me.

I don't really know what I'm asking.

The only real option you have is find an alternative job you would be willing to leave for and trying to use that to negotiate a promotion.

My advice would be to develop a really exciting life outside work. Take courses, go on exciting holidays, and try volunteering or mentoring someone younger. You will happier, more positive and more satisfied. When the right opportunity comes along - and it will - you will be full of energy and positivity. And work will definitely seem less important.

I agree with bluejelly

Alternatively
Find another job, elsewhere and threaten to leave
See what they can do for you, start haggling
Start asking for time off for interviews etc.
Let them know you're serious.

Could you find a job, and go just for a year or two? Then come back in?
I've done that before, been refused promotion, tried everything I could, eventually left. Did a horrendous job I hated for a while, but that was technically a promotion and eventually went back to my old company, for a further promotion and pay rise, totally worth the hassle for me, but I didn't have children etc to worry about at the time.

I think the reality is if you want to move up the career ladder you need to get a job elsewhere. Once you have been somewhere else for a few years there may be scope to move make to your current company - at a more senior level.

I'd look elsewhere.
I'm in a very similar position and it is soul destroying sometimes.
If you don't have much time, start with an agency. Good luck!

Why should the OP have to disrupt their employment, break their service history and continuity, then come back? No way. Quite frankly this employer sounds appalling. With the OPs qualifications and experience I'd look at fresh opportunities and build a career elsewhere.

They will never know or care what they're losing, because they don't value it now. That's the sad fact, some employers fail to maximise their internal talent, and selfishly want people constrained in a role because it's convenient to them, but employees have a choice. The Employer forgets the employment contract is two-way!

You sound like me, for the love of God don't make my mistake and stay there for 18 years 'because it works for your kids and husband' while slowly destroying your soul as you watch one lazy incompetent man after another build their careers past you....

Any chance of getting a decent volunteer role in something related, you can raise your profile within the Institution of Technology Advancement (made up but you get the idea) and I think that makes you much more sought after elsewhere.

Thanks again to everyone who replied. Since I first posted I've given myself a kick up the arse and have done the following:

1. Booked myself into a training course for a recognised qualification that will help if I decide to go freelance in the future.
2. Approached two sympathetic senior managers and asked to get involved in work that might produce development opportunities.
3. Started a reading list of professional-related books rather than pissing about on Twitter ever night.
4. Generally been less sulky and sarky at work!
5. Made the most of life outside of work.

I've applied for two jobs but been knocked back by both, however realistically I don't think I could have taken them because they were so far away.

There's been two resignations from the senior team in the last three weeks and the place is rife with talk of a management shake up. I am trying my best to position myself well for any opportunities that might come my way!

Also, we heard today that a big-ish contract I led a bid for has been successful (and it was a pet project of the CEO) so hopefully my stock is reasonably high.

Good luck.
In a similar position to you I left and went self employed. I loved the company but felt my manager supported other people's development but not mine. I got sick of feeling unappreciated and got out.

I hope things develop positively for you.

Well done It is really hard to pull yourself out of feeling like you have described but you've put so many positive things in place I am impressed!

Generally been less sulky and sarky at work!. You say this lightly but I'd consider this a pretty big issue.

I had a conversation with someone the other week who said if I wanted to progress then I would have to focus on the end goal and suck up a few things I may not want to do to get there.

Sounds like you are employing this approach!

Mind you, I think it's all too easy to get pigeonholed into a role that might have initially suited you. It's far easier to reinvent yourself in a new environment. Someone I know, who was always thought of as fun but a bit of ditz/made lots of clangers at work, went back to uni to study medicine and is now a doctor!

I would hold out to see what comes of the management shake up but be prepared to move on if it's the same old same old.

@Frittata I know! Hence venting on here and giving myself a metaphorical slap.

But hey, I'm human. I don't just cheerfully accept mediocre men being promoted ahead of me. It's galling and it's been happening for ages.

Then why not leave and go to the nearest city? Commute on a Monday morning and Airbnb overnight, travel home Tues night. Eventually negotiate working from home on a Wednesday, and repeat Airbnb for Thurs/Fri.

@Frittata I have seriously considered that. My family's not keen. My DC is at a stage where they need me around more. And for it to be worth it I would have to negotiate a significant pay rise to cover the additional expenses.

I think it's an option in a few years time, maybe become one of those highly paid freelance interim managers, I think that would suit me - I'm great at troubleshooting. But I will have to stick it out for a few years more.

So I have a 1:1 with my boss tomorrow. Any advice on how to make the most of it?

I keep saying I have the capability and capacity to get involved in more and bigger work but whenever a juicy project comes up it goes elsewhere. Feeling slightly hopeless...

I keep saying I have the capability and capacity to get involved in more and bigger work but whenever a juicy project comes up it goes elsewhere.

^

Sounds like they are happy with you where you are. I'm guessing you do your job well? So well that they only see you there.

I'd be looking for other stuff tbh. 6 years without a promotion when they KNOW you are career driven is just a slap in the face tbh

You initiated the 1:1? Or the boss did?

@managedmis it's a regular 1:1, I have them every 6-8 weeks.

How did it go @BackwardsGoing?

Thank you for asking @Dizzywizz

It was a very transactional meeting - I updated on my projects, she commented. I reiterated that I was working under capacity and capability but there was no firm opportunity identified to deal with this. I've sent a follow up email summarising the meeting and suggesting some work I could get involved with.

It's all very frustrating, but I'm KOKO. A job has come up locally which is a fractional pay rise (which would be swallowed up by additional commuting costs and loss of other benefits) and more of a sideways move rather than a leap forward. It's with the local authority so a new sector again. I don't know whether to go for it - I don't particularly want a career in local government and I don't want to keep hopping industries.

I think you need to consider moving, either working away from home or telecommuting a few days a week. 6 years is a long time to spend in an organisation that does not value you. I also like your idea of freelancing: I do this now and wished I had done it years ago!

I think go for the local government job - you’re just not getting anywhere where you are nkw

I would apply and see what happens- LA can be really flexible.

Leave
I’m a CEO and trust me, they won’t just overlook you for no reason. If you are being leapfrogged by less experience colleagues despite directly wave a flag saying you want more then for whatever reason, the SLT/CEO doesn’t think you are capable. If they did, they’d be giving you the opportunities. Simple as that. Leave.